Slightly Amusing Presents:

THE HAPLESS TALES OF STANLEY MOSS

1 As Stanley Moss walked out his front door, a monkey rolling a tin barrel of peanuts tipped his cap at him. The kindly gesture did not go unrewarded; Moss took off his right shoe and sniffed it as a sign of good will. The giddy monkey nodded its furry little head and scurried away, leaving the barrel to roll down the hill into the ocean. Moss smiled smugly at the idea of dolphins choking on the peanut shells. Immediately, bad karma struck him in the form of witnessing an elderly naked man dash across the street after a clothes-snatching sewer gnome. He shook his head and realized that because he was blind, he just imagined everything he just believed he saw.

Go kiss your homely wife.