Dummies

On my way home, I decided to go through a fast-food drive-through. In my billfold were a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I could get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.
Me: "Hi, I'd like a burger to go, please."
Server: "That'll be $1.04."
Me: I drove up to the windows, opened my billfold and handed him the $2 bill. He looked at it kind of funny.
Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
He went to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them: Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?" Manager: "No. A what?"
Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
Manager: "Ask for something else There's no such thing as a $2 bill."
Server: "Yeah, thought so."
He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
Server: "I don't know."
Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"
Server: "Yeah."
Me: "So, why won't you take it?"
Server: "Well, hang on a sec."
He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter,and says to him, "He says I have to take it."
Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."
Server: "What should I do?"
Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."
Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."
Manager: "Just tell him."
Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."
The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night."
Me: "It's only six o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill."
Manager: "We don't take those, either."
Me: "Why not?"
Manager: "I think you know why."
Me: "No really, tell me why."
Manager: "Please leave before I call security."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Manager: "Please leave before I call SECURITY."
Me: "What on earth for?"
Manager: "Please, sir."
Me: "So go ahead, call them."
Manager: "Would you please just leave?"
Me: "No."
Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then."
Me: "What are you guys, Burger King?"
At this point, he backs away from me and calls security on the phone around the corner. There are five cars in back of me, and more lining up in back of them.. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy appears near the window.
Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money."
Guard: "No kidding! What?"
Manager: "Get this: a two dollar bill."
Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?"
Manager: "I don't know. He's a real nut case. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
Guard: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!"
Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is."
Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"
Manager: "I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
Guard: "Yeah."
Security Guard walks over to me and......
Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
Me: "Not true."
Guard: "Lemme see it."
Me: "Why?"
Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but I want to eat, so I say "I'm just trying to buy a hamburger and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
Manager: "It's fake."
Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."
Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."
Guard: "Yeah?"
Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue.
So, it turns out that they finally decided my hamburger was free, and he threw in a small drink too.
Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy more stuff. If I had gotten the wrong people, I could have ended up in jail. You get free food there, too!