Rebecca's Favorite George Quotes

"The first time I saw a bra for some reason I was totally enthralled. My best friend's mother's bra was hanging on a shower rod. I picked it up and at the moment I knew I liked it very much."

"You know if there were Pigmen. I would look a lot better! When someone was setting me up they would say "at least he is not a Pigman.""

"I'm a great quitter. One of the things I do well."

"I lived my whole life in shame! Why should I die with dignity?"

"If you can't say anything bad about a relationship, don't say anything at all."

"I'm a little scared of Elaine. One time I was late picking her up because I was buying a Panama hat and she took the hat and pulled down on it and my head popped through the top."

"Double parking is not part of a society! It is an anarchy!"

"So what has it come to when you show up without anything at a dinner party? Do they say "Where's your wine? Get out!""

"Pepsi and Ringdings are much better to bring than wine and a cake. I bet people would walk up to me and say "Just between us I am really enjoying the Ringdings""

"George is getting upset!"

"Independant George is dying and you are just sitting back and letting it happen!"

"You're killing Independant George!"

"I had to eat at Reggie's Jerry.....REGGIE'S!"

"What if he left you a used Kleenex what is that a Valentine?"

"Everyone else has a nice quiet suit and I'm swishing around everywhere!"

"I was the leader to safety!"-George "But you yelled "Get out of my way!""-his girlfriend

"How can you live with yourself?"-fireman "It's not easy."-George

"George is getting frustrated!"

"You're a cool and under control guy...like me"

"Hi Georgie what are you doing?"-his girlfrind "You don't wanna know." *ironing pants*-George

"I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy!"

"Dating a convict is great! I have virtually no competition and I always know where she is."

"I got it from the Institute!"

"Aren't you going to tell your parents you're alive?"-Jerry "No they could use the break."-George

"After the accident I crawled into a ditch and survived on puddle water."

"The man in the cape has something to do with this! I just know it! I don't trust people in capes!"

"What about the Drake?"-Kramer "OH SCREW THE DRAKE!"-George

"The wheelchair is totalled!"-Kramer "You mean she doesn't have collision insurance?"-George

"She must be one of these spoiled crippled people to have a motorized wheelchair!"

"Jerk Store would have smoked that guy!"

"It's not a lie if you believe."

"For I am Costanza, lord of the idiots!"

"I solve problems that's just what I do."

"I flew too close to the sun on the wings of pastrami"

"Did you see the way she pointed at the check? She gave me the finger!"

"That is the way high society eats their candy bars with a fork and knife"-George "How do you know?"-Jerry "Do you think I eat all my meals with you?"-George

"George likes his chicken spicy!"

"The sea was angry that day my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli."

"If I were running for office, I would ask for the death penalty for double parkers!"

"Steinbrenner had me commited....they took away my belt! I have nothing to hold my pants up! You've gotta help me Jerry!"

"I'm finally going to make a fine entrance!"-George "You've made some fine exits"-Jerry

"Is it safe to drink diluted bleach?"-Jerry "No burns the throat."-George

"I don't know who did it, how they did it, or why they did it and Jimmy Crackcorn and I don't care!"

"So I'm Neil! I out-Neiled Neil! I'm going over to see Danielle's; there's a new Neil in town!"

"What if he is Neil Armstrong?"-Jerry "Then I'm going to Mars!"-George "What if he is Neil Diamond"-Jerry "Jerry shut up!"-George

"So we meet at last. I must say I admire your skills....Mr Peanut."

"Danielle don't leave me! I'll burn myself! I'll burn my parents!"

"I'm like a commercial jingle. At first I am a little irritating. Then by the third date it is "Byyy Mennan""

(George's answering machine) *singing* "Believe it or not George isn't at home please leave your message at the beep. I'm not at home or I'd pick up the phone where could I be? Believe it or not I'm not hoooooome."

"These are not horror stories my friends. Just the true stories of the life of a short, stalky, slow-witted bald man."

"I love a good nap it's the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning."

"I love that bathroom. It has that high toilet I feel like a gargoyle perched on the ledge of a building."

"I have been handicapped all my life and I am just now getting the attention I deserve for it."

"Banya is the voice of a new generation! MY generation!"-George "We're four months apart."-Jerry

"If you look annoyed all the time people think you're busy."

"Just admitting a man is handsome doesn't make you a homosexual."-Elaine "It doesn't help."-George

"So maybe it will be fun having a pet?"-Jerry "It's not a pet it's a wild invalid! It knows I tried to kill it as soon as it gets better it's going to knawl my brain out in my sleep!"-George

"Don't look this is the part where they change my diaper."-George "You're like 8 years old!"-Jerry "SEVEN AND ONE HALF!"-George

"These are not scraps! They are the remains of a once great society of hair!"

"Were you talking about me?"-George "NO!"-Elaine, Kramer and Jerry "SOMETHING is going on!"-George

"Shhh I have to focus I'm shifting into soup mode."

"That's right pigeons laugh it up! I'm about to get in my car now and last I heard we had NO DEAL!"

"You've really lost a lot of hair since then."-photo store guy "I'm AWARE!"-George

"She's one step above working at the Clinique counter!"

"When you buy a big salad it would be nice if they know it."

"Because of that stupid rye bread I have to keep them seperated for the rest of my life!"

"Alright! Alright! LET'S NOT GET INTO PANIC MODE!!"

"For $50 I would put my face in their soup and blow!"

"We're living in a society that is supposed to act in a CIVILIZED WAY!"

"I'm not good at these things I get all flustered. Once I tried to bribe an usher at the roller derby and almost got arrested."

"I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable."

"She's bald!"-George "Bald?"-Elaine "BALD!!! BALD!!!"-George

*singing* Everybody's talkin' at me....can't hear a word they're sayin'....'cause I'm driving around in Jon Voit's car...."

"I threw up all night! It was like my own personal Crying Game"

"Mom I think we really need to be in front of a TV set. You take TV out of this relationship and it is just torture..."

"I guess you can take anything but actual work."-Jerry "BRING IT ON!"-George

"I had just gotten out of the pool and there had been significant shrinkage. If she thinks that is the real me SHE'S WAY OFF!"

"Since when are you writing?"-Jerry "We are talking about a sitcom!"-George

"Thick lustrous hair is very important to me."

"I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate I've got it all!"

"Bald men with no job and who live with their parents don't approach strange women."

"I was alone. I started looking through Glamour and one thing led to another then my mom walks in and says "GEORGIE MY GOD!" and she starts to fall. I couldn't run over and catch her because I had to zip up first! She threw out her back and all the way to the hospital she kept asking "WHY GEORGIE? WHY?"

"I think he is saying Son of Sam! I knew it wasn't Berkawitz!"

"She doesn't react well to disappointment unlike me."

"I think I'm having a heart attack!"-George "I told you not to watch that heart attack documentary on PBS!"-Jerry "Well nothing else was on!"-George

"I could do my taxes by the time it takes me to have an orgasm!"

"You can't abandon someone at the airport! It's a legally binding social pick up!"

"Festivus is your heritage! It has made you what you are today!"-Frank "That's why I hate it..."-George

"I guarentee you Moses picked his nose. 40 years wandering through the dry desert air and he never needed a cleaning out?"

"Today is your lucky day!"-Elaine "It would be my first..."-George

"I'm not O'Brien! I'm not O'Brien!!!!"

"I don't think I'm special! My mother always told me I wasn't!"

"In the 20's and 30's men wore hats all the time."-Elaine "What a bald paradise that must have been. Nobody knew."-George

"Parking in a garage is like going to a prostitute. Why should I pay when if I try hard enough I can get it for free?"

"I just said something! I didn't know you would actually listen to me!"

"I'm starving! I can feel my stomach sinking back into my spine!"

"Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch!"

"A story must have a foundation otherwise it's just masturbation."

"I'm not a prude sweetheart! I can swing with the best of 'em!"

"I'm not good at these kind of things. My grandmother died two months early because of the way I reacted in the hospital."

"Of course I've seen someone in a bubble! My cousin's in a bubble, it runs in the family."

"What's the worst you could do? So what, I burnt down a house!"

"This is not fair! I've been lying to you all for the past 3 days and now you all are screwing me over!"

"What kind of therapist are you?!"-George "You need to learn how to handle criticism"-therapist "How's this for criticism? You stink! You know what's funny? That diploma on the wall!"-George

"I snubbed women for a year. I've never seen such happy people."

"I don't want to be remembered. I want to be forgotten."

"Wheelchairs! Engagement gifts! It never ends!"

"So now we have to buy an engagement gift? Next they'll get married and that requires a gift. Then they will have a baby and that requires a gift. Then the kid will have birthdays! It never ends!"

"God won't let me be successful."-George "I thought you didn't believe in God?"-therapist "I do for the bad things!"-George

"Converting to a new religion is a big step. Why Lathian Orthodox?"-Jerry "Why should I care?"-George

"Pretty soon I will be Brother Costanza."-George "What does Mother Costanza say about this?"-Jerry "Mother Costanza has taken a vow of silence."-George

"Are you ready?"-priest "Yes Fat-er"-George "Did you just call me Fat-er?"-priest "Sorry Father I'm a little nervous."-George

"She gave it to charity."-Elaine "How could anyone be so selfish?!"-George

"This is nothing to me. My whole life is a lie."

"Everybody has to like me! I must be liked!"

"I think someone needs to tell the newspapers any news about China isn't an instant page turner."

"Do chickens have individual personalities? If chickens have individual personalities I don't think we should be eating them."

"I bet you're warm up there bubble boy!"-Jerry "I bet you wished you had this coat!!!"-George

"This coat is 100% gortex."

"How can you read Penthouse? None of that stuff is real!"-George "Oh it's real!"-Kramer "Well there must be a large percentage of the population having threesomes with amputess!"-George

"I hate going to see dying people. I can't hide my pity. And I'm always afraid they'll tell me what they really think of me. What do they have to lose?"

"Like I don't know I'm pathetic!"

"All I want is my 75 cents back, an apology, and for him to be fired!"

"I hate the condom I can never get the package open in time."

"What's good for the goose is good for the gander."-Jerry "What the hell is a gander anyway?"-George

"I like christian rock it's very positive. It's not like those real musicians who think they're so cool and hip!"

"I hate people who use the term "it's me"! It's so egotistic! It's like those hip musicians with those complicated shoes!"

"If we were flying over the Andes and our plane crashed would you eat me first?"-George "Why are we flying over the Andes?"-Jerry "We have a soccer game in Chile. So would you eat me first?"-George "I would eat Kramer."-Jerry "Why? I'm plump and juicy!"-George "Kramer has a higher muscle mass which means higher protein content."-Jerry "I can't believe you wouldn't eat me! I'm your best friend!"-George "If other people are eating you I'll try some!"-Jerry "Thank you...but I'm still insulted."-George

"I can't have sex."-Theresa "With me or in general?"-George

"Look at my eyes!"-George "A little less beady today."-Jerry "BECAUSE I'm refreshed! I found a perfect way to nap in my office...under my desk!"-George

"All names sound strange when you first hear them. Do you think anyone liked Blanche the first time they heard it? Seven is the perfect name!"

"Why don't you name your girl Soda?"

"You can't use Seven that's my name!"-George "Do you mind I'm in labor here!"-Susan's cousin "How about Eight? FOURTEEN!"-George "I'm going with Seven!"-Susan's cousin "SEVVVVVENNNNN! SEVVVVVENNNN!"-George

"Seven's got cache baby! Cache up the yin yang!"

"Can you imagine ME being anyone's type?!"

"I have to get out of this! The wedding is next month! I know I'll take a plane somewhere and maybe it will crash!"-George "That's like a million to one chance!"-Jerry "WELL IT'S HOPE!"-George

"If it wasn't for the toilet there would be no books."

"What's so great about a mom and pop store? If my mom and pop ran a store I wouldn't shop there."

MY FAVORITE GEORGE QUOTE- "I wouldn't have said a word if it was a normal size salad. BUT YOU HAD TO HAVE THE BIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGG SALAD!"

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