by Joan R.
Brenda was just nodding off when a soft knock on the door brought her back to attention. She fully expected it to be a nurse. It didn't seem like it had been long enough for Jax to go home, change, and come back. Besides, he wasn't the type to knock. He knew he was welcome to just walk in.
"C'mon in ! I'm awake" Brenda called.
"Hello Love...I was hoping I might find Jax here."
Jane Jacks slowly tucked her head around the edge of the door. She'd been
looking for Jax and was sorry that instead she was disturbing Brenda. She
wasn't sure whether she should enter or just ask about Jax and leave again.
Brenda made the decision for her.
"Hi Jane.... Jax went home to change. I'm expecting him back before too long.
Please come in. "
Brenda was just as hesitant as Jane, perhaps more so. After all Brenda
had been the one to turn her back on Jax and run to Sonny. This was the first
time the two women would be face to face. Anything could happen. Brenda spoke
first........
"I suppose you heard about the commotion on the docks yesterday. Jax is fine."
"Yes Brenda. John and I were trying to get to Port Charles for the party,
but were delayed. We flew in this morning to the news that there had been
a shooting. Information has been sketchy. We were told Jax was at the hospital.
It wasn't until I got here that we found out you'd been hurt. How are you
doing ? "
One could almost cut the tension with a knife. Jane didn't want Brenda
to be injured, but no one really had answers for what had happened. Was the
shooting really meant for Jax? Or was it possible that Jax was the bystander
? The women continued their dance of caution.
"I'm doing pretty well actually. I was only grazed by the bullet....on my
shoulder. I had a slight concussion from a crate I fell against. Everything
seems to be in order though. The doctors say I might be able to go home this
evening....I hate being in a hospital."
"It's not my favorite spot to pass the hours, either. John decided to check
things out with the police, while I came here. I don't think he's too anxious
to set foot in here again. "
Brenda knew that the memory of John's heart attack was a painful one.
That whole week had been a disaster. What had started with such promise had
spiralled downward so quickly and so far they could never have imagined.
"How is John doing. Does he still fight you about the diet ? I'm sure the
exercise is no problem. Do any of the Jax men ever stay still for long ?
"
The two women laughed at Brenda's final comment. Life with the Jax "boys",
all three of them, could never be considered dull !
"As I told you on the phone last month, John can huff and puff and cause
a big stir over things, but I usually get my way in the end. I intend to
keep him around for a very long time. He'll probably always be adjusting,
but truth be told, he enjoys being looked after and spoiled. " Both women
smiled.
"I think Jax is the same way, but you'll never hear him admit it. I want
to thank you Jane for telling me about the Ned Kelley books that Jax used
to read. I gave him a set of three and he seemed to enjoy the gift."
Brenda decided since Jane was still sitting down that perhaps this
was a good time to comment on their last phone exchange. There was so much
left unsaid between them. The call had been so awkward to make, but who better
to know Jax's favorite childhood memories. Jane had been polite, but had
kept the conversation short. Brenda had been afraid to push. It was enough
that Jane hadn't hung up when she heard Brenda's voice. Maybe this could
be the right time to try and mend more fences. Brenda had so longed for the
parents that John and Jane had only just begun to be in her life. She was
learning every day how far reaching consequences can be. She didn't spend
too much time in the past thinking beyond herself and what she wanted to
do, or have, next. Being left in Sonny's wake after the wedding had taught
her to think about all the people she'd left in hers. It was very sobering
and had brought her to the edge of a breakdown. But she had decided to live
life again and now was the right time to see if Jane might still want a place
in it.
" Jane, I want to thank you for taking my call. I know you could've just
hung up the phone....and I would have understood. I knew that I had hurt
Jax by going back to Sonny. I want to make it up to him somehow, because
he has never turned his back on me. I don't know what the future holds, but
I can't imagine it without Jax. I don't want to imagine it without you and
John...but I do understand that my wishes are not the only important ones.
I know you came here today to see Jax, but I'm glad you've stayed to talk
with me. "
Brenda paused, not sure if she should continue. She was sure that she
had no magic words that could undo all the pain. She wasn't sure how to move
on. It wouldn't be her decision alone.
Brenda had been blessed with wonderful in-laws. Jane was stuggling with conflict between parent and friend. The part of her that was Jax's mother was none to quick to forgive and forget Brenda's betrayal. The woman she is understood Brenda far better than Brenda would ever know...at least that was Jane's hope. Jane remebered well being young and impulsive. She herself had been drawn to reckless men, after all she'd married John. Life for them had not always been the idyllic scene that Brenda was privvy to. She had no desire to recount details at this moment, but neither was she interested in holding Brenda a hostage to her past. She struggled to find the apprpriate words.
"I'm encouraged that you 'can't imagine the future without Jax'. I hope you
are truly sincere in that thought. I know my son loves you. He wouldn't be
Port Charles if he didn't. John and were quite surprised he stayed after
you announced your engagement to Corinthos. We tried to talk him into
relocating...he always had some reason not to. I can only assume it was you.
I have no idea what the future holds for the two of you, or even what Jax
is thinking now. I just know that he is here, that he loves you, and that
he married you and brought you into our family. I know I wasn't quick to
welcome you with open arms, but when I saw how happy you made the boy and
the contentment that swept over him in your presence, I couldn't deny your
place in our family. We are far from perfect and lord knows we've all made
our share of mistakes. The one thing we are, above all else, is loyal to
each other. I will be loyal to the decisions that you make with Jax as to
your position in our family. You must understand that in my opinion, for
you to have a future with Jax, there can be no place in your future for
Corinthos. I can't imagine that Jax would open himself up for the pain of
watching you walk away again. He deserves so much more !"
Jane paused in her thoughts. It was not her intention to intrude or instruct. She had learned to cope with her anger for Brenda. She felt the tide had turned and that Brenda had a clearer focus now. She had no desire to say anything that impeded that progress.
"Listen to Jax, Brenda . He'll tell you what he needs. I remember his face
the first time he brought you to Alaska. Anytime you were near he just beamed.
It was as if he was smiling with every part of his face. He was so proud
that you had chosen him. I saw that same look on your face, the day we arrived
in Port Charles for the wedding. I've never seen you so radiant, or so happy.
If the two of you can find that place again, I can't imagine anything nicer.
But it is your choice....the both of you.. together. That love can last a
lfetime. "
Brenda was fighting back the tears. She'd been so nervous going to Alaska.
Jane had seemed so gruff, if one can use that term for a woman. She'd been
so sure Jane would deem her unfit for the "favorite son"....but she'd come
around. Now, Jane sat in this hospital room, choosing not to scold or judge,
but to accept Brenda. Jane didn't dismiss her faults, but challenged her
to rise above them. Like mother, like son....That's all Jax had ever asked
of her..... to challenge herself to be the best Brenda she could be.
"I'm sorry you still haven't caught up with Jax, Jane.........but I really
appreciate that you took this time to talk with me. I hope it won't be the
last. Thank you for talking with me about Jax. I have no intention of hurting
him ever again. I do understand that it will take time for him , as well
as you and John, to trust that. I hope we'll get that time. "
"We will, Brenda. Now, I think I'd better let you get some rest or Jax will
have a few words for me !! I think I'll go find a phone and dial up John's
cellphone. I can only guess where he is by now !"
"Go ahead and use the phone right here." Brenda struggled to sit up, but
her aching body fought back.
"No, you get some rest....it may take awile to track him down. I'll see you
again before we leave Port Charles."
Jane smiled, reached over and smoothed Brenda's hair, then gave her hand
a quick squeeze. Brenda sighed, she wasn't ready to lose this mother....
now maybe she wouldn't have to. She needed to talk with Jax. She wondered
what he'd found out about the docks. Did he know his parents were in town
yet? Why wasn't he back yet ? Was he alright !!! No, she thought, calm
down....you want to get out of here remember ?!?...................