These are misprints or things that you may find funny that have been printed in actual news papers:
- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
- Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
- Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
- For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers
- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
- For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
- Great Dames for sale.
- Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
- Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
- Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
- Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
- Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
- Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
- Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
- Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
- Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
- And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
- We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00
- Free: farm kittens, ready to eat
- Fireproof clothing factory burns to ground
- Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons.
- Lose All your weight: Only $49.00
- Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs from the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.
- Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
- House passes gas tax onto senate
- Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
- Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
- Squad helps dog bite victim
- NJ judge to rule on nude beach
- Reason for more bear sightings: More bears
- Does your children/grandchildren have an education funding plan?
- Why risk a poor quality job when we garuntee it?
- Suspected cocaine found... State police are urging anyone with information on the incident, or anyone who may have lost their cocaine to contact them
- Strong wind blows Fiddler off the roof
- James Moultrie, a family man who loved bologna
- ... An intoxicated 55 year old man ran his car into a ditch, then climbed back to the highway, where he was accidently hit by another car, driven by his intoxicated 43-year-old wife
- DUNK TANK sponsored by WASTE MANAGEMENT
- Man tries armed robbery with knife in gun store
- Our Savior to host white elephant sale
- Today we remember the three wise men from the East... who came with rich gifts of golf, frankincense and myrrh.
- 3 out of 5 marriages end in divorce don't spend a fortune on your reception celebrate with us and save
- Oberer's Flowers cut flowers and pot plants
- Rabies Vaccination cost $10.00 senior citizens will recieve one free shot with proof of age
- GRANNY AWARDS
- Astromomers see colorful gas clouds bubble out of Uranus
- 'Sex' teacher gets off
- Rock-solid Willie lasts forever
- Man with shrimp in pants jailed
- Dance to the sounds of BREAKING WIND... Free superbowl mexican buffet
- the infamous doomsday clock... 'Built to last 500 years... One-year warranty'
- 'Gurney's Inn Resort & Spa -- Appreciate your secretary with a 2 night special.'
- Angel-Dust Cleaning Inc.
- 1972 VW Bus Runs, needs fine tuning comes with repair manuals. Fun to get stoned in!
- We garantee 90% satisfaction with our food
- Clinton unlickly to become talk show host
- Boyes, Pecker lifts series to 3-0
- Scool boats 7 Merit Scholars
- Sen. Jesse Helms gets a new heart valve from another pig
- Family Jewels Are a Bride's Best Friend
- Security firm loses Oakland Airport
- Teaching students raise scores
- Butts man guilty of dealing crack
- Don't like your neighbor's tree? Move it when they're gone!
- Manly woman injured in vehicle-pedestrian accident
- Wolf to speak to sheep producers at annual banquet
- Occupants of van finger each other at trial
- ... seven of the nine commission members voted unanimously
- Deaf Awareness Workshop Postponed ... due to laryngitis
- Oil of Oily Cosmetics
- Move in March 31st and pay no rent until April 1st
- Prosecuters want victim in courtroom during murder trial
- County names Freedom Bridge 'Freedom Bridge'
- 4,000th baby delivered to shore couple Wednesday
- CAB DRIVERS WANTED... must have good driving & criminal record
- Prune ranchers start movement
- Blind woman sees inpact of health cuts
- Young Marines make tasty Christmas treats
- CHEATHAM TAX SERVICE INC.
- We take people out in the woods and do things with them
- "anyone who feels like they've had too much to drink should not get underneath the wheel"
- Sweet Hineydews
- IN MEMORIUM... She is remembered for her amazing climb of Mr. Kilimanjaro
- Rogers family has Mari Juana, Jan 3
- CHEESY POTS... kids go potty over them
- MT. MORRIS WOMAN MEETS THE REAL LONE WANGER
- EHS girls rip Trojans
- ALL YOU CAN EAT ESCORT SERVICE
- Brown water safe to drink; city says
- Tuesday Night Pee & Eat Shrimp
- FAMILY JEWELS STOLEN
- Just doing JFK a thrill for many
- Dumb truck driver needed full or part time
FUNNY MARRIAGES
- 'Turner Righton'
- 'Fiddler Daily'
- 'Hiney Marks'
- 'Touchette Budde'
- 'Weiner Bonin'
- 'Carrier Titti'
- 'Cook Kitchen'
- 'Bopp Worthy'
- 'Ramer Butzke'
- 'Go Stouffer'
- 'Speer Fisher'
- 'DeLong Battle'
- 'Pickel Ryder'
Anniversaries
- STUCK - 50 years
- FAUGHT - 40 years
- Slamin - 50 years
- THE LOONEYS