Title: To Start Again (2/4)
Author: Erin M. Blair
E-Mail: eblair@sonic.net
Classification: SRA--Story, Romance, Angst
Content: Pre-XF. Mulder/Scully Romance.
Spoilers: Pilot. Small spoilers
for all the episodes up to Season 6.
Archive: OK to archive at: Gossamer,
Church of X, EMXC, Xemplary, and
SEFAMSRN. Others: ask me first. Please
forward to ATXC.
Disclaimer: They're not mine. Chris Carter
owns them.
Summary: A secret revealed. Selective memory
loss. Can love survive over time? How do you
face the future when your love returns?
--------------------------------------------
TO START AGAIN (2/4)
Written by: Erin M. Blair
--------------------------------------------
Mrs. Mulder's Residence
February 7, 1991
"Fox, I didn't expect you until tomorrow. Otherwise, I
would have come to get you. How's Dana?"
Mulder's hazel eyes welled with tears for Dana.
"She isn't..?"
"No, Mom. It would be easier for me if that was
the case. To me, she's dead."
Teena Mulder was horrified at her son's comments about his
wife. "Fox! That's a horrible thing to say about Dana."
"Mom, that's how I feel."
Teena led her son to the sofa in the living room. She
looked at him, and saw how emotionally drained he was.
"Why don't you sit down and tell me what happened? I'll go
get Katherine. She really wants to see you."
"Thanks, Mom. Before you get Katherine, I really need
to talk about this."
Teena nodded. "All right. What happened to Dana?"
"You know how we were both in a car accident?" Mulder
asked as he watched his mother nod. "Dana...she's
suffering from permanent selective memory loss. She
remembers everything else except for our marriage." He
softly cried, as he remembered what the doctor had told
him. When he looked up, he saw a look of understanding
from his mother. "She doesn't remember our daughter
and me. They forbid me to see her. They want me to
divorce her."
"They forbid you to see her?"
Mulder nodded. "I already told them that I'll divorce
her."
"Dana wouldn't want this to happen, you know that."
"I know," Mulder said softly. "However, she doesn't
remember me. If she remembered me, we'd be all right.
I have to let her go." *If I love Dana, I have to set
her free. If we're meant to be, she'll come back to me.*
"Mom?"
"Yes, Fox?"
Mulder's voice quivered brokenly. "Will you help me to
take care of Katherine?"
Teena nodded. "Of course. She can stay here for
as long as both of you want."
"Thank you, Mom." He gave her a quick hug. "Thanks
for taking care of Katherine."
"You're welcome, Fox. I'll do anything to help you,"
Teena said, as she returned her son's hug. She was
very concerned for Fox and her granddaughter at
losing Dana. She remembered her conversation with
her daughter-in-law, and knew that Dana wouldn't
want to see Fox and Katherine to suffer like this. "Fox,
I think that you should stay here tonight."
"I can't, Mom. I have to sign the papers tomorrow."
Teena gave Mulder a look which told him to reconsider,
and he relented.
"I'll stay tonight."
"You look exhausted, Fox. You need to get some sleep. I'll
set up a room for you."
"Thanks, Mom." He followed his mother upstairs, and went
into the nursery to check on Katherine. Mulder saw her in
the crib. *She's so beautiful with her auburn hair and
blue eyes. Dana had always said that our daughter looks
like her when she was younger. She's right.* Then his eyes
drifted to looking around the room. He softly smiled as he
remembered picking out nursery furniture for this room with
Dana. They felt that Katherine needed a room at his mother's
whenever they were out of town.
"Fox, your room's ready for you."
Mulder turned around to see his mother standing at
the doorway. "Thanks, Mom."
"I'll leave the two of you alone... Call me if you
need me."
Mulder nodded, then turned towards his daughter. He
reached into the crib and gently lifted her out,
cuddling her in his arms, then walked into the rocking
chair in the corner. He sat down, making sure that
Katherine was comfortable in his embrace, and looked
into her tiny face. "Sweetie, I need to tell you something
about your mommy," he said softly. Katherine looked at him,
still too young to really comprehend what he was
saying. Mulder smiled tenderly, touched his lips to her
forehead and smoothed a hand over her soft auburn hair. "Your
mommy's not going to be with us anymore."
Mrs. Mulder's Residence
February 7, 1991
8:00 a.m.
"Fox!" Teena exclaimed as she walked into her son's room,
and patted him on the shoulder. "Katie's crying for her
mommy."
Mulder yawned. "I'll be there in a second." He looked
at his surroundings, and then remembered the
events which had changed his life.
"All right. Do you want me to fix you some breakfast?"
Teena asked. She was concerned about him, as she knew
how he felt that he lost everything in that car accident.
"That's all right, Mom."
"I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."
Mulder watched his mother leave the room, and knew
today wasn't going to be easy for him. He was going
to become a single father.
He rose from the bed, and crossed to the dresser,
picking out one of his FBI regulation suits and a tie. At
noon, he was going to sign the divorce papers that
would release him from his marriage to Dana. Under normal
circumstances, he knew that it wouldn't have
happened. *She'd have contested it - I know that.*
He walked to see Katherine in the nursery. "Katie?"
"Daddy?"
He walked closer to see his little girl, and he knew
how worried she was. *Did she understand what's going
on? She's only two years old.* "Yes, Sweetie?"
"Daddy, where's Mommy?"
Mulder drew a deep breath, and he could feel the
tears starting to well in his eyes. He didn't know
how to respond to his daughter. He wanted to spare
her from the despondency that he was feeling. He took
her in his arms, and sat down on a rocking chair. *I
have to be strong. I have to get through this. We both
do.* He took a deep breath and decided to tell her
what happened. "Mommy's not with us anymore. She died."
Katherine began to cry, and her face was lined
with tears. She watched as her father hugged her
to ease her pain. Like her father, she was full of
sorrow and desolation. She would never be able
to see her mother ever again. Through her
tears, she saw a look of concern from her father.
Both of them would continue to go on without Dana.
Northeast Georgetown Medical Center
February 7, 1991
10:00 a.m.
Mulder walked into the waiting room to sign
the divorce papers. He saw her parents and
the doctor conversing with each other about
Dana's case.
Captain William Scully saw Mulder approach
them, and he whispered to his wife, "I would
like to speak to him, Maggie. Alone."
Margaret nodded. She watched him get up from
the chair, and he led Mulder to a far corner
of the waiting room so they could talk privately.
"I need to talk to you about Dana," William
said. When he looked at Mulder, he saw the
devastation in his eyes. He had a feeling that
he wasn't taking this very well.
"I think that everything's being settled. I'm
giving her the divorce like you want."
"It wasn't my idea, you know. I know I
was furious at Dana for choosing the FBI but
I knew how happy she was. I can see why
she chose a new career move, but her
mother and Bill...well...that's another
story altogether."
"Dana thought you were upset at her,"
Mulder murmured. "Does she know this?"
"No, I haven't told her yet. She doesn't
remember the details why she even joined
the first place. She has an idea. Fox, it
bothers me, deeply, that she doesn't
remember you or her own daughter."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"For the future, Fox. I know that you won't
believe me, but you will in time." He paused. "Even
though she doesn't remember everything, I
can tell that she loves you." He saw the
tears in his eyes. "I know what you told the
doctors about Katherine, Fox."
"I don't want to harm her. I already told her
that Dana's dead. Why tell her the truth?"
William was going to say something until the
lawyer walked in with the divorce papers. In
silence, the two men walked towards Margaret
and the doctor who were now joined with the
lawyer. From his brief case, he took out the
divorce papers.
When Mulder saw them, it took all his strength
to pull through. *Dana Katherine Scully Mulder
versus Fox William Mulder,* Mulder read the
divorce papers to himself. He closed his eyes
briefly, as if reassuring himself that this
was just a nightmare, and then he reopened
them to face reality. *With just a stroke of
the pen, Dana will be out of my life forever.
I'll have to raise Katherine alone.* He
signed the papers and then he put down the
pen. He looked up to them, and he gave a
heart wrenching groan.
"Of course, you know that you won't see
Dana anymore," Margaret said tauntingly.
I'll make certain of that."
"Maggie!" William exclaimed as he threw
his wife a look. "Fox has been through
enough."
"I can handle myself," Mulder said with
a sigh. "Just to let you know that I don't
want Katherine to see any of you. It'll be too
hard on her."
"What are you going to do?" William asked.
He cared about his now former son-in-law and he
wished to God that there was something he could
have done to prevent the pain that Mulder was
feeling.
Mulder shrugged. He didn't know what lay
ahead for him and Katherine. "I don't know. I'm
still going to live at the house that Dana
and I shared. She wanted me to go on with my
life."
William nodded. "If I know my Starbuck, I
know that she'll remember both of you and
come back to you."
"I hope you're right."
Behavorial Science Unit
FBI Academy
Quantico, VA
February 8, 1991
Mulder walked into his cubicle behind his partner,
Diana Fowley, with a case file in his hands. Diana
turned around as if to greet him and noticed that
he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. "Fox?
How's Dana?"
"I wouldn't know," Mulder snapped as he put the file down
on his desk. He saw a concerned expression on Diana's face,
and he realized what a jerk he was to snap at her. "Dana
and I aren't together anymore. We divorced."
"What brought that on?" Diana asked, shocked. "I talked
to Dana about you last week, and she didn't say anything
about a divorce. In fact, she sounded happy to me."
"We were in a car accident, Diana. She has selective
amnesia. She doesn't remember our marriage, our daughter,
and our love. All she remembers is everything else."
Diana's face grew white and muttered softly. "Oh my God."
She rose from her chair and went over to her partner to
give him a supportive embrace. "What are you gonna do?"
"I don't know," Mulder said with a heavy sigh. His voice
cracked with emotion as he contemplated her question. "I don't
know what I'm going to do." He paused. "All I know is this: I
still have my work. I still have my daughter, and I still have
you."
Diana was touched by his words. In return, she gave him a
tender squeeze which told him how much she cared about him.
"Where did you put the ring?"
"It's now in my desk drawer at the apartment in Alexandria,"
Mulder replied. He watched Diana return to her desk, and he
noticed she was thinking of something. "Diana?"
"It's nothing. It's just a surprise that I'll tell
you about later."
That day arrived when Dana Scully came back to Quantico which
destroyed Mulder in the process.
Behavorial Science Unit
FBI Academy
Quantico, VA
February 11, 1992
Mulder walked towards the Behavorial Science Unit in
a daze. He was listless. He knew those dark circles
told anyone that he couldn't sleep.
It was useless for him to sleep. All he dreamt of was
her.
Dana.
In those dreams, she told him to fight for her and for
their love.
As he stopped--briefly--at the elevators, he reflected
on what she'd said in the dream. *You have to tell me the
truth, Fox. I want you to fight for me. Don't give up on
hope for us. Please have faith in me.*
"It's hard to have faith when you don't remember," Mulder
muttered to himself.
Then he saw her in clear view. *Dana.*
Scully saw him for a few seconds without recognition. She
didn't know him.
Then she walked towards to her office in the forensic
lab without noticing the tears on Mulder's face.
Diana Fowley walked towards Mulder, and she knew what
had happened: he'd seen Dana. She knew it was time
to show him what she'd found.
FBI Building
Washington DC
February 11, 1992
Diana took Mulder down to the basement office despite
Mulder's protestations. "I want to quit, Diana. There's
nothing for me anymore. If it weren't for Katie, I would--"
"Die?" Diana finished her partner's sentence. "Fox, you're
not going to quit." She paused with compassion in her
eyes. "Dana wouldn't wanted you to be like this."
"I know," Mulder murmured softly. "What are you going to
show me?"
"Your future," Diana said, as she opened the door. She
led Mulder inside the abandoned room. She watched him
look around the file cabinets and a desk.
"Why's this place my *future*?" Mulder inquired.
"It's where they store the X-Files..."
"The *what*?"
"Cases that remain unsolved. You know, UFO sightings,
alien abductions, and all the paranormal cases that
the FBI doesn't want to investigate," Diana explained,
as she saw Mulder's face changed from depressive to
purposeful. "Are you interested in transferring to
the X-Files Division?"
Mulder nodded. "I need a change." He knew the X-Files
would somehow change his life forever. "Will this help
me get over her?"
Diana looked at his hopeful, eager hazel eyes, which
needed to be diverted away from the painful sight
of Dana. "I hope so, Fox. I hope so."
Dana Scully's Office
FBI Academy
Quantico, VA
March 2, 1992
Scully sat in front of her computer in her
office. She had been informed by Section Chief
Scott Blevins that she was to meet with him
on March 6 to discuss her new partnership
with a fellow Special Agent named Fox Mulder.
Of course, she had heard all the talk about
"Spooky" from her colleagues who taught at
Quantico.
She didn't want to hear the rumors. She
wanted to know the truth, so she typed in his name
to bring up his personnel file. "His name's
Fox William Mulder. His birthdate's October
13, 1961 and he's single." *How come he's so
familiar to me?*
Scully couldn't get the feeling that she knew
him out of her mind. Her eyes drifted from her
computer to a photo of her son, William, and her
daughter, Danielle. The children were fraternal
twins, but she didn't know who the father was. She
didn't even know how she became pregnant with them
in the first place. *Was I drunk? How come I don't
remember?* All of those questions fluttered through
her mind as she looked at the photo of her children,
as she had the knowledge that they were staying
with her parents while she was at work.
Then she had a fleeting memory of seeing him a few
years ago after coming back to Quantico from a
horrible car accident. She remembered his hopeful,
sad hazel eyes. Although she had this feeling of
knowing him, but she couldn't place him anywhere in
her memory. *It's distressing,* thought Scully. *It's
like a portion of my memory has been erased. I know
him, but from where?*
Mulder Residence
Annapolis, MD
January 7, 1991
"Dana?" Mulder inquired, as he walked into their
bedroom. He saw his wife sitting on the bed,
studying a case file. "Melissa's here. She said
that you wanted to talk to her alone."
She took off her glasses and looked up to him. "It's
nothing, Fox. I just wanted to tell her something." She
saw him frown. "What's wrong?"
Mulder drew a sigh as he was worried about his
wife. He knew something was wrong, but didn't
know how to express it. "You can trust me, Dana."
"I know I can trust you, Fox. It's just that I'm
not sure if it's a good time to tell you," Dana
said with a sigh. She thought of her positive
pregnancy test and bit her lip in nervousness. "I
need to talk to Melissa. It's a woman to woman type
thing."
Mulder nodded. He gave her a small smile. "I take
the hint." He wrapped his arms around his wife,
and he could feel the warmth envelope them. He stroked her
shoulder-length, auburn hair with a gentle touch. "I
have to go, Dana, on a case. You understand, don't you?"
Dana nodded. "I understand." She watched her husband
leave the room, and knew that she had blown a perfect
moment to tell him about the pregnancy. She drew a deep
sigh, and watched as her sister walked into the room.
"Dana, what's wrong?" Melissa asked, as she sat down
on the bed and gave her sister a quick hug. "Is it
about Katie?"
"No, it's not about Katie."
"Then what's wrong?"
Dana frowned. "I know that I should be happy with the
news."
"What news?"
"I'm pregnant, Missy. Fox and I will be parents in nine
months."
Melissa's embrace tightened and she gave her sister a
tender smile. "That's wonderful, Dana! I'm
so thrilled for the both of you. I hope you told
him the news. He must be so happy!" She paused. "Did you
tell him?" She saw her sister's frown deepen. "You
didn't, did you?"
Dana took a deep breath and sighed with regret. "No,
I didn't tell him, Missy."
"Why not?"
"He's afraid of what they'll do to my career, but
that's ludicrous. Nobody really knows that we're
married anyway since Fox's so paranoid. He's afraid
that we'll be found out or something. I want another
baby, Missy."
"He's going to find out, Dana. Tell him the truth."
"I'm afraid to tell him. What happens if he doesn't
want an another baby?"
"I'm sure he does," Melissa said with a sigh. "You
have to tell him the joyful news."
"I know that. It's just that I'm scared to tell him
the news. I know that he'd love our new baby as much
as Katie...but the timing's not right."
"Was the timing right when you had Katie?" Melissa
inquired. "If you keep thinking that, then the timing
would never be right for anything that you do." She
paused. "A baby's a blessing for the both of you. It
will bring Fox closer to you more than ever..."
"I know."
"What are you so worried about?"
"I've been having nightmares for the past several
weeks, Missy."
"What nightmares? Is it about Katie?"
Dana nodded. "And it's about Fox."
Melissa's eyes grew wide with concern. "Tell me
about them." She paused. "Is it a psychic dream? I
remember when you dreamt of meeting a guy at a
hospital which turned out to be true."
Dana laughed. "I dreamt that for two weeks and it
turned out to be true. I married him, didn't I?"
She smiled as she remembered meeting her husband
at the hospital where she interned. "Fox was at
the nurses' desk inquiring about a patient who
claimed to have psychic powers. I had this feeling
that we'd be together forever."
"At the time, you couldn't believe it," Melissa
said with a smirk.
"I know," Dana said with a sigh. She decided to change
the subject as she thought of her daughter. "I wonder
if Katherine will have the same psychic dreams."
"It runs in the family, that's for sure. More
likely, she'll be like Fox."
Mulder Residence
Annapolis, MD
December 24, 1997
"Daddy?" Katherine inquired. For the past
few minutes, she'd heard her father's cell phone
ringing. She was dying to know who the caller was. "Can
I answer it?"
"No, Katie," Mulder said with a smile. He looked
at his daughter's dainty face, and he saw her
frown. He couldn't get over how much she looked like
Dana with her long auburn hair and blue eyes.
"Daddy..."
"Katie, the answer's no." Mulder grabbed the
still ringing cell phone, and answered, "Mulder."
"Mulder, it's me."
*Dana.*
He knew she was in San Diego visiting her
family over the holidays. "What's wrong, Scully?"
"I discovered something," Scully said, stunned.
"What?" Mulder asked. He was beginning to worry that her
cancer might come back. "It's not the cancer, is it?" He
saw his daughter look up to him with a frown as she
knew that Scully was in remission. Of course, Katherine
had no idea that Scully was her mother.
"That's not it. Mulder, I met this little girl, Emily.
Her adoptive parents were murdered. She looked so much
like Melissa that I thought she was her daughter."
"Is she?"
"No. Emily's *my* daughter."
"I'll be there as soon as I can," Mulder said
with assurance. He put down his cell phone. "Katherine?"
"Yes, Daddy?"
"I have to go to San Diego to visit Agent Scully. I
told you about her. Remember?"
"Will she be my new mommy?" Katherine asked, curious.
"I don't have a mommy."
"Katherine, you do have a mommy. She died in a car
crash when you were two years old."
"What did she look like?"
"She looks like you," Mulder said with a sigh. "Anyway,
it's time for bed. Santa will be here any minute..."
"All right, Daddy." Katherine was almost to her bed, and
then stopped. She frowned. "Daddy, I don't want you to
go." She hugged him tightly, and looked up to see her
father's worried expression.
"Why not?"
"I don't want to see you get hurt, and it's Christmas."
Mulder finally realized why she was territorial about
him. "Katie, you have nothing to worry about. I'll be
fine. You'll see. I know you're upset that I'm leaving
at Christmas."
"Daddy, I saw it."
"Saw what?"
"I don't know. Pictures of labs and green water..."
"Have you been reading too many of my
X-Files, Katie?" Mulder asked as he remembered
telling Dana how their little girl was so much
like her.
Now he knew that Katherine was blessed with his insight.
"I haven't read that many... Just a few."
"A few?" He paused. "How many?"
"Five. Aunt Samantha read me one when she was here
last."
"Didn't I tell you that she wasn't the real Samantha?"
Katie nodded. "Yes. You told me that she was a clone
who looked like her."
Mulder broke apart their hug, and knew that it was past her
bedtime. "We'll talk more about this later. OK? It's time
for you to get to bed."
"I don't want to. I'm scared."
"Don't be scared, Katie. I won't be gone that long. It's
only for a few days. You'll be staying with Grandma."
"I always stay with Grandma," Katie said softly.
"It's only when I go out of town."
"I remind you of Mommy, don't I?"
"What?"
"I do. You told me that I look like her but you
never told me her name."
Mulder sighed. "Your Mommy's name was Dana
Katherine--like your name but reversed." He
paused as he looked at her blue eyes. "I loved
her so much. It's still hard for me to talk about
her."
Fox Mulder's Apartment
Alexandria, VA
May 7, 1998
3:00 p.m.
Mulder decided to tell Scully the truth about
everything. She deserved to know. *Dana would
have killed me for not telling her.* After the
car accident, he had dreams of Dana, who told
him to tell her the truth.
After their "official" meeting, he decided
against it. It wasn't a good time. There were
several times when he wanted to tell her the truth,
but something or someone always seemed to interrupt
them. He saw her sitting at his desk, reading the
case report on Gibson Praise. "Scully, there's
something I have to tell you."
Scully looked at him with interest. "Is it about
Diana?"
"It's about her---and you."
"It's about me?"
"Yes."
"All right. Tell me. Before you start, I want
to ask you something."
"What is it?"
Scully went to his desk drawer, and took out
the wedding rings along with the letter. "You
were married before, right?"
Mulder nodded. "Yes, I was. My wife and I were
in a car accident. She...she suffered from severe
memory loss...and I had to divorce her." He
paused. "Where did you find this?"
"I found this years ago when looking for your
flight number to Puerto Rico. It was in your
desk drawer. I never asked you about it
until now."
"You should have told me then. It would have
saved you from your abduction."
"How would it saved me?"
"It just would have saved you."
"Mulder! Tell me the truth."
"Did you read the inscriptions?"
Scully nodded. "Only on one of them. It
said, 'Fox. Forever yours. Love D.' Who's
D? Diana?"
"I guess you should have read the other
inscription."
Scully took out the smaller wedding band,
and read its inscription. "Dana. Always
yours. Fox." She looked up to see Mulder's
smile. "I don't understand. Am I the 'Dana'
in the inscription?"
"Yes."
"How come I don't remember any of this?"
"I'll explain everything to you, Scully."
"Why don't you tell me now?"
Mulder was going to say something, but the
phone rang. He laid down on the couch
while he motioned for Scully to answer it.
"Scully." He heard her answer.
Scully listened to Skinner's voice on the
phone. "How's Diana? Oh, that bad. I see. We
knew that there might be some fall out. I
understand. Sir, thanks for letting us know."
She put down the phone, and turned over to
Mulder. "Diana's in the hospital. She's in
a coma from a gunshot wound." She noticed
Mulder nodding. "Mulder, did you hear what
I said?"
"I'm listening."
"They shut us down."
"What?!"
"Skinner told me that the attorney general
got word, and she decided to close down the
X-Files." She paused. "It was a risk to
offer that man a deal. You knew that this
could happen."
"What else did Skinner tell you?"
"There's talk of reassignment. Mulder, whatever
you may think, this time they might have won." She
paused as she remember what he was going to tell
her. "What were you going to tell me?"
"Oh, it's nothing. Never mind," Mulder said
as he noticed that Scully was giving him an
exasperated look. "Maybe it's not a good time
to tell you?"
"Mulder, you told me that I was married to
you. For some reason, I don't remember. I do
think I have a right to know. If you
don't want to tell me as your partner, as your
Scully, then tell me as your wife, Dana
Mulder."
He sighed. "I don't know. It's a painful
memory. I don't want to tell you." He
paused. "Maybe it's good that you don't
remember?"
"You're wrong, Mulder. I do want to
remember. I can tell how you're so closed
off. Is that why you told me not to call
you 'Fox' - because of this?"
Mulder nodded. "I felt that I needed
a wall between us."
Scully watched him get up from the couch
and head to the kitchen. She decided to read the
letter, and she recognized the handwriting.
It was from her own hand.
* Dear Fox,
* If my nightmares are some kind of omen,
* I want to make sure that we're together. I've
* written several journals, letters, and I have
* made two photo albums. What I would like for
* you to do is to bring them with you to the
* hospital. I'll look at them, and it'll jog
* my memory. I need for you to do this. Please
* fight for me, our marriage, and for our
* daughter, Katherine.
*
* I love you.
*
* Fight for me.
*
* Fight for us.
*
* Love,
* Dana
Her face was lined with shock. Journals? Photo
albums? Letters? She knew nothing of this. She
had a daughter? *Oh my God!* Ever since finding
out about Emily, she had grieved over the loss
of her daughter and the loss of her ova.
Mulder entered, and he could tell by the expression
on Scully's face that she had read the
letter. She looked up at him, a mixture of
anger and incomprehension in her eyes. "Scully?"
"How come you didn't tell me that we had a
daughter? You knew how much I wanted children
someday."
"I didn't want to upset Katherine. You never
remembered her. You still don't remember our
marriage."
"How come my mother never mentioned
her to me?"
"I thought that it would be best that no one
from your family saw her. After the accident,
I felt it was for the best."
"Where's Katherine?"
"I took Katie to stay with my mother while I'm
working. The rest of the time Katherine lives
with me in the house that you and I bought
when we got married."
There was one question on Scully's mind, and looked
around at Mulder's sparcely furnished apartment. "How
does that explain this?"
Mulder looked around at his apartment and then looked
at Scully. "When you decided to join the FBI in 1990,
I was beginning to become paranoid about your blossoming
career. I knew word would get around Quantico of how
you were married to Spooky Mulder, and I didn't want to
jeopardize it. We decided to rent two apartments in
different cities and listed it on our FBI personnel
files. We furnished both apartments, but we lived at
the house that we bought in Annapolis. That's where
I still live with Katherine."
"I want to see Katherine, Mulder. I want to get to
know her. She needs her mother. If I see her, maybe
I'll remember her."
"I know you want to see her, Scully. I'm sorry for
not letting you see her. I had to protect her. I didn't
want to see her getting hurt."
"I would never hurt her, Mulder."
"I know that," Mulder said with a sigh. "I
felt that it was for the best to tell her
that her mother died."
Scully felt her eyes well with unshed
tears as she felt for Katherine. Her
voice was cracking with emotion. "She
thought that I was dead, but why?"
From her voice wavering with sadness, Mulder
knew that she cared deeply for their young
daughter. "I thought it was for the
best, Scully. The doctors told me that you'd
never regain your memories about our marriage
and about Katherine. It would have been a shock for
her to find out that you didn't know her." He
paused. "I wanted to spare her the pain. The
doctors told me to break my ties to you. Your
parents and the doctors told me to divorce you."
"Mulder. It's highly unethical for doctors
to tell husbands to break all ties from a
wife with selective amnesia," Scully said
softly. "Don't you know that?"
"No."
"It's morally wrong. You should have contested
it," Scully said with determination in her
face. She looked at Mulder, and knew how much
he had suffered. "If I were you, I would
have done everything in my power to contest it.
The doctors had no authority in
I know I would have."
"I couldn't, Scully. I know that I should have
but they forbade me to see her."
"Her?"
"Dana."
"You make it sound as if I'm two people."
Mulder drew a deep breath. "In a way,
you are. That's how I viewed it when I
found out that you'd never remember me."
"You didn't give me a chance."
"I did."
"No, you didn't." She paused. "You could
have done something."
"No, I couldn't. I felt powerless. I don't
know. I felt as though I lost the fight
within me. I felt like I had to give up."
"And you didn't bring the things that
she...I had asked for?"
"They wouldn't allow me to see you. They
said it would cause more damage to
your memory. I didn't see any hope."
"It wouldn't cause any damage, Mulder."
She saw the pain in his hazel eyes, and
knew that she had to assure him. "I
hope you know that."
"I didn't at the time. They wanted me
to annul the marriage, but I couldn't
do that to Katherine."
"My mother wanted you to annul the
marriage?" Scully asked, shocked. She
paused as she considered what would have
happen to their daughter's status. "Katherine
would have been illegitimate."
"I told them that," Mulder said softly.
"And?" Scully prompted. "What happened
then?"
"They wanted me to divorce you. The next
day I signed the papers. Your parents
signed in your behalf, and I felt that
that I had to sign."
"Why?"
"Like I told you, they told me that you'd
never remember us. I had to let you go. I
loved you so much..."
"You said loved? Is that in the past tense?"
Scully asked in a low voice. "Do you still
love me?"
Mulder nodded. "I love you as much as I loved
Dana. Over the past six years together, we
fell in love with each other. We've been through
so much more together as Mulder and Scully than we
did as Fox and Dana."
"I'm Dana."
"I know that."
"Do you love me as Dana or as Scully?"
"Scully, you've been with me for the past
six years. I owe you everything, and you
owe me nothing. When I'm with you, I feel
like a whole person. You're my true soul
mate."
"It's not Melissa Ephesian?" Scully asked,
teasingly.
"Of course not!"
"Just checking," Scully said with
a smile. "Mulder, I love you
too. I had always known how much I love
you, but I was so afraid that you would
*debunk* me."
"That I would *debunk* you?" Mulder
inquired. He laughed. "That's something
that I thought you would've done." His
hazel eyes became serious as he thought
about how he was going to tell Katherine.
"Katherine..."
"What about Katherine?" Scully asked. Deep
within her, she knew that he wondered how
he was going to tell her. "Are you afraid
that she'll take the news badly?"
Mulder nodded. "How do you tell your own
daughter that her mother's not dead?"
"I don't know, Mulder. If she's like us,
she'll get through this. She's a survivor."
"I hope you're right."
Scully had something else on her mind. All
she could think of was the paternity of her
fraternal twins--the children that Mulder had
never known about. "Mulder? I have a question."
"What's the question?"
"Was Dana...was I pregnant at the
time of our car accident?" Scully asked,
as she remembered the pain from not knowing
how she became a mother to twins.
Mulder drew a deep breath and he saw confusion
on her face. "Only Dana knew."
Scully's face fell. This wasn't the answer that
she expected to hear. "You didn't know?"
"I didn't know if Dana was pregnant at the time
of our accident. If she was pregnant, wouldn't
she have told me?"
"I would hope so," Scully remarked. "Maybe she
had her reasons."
Mulder nodded. "Dana knew how much I wanted
another baby. We'd talk about having a brother
or sister for Katherine, and we'd been trying
for a little while when..." He trailed off his
sentence and then looked up at her. "There were several
times when I thought that she was going to
tell me, but didn't."
"Why's that?"
"At the time, I was worried for her career at the
FBI," Mulder said with a frown. "I knew that I
shouldn't have been, but I was afraid what others
thought of her." He paused. "If she told me that
she was pregnant, I would have been thrilled at
the prospect of being a father again."
"Mulder, I was pregnant at the time of the car
accident."
"What?" Mulder asked, shocked.
Scully nodded. "After the accident, I discovered
that I was pregnant with twins. I didn't know who
the father was..."
"We had twins?"
Scully nodded. "Yes, we had twins named William and
Danielle." She took out a photo of the twins from her
wallet to show Mulder. "Somehow, deep within myself, I'd
always known you're the father."
Mulder fingered the photo of William and Danielle. He
could tell from looking at William's brown hair and
hazel eyes that he was the father of the twins. He
looked at the back of the photo where Scully had
written the names, "William Fox Scully and Danielle
Melissa Scully."
"Mulder?"
"The names, Scully, how?"
"How did I choose them? I don't know...but I found a
sheet of paper which had the names on it. I still
have it," she said. She watched Mulder getting out a
photo of his desk drawer and handed it to her. It was
a photo of the two of them when they were younger with
their two year old daughter, Katherine Dana Mulder. "That's
Katherine?"
Mulder nodded. "That's us with Katie. That was taken
shortly before our trip to Martha's Vineyard." He
squinted at the photo looking at Dana, and he noticed
for the first time that she did look pregnant. "You
were pregnant then. Your cheeks were fuller."
Scully laughed. "You had this photo for years, and
you didn't notice." She calmed herself down. "Mulder,
it was years ago; don't worry about it. I wish I'd told you
then but I was afraid."
"That was before your accident, Dana!"
"You called me 'Dana,' Mulder."
"I know," Mulder said with a whisper. "You're starting
to remember us."
End of Part Two of Four
Author's Notes: This story came to me in
a dream, and I thought that it was an
interesting plot to write. It got the juices
flowing again.
As much as I hated Diana Fowley, I wanted
to explore why both Diana and Scully hated
each other's guts. Both of them had their
reasons to dislike each other.
Dedication: To my new beta reading team.
You know who you are. =)
Feedback: I would like to receive
positive, critical feedback so I
can improve. Send to: eblair@sonic.net
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- Erin Blair
- eblair@sonic.net
- "And if I quit now, they win."
- from the X-Files: Fight the Future Movie