Punnity 1

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.....then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose left arm was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder. Got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief who fell and broke his leg in wet cement became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard and did a number on it.
The professor discovered his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone...it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy, your vote counts; in feudalism, your Count votes.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
The insured guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully covered.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.