COWBOY BOOTS

Roy always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one

day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.

.

He walks into the house and says to his wife: "Notice Anything different

about me?"

Bessie looks him over "Nope."

.

Frustrated, Roy storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back

into the room completely naked, except for the boots. Again, he asks, a

little louder this time,

"Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"

.

Bessie looks up and says, "Roy, what's different? It's hanging down today,

it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.

.

Furious, Roy yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S

HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!"

.

To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Roy. Shoulda bought a hat."

.

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN LOUISIANA in JULY WHEN...

.

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

.

You can make sun tea instantly.

.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

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You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and

end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

.

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

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The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out

and add butter, salt and pepper.

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Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from

laying boiled eggs.

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The cows are giving evaporated milk.

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~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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A woman was on her way home from the market carrying

a duck. A drunk staggered up to her and said, "Hey!

where'd ja get that pig?"

.

The woman haughtily replied," You drunken ass, that's no

pig -- it's a duck!"

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And the drunk said," Shut up, I was talking to the duck!"

.

=========================================

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~A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of alligator shoes in the worst way, but was

very reluctant to pay the high price the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of

one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go

out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a

reasonable price."

.

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll

luck out and catch yourself a really big one!"

.

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set

on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper

is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist

deep in water, shotgun in hand.

.

Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickl

towards her.

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She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort

hauls it onto the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more

of the dead creatures.

.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and

frustrated,

shouts, "Darn , this one isn't wearing shoes either!

.

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