Season Four

Aaron: Where does he find the time? Just faxing these stupdi memos must take the better half of his day. You read the latest?
Jack: No, I toss them. All. Right to trash.
submitted by Heli

Aaron: He puplished he's memoirs.
Jack: Who?
Aaron: Geiger. "Behind the mask. Volume one."
Jack: I think I'll wait for the movie.
submitted by Heli

Phillip: Jim Kellner is on his way upstairs. He wants to buy a heart.
Kate: Oh, no problem. I got one rolling around in my trunk.
submitted by Heli

73. (4-2) "The Incredible Adventures of Baron Von Munchausen... by Proxy" 10/8/97
Delivery guy: "It's custom to tip the delivery person."
Aaron: "Well, why don't you get it from Dr. Shott ?"

74. (4-3) "Brain Salad Surgery" 10/16/97
Billy and Diane are talking about their wedding plans.
Aaron: "That's what Camille and I did, simple, quiet discreet."
Billy: "Yeah well, we all know how that one turned out right."

Aaron: Now, it shouldn't take a brain surgeon to realize that all you gotta do is move the piano away from the wall and find the plug and tear the friggin' thing out of the wall. There. That's much better.

Aaron: "Ms. Fairstein, you have what we neurosurgeons refer to as a "bonk on the head."
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Aaron: "Yes, why don't you hand me the um... the... the twirly thing."
Nurse: "The drill?"
Aaron: "Yes! Uh, the drill."
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Patient: "Are you a surgeon?"
Shutt: "Yes, most neurosurgeons in this hospital are."
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Phillip to Aaron: "I never realized what a putz you are."
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Aaron: "I'm quitting, Jack."
Jack: "So I figured."
Aaron: "No I'm quitting Chicago Hope. Im taking up a teaching position at Harvard"
Jack: "Oh" (A small pause) "Breakfast?"
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75. (4-5) "Sympathy for the Devil" 10/22/97
76. (4-6) "...And the Hand Played On" 10/29/97
Aaron: Sorry I'm late, meant to be here sooner.
Kate: At least somebody did.
Aaron: Where is she?
Jack: We're hoping Chicago.
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Jack: You know, I don't remember any reception when I first got here.
Diane: I was lucky to get a parking spot.
Kate: I think somebody bought me a donut.
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Phillip: It's because all of you that she's here for.
Jack: Here being relative.
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Jack: If Lincoln had waited this long for a doctor he'd still be dead.
Diane: That does not make any sense.
Billy: Neither does this.
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Aaron: Cafeteria is on the second floor. Avoid the knockworsts.
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Phillip: So, you two are getting along?
Aaron: Really well. We're moving in together tomorrow. Her husband's not too thrilled with the idea but hey, we'll just lock him in the basement.
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Billy: "Point of order, this is MY er."
Lisa: "Point of humanity, this is HER husband."

Jack: "Colonel Mustard, in the drawing room, with the candlestick."

77. (4-7) "The Lung and the Restless" 11/5/97
Paul : Hey Aaron
Aaron: Hello Paul. Lisa Catera, meet Paul......
Lisa: Hi
Paul: Hi
Aaron: Paul here is the guy who sues us.
Paul: Aaron, I'm so glad you realize malpractice is what I do. Not who I am.
Aaron: No, it's who you are. (Turning to Dennis) You're not actually friends with this guy are you?
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Aaron: So Paul, why are you here? Somebody administer a bandage to the wrong finger putting the hospital at risk for millions?
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Kate: Phillip, this one came with a revelation. A big one. (whispering) I'm not always the smartest one in the room. Phillip: Now you know how the rest of us feel!
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Jack: I have a hole size of the Grand Canyon where gambling used to be. I need to find a hobby. Something to get me interested.
Aaron: How about Lisa?
Jack: Are you married?
Aaron: Golf. I meant golf.
Jack: Golf with a woman?
Aaron: It's been known to happen.
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Jack: Come on, she's from South-Dakota or something. They don't have much to live for there.
Lisa: My paps from North-Dakota.
Jack: Oh... Well I hear it's the superior of the Dakotas.
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Dennis: "Aaron, I have something else to tell you... I'm black."

78. (4-8) "White Trash" 11/13/97
Diane: "Who the hell gets married in an airport?"
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Jack: Would you like to go out?
Lisa: Together?
Jack: Not necessarily, but I read that most dates work better when you're actually with the other person.
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Diane: "Who the hell gets married in an airport?!"
Dennis: "Airport, church, Vegas. Doesn't matter as long as you love each other."
Diane: "Really I love him Dennis. I do. But I also hate him. He left me pregnant and alone on my wedding day."
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Diane: "I'm not just Billy Kronk's wife."
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Lisa: "You'll still be there to watch over my shoulder?"
Aaron :"Like a hawk"
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Billy: I think we should get started.
Chaplain: Marriage is a sacred vow not to be entered into lightly. I encourage you both to take these vows seriously, and with all the respect and gravity they deserve.
Airport employee: Look man, you gonna miss your flight, man!
Billy: The best man is supposed to calm me, alright? Calm me!
Airport employee: Alright, man.
Billy: Could we pick up the pace a little bit please?
Chaplain: Of course. Do you Diane take Billy to be your lawful wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sicknes or health, for as long as you both shall live?
Diane: I do.
Chaplain: Do you Billy take Diane--
Billy: I do.
Chaplain: --to be your lawful wedded wife for richer or poorer, in sickness and health for as long as you both shall live?
Billy: I do.
Chaplain: The rings please? These rings are a symbol of your love for one another no matter how far apart you may be.
Diane: I'm going to miss you.
Billy: I'm going to miss you.
Chaplain: By the authority vested in me by the state of Illinois, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Billy: I will call as soon as I get there, okay?
Diane: Why is it you're always leaving?
Billy: I'll be back in four months, I promise. You take care of our baby.
Diane: I will.
(They kiss, Billy starts to go)
Wait wait wait.
(She pulls him in for another kiss.)
Billy: I love you.
Diane: I love you.

79. (4-9) "Wingin' It" 11/19/97
Kate (to Jack): "They just don't like me?"
from Clotho

Kate: It's clear why you're here, Jack.
Jack: Why?
Kate: You got a penis. Phillip obviously thought it's an important part of the package.
Jack: Am I gonna have to listen to this all the way to London? How about this, You be the penis. I'll just come along for the ride.
submitted by Heli

Kate: Jack, come on. Be a gentleman.
Jack: Kate, I would. But remember, you're the one with the penis.
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Jack (to Kate): What a piece of work you are. So fearless. So God damn insecure.
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Jack (to Kate): Let's pretend that you're the penis.
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80. (4-10) "Cabin Fever" 11/26/97
Lisa (handing Diane Billy's tape) : Want your man?
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Diane: ...I'm embarrassed that you caught me mooning over my boyfriend like a 13 year old.
Lisa: Husband.
Diane:Right, husband.
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Diane (to Lisa): Basically you're in a rumour mill with medical instruments.
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Diane: Wait, didn't he say he was a plumber?
Kate: Yeah, he seemed so much smarter.

Kate: We paint our nails, we colour our hair, we have massages, but we won't give ourselves permission to stay alive? That is insane!

81. (4-11) "All In The Family" 12/10/97
Ethan: "This must be hell."
Aaron: "Close, it's Chicago Hope."

82. (4-12) "On Golden Pons" 12/17/97
Phillip: "Kate, let's just play a little game. It's called mind your own damn business." Phillip leaves.
Kate:"Was that me?"
Aaron:"Surprisingly, no."

Aaron:"Come on Phillip, Austin is supposed to be the obnoxious one, you're getting into her territory now. Phillip, Phillip, can we take a break from the, uh, mountaineering competition for a second, best friend, remember?" Phillip:"I'm having financial difficulties."
A:"What kind of financial difficulties?" P:"My accountant seems to have taken a permanent vacation with all of my damn money."
A:"When you say all..."
P:"He took everything. My entire nest egg is gone."
A:"Wow. Phillip. How the hell could you let this happen? Weren't you paying attention?"
P:"Of course, I was paying attention... wha.. wha.. what..."
A:"Don't tell me you let this guy sign checks for you (pause) Phillip, you run a major hospital, uh uh, multi-million dollar budgets what the hell were you thinking?"
P:"You know this psych residency is doing wonders for your sensitivity."
A:"Well I'm I... I'm sorry. I'm just, um, I'm surprised... I'm here for you."
P:"Well that's great. If I start feeling like less of a jackass I'll call you for a pep talk."

Diane, Aaron and Jack are in Jack's office. Diane is trying to get Aaron to play Santa Clause, but he says no and she's about to leave.
Jack:" Hey Diane, I'll do it."
Aaron & Diane: "You? (light laughter)"
J:" Yeah. What's so funny?"
A: "That would be like a Ted Bundy Christmas."
Jack gets up and begins to walk out of the room, grabbing the suit as he goes.
J:"I've got surgery."
D:"Don't get blood on the suit."

Jack is talking about how he was Santa to Phillip.
J: "You're Santa, everyone loves you."
P: "Maybe you should wear it all the time."

Aaron: "Diane, dance with me."
D: "I'm not really in the mood. I'm just, I'm going to head home."
A: "To what?"
D: "Thanks for reminding me I have no life. Ten on the tact meter."
A: "I'm sorry. I just meant you should hang out here, with your friends. Come on, come on, come on. Alright, look, if you wont dance with me at least come sit on Santa's lap."
D: "Sit on Jack McNeil's lap? I'm not that lonely."
A: "Santa, Santa. This, this, little girl really wants to meet you."
Santa: "Well. Ho! Ho! Ho, then step right up little girl."
Little kid: "Hey lady, your holding up the line."
Aaron then pushes Diane to Santa's lap, and she sits.
D: "Try anything funny Jack, you'll be limping all the way back to the north pole... (she turns and sees Jack across the room, then looks back at Santa and pulls down the beard.) Billy?
B: "Merry Christmas baby."
D: "But how did you..."
B: "11 freaking hours. 2 snowstorms, but I made it. You think I'm gonna spend christmas away from my wife and kid... (the two get up and begin walking away. Billy looks back at the line.) Santa will be right back.

Kid: Is Santa supposed to do that?
Dr. Schutt: That's all right, that's Mrs. Claus.
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Aaron: I'm concerned about Phillip. He's flat broke.
Jack: No way, guy's got his first dollar.
Aaron: Well,unfortunatily his accountant just bought a coke with it in Argentina.
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Jack: Shouldn't you be in a room with psychopaths somewhere?
Aaron: Hey bolt the door right now! I'm there!
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Diane: You're not gonna like start taking bets on reindeer races or anything, are you?
Jack: Relax, I left the racing forms in the sleigh.
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83. (4-13) "Broken Hearts" 1/7/98
Diane and Wilkes: Aaron!
Aaron: Don't hurt me! Whatever I did, I'm sorry!
Wilkes: We need a psych consult.
Aaron: Okay. You're both crazy.

Phillip: "You're right, you're right."
Aaron: "Of course I am. I have all the answers for everyone, but me."

Jack: But no talking pigs. Last one put me off bacon for weeks.
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Lisa: You followed me?!
Jack: No, that's your other boyfriend.
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Aaron: "Now I have to find a way into her reality."
Keith: "Make sure it's a return trip"
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84. (4-14) "Memento Mori" 1/14/98
Billy: Now I get it, I saw your name on the surgical board and I was gonna ask you if you want me to get the bowers section off your hands...but hey, if you need the money...
Phillip: Your point being?
Billy: Oh nothing, it's just that Jack told me you being broke.
Phillip: Did it ever occur to you that my name perhaps is on the surgical board because I am a surgeon?
Billy: No, it didn't!
submitted by Anna

Guy: 'Wilkes', that would be an Irish name, wouldn't it?
Wilkes: Do I look Irish?
Guy: I Hate the Irish, that wout be another quarter!
submitted by Anna

Jack: It's not when you are dead that counts, it's what happens when you are alive. You need to live every day like it could be your last, you gotta slurp it out like a chocolate shake!
submitted by Anna

Billy: So, is love-making a problem?
Diane: Billy!
Billy: I know it is not, I just need to hear it from you!
submitted by Anna

man stuck in elevator to Kate: "Lady would you put a lid on it and get some help already!"

Maintenance man: "I'm giving her all I've got captian."
Kieth: "Did you just call me captain?"

Sara's Prayer: "Are father Art, who's up in heaven, hello be my name."

Lisa: "Maybe she's looking for something that we can't offer. Absolution."
Aaron: "Absolution. I must have missed that day in med school"
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Orderly to Kate: "Hey lady, shut up."
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Billy (about Diane's worrying about her weight): "Is this like a hormonal thing or something?"
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85. (4-15) "Psychodrama" 1/21/98
Billy: "I didn't mean to scare you."
Diane: "Well you did."
Billy: "No it's just that things sounded really wierd over the telephone. I can see why. Diane, you're not going to start collecting freaky stuff are you? Because I cannot handle a freeze-dry Cockatoo watching me have dinner every night."
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86. (4-16) "The Tie That Binds" 2/4/98
Billy: What about Cordelia?
Diane: Nah.
Billy: Why not?
Diane: Billy there's no one, besides in Shakespeare called Cordelia.
Billy: I know that's why why I like it.
Diane: Cordelia Kronk? What about Lilly?
Billy: No that's some wimpy wussy name. Roxanne. That's a cute name. Roxy Kronk.
Diane: Who was it?
Billy: Ex-girlfriend. I like Christina.
Diane: Chris Kronk? You know I think the problem is this Kronk.
Billy: Well let's give it your last name, I don't really care. Or better yet. let's hyphenate it.
Diane: What Grad-Kronk? It'll scar the kid for life.
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87. (4-17) "The Things We Do For Love" 3/4/98
Jack: How's italian sound?
Lisa: Like Spanish, only more lyrical?

Kieth: What if you get out there and nobody laughs?
Phillip: I've watched people die Kieth, how bad could this be?
Kieth: I think it could be even worse than that Phillip.

Billy: Maybe it's all this responsibility starting to pile up. You know maybe, maybe it's the fact that I missed the beginning of the pregnancy. I don't know but I do know that everything is starting to hapen way to fast.
Aaron: Billy, not to be insensitive, but I have rounds right now, and I actually charge people for this kind of thing.
Billy: I'm trying to talk to you as a friend here.
Aaron: Well we never had these kind of conversations when I was a neurosurgeon.
Billy: I didn't have these kind of problems when you were a neurosurgeon. OK. Please just give it to me straight up. Do you think that it's possible that I might be cracking up?
Aaron: Yes. Can I go now?
Billy: You know what I think this is all about?
Aaron: Your going to tell me aren't ya?
Billy: I think that it is about losing options. OK. You have a kid BOOM all your options they just disappear. Before I always knew, in the back of my mind, I knew that if I really wanted too I could always drop out and become a formula one racer.
Aaron: What?
Billy: That's what I always wanted to be before my mother put this ugly medical seed in my head.
Aaron: Every kid wants to race cars when their 8.
Billy: I'm not saying I would have done it but I could have if I wanted to. And now with this kid on the way I'm stuck here doing what I'm doing for ever.
Aaron: Billy maybe you can't race cars, OK but that doesn't mean you don't have options. Look at me I changed my entire life! Look at Phillip with this, with this comedy routine, well that's a bad example. But the point is you can still do stuff, just not stupid stuff.
Billy: This whole shrink thing is working out for you?
Aaron: It's to early to tell.

Lamaze instructor: "Welcome to Kvetching and Streching, a lamaze class tailored for Jewish couples...."
Diane to Billy: "We're not Jewish."
Billy: "So we'll ignore that part."
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88. (4-18) "Liver, Hold the Mushrooms" 3/11/98
89. (4-19) "Waging Bull" 3/18/98
Wilkes: Look! Don Rickles!
Watters: That's not Don Rickles."
Shutt: I have an Aunt that looks more like Don Rickles.

Phillip: How are you doing?
Aaron: I'm up.
Keith: My advise is you quit while you're ahead.
Aaron: Yeah God forbid, I don't wanna be the next Jack McNeil.
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Phillip: Maybe we should check if he's in his room.
Aaron: Well honestly Phillip, the only Jack I feel like looking for has a black infront of it.
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90. (4-20) "Objects are Closer than They Appear"
Kronk: All right. But I'll tell you something, if your water breaks on one of these patients I'm gonna act like I don't know ya.

Kate: ... we can do lunch huh? How's that sound?
Sarah: Mom?
Kate: Um-huh
Sarah: When am I gonna get pubic hair?
Kate: Excuse me?
Sarah: I mean does it all just show up or does it come a little at a time?
Kate: Um, Sarah where is this coming from?
Sarah: Sex ed. were learning about puberty.
Kate: Sex ed! Already.
Sarah: Mom I'm 10 years old you signed the permission slip remember?
Kate: but Honey
Sarah: So when am I gonna get hairy?
Kate: In a few years probably, okay but you know sweetie it's a totally natural normal thing.
Sarah: If it's so natural why do you always shave your armpits?

Coroner: Are we done or should my seconds be contacting your seconds?
Keith: Look I'm under a lot of pressure right now.
Coroner: And I'm not? (He walks away)
Keith: You work on dead people you putz.
submitted by Veena

Jack: Good morning Dr. Catera (Walks away)
Lisa: What's with him?
Phillip: He's depersonalizing
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Coroner: You're begging for a law suit Dr. Wilkes.
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Jack: It sounds so simple, someone loves you, you love them. Doesn't take a genius to do it.
Lisa: I know.
Jack: What's your IQ?
Lisa: 140, 150.
Jack: Same. So we're both geniuses.
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Billy to Diane: Well after 2 hours of labour you're probably going ot dump me for the anesthesiologist.
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Diane: I could do without 12 hours of excrutiating pain.
Billy: 12 hours if you're lucky.
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91. (4-21) "Deliverance" 4/1/98
Joe: Hey Diane what's with the pillow?
Diane: Hemorrhoides
Joe: (laughs)
Diane: What you think thats funny , you think hemroids are funny? Well they're not. Its someone sticking a hot pocker up your rear-end, add to that varacose veins and I'm not just talking about the ones in your legs, siattica, sore boobs, a total inability to sleep at night and you got yourself a real laugh riot there don't ya Joe
(gives him a dirty look)
Billy: that is my life everyday!
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Diane: "Is it to late to change my mind?"
Aaron: "Diane, if I could have this baby for you, I would."
Diane: "Screw off, Aaron."
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92. (4-22) "Bridge Over Troubled Watters 4/8/98
93. (4-23) "Risky Business" 4/29/98
Billy: Are you telling me that this woman is sucked under water by a giant ocean liner and somehow the necklace manages to stay in her pocket?
Aaron: I believe that part was historically documented.
Keith: OK, well what about that hand in the back of the car? What position was that woman at?
Billy: The ship is going down, people are running around, dying all around her, she stops like: "This is where we met!"
Aaron: You are hopeless cynics.
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Dennis: What do you know about little boys who dress up like girls?
Aaron: Not a whole lot, thank God.
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94. (4-24) "Absent Without Leave" 5/6/98
Aaron: "I thought we were having fun!"

95. (4-25) "Physician, Heal Thyself" 5/13/98
Billy: "In decibles, she's second only to Metallica."
submitted by Stephanie