Left on the Cutting Room Floor-8

by Tyra

Left On The Cutting Room Floor - Episode # 8

Tuesday - May 5th - Jax

~ Time In A Bottle ~

The moonlight streaming through the penthouse window casts a rectangular pattern along the floor, over the chaise and into the curio cabinet. From there an arrow of light shot across the room and formed a small circle on the dinning room table. Out of the darkness a well-manicured finger gently traced around the perimeter of light. A heavy sigh can be heard as an empty glass is placed over the illuminated spot. As the beam bounced off the melting ice, dozens of little points of light danced along the ceiling and walls giving the room a festive ballroom effect. A solitary figure rises and crosses to his desk.

As the desk lamp glows bright, the sadness and worry etched in Jax's face is made more apparent by the shadows cast by the harsh light. He rifles through the paperwork and mail that had collected on his desk over the past two days. He throws his mail back on the desk in frustration, stands and begins pacing about the room. A repeat of the same pattern he had completed twice before.

Jax had returned home to change his clothes after what seem like and endless exercise in futility at the PC Airport. At this point he knew that the ELQ plane had to be down. He had spent the better part of the evening exhausting every resource at his disposal to find it. The airline officials had been nothing but untrained oafs. It would have been a laughable situation, had her life not depended on their competency.

Jax laughs derisively. The sound seems to harshly crash about the room. To break the deafening silence he turns on the stereo. Maybe some soft quite music would help him think. His aimless wandering takes him to the couch where he sinks heavily into its cushioned backrest. His body language screams of desperation, desolation, despair. He tugs the knot of his already loosened tie and flings it, watching it float and settle on to the opposite couch. He undoes one more button hoping that it would ease the tightness he was feeling in his throat, his chest, his heart.......

Jax shakes his head not believing that just 20 interminable hours ago he had left another of his light hearted glib messages on Brenda's machine. He was taking a last minute business trip to Sri Lanka. Actually, he had been escaping for cover. Brenda had been expecting to have a heart to heart conversation yesterday. They had been dancing around each other these past few weeks and she thought it was time for them to take the more serious mature route. She had wanted to get all their feelings and emotions out in the open. When Jax had read her note, he had almost called her right there on the spot. On further thought, he had decided to wait until they both returned to Port Charles. As the hours leading up to their 'DISCUSSION' drew closer he felt his courage wane. He had panicked and had planned to use Sri Lanka as a means to gain more time to compose his thoughts and feelings.

He restlessly begins to pace the room again, eyes darting about looking at everything, seeing nothing. Suddenly he notices his empty scotch glass, the reflected light made by the pool of melted ice glimmers like an oasis in the distance. He wanders toward the source of the light. As he passes the wall of windows he stops, and studies a single pane of glass. The window that Brenda had placed her hand on that night after dinner. He had watched her looking out, she had caressed the frame and had lightly touched this window. He had wondered what was going through her mind at that moment, she had seemed so at peace, so happy. He had been so tempted that night to walk up behind her and envelop her in his arms, and back into his life. But he had been afraid, so he had just watched. As his hand mirrored where hers had last touched, it trembled, he closed his eyes and felt the pane vibrate. Resonating with thoughts, feelings. Pictures of what they had been, flashed across his mind. "I've got to stop this" Jax whispers. He has to wrench his hand from the glass as if some magic force was holding it in place.

Jax continues to the curio cabinet and sees that the light had been reflecting off a small jewel embedded in an antique ornately carved cedar wood chest. Jax grins ruefully, "How appropriate that the moonlight would choose to shine on this tonight". He removes the chest and sets it on the table between the couches. The chest had been acquired when Brenda and he had traveled to Australia shortly after their marriage. He had wanted her to see his childhood stomping ground. Wanted her to love it as much as he. Not only did she delight in every sight she saw, but he found that he viewed familiar places with a renewed excitement seeing everything through her eyes. When he had taken her along the Great Ocean Road to the see the Twelve Apostles she had been speechless at the sight. A natural wonder, it had been carved out of the nearby cliffs by the raging surf. He even convinced her to go camping, and she had grown to enjoy it. In the Otway Ranges they explored forests, rivers, and fern gullies. They even went further into the hinterlands to see the extinct volcanic peaks. She had gamely tried everything he asked of her, loving it all. On their last day in his country they stumbled upon a little shop where Brenda had fallen in love with this little chest. The carvings depicted many of the places that they had visited. She had insisted that she wanted to have it so she would always have a little piece of his home, in their home.

Jax had asked to keep it when Brenda had left. Though she looked disappointed, she did not refuse him this one request. She had filled the chest with pictures of their past. Jax replaced the pictures with his hopes and wishes. He opened the chest and lightly ran his fingers over the contents. He first picked up a tiny perfume vial. It contained raindrops. Their evening in New Orleans had been so magical; they had danced in that rain. As Brenda slumbered in the warmth of afterglow, he had crept to the balcony and caught 2 drops of rain. He had intended to give it to her on their wedding day to symbolize the joining of two hearts, two souls, two minds.... He even remembered what he had intended to say, "As these two drops have joined into one so have we. What is mine is yours, what is yours is mine, no boundaries are formed to make one part greater than the other."

Jax next picked up a cellophane wrapped object and gently traced the writing with his finger. 'Happy Birthday Brenda' was written in script on the heart shaped cake topper. She had asked him to freeze that cake, intimating that they would enjoy it later. He had saved the top, even though she did not return. He places it on the table and picks up the next object, the champagne glasses they had toasted with after their marriage on the Isabella. As he spun the champagne flute, watching the crystal sparkle in the darkness, the melancholy notes of a piano fill the room.......

If I could put you, on top of a cake I would ice you

And keep you, wrapped up in a box to be near you

If I could, I would,

If I could touch you, again with my fingers so gently,

If I could feel you, breathing in time next to me

But the silence surrounds me, flashing memories of you,

Riding with the moon that night. I never had the chance to say,

Goodbye .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..

Goodbye .. .. ..

Lost, forever, lost to another world,

Gone, forever, but remembered it in our thoughts you are,

If I could open, the heavens above I'd be with you,

If I could hold you, again in my arms I would tell you

That I .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..

Love You .. .. .. *

As the final notes of the piano fade into silence, his lower lip begins to tremble, he bites down to hold it still. The effort causes the cords in his neck to pulse making his cheek twitch uncontrollably. He inhales sharply, swallowing the sob rising in his throat, he crumples, bracing his face in his hands. His body shudders as he attempts to control his emotions.

"What difference could one day make?" He actually had thought that! What had it been, 2 days ago? He had even told his father that they were both young, they had plenty of time to get their lives in order. Why hadn't he responded to his initial impulse and called!

Jax gestures with both hands outstretched as he looks up to the heavens.! A DAY.....24 hours.....a mere tiny fraction of a year, and his whole world had turned on its axis! His father had been right, he was a COWARD, vanquished by the fear of being hurt by a woman he loved more than life itself! Who had he been fooling? Stating for anyone who would listen that he could not, love Brenda again. He had spent the last few months keeping it platonic, pushing her back, fending off her every attempt to make him love her again. Protecting his heart? WHAT A CROCK! Did he hurt any less now, than if they had reconciled? Is the loss less massive, is the pain less agonizing, is the emptiness less vast? What a bloody fool. I've wasted the last precious moments we could have spent together. Our last days in the sun, happiness, pleasure, for what? What had been the point?

He picks up the empty glass off the table and wanders back to the couch. His eyes focus on the fireplace, and the mantelpiece above. He can't help but see the ghost of their yacht sitting there as a symbol of their happy home. If he had just taken a chance....... Jax angrily fires it at the fireplace. It shatters in an explosion of glass and melted ice. As he watches the water drip slowly down the fireplace screen, he collapses on the couch. Awash in grief, he blindly grabs for a pillow to hug to himself. His hand finds something cold and smooth. Jax picks up the genie bottle that he had left on the couch. He examines its every detail. The last gift from his love, her last message to him. He places the cool glass against his face, and plants a goodbye kiss along its base. As he gently places it in the chest, he notices another button. Different from the one he found yesterday, the other had been on the base, this one was further up the neck. What was this, a genie bottle or a jukebox? As he touches it lightly, it again begins to play......

If I could save time in a bottle

The first thing that I'd like to do

Is to save every day 'til eternity passes away

just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever

If words could make wishes come true

I'd save every day like a treasure and then

Again I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time to do the

Things you want once you find them

I've looked around enough to know that

You're the one I want to go through time with

If I had a box just for wishes

And dreams that had never come true

The box would be empty except for the memories

Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time to do the

Things you want once you find them

I've looked around enough to know

That you're the one I want to go through time with **

Jax places the bottle on the table and tries to think rationally. He takes a couple of shaky breaths, closes his eyes to concentrate on calming his breathing, slowing his heart. As he opens his eyes, he focuses on the bottle. It appeared delicate at first glance but it was actually finely crafted, sturdy, made to last.

Brenda was like that. She was ethereal to look at, but look at what she had already survived. Just since he had known her she had survived a hit and run, an avalanche, being buried alive in a cave, Tiger Key, complete mental meltdown, and sniper fire. As these thoughts calmed him, more rational thoughts began entering his mind.

Brenda never gives up, she fights for every second of life. How could he have even dared to think that she was gone. How could he have let himself fall so far in the depths of despair that he could waste precious moments that could be spent finding her. He had found her twice before, he could find her again!

He begins to strip off his shirt as he runs towards his bedroom. All he needed was a shower and a change of clothes, he pauses as he passes the window. The clouds were storming in from the coast, he could hear the thunder rumbling. He would not be deterred from his mission to find Brenda. He again touches her pane of glass, she was still alive and waiting for him to find her. He could feel her spirit tingling with life. And when he was sure she was warm, well, safe.... They would have that talk. No more delays, no more running, no more fear. He had 'looked around enough to know that Brenda was the one he wanted to go through time with'. That song was wrong in one way though; there will be 'enough time to do the things we want, once I find her'. He would find Brenda again. He was successful the first two times; he would be successful this time. And when he found her......well.... Jax dashes up the stairs with the first smile in almost a day crossing his face, 'They say that the third time's a charm!"

*Song Credits - Album - "Now In A Minute" "Silent World" - Performed by Donna Lewis

**Song Credits - Album - "Jim Croce Greatest Hits" "Time In A Bottle" - Performed by Jim Croce