*Letting Go* Chapter 28

by Shani

Julia and Brenda got up early in the morning to find Brenda a wedding dress. "I want something simple. Just a little white dress, it's going to be small." Brenda had wanted to invite all of her friends from Port Charles, but her and Jax decided maybe it would be best to keep things quiet until they figured out why Sonny decided to stay in London.
"I can't beleive my little sister's getting married." Julia stated, tears welling up in her eyes.
"I can't beleive you're actually going to be at the wedding" Brenda laughed.
"Hey I was waiting for you to find the right man..."
"Jax found me. I was lucky."
"So is he."
Brenda smiled as the clerk handed her a few dresses to try on. She walked into the dressing room and Julia sat outside. "Brenda?"
"Yeah?"
"What's going on with Jax and Jerry?"
Brenda was quiet. "It's complicated" she finally answered. "I can't get into it."
"Well, can you tell me when it started?"
"It started a long time ago....but it got really bad a couple of days ago."
"When he asked you to marry him?"
"Actually." Brenda came out in a dress. "I asked Jax to marry me. He just suggested that we get married here....what do you think?" Brenda said with a twirl. "I like it."
"It's beautiful...Brenda?"
"Oh oh...I know that *Brenda* anywhere. That means you have something to say that I won't want to here. Save it okay?" she walked back into the dressing room.
"Maybe this isn't the best time....Brenda?...I know that Jax loves you and you love him...it's just that the timing...how can I put this?"
"I'm not the only one who hides her problems behind romance. Right?" Brenda came out in another dress and looked at Julia.
But Julia didn't have to say anything.

Jax walked out of the store and into his limo. But before it drove off there was a knock on Jax's limosine window. Jax looked out the widow.
"Sir?" asked the chauffer.
"It's fine." Jax placed the ring he had bought for Brenda in his pocket. He reached over and opened the door. "Katherine."
"Good thing you're here...I was starting to worry." she said as she walked in.
"About what?"
"Well, I saw Brenda and she wasn't with you. So I wondered why she would be here....Sonny being here at the same time. So, why are you here?"
"Anything else?" Jax reached over Katherine and opened the door. "I have pressing business to attend to."
Katherine looked at him. "You and me are on the same side you know. I don't want Brenda anywhere near Sonny, just like you don't want Sonny anywhere near her." Katherine got out and closed the door.
Jax picked up his phone. "Sean. Did you see that blonde that just left here...yes that's her...I want her followed....how is Brenda?"

Brenda finished her coffee. Julia had gotten called away to a meeting so she was alone. She placed the tip on the table and walked out.
Sonny stood outside of the restaurant and waited for Katherine to meet him. He turned to look into the restaurant and saw Brenda.
Automatically she froze. Sonny walked into the restaurant. She looked around. Sonny wouldn't do anything to her in front of all of these people. "Brenda."
"Sonny."
"You look great."
"Thank you."
"Visiting Julia?"
So he knew Julia was here. "Yes."
"Where's Jax?"
"Waiting in the car."
"You're a lousy liar Brenda." Sonny said with a smile. "Don't worry. I'm not following you."
"You're a lousy liar." Brenda stated. "Excuse me." she walked past him and out of the door.
Sonny grabbed her hand and Brenda spun around. Without speaking Sonny bent down and kissed her gently on her hand. "Goodbye Brenda." he dropped her hand and looked at her. Brenda looked back at him for a second and then walked away.

Jax stood on the balcony of Julia's house, drinking lemonade, playing what Sean told him back in his head. "Katherine is with Sonny now...but there's more. Brenda was just talking to Sonny."
"I didn't ask you to give me Brenda's whereabouts."
"Julia wasn't with them...they weren't fighting. In fact they had a nice goodbye."
Jax played with Miranda's medallion for a minute and then tossed it over the balcony.
"Jax?"
Jax turned around. "Hi Brenda. Where's the dress?" Jax asked, a sinking feeling in his stomach.
"I didn't get one."
"Why? Do you need more time."
"No. I...I don't think we should get married...right now."
"Why does this sound familiar?" Jax drank some more lemonade. "Why not?"
"The timing is bad. I don't think...I don't think you really want to get married to me right now. I think you're hiding." She knew that wasn't going to go over well.
Or at least she thought.
"Fine."
"Fine?"
"Fine." Jax finished his drink and looked at Brenda. His phone started ringing so he walked back inside.
"So you think I'm right?" Brenda had been dreading this. She had expected for Jax to tell her that she didn't know what she was talking about and that he wanted to marry her tomorrow because he wanted to marry her tomorrow. This was not the reaction she was expecting.
"Okay..." Jax said into the phone before hanging up. "I have to go back to Port Charles...it seems someone is trying to sabatoge the Langston accont."

Sonny kissed Katherine before she boarded the plane. He walked back to his car.
"Mr. Corinthos?"
Sonny turned around. "What do you want?"
"Mishka wanted you to have something." the woman stated as she walked towards him. "She wanted you to know there were no hard feelings in having Jason killing her."
Sonny didn't say anything. Because he didn't have a chance to. The woman pulled out a gun and shot him 7 times, killing him almost instantly. She took the silencer off the gun and walked to a phone booth. She dialed. "It's done."
Jason hung up the phone fighting back tears. He walked back into his apartment. Then he remembered the first thing Sonny had taught him. Survival of the fittest.

"Do you think I'm right?" Brenda repeated. "You want to get married because you feel alone and scared and you think maybe if we get married now, it will bring permanance into your life. I've been there. But we don't have to get married. I'm not going anywhere. Trust me."
"Brenda if you don't think we should get married we shouldn't get married. Okay?"
"But will you at least *acknowledge* I have a point."
"Once in my life I kept something from you, and that was Miranda. I shouldn't have and I'm sorry. But I've been honest with you. And if I say I want to marry you and you can't accept that that's on you, not on me."
"This isn't about you wanting to marry me. This is about why you want to marry me now."
"Because I want to. Because I do things on the spur of the moment."
"Maybe. But that's not all of it."
"Don't psychoanalyze me." Jax went into the guest room and started to pack. Brenda followed him. "I say what I mean, and I do what I want. There's nothing more to it."
"I know you Jax. You don't always say what you want and you don't always do what you want. How many times have you bitten your tongue because you didn't want to hurt me? You tell me the truth but sometimes getting you to tell me *everything* is like pulling teeth. Maybe you don't even tell yourself *everything*"
With that statment the pressure and anger Jax had been feeling since Miranda's death came to the forefront. Jax tossed a shirt into the bag and looked at Brenda. "What is *everything*?! How am I supposed to tell myself *everything* when the people around me don't tell me *everything*?! People tell me what they think I have a right to know and they tell me what I want to hear, but they don't tell me what I have a *right* to hear! Now I asked you to marry me here in London and I've told you why...there's nothing more to it! Am I angry with Jerry and everybody else?! Yes...but I wouldn't risk our relationship by asking you to marry when I wasn't ready! Now if you don't want to get married *FINE* but do not tell me what I feel!"
"Someone does."
"WHAT?"
"Someone has to tell you what you feel or else you'll just sit there and let your feelings fester because you won't admit them until someone makes you. You sit there and tell me that you're fine and you're not. I know that you're not. You can fool yourself but you can't fool me. I *know* you."
Jax picked up his bag. "I've got to go Brenda."
"Why? Because I'm right?" Brenda knelt on the bed so she would be eye to eye with Jax. "Like when Sean told you that he saw me with Sonny you sat here and counted the hours waiting for me to come home, yet you told yourself that it wouldn't matter. But when I walked in I saw the look of releif on your face because part of you is*still* worried that I'll leave you for him one day. Because I left you before. But I am *not* leaving. And I don't need a ring on my finger to keep me with you. And now IS NOT the time for us to get married because you are WAY too angry. You just proved that a second ago."
Jax sighed deeply. He kissed Brenda on the cheek and turned towards the door.
"I knew that you'd do that. Because now you think that if we drop this now I'll never bring it up again. But I'll bring it upa again. WHEN I come back to Port Charles....Jax?"
Jax stopped.
"Did you hear what I said...I said *when*".
He turned around and looked at her. Then he grabbed his jacket off the door and left.

Shani