Title: Shelter
Author: TeaL
E-Mail: Talitha_1121@yahoo.com
Flames will be used to keep TFO's eternal funeral pyre alight....which in turn will be used to keep me warm during these winter months since the electricity bill was a *little* high last week...
Rating: RP-13
Summary: Scully's musings on certain aspects of her life.
Spoilers: Tiny ones for "Emily" and "Duane Barry"
Disclaimer: All things XF related don't belong to me. All hail the almighty CC, I am but a meek servant girl who means you and your creations no harm .

"Shelter" lyrics belong to Sarah McLachlan and were used without permission....

Authors Note: This is a very short piece that came to me after watching "Rain King". I took the basic idea's of how loneliness affects a person and the safety of the home and while listening to a great Sarah McLachlan CD I put this together. The RP-13 rating, which is high for one of my fics, is due to suggested adult themes.....

Part of the song that inspired this... "I can't sleep haunted by their faces The sadness in their eyes It hurts so much to see them helpless It makes me want to cry But still there is so much

left unanswered For so many innocent lives They close the doors and are letting nobody in And only the strong will survive .... I've seen the anger and I've seen all the dreams And I've watched an existence torn apart by the seams... Oh I've seen a part of people that I never really Want to share Oh I've seen
a part of people that I never knew was there"


SHELTER
By TeaL


I am fully aware of the territory that comes with what I do for a living. I accept it. I have little choice. So I put on a brave face, I distance myself from the pain that threatens to envelope me. I investigate the crime by attempting to collect answers both from the living and the dead.
The victim.
The innocent victim.
I stand in the cold morgue, alone, and I view 'the body', not the once living breathing girl who had thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams. I flick the professional switch that automatically blocks it all and separates Dana Scully from Special Agent Scully.
Dana from Scully.
No matter how hard I try to leave it all behind when I head for home, a small part of what I witness in the room remains with me.
The body, the dead vessel, had belonged to a child. Barely nine years old she hadn't even started to experience life... yet it was taken from her. Snatched away in the blink of an eye by a man, a monster, whose heart and mind had showed no remorse. His dark soulless eyes reflected a man who had never received love. And a small part of me felt for him, wondered what it must be like to have no one show any feelings for you ever. But my true nature hated this man with a fury that burned hotter and deeper than hell itself.
This child had been murdered in cold blood by an uncaring machine that was so overpowered by it's needs it would do anything to satisfy the desires.
And so, he had.
Now whatever 'life' he once had was gone. He had only the inside of a bland room to stare at and project his desires onto for however long he would cling to his miserable existence. Reaching up I clicked of the tape, wrapped the body and wished I could leave everything in this room in Agent Scully's mind and pull Dana Scully back into awareness.
It might have been possible if I didn't have a report to write up.

After what seemed hours I finally completed my report and switched off my computer to find my attention now fixed on my own apartment wall. The photographs were permanently burned into my mind. The marks on her neck, the expression on her face, the violation her body had been subjected to. Her death, not due to exsanguination or asphyxiation, but exposure. He'd left her to die alone on a cold winter's night without a care in the world.
I thought of Mulder, my partner, a man with a photographic memory who had 'witnessed' his sister's abduction and I wondered how he had survived all these years with the memories. whether fabricated or real, they were as much a part of him as this girl's death was now a part of me. It had touched me a lot deeper than I normally allowed. The image of a family portrait in the victims home came to me. It had showed happier, carefree times and I felt tears burning at my eyes for her parents.
Two loving people who will grieve for an eternity. The pain they now felt would eventually subside but the emptiness will forever remain.
A part of them died last night.
I felt their pain, I identified with it.
In my work I've watched too many parents, too many wives, husbands, lovers and friends close their front door completely shattered. I've watched them retreat into their now silent world and grieve, allowing no one to reach out and touch them. Allowing no one else in.
I know what goes on once that door closes because I have been that parent. I've lost that child too soon. But I've pulled through, I witnessed the effect of my life on those around me and I was strong so not to bring them down with me.
I found my life again and I left my apartment to return to what I have to do to make ends meet.
I left my apartment.
My home.
Home was a sanctuary, a shelter, a familiar warmth that surrounded you and kept you safe. It was *not* a place that strangers could break into and pull you out of.....
it wasn't meant to be.....
Blinking out of my reverie, I stood and glanced around the room feeling frighteningly uneasy. My sanctuary had betrayed me once before and the memories of that time still kept me awake at night. It was too empty here.......too dark........ too silent.
Without a second thought I reached out for my phone and dialed a familiar safe number....

"Mulder"
"Mulder.....would you mind coming over for a bit?"
He didn't ask why I wanted him at my apartment, he didn't need to.
He sensed I was uneasy and he would be there for me. Because he was my sanctuary, he was my shelter. He would chase away my demons because he was my friend, and with him in my life I would never be truly alone.

THE END :)

Feedback lovingly embraced at Talitha_1121@yahoo.com

C. July 14 1999

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