by Joan R.
Brenda awoke before Jax. She stretched, then turned to watch him as she slept. She decided to let him stay asleep a little while longer. She quickly, but quietly got up from the bed. In the bathroom she changed out of yesterday's clothes and put on a robe. She managed to negotiate the steps to the living room in silence. Mmmm, coffee sounded good. She went off to the kitchen to assemble the necessary ingredients. She thought she heard a knock at the front door, but decided it must have been something else. The clock said only 8:15. No one who knew her would expect to catch her awake this early in the morning ! No... there it was again. Someone was at the front door. She went to answer it before they became more insistant and woke Jax. She was going through a list in her mind of who would come around this early. When she opened the door, the answer left her momentarily speechless !
"Hi Brenda. I'm glad you got to come home, I know you don't like hospitals."
"Sonny ! What are you doing here. I thought we said everything we needed
to say yesterday. " Brenda just stood at the door. She was not interested
in going through this discussion again.
"Brenda, I've been thinking a lot about what you said. Do you mind if I come
in ? It's kind of awkward standing out here. " Sonny searched her face,
trying to interpret her expression.
"No Sonny, I don't think there's anything left to say. I like my life now.
I'm not interested in going backward."
"Oh c'mon Brenda, how many times have you said that ? We always end up back
together. You know that." He started to walk into the room. Brenda put
her arm up to try and stop him.
"Look Sonny, I don't know why you came here this morning, but I'm really
not interested. "
"I came because I realized that your life isn't any different, not really.
I left to protect you. It didn't accomplish that. Even now you're here alone.
I'd never leave you unprotected until I knew absolutely what happened on
the docks. I don't see Jax's car...is he off making more business deals while
you fend for yourself out here. Stupid man if you ask me. "
Brenda smiled to herself at the thought of Jax comfortably tucked into
her bed upstairs. He didn't leave her alone when she needed someone. He
never did. Thinking of Jax made her want to end this conversation
as quickly as she could to get Sonny away from the house.
"You're still not getting to the point of your visit. I'm getting cold standing
here." She pulled her robe in closer around her, hoping he'd take the
not so subtle hint and leave.
"I came to ask you to come home with me. We'll leave in an hour...maybe two,
however long you need to get ready. I know we should be together. You know
you're never going to love anyone as much we loved each other. Why fight
it anymore. I made a mistake leaving. I want to correct that, right now.
" He leaned in toward Brenda ready to kiss her.
She backed away and he followed her into the room closing the door behind him. The noise had finally caused Jax to awaken. He rolled over, looking for Brenda. When he realized she was gone, he began to focus on the voices downstairs.
"Sonny, you're not listening to me!"
Brenda held him at arm's length. How many times had he done this before.
How many times had she given in, wanting to please him. This time that thought
could not have been further from her mind. It was actually a wonderful, peaceful,
feeling not to care what Sonny wanted. She had told him how she felt at the
hospital. Nothing was different now. He kept moving in closer to her and
bent his head toward her 's as he began to wrap his arms around her.
"What's going on here ?"
Jax's voice echoed from the top of the stairs. Sonny immediately stepped
back. Brenda stiffened and moved away from Sonny. She looked up in surprise
at Jax.
"Sonny came by to ask me to go away with him, Jax"
"And what did you tell him ?" Jax looked intently from Brenda to Sonny.
Brenda gave Jax a frustrated look.
"I told him no !" She stated emphatically. Jax glared at Sonny.
"Then why are you still standing here, Corinthos ?"
Jax slowly began his descent. Sonny looked from Jax to Brenda. Seeing
Jax had caught him completely offguard. He stiffened in defense.
"So, you're playing bodyguard. Isn't it a little late. you already got her
shot. Did he tell you there's a hit out on him, Brenda. Mr. Prominent Businessman
is playing dirty and it caught up to him. How does that make you feel about
'golden boy'? You can get down off your high horse now."
Jax continued his slow advance waiting to hear Brenda's reaction.
"I already know all about that, Sonny. It doesn't change a thing between
you and me. I want you to leave."
"Brenda, what this guy can give you doesn't hold a candle to the
passion.............."
Jax interrupted his sentence. He grabbed Sonny and spun him around to
face the door. "I think Brenda made herself very clear that you aren't
welcome here. It's time to leave, Sonny."
Brenda took the cue and walked to the door, opening it just in time for
Jax to push Sonny through the opening.
"You don't know what you're walking into with him, Brenda. You'll be sorry!"
With that warning Sonny left for the safety of his waiting limo. Brenda
hoped it would be the last time she had to see him. She turned to face Jax.
"You didn't exactly need to do that, Jax. I was handling things myself."
"I know...I've just wanted to do that for the longest time. It's a guy thing.
Won't you humor me just this once ? "
He slipped his arm around her waist and gave her his best "little boy"
smile. She could never resist him for long. She wrapped her arm behind his
back. They turned back into the living room and closed the door behind them.
Once inside Jax wrapped both arms around Brenda and looked down softly into
her eyes.
"Are you going to be OK. That must have been hard for you to do. "
"It was surprisingly easy. I've had enough practice. Hopefully I'll never
have to do it again."
She rose up on her toes and gave Jax a kiss. She actually was glad, now
that it was over, that Jax had been there to witness the conversation. Maybe
now he would believe she had Sonny out of her system.
"I was making coffee when I was interrupted. Would you like a cup? I was
going to let you sleep longer. I'm sorry we woke you up. "
"No, don't worry about it. I wouldn't have missed throwing Sonny out for
anything. Besides it was lonely waking up without you there!" He returned
her kiss and added a a big hug. This day was definitely starting out right.
"Why don't you sit down, Brenda and I'll get your coffee. You're still
recouperating. And I do kind of like the chance to spoil you !"
He grinned at her and guided her to the sofa. She cuddled up in the corner and laughed. "Is this your day to be the genie and grant my wishes?"
"Maybe we should wait until your all better before we start that. Besides,
I haven't had a chance to get my costume together ! You just sit here
and I'll get some breakfast for us."
Jax chuckled as he walked away. Brenda settled contentedly into her seat.
She could get used to this again. Waking up with Jax was the best. He retuned
15 minutes later with toast, juice, eggs and coffe. They lingered over breakfast,
making mindless conversation. Neither one was in a big hurry to address the
danger they both knew Jax was in. Jax insisted on doing the dishes, so he
retreated to the kitchen and Brenda sat down at the window seat. The morning
was a beautiful one, perfect for new beginnings.
Jax busied himself with the dishes while his mind continued to go over the scene he'd witnessed in the living room. Sonny and Brenda looked ready to kiss when he had spoken up. Had she wanted him to leave or did she say so only for Jax's benefit. He hated having any doubts.....but he'd been down this road before. He finished up and headed back to the living room. Brenda was staring out the window, a far away look in her eyes. He'd seen that look before, or so he thought. Many times...when Brenda was thinking about Sonny. That man would never really be gone. Jax hesitated, but Brenda sensed his arrival, turned and motioned for him to come and sit with her.
"Brenda, you looked a million miles away, just now. Are you getting a little
tired?"
"No. why do you say that."
"Well, you just had that look on your face......." his voice trailed
off.
"What look ? I was just looking out the window, that's all......just thinking."
"About..........Sonny?" The words stuck in Jax's throat. "Maybe it
would have been better if I hadn't interrupted."
"No...No, why would you say that ? I wanted him to leave."
"Are you sure? You didn't just do that for my benefit?"
"Why would you think that? How much did you hear?"
"Not much, I just woke up to voices. By the time I got my bearings, I was
standing at the top of the stairs and Sonny was about to kiss you and I just
reacted. You had that faraway look on your face just now, and I thought maybe
I should've given you more privacy."
"Ah yes" Brenda sighed. "You thought you saw 'The Sonny Look'. I guess
you did, but not it's the way you always think."
"What do you mean? " Jax was puzzled by her tone of voice. She sounded
just a little annoyed.
"Will you wait here for a few minutes?" Brenda asked
"Sure, of course I will. "
Brenda jumped up and hurried upstairs. She picked up her jeans off the
floor. She fished through the pockets until she found the folded piece of
paper. She went back downstairs and sat on the couch. She motioned for Jax
to come sit beside her. He complied, wondering what she wanted to say. She
carefully unfolded the paper and put it in Jax's hands. It was the Jack's
Cosmetics promotion she'd ripped out of the magazine in the hospital. The
caption: She'll never forget you !
"Is that the face you were talking about ?" She looked him squarely in
the eye.
"Yes, that's the one." Jax spoke quietly, remembering all the times he'd
walked in on her lost in thought about Sonny.
"I've always hated that ad. I told you that the first time I saw it, remember
?"
"Of course" Jax wondered where she was going with this.
"You said that I shouldn't be afraid to use whatever emotion works to create
the ads. I think you commented that "what man wouldn't want to be the one
who created that soulfull look.' Is that about right ?" Brenda was still
staring intently. Jax was still confused as to where this was heading. Wherever
it was , he could tell from the determination on her face that she was not
to be taken lightly.
"Yes, it's right. It was a great ad...solds tons of cosmetics." He voice
was upbeat, but slightly hesitant.
"Do you know what 'I couldn't forget' while those pictures were being taken?
"
"I think you're going to tell me I don't know......is that right" He was
slightly challenging her now. His defenses springing to life.
"Yes. I was thinking about Sonny and Lily. The photographer made the comment
about having 'a life women would die for'. That's what I was thinking about.
About Lily dying. About my part in it."
"I know, we talked about that later, after you had that nightmare."
"I tried to talk about it. You told me not to dwell on it. That it
wasn't my fault. You never really let me finish my thoughts."
"I didn't think it served any purpose to keep digging up the past, Brenda."
"I did for me. There were so many things I needed to put into perspective.
That's the way I do it...by talking. When I married you, my life changed
so dramatically. I began to look at things so differently. I needed to talk
about them to help me sort through them. You were so good at listening to
everything except thoughts about Sonny. I think you missed knowing how much
my feelings for him had changed."
Jax looked away momentarily. He knew she was right. He didn't ever like
Sonny's name coming up. He especially hated it when Brenda would defend him.
He looked back up at her and laid the photo on the coffee table. He took
Brenda's hands in his.
"I hadn't really thought of it like that. It just always seemed to upset
you to talk about him and I didn't want you to feel you had to explain everything
in the past."
"Were you ever even curious what happened when I'd see Sonny ?"
Jax took a deep breath. He wasn't sure how he should answer her questions.
He remembered their promise of 'no secrets'. His thoughts weren't really
secrets, but maybe this was the right time to put all the cards on the
table.
"The night we found out about Lily was really hard. Once you came home, though,
I thought things would be ok. I knew you could just as easily have left and
gone back to Sonny. I relaxed a bit after that until I heard you tell Robin
about seeing Sonny after the nurses' ball. You told her how much he meant
to you. I guess that's when I knew I had a long road to go before we'd be
really be a couple."
His comment about hearing her talk to Robin caught Brenda off guard. She
thought back to that moment and smiled. She reached up and stroked Jax'
cheek.
"I guess that explains that strange conversation we had after Robin left.
I wish you would have told me that you overheard us. Maybe we should talk
about it now. Is that OK with you ?"
"Yes. That's fine"
"You don't have to look so worried. It's not going to be all bad, I promise."
Brenda leaned forward and gently kissed Jax. He relaxed and slowly exhaled.
it felt like he'd been holding his breath forever. He hadn't even realized
it until that moment.