Jay and the crew are perched up in a penthouse while the pig roast is being prepared (although Jay was looking forward to kosher skewered lamb instead). Judisco was hording the dough. The gang present includes Matt, Jon, Pete, Andy, Nate, Phil, Bart, and a few others. Jay is passing out the appetizers.

JAY: These crackers are my body. Eat some.
NATE: Holy cannabalism!
PETE: You feeling OK? You've GOT to be kidding. You can't be serious!
BART: Is that some kind of a JOKE, Jay? Get real. Let's get with it.
ANDY: What IS this, Pretend Time? Let's play a different game.
PHIL: Sure hope the Roman Health Dept. doesn't find out about this!
MATT: Could land us all in the slammer or psycho ward.
JAY: Go ahead. Saviour them. They're very nutritious.
ANDY: Whatever.
JON: Tastes a bit salty, I'd say.
BART: What's the DNA reading of that body of yours?
JAY: Remember when you break the crackers, you break my body.
MATT: Oh great. Now we're getting into substance abuse.
JON: Downright inhumane.
JAY: There's more.
PHIL: What now?
JAY: This cup is my blood. Drink it, all of you, but don't drink it all.
JON: What do you mean by "cup?" Are you referring to the wine therein?
JAY: Yeah. Have at it.
PHIL: Is that 1% or 2%? Skim is a little too wimpy for me.
MATT: I'll take mine homogenized.
JON: And mine pasturized.
BART: What's your blood type, Jay: A, B or O?
BART: Dracula should have a stake in this.
JON: I like MY steak well done, not medium rare. No pink. No blood.
PETE: Sounds disgusting to me.
NATE: May I remind everyone that Gawd thru Moziss told us to never drink blood.
PETE: Yeah. What gives, Jay?
JON: THAT was the OLD Testament. We are now in the New. Maybe Gawd
wants us to do just the OPPOSITE hereafter, and so is contradicting Himself.
After all, we are under grace and not under law anymore.
ANDY: And the sun never rises in the morning nor sets in the evening.
JAY: Drinking it makes you part of me, and is for your sins.
ANDY: Thanks a lot. Nice to know we're appreciated.
BART: Got a better way Jay? I'd prefer a cold beer.
JAY: Nope. I want this to be something you'll never forget.
PETE: Hope Pawl never dwells on this except very briefly in his First Cor.
JON: Catlicks and Anglers will probably want it every Sunday.
ANDY: I'm incensed, but it jives with maryolatrous purgatorial apocrapha.
MATT: Maybe it will become a hot new lunch item at the fast food joints.
NATE: Might even show up in the frozen food section of grocery stores.
JAY: Let's get on with it. I have to wash your feet afterwards.
NATE: Stink that bad, huh?
MATT: Hope he's not a homo.
BART: You nuts? He just has this foot fetish thing.
PHIL: Anyone have an extra pair of clean socks?
JON: If you keep on with all this flesh-and-blood-ingesting obnoxiousness, your beloved just might THROW UP on you. WHAT'S your POINT with all this bizarre and borderline-ridiculous cannabalistic-like babbling? You're not even USDA-inspected meat - not to mention the chromosomes and corpuscles bit. Besides, after Calvary, you'll taste worse than ROADKILL!

JAY: Sorry about all the shocking semantics. SEEK and DEPEND upon ME as much or more than you depend upon food and drink!!! GET it? GOT it? GOOD!

You guys are getting too fat anyway, and a little weight loss would do wonders for you all. Moreover, when you come together for the Lawd's picnics and banquets, do NOT pig out all at once in a mad dash, but instead patiently take turns in consideration of others, and please cool it on the booze?

It is beyond me why Jay wanted the executives at his board meeting to ingest his body and blood in the form of crackers and wine. Maybe the upcoming stress was getting to him, and he was becoming desperate. In any case, he said what he said, and apparently meant it. (As he himself said in one gospel: 'My words are spirit and life).' [He had also called himself a piece of carpentry (the door), an incandescent bulb or whatever (light of the world), a rancher (good shepherd), vegetation (the true vine), and so on....as Pawl said that you were buried in baptism after being crucified with christ and are dead - as your medical record clearly reveals your date-of-death obituary, mortuary, funeral home, cemetery, and tombstone marker.
So it all goes with the territory. Rumor has it that Jay's ancestor believed the Lawd told him to knife and burn his own son as an offering - contrary to the divine directive to not follow the pagan practice of sacrificing one's own offspring. Gawd wanted modesty, so eyesayuh and the profits went around nude. Jeppy murdered his own daughter because of a ridiculous vow he would not take back. Davy pretended to be insane. Zeke baked bread on cow poop. I guess it ran in the family. It still does, with Anglers tattooing their foreheads on Ash Wednesday with ash, contrary to levitical law about marking the flesh. Regardless, we generally all go with the flow.

In summary, to insinuate that the totality of Christ and His body [with associated body parts] are confined to some manufactured wafer is absurd and disgusting blasphemy to me! More hideous yet is when priests and others presume that by eating and drinking bread and wine they are substitutionarily offering atonement sacrifices for their own and other people's sins by themselves, thus making CHRIST'S one-time perfect sacrifice of HIMSELF completely worthless and pathetically pitable.

WHAT is eucharist (or communion)?

WHAT is it FOR? Should we do it? Must we do it?

IF we do not do it, and correctly, will we DIE? Will it then become poison to us instead of nourishment?

DOES it atone for our SINS? IS it REQUIRED for salvation to get into heaven?

Communion (according to the ONE very brief time and place it is mentioned in First Corinthians 11:20-34) is for when believing Christians meet together as a church. Thus, it is a GROUP event. It is not a general-public community, civic, nor neighborhood picnic of a mixture of Protestants, Mormons, Buddhists, Moslems, and atheists! Saint Paul calls it the Lord's supper (assumedly intended to be done not as lunch). It must be done PATIENTLY in GOOD ORDER, and done neither in the state of nor for the purpose of GLUTTONY nor DRUNKENNESS.

IF one participates in a communion service of eating bread and drinking cups (a strange drink indeed), one must be reminded, remind onesself, and agree with the sacred purpose (mentioned in I Corinthians 11:23-26)....or else ingesting the associated bread and 'cup' becomes lethal.

Communion is, in essence, an altar call of renewal - a reaffirmation and recommitment of one's loyalty oath with Jesus Christ - acknowledging Christ's solitary ONE-time ALL-sufficient sacrifice of Himself as THE perfect Atonement (i.e. our Adonai who was historically fastenated and fixated by a cross) forever cancelling the penalty of all our sins. It does NOT prove one a Christian, nor even that one probably is a Christian. It is NOT self-sacrifice of ourselves nor taking away our sins - saving OURSELVES by ourselves. Nor is it offering ourselves NOR Christ nor Christ's body and blood in SELF-sacrifice presumed to save ourselves BY ourselves.

It is NOT necessary for salvation - as the penitent thief on his cross apparently did not do communion. IF one has a chance to do it, it is an OPTION (NOT a REQUIREMENT). If one cannot do it, or is not in the mood at the time, FORGET about it.

Silent reverence is usually the phenomenon found during communion - NOT preaching loud, blatant commercial advertisement nor hip-hop rap noise.....somewhat similar to the NO-PREACHING quiet reverence exhibited in a casino as pie-in-the-sky-by-and-by fools waste away quarters for the entertaining sight of a few numbers or images rolling by on slot machines, or the quiet reverence existing during a sex scene in a public movie theater.

[Being that ingesting wafers and wine does not take away sins nor atone against sins, in contrast to Christ's one-time mortal sacrifice of Himself by Himself on a cross....DID Jesus really state the word "oft" in His words of eucharistic institution? Did He actually say: "Do this as oft as you drink it?" Or did He instead say: "Do this as seldom as you drink it? Or [best of all] did He say: "Do this WHENEVER you drink it?" How OFTEN is "often?" Every hour on the hour? Every day? Every other day? Every three days? Every week, month, bimonthly, semi-annually? How about instead: ONCE a YEAR on every Maunday Thursday during Holy Week?]