Author: Nadine :)
Archive: Pleeze!! Just lemme know alright?
Email: yayoi@animepalace.zzn.com
Category: M/K SLASH; A; Scully POV; V
Spoilers: Small ones for 'Anasazi' and 'Paper Clip'
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Scully is grieving about Mulder's betrayal.
Disclaimer: Alright, all yours, Chris.
Note: This is my very first attempt of anything that's slash related, so
if you have any comments, no matter if good or bad, please send them to
me :) Also, this piece contains a graphic description of sexual
interaction between two men, so if that offends you or you're underage,
please back out now. Otherwise, enjoy!
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Broken (1/1) NC-17
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I feel disgusted. By everything.
By my partner, by this day, by the world--
and by me.
Yes. I can't even look in the mirror, can't even stand to see my face,
to look myself in the eye.
I feel filthy, exhausted, done.
Done with everything. Everything I ever believed in, everything I ever
held for true, everything I wished for, everything that was a goal for
me these days. All gone within less than two seconds.
Gone in the one moment that will be branded in me forever.
That moment, not even twenty-four hours ago, in Mulder's apartment, when
I walked in, not knowing I was walking in on him. How should I have
known?
All I was thinking was that he was not opening because he was asleep or
not home, or something like that.
That I could let myself in and wait for him then give him the latest
information on our case since his cell phone seemed to be off once
again. Or drop the damn file on the table and leave him a note,
anything. Just how could I ever have been able to imagine the truth?
The darkness and apparent silence seemed to confirm my suspicion that he
was not there. I was just about to have a seat on the couch when I saw
the dim gleam of light coming from the direction of what should be the
bedroom. So he was there, probably resting. And I longed to see his
bedroom anyway.
So I turned towards it, then, having not walked five steps, my world was
being hit and shattered into a thousand pieces. So cruelly destroyed by
what I saw.
He was there. In bed. But beneath him there was another body, as stark
naked as he was, moving in counterpoint to the same rhythm as he did,
breathing hard just like him.
Alex Krycek. The wanted criminal. The assassin. The murderer of both my
sister and Mulder's father who has caused me, and Mulder, so much sorrow
I never knew a man was able to cause.
And now there he was, under my partner, my best friend, the man I love,
have loved for so long. He was there with him.
I entered the room, moved closer so that I could see their faces,
without them noticing. They were absorbed into each other, by their
lovemaking.
And, yes, love was what I saw in Mulder's eyes as he was looking down at
Krycek who had his hands wound around Mulder's neck. Love, and deep
passion that made his eyes a deep, dark, erotic green.
Beautiful. They were both beautiful, Krycek's legs around Mulder's hips,
Mulder's arms braced on each side of the bed, both of them rocking,
sweating, gasping, longing.
And when I came to, I was sad. No, enraged. Sadly enraged. At the sight
of Mulder expressing his love for this man, that love I was so sure he
felt for me, the love which I had kept for him in a place deep down in
the core of my heart from where now all the pain and grief and anger
made its way out of my body in a sob. Dear God, I needed to sob whether
I wanted or not.
And they heard it. Looked up. Looked at me, shocked. That was it for me.
I fled. Turned on my heel and got out of the room, out of the whole damn
apartment, not reacting to Mulder's voice calling after me, running,
while tears were staining my cheeks and giving me a hard time seeing,
getting into my car, driving home.
And that's where I am now, and where I have been ever since then.
I haven't taken a shower, or changed clothes, haven't eaten, have been
effectively avoiding to look at myself.
I also haven't answered his calls that are documented on my answering
machine. How many of them were there? Ten? Fifteen? I don't know, and I
don't care.
"Scully, please let me explain...we need to talk... please, Scully..."
No, Mulder, I won't let you explain. And I won't talk to you. I don't
know how I could ever stand to look at you again. After I have seen you
with someone else, this man Alex Krycek of all people, making yourself a
traitor to your own faith, to your work, to everything we've been
through, to me, to all the promises that always lay in the looks you
occasionally gave me, all the tender gestures...
Mulder, how could you!
I'm crying again. My eyes hurt from all the salty tears, my nose feels
puffy, and I must smell. No wonder, I've been sitting here for almost a
day in the same clothes, in the same corner, staring at the same wall.
The key in the lock is supposed to prevent you from opening the front
door with your own key. I'm not sure if you tried to though, I don't
think I was paying attention.
So, what am I going to do now?
Well, the best thing will be to quit this job, leave here, leave the
FBI, the X-Files, the Quest and you behind. To try not to think of the
past six years too often. To try not to be to aware of how you moved me
in those years, how you changed me, how much you made me love you.
The best thing will be to start anew the way you left me.
Broken. That's what I am.
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Like it? Hope you do! :)
http://members.xoom.com/DanaScX
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