by Joan R.
Brenda tossed her magazine on the floor. Jax had settled into his chair, keeping it slightly away from the bed. He leaned back, pulling his left ankle up over his right knee. Interesting, Brenda thought, an open stance but he's keeping his distance. It wasn't exactly the greeting she'd been expecting. She scooted closer to the edge of the bed, trying to bridge some of the space between them, though instinctively drawing her legs up underneath her for protection.
"Why don't you tell me about your visitors." Jax tentatively began the
conversation.
"Your Mom came by, not too long after you left ! I was surprised to see her.
You didn't tell me they were coming for the Docks Renovation Party."
"Well, you know Mum and Dad, one never knows until they actually arrive where
they'll be. I knew they were trying to get here."
"It was a big day for J&J Jacks. I'm glad they wanted to be here for
all the festivities. Too bad things got so out of hand. Is there any word
yet on what happened? Do the police have any suspects in the shooting ? "
"I don't know Brenda. To tell you the truth I've been running around and
not in touch with anyone. There will be time later, I s'pose, to sort things
out. I'm just glad you seem to be bouncing back pretty fast. I'm very grateful
you weren't more seriously hurt. I'd never forgive myself if........"
"Don't even go there, Jax ! I know you would never knowingly put me in harm's
way. We'll find out what was really going on and make sure the people behind
it are dealt with properly. There were a lot of important people there and
any one of them could have been a target. I have to admit, I never need to
hear another gunshot in my life. I truly thought those days were over. Getting
back to the original subject, Jax , did your mother ever find you?"
"Yeah, I saw her out in the hall when I was on my way back up here to see
you. We talked for a bit in the waiting area and now she's off to look for
Dad."
Jax was frustrated with this small talk. Why didn't Brenda just tell him
about her visit with Sonny. He didn't want to bring up the subject because
he wasn't quite ready to explain that he had asked Sonny to come back to
Port Charles. A part of him didn't want to know about it either, the hug
was far more than he wanted to see. Would Sonny have mentioned Jax's part
in the reunion? He doubted it, although maybe he'd found a way to twist it
into some criticism of Jax. That certainly was one of Sonny's favorite pasttimes
!
Brenda was just as nervous. How should she bring up Sonny's visit. Jax hated
him. He always tried to change the subject whenever Brenda mentioned him,
but she needed to talk about him now. Jane's words stayed in her mind '.....there
can be no place in your future for Corinthos. Talk to Jax......'. Brenda
knew that for she and Jax to have a future the issue of Sonny had to be put
to rest. Never had she felt so much pressure to find the perfect words. Their
life together depended on it.
"I had one visitor today that was a total surprise. I don't think you're
going to like it." Brenda spoke slowly, watching Jax carefully as she
spoke.
Jax shifted slightly in his chair, trying not to disclose that he knew
what was coming. Well... he didn't absolutely know what was coming
and he hated that. In business he worked very hard to avoid surprises. Know
your opponent...that was his motto. But Brenda was no opponent. As hard as
he tried to deny it, she was a part of him.
"Well, I guess that means Julia didn't make a last minute flight to the states.
" Jax tried to inject a little humor. His attempt was feeble at best,
as Brenda nibbled at her lower lip trying to decide what to say. There were
no perfect words she decided, just complete honesty.
"I was reading that magazine earlier and just when I started drifting off
Sonny walked into the room."
She waited for Jax to react. He tried very hard not to move. How strange
Brenda thought. She at least expected him to say "Who?!" Jax just sat there,
incredibly stoic.
"He said he heard about the shooting and wanted to see if I was ok. "
"What did you tell him ?" Jax queried.
"What did I tell him?? What is the matter with you ! I tell you Sonny Corinthos
was here and you sit there like a statue and ask me what I told him ! Have
I slipped into the Twilight Zone ?!" Brenda was incredulous. "I've
got to get out of here. This place is messing with my mind !"
Brenda had been playing this scene over in her mind ever since Sonny left. She'd prepared for Jax to rant and rave a bit, even want to call the police and get them on Sonny's trail. But she was not prepared for this indifference. Had things changed so much between them that Jax didn't care anymore if Sonny came around. They hadn't discussed him by name, only that she'd chosen someone over Jax. Maybe Jax had resigned himself to only staying friends. Maybe their date for the party was only a casual evening for him. Brenda sat back on the bed, stretching her legs out in front of her. She grabbed one of her pillows and hugged it to her chest. Her mind was racing.
"Actually, I told him if he was worried about my health and safety he was
about six months too late. Then he tried to explain that he left me at the
altar because he really loved me and I told him it didn't feel like that
to me and then....Why are you just sittling there like that !!??" Brenda
frustration was turning into anger. "Don't you have anything to say ?"
She almost screamed at Jax.
"I guess I knew it was only a matter of time until he showed up again. I
always knew he'd come back for you. " Jax looked away from Brenda.
"And how would you know that, Jax. He's the one who left me standing in the
church by myself. I was going to go with him then. If he didn't want me then,
why should he come back for me later?"
"I knew he would because the one thing we have in common is that we both
love you. "
"Well, you're doing a pretty good job of resisting me here in town, why wouldn't
he resist from wherever he's been hiding. " Brenda's sarcasm made Jax
cringe. He didn't want her thinking about herself that way. Resisting her
advances was one of the hardest things he'd ever done.
Brenda's mind was still racing. This isn't what she wanted to be saying to
Jax. Fighting with him wasn't going to bring them closer. Why couldn't Sonny
have just stayed hidden away where she'd never have to deal with him again.
This is the way it had always been with Sonny, they were never in the same
place at the same time. She wasn't going to keep playing out this scene forever.
Something was still wrong. Why was she the one losing control ? She'd said
goodby to Sonny just hours before. It was final. She was sure. Her attention
turned back to Jax. He was still so calm, but he looked so uncomfortable.
It was like he knew that Sonny........ oh no....
"You already knew." It was a quiet statement of fact. " You knew Sonny
came to see me. How did you know that, Jax?" Brenda suddenly felt ambushed.
What had happened while she'd been sleeping.
"Yes, Brenda. I knew he was here." The words were barely audible. Jax
reached up and ran his hands through his hair. He need to break eye contact.
He couldn't begin to describe the look he saw in Brenda's eyes. It was a
strange mix of hurt, confusion and anger. He'd definitely never seen it before.
"You're leaving out the part about how you knew." Brenda was not
going to be deterred from getting the answer to her question.
"I asked him to come."
"I don't understand why." Brenda was too tired to fight. Her eyes looked
pleadingly at Jax. " You told me you would never be the one to
look for him. How long have you known where he was? From the beginning? Why
would you think I'd want to see him. Is this some kind of test or......or....what
Jax? Do you have any idea how I felt having him just ...show up... in this
room today?" It was so hard to put her thoughts into words. It was harder
still to believe Jax had a part in this meeting.
"I was here with you last night. You kept going in and out of conciousness,
Brenda. I was so worried about you. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to be
here when you woke up, so you wouldn't be alone." Jax paused. He'd had
the best intentions, how could everything have gone so wrong in only 24 hours?
He looked back at Brenda. She was waiting for him to continue, hugging her
pillow so tightly.
"You had some spells where you were very agitated and you were mumbling.
I moved closer to try and talk to you. I thought you might be coming around."
Jax took a deep, slow breath. He remembered the moment as if it had just
happened. "You were calling Sonny's name. I just thought.....that he
was who you'd want to see when you woke up."
Jax slowly exhaled and slumped back into his chair. It was his turn to
wait...for Brenda's response.
"So...you made a major decision about my life based on some sensless rambling
? Did you even think about talking it over with me first ? "
Jax looked up and half a smile shot quickly across his face.
"That's exacly what my mother said."
"Jane knew about this arrangement, too ?!"
"No..No...I didn't see her until just before I came in here. It was after
Sonny was here. If it makes you feel any better, she had a few stern words
for me."
"The only things I remember after the shooting were just sights and sound.
I could hear voices and sirens." Brenda thought hard to recall the night.
She knew she'd made it to the hospital, but so much was still a jumble.
"I remember the hospital room and doctors talking. Then some scenes of
......blood...a car, shots. everything felt like death. If I was saying Sonny's
name it's because he' s associated with all the times I've been in danger.
The hit and run, the cave, being shot at in the shower. The shooting yesterday
probably brought all of that back into my mind."
Brenda was just staring down at the bed, the memories obviously painful.
Jax reached out to hold her hand. She drew hers back, away from him.
"I'm sorry. You're right, of course. I should have waited. I should have
asked you what you needed."
Brenda looked up again. She had more questions that needed to be asked.
"I thought we were getting close again these last few months. I know we kept
saying that we were just friends, but I think it always went much deeper
than that. When I asked you to marry me last month, I would have happily
followed through on that. When I told you I loved you on my birthday, I meant
it with my whole heart. You can't trust any of that, can you?"
"You told me you loved me before Brenda. But you still went back to Sonny.
He was always there. It was only a matter of time until he came back again."
"So you don't really think I've changed. Do you just think I'm in denial
? That my feelings for you are just displaced love for Sonny ? I guess I
don't blame you. I know I hurt you when I left. I don't know Jax. Maybe I'm
fighting a losing battle here. Maybe it's time we moved on."
That last sentence brought Jax to attention. It was not what he expected
to hear. He wasn't at all clear on what happened during Sonny's visit, but
completely ending his relationship with Brenda hadn't crossed his mind. He
struggled for something....anything to say, but the words wouldn't come.
A knock at the door broke the incredible tesion between them. Brenda looked away from Jax fighting the tears forming in her eyes. Her doctor walked in, carring her release papers.
"I need you to sign these and then you're a free woman ! There are some sheets
there about symptoms to watch for after a head injury. Please read through
them, then initial the last page. Take the instructions with you and leave
the signature page. I want to see you back here in two days so we can give
you a quick follow up exam, but everything looks ok for now. Get plenty of
rest, just take things easy for the next few days, OK. If you have any questions,
please call me. There's a wheel chair waiting for you outside. Just let the
nurse know when you're ready."
Brenda nodded in compliance. He turned and walked out of the room. A free
woman. The words echoed in her mind. How could life change so fast. Yesterday
morning she had everything she wanted in her life. Now it seemed to be collapsing
all around her. She turned to Jax....
"V brought me some clean clothes while I was waiting for you. I'm gonna go
change. Will you wait until I come out?"
"Sure, I'll be right here. Can I give you a ride home?"
Jax reached for her hand as she slipped off the bed. This time she caught his hand in hers.
Yes, I'd like that."
She paused to look at him, searching his eyes for a sign that she could make him believe in her. Everything was different now.....she was different now. She couldn't let things end like this. She would find a way to convince him........................