Jax/Brenda fanfic --- "Torn" -

Chapter 16

The Saturday of Bobbie and Jerry’s wedding was a beautiful late summer day. As Brenda entered the Church for the late afternoon ceremony, she held onto Jason Quartermaine’s arm a little tighter for support.

Brenda had doubted the wisdom of attending the wedding festivities, since it would mean close proximity to Jax. It had been two months since their break-up, but the wound was still fresh in Brenda’s heart. But Josie had called her to be sure she would be attending as a friend of the family, and Lois had also convinced her to go since she and Ned would be attending and could keep her company and keep Jason from thinking it was too serious of a "date."

Brenda and Lois had gone shopping for a dress for Brenda to wear to the wedding that would prove Josie’s point about how much Jax had lost. They had finally found what Brenda thought at the time would be a killer outfit. It was a plum dress and jacket of lace, and the lace was highlighted with gold flecks. With the tunic length jacket on, it appeared to just be a very appropriate lace dress. However, once Brenda removed the jacket, the top of the dress all but disappeared. The neckline was scooped low in front, and the back was cut down well below her waist. Rather than traditional straps, it tied in halter-fashion around her neck.

Brenda had made sure that Jason didn’t see the dress alone when he picked her up for the wedding. When she bought it, she had thought it would give her a great deal of satisfaction, making Jax eat his heart out for what he had lost. But now, Brenda realized that no matter how seductive the dress was, it wouldn’t ease the pain in her heart or bring her the love Jax said he reserved for Julia. But, it would help her put up a good front and make her look like she was getting on with her life.

She had tried to do just that, but it was harder than she thought it would be. She had even accepted Nicholas Cassidine’s invitation to attend a theater benefit, not realizing Jax would be there too. Although she didn’t realize the effect she had had on him that night, she saw him with the clingy brunette, and she wondered if he was enjoying her company in the bedroom already. When she casually glanced in the direction of their seats at the curtain call and saw they were empty, Brenda remembered their aborted date to see "Phantom." It galled her to think that perhaps Jax and the brunette bimbo had forsaken the end of the play for some "play" of their own.

Brenda’s thoughts were brought back to the present as the organ music shifted into high gear and the families of the bride and groom were escorted down the aisle. Jane Jacks looked lovely in a crème-colored brocade suit, and Josie was a knockout in a dark blue shimmery satin ensemble. John Jacks had on a dove-grey tuxedo, since the morning coats were reserved for the gentlemen in the bridal party.

` When the groom and groomsmen entered the church to wait for the bride to come down the aisle, Brenda’s breath caught in her throat. Jax was Jerry’s best man, of course, and he had on a dove-grey morning coat with grey trousers with a dark grey satin stripe down the side. His ruffled tuxedo shirt was a muted white, and he had a blue/grey ascot tie. The entire suit made his eyes take on a grey-blue shade, and she was surprised to see that they looked sad.

Bobbie had selected her former sister-in-law, Felicia Jones, as her maid of honor, so she was naturally paired up with Jax at the altar. Brenda had to shake her head for a moment at the blonde couple, since it painfully reminded her of what he and Julia might look like in the same situation. Then everyone rose for Bobbie’s walk down the aisle. She looked brilliantly happy in a pale grey charmeuse suit with a London blue ruffled satin blouse. Lucas walked her down the aisle to meet Jerry, and then he took his place in the pew with his Aunt Ruby.

When the time came for exchanging vows, Brenda couldn’t help but sneak a look at Jax. He was trying to keep a solemn face and concentrate on the ceremony at hand, but his radar had picked up Brenda’s presence as soon as he came in the church. When he saw her with Jason Quartermaine, his blood boiled again. During the vows, his mind kept wandering. He kept seeing himself exchanging vows like that someday, and he wondered what his bride would look like in a beautiful satin suit of her own, with her dark hair upswept into…. But wait, Julia was a blonde. Why did he see a brunette bride in his fantasy?

He almost missed his cue to hand the rings to the minister. Thankfully, Jerry cleared his throat loudly and Jax was brought back to reality long enough to complete his duties as best man. The bride and groom were pronounced man and wife, and there was resounding applause in the church as they sealed the vows with a kiss.

As Jax escorted Felicia back down the aisle to the waiting receiving line, his eyes strayed briefly to Brenda. She looked so small and alone, even though she was standing in a church full of people. She flashed him a weak smile, but there was no spark of life in either of their eyes.

Brenda didn’t know if she could face the prospect of the receiving line, when suddenly she felt a hand on her arm.

"Hi, girlfriend, ‘ya doin’ OK?"

Brenda almost fell into Lois’ waiting arms. "I am SO glad to see you," she whispered into Lois’ ear. She straightened up again, to see Jason giving her a funny look. "Oh, you know women and weddings," she excused herself. "We have to get together and discuss all those things men wouldn’t understand like the dresses, the flowers…. You know, fashion basics."

Jason accepted her excuse, and Ned steered him out the side door of the church. Meanwhile, Lois took Brenda by the arm and they walked out of the church together.

As they walked in the sunlight to their cars, Lois leaned over to Brenda. "So, any word from Captain Blue Eyes?"

"Why would you think I had heard from him?" Brenda asked with surprise.

"Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that he almost ate you alive with those gorgeous blue eyes of his on the way out of church."

"Lois, I think you’re imagining things," Brenda said wistfully. "I saw him at the theater the other night with another woman, and he definitely didn’t have me anywhere near his conscious thoughts."

At that very moment, Jax kept scanning the people in the receiving line, looking for Brenda. Maybe Lois was right. Maybe if he could just pull her aside and they had a chance to talk about it….

There was a sit-down dinner reception following the late afternoon ceremony, and Brenda found herself at a table with Ned and Lois and A.J. and a girl named Keesha Ward. Keesha seemed nice enough, and she certainly seemed more comfortable with A.J.’s attentions than Brenda ever had.

Now if she could just find a nice girl for Jason. Soon. She had removed her jacket when she got to the reception, and Jason hadn’t left her side since. He used every excuse in the book to put his arm around her to touch her bare skin. He couldn’t believe his luck that she had accepted his invitation to attend the wedding with him. Now if it just held up for the rest of the evening….

Jax, meanwhile, was seated at the head table with the rest of the wedding party. As best man, he was obliged to toast the new couple. Since Jerry seemed lost in his new wife’s eyes, Jax had to keep reminding him to come back to earth for a while before they could leave on their honeymoon.

Jax himself needed reminding of reality, though, when he saw Brenda remove her lace coat. He was glad he was seated at the time, since seeing so much of her bare skin caused a physical reaction in him that he really didn’t want to explain to his mother. After dinner was over and he and Felicia had danced the first dance as part of the wedding party, he decided the time for beating around the bush was over.

Brenda was sitting with Lois, while the men had volunteered to get coffee and wedding cake for the table. Suddenly, Brenda inhaled sharply and grabbed Lois’ arm.

"Lois! Don’t look now, but Jax is on his way over to our table!"

"So? It’s a wedding reception, Brenda. We didn’t talk to him in the receiving line after the wedding. Maybe he just wants to say hello."

Brenda was starting to feel ill. "What am I going to do, Lois?"

Lois took her and held her eyes captive. "Brenda Barrett, you have faced major captains of industry without batting an eyelash. YOU CAN DO THIS."

Brenda breathed deeply, and tried to put a smile on her face as Jax reached their table.

"Ladies, everything OK?" he asked, playing the part of the "best-man-as-official-host."

Brenda still didn’t think she could string together 5 coherent words, so Lois took over. "Fine, thanks. So, how’s it feel to get rid of your brother once and for all and gain a sister?"

"I don’t think even wedding vows can get rid of my brother for that long, Lois," Jax smiled. "And Bobbie is a very special person. Mum and Dad are very happy she and Lucas agreed to be part of our family."

There was an awkward silence. Jax didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay there forever, just being that close to Brenda. The band started to play a slow Gershwin tune, and he decided to tempt fate.

"Brenda." She looked up at him. He extended his hand to her. "Will you dance with me?"

Lois discreetly moved out of the conversation. Brenda could have killed her. "No, Jax. I don’t think so. Please go away."

Jax looked around quickly. "Brenda, can’t we at least be pleasant to each other?"

Brenda looked like she wanted the floor to open up and swallow her. "Jax, maybe you’re adjusting to this better than I am, but I don’t think I can be friends with you just…" her voice broke and she stopped before she made a fool of herself.

Instead of leaving, Jax moved even closer to her, so close that she could almost feel his body trembling. "Brenda, we’re in a room full of people. If you turn me down, everyone will notice." He cast a glance over at the table where his family was sitting, and got the evil eye. "Grandma is watching us, you know." Brenda glanced over at her, and she seemed keenly interested in what they were discussing. "If you send me away, I’ll probably have to wax her car for the rest of my adult life."

Brenda realized that other than Josie and Lois, who were probably hoping for a reconciliation that wouldn’t happen, everyone else in the room was probably watching for what her reaction would be. Trying to appear cool and collected, she placed her hand in his, and hoped he wouldn’t notice that it was shaking.

Jax didn’t notice it, mostly because he thought he was going to pass out with the pleasure of taking her into his arms again. Although he tried to keep a polite distance between them on the dance floor, she floated to that comfortable spot in his arms that he knew so well. The spot she always liked to occupy after they made love.

Brenda, meanwhile, was debating her wisdom at wearing this dress. Everywhere Jax’s hand touched, the skin seemed to burn. And there was so much bare skin. And he touched it. A lot.

He tried to make small talk with her. He asked her how business was going. How the computer program was working. Finally he took his fingertips and raised her chin up so that her eyes met his.

"Brenda, can’t you even look at me?"

She tried to look into his eyes, and when she did, she was surprised to see the same pain there as in her own. "I’m sorry. It’s just still so awkward for me."

Thankfully, the song ended, and Brenda excused herself. She moved as quickly as possible off the dance floor and headed for the ladies’ room. Once inside, she went past the other women who were primping and posing, and once inside the stall, took deep breaths and leaned her warm forehead against the metal door to cool.

When she felt like she wasn’t going to fall apart anymore, she made her way back to the table. Lois sent her a look asking if she was OK, and she nodded a weak affirmative. Jax was occupied with official wedding duties back at the head table, so Brenda felt that she was safe for a while.

She did her best to keep up her end of the conversation while they enjoyed the wedding cake. When Bobbie got ready to throw her bouquet, Brenda pleaded a headache, and sat with Lois watching the ritual. She wasn’t missed, though, since it already seemed pre-arranged that Felicia caught the bouquet. And Jax made it his business to hang near the back of the pack of bachelors so that Mac Scorpio managed to catch Bobbie’s garter.

Brenda danced a few dances with Jason, but when he began stroking her bare back with his hand, trying to move it lower or further to the front, she figured it was time for her headache to return. They made their excuses to the other couples at the table and left the reception.

Brenda was just happy to get some fresh air again, and when Jason suggested a short drive to clear her head, she didn’t object. He actually wasn’t that bad of a companion, telling her stories of his latest trip to Paris. She even laughed at some of his tales about his fracturing of the French language. She felt almost human again when they returned from their drive and arrived at her cottage.

Jason escorted her to the door, clearly expecting to be invited in for a nightcap. Although Brenda hadn’t hated the evening as much as she originally expected, she certainly didn’t want to have to arm-wrestle him out the door later.

As she unlocked the door, she felt his hands on her shoulders. "I know what the problem is, Brenda," he said with an air of superiority. "You are tight as a knot! Let me try to massage some of that tension out of your shoulders."

"It’s not tension, really," she explained, but before she could get another word out, Jason had leaned in and was giving her a deep kiss. Her front door was standing open, and the table lamp she left on in the living room cast a dim glow on the two forms in the doorway. It wasn’t really a bad kiss, but after seeing Jax tonight, she just wasn’t ready for any romance.

"Jason, I’m really not in the mood tonight," she began.

Jason gave a big sigh. "When are you ever in the mood, Brenda? You mean the headache was for real?"

"I’m sorry, Jason. I probably wasn’t the best of company today. But you keep asking me out and I keep telling you how I feel. No amount of romantic mood created by a wedding is going to change that."

Jason pulled her closer again. "Brenda, it isn’t fair, leading a guy on like this. You can’t expect me…"

A deep, sarcastic voice came out of the dim living room, startling the two in the doorway. "You guys are breaking my heart here, but would you either come inside or get this over with and say goodnight?"

Brenda’s heart almost came in her mouth. "Jax! What are you doing here?" Jason uttered an expletive under his breath. Jax turned on another light in the living room. He was sitting on the couch, his tuxedo coat thrown over the back of the couch, his tie off and ruffled shirt undone at the neck. He had half of a glass of Scotch, and he looked so natural there that Brenda almost ran to his arms in relief.

Jax was the first to break the silence. "Don’t you think it’s about time you went home, Jason?"

Jason looked at him with disgust. Brenda sensed that he was about to offer a rude answer, and the testosterone in the air was bubbling. "He’s right, Jason. You go ahead home."

"He’s been drinking, Brenda," Jason said venomously. "Are you sure you’ll be OK with him?"

"I’ll handle things," she answered calmly. "Just go." He took one more look at them, and shook his head and walked back out the door, slamming it as he went.

Jax watched him leave with a self-satisfied smirk. He held up Brenda’s key. "Guess it was a good thing I forgot to return this."

She glared at him. "Where’s your car?"

"Parked around back. I didn’t want you to see it and call the cops before I had a chance to talk to you."

Brenda put her purse and jacket on the table. "What are you doing here, Jax?"

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I’m not sure, Brenda," he sighed. "I just know that when I saw you today and held you tonight when we were dancing, I felt so confused. I just knew I wanted to come here to wait for you." He walked over to within inches of her.

She was trembling inside again. Why did he have to do this tonight? Just when she thought she might be starting to be over him, why did he have to come this close, smelling of scotch and wedding flowers and Jax?

He looked deeply into her eyes. "I’ve missed you, Brenda."

She thought maybe sarcasm would prevent her from falling into his arms like a blithering idiot. "Oh, and you came here looking for my sympathy? Did you decide we should be FRIENDS now?"

He came even closer, holding her face in his hands, feeling the weakness in her body when he touched her. "No. That’s not what I came here for."

She could barely speak. "What did you come here to do?" she whispered, feeling his breath on her lips. She had never seen his eyes this intense, glittering blue gems with sparks of green.

He threaded his fingers under her hair and began to massage the nape of her neck. Her world began to reel at his nearness and his touch. As he lowered his lips to hers, he answered her question with one word. "Everything."

She whimpered in joy as his mouth possessed hers, his tongue teasing hers, and slid her hands up his shirt to tangle in his wavy blonde hair. She pressed her body up against his as he left her mouth to trail hot kisses down her neck. His voice was low and unsteady. "I just about lost my mind tonight when I saw you in this dress. I wanted to pull you to me and make love to you, right there in the middle of the dance floor. When I saw you and Jason kissing before, I could’ve choked the life out of him, right in your front doorway."

He began pulling at the lace closure of the halter, and it snapped in his fingers, freeing her breasts to his roaming hands. He touched her reverently, evoking a moan from deep in her throat. "You made me crazy with desire for you, Brenda. I had to touch you again, to make love to you again."

His words were inflaming Brenda almost as much as his touch. He was pulling the pins from her hair and caressing her almost to the point of madness. She began pulling at his shirt, longing to run her hands over his bare chest. Finally she got it off him, and when they embraced without the barriers of clothing, Jax kissed her so deeply that she didn’t even notice herself being pulled to the floor in front of the fireplace.

As clothing became a rumpled heap on the floor, neither of the lovers cared. The fire in the hearth was nothing compared to the fire generated by the two of them. Jax looked deeply into her eyes as he brought her so close to the edge, whispering flaming words into her ear. Brenda felt so much a part of him that she didn’t know where Jax ended and she started anymore. It was magical, and they both reached a height of passion as they saw into each other’s souls.

They lay in each others’ arms, watching the flickering embers in the fireplace. Brenda gazed up lovingly at him, and slowly whispered, "Jax, I think we need to talk…"

He placed his finger against her lips, and then stood, scooping her up into his arms. "No talk. No thinking. Not tonight."

He carried her up to her bedroom, where he lay her like some precious treasure on the sheets. He climbed in beside her, and they once again lit the fire of their passion. This time, it was slow and delicious.

They slept a little, wrapped in each other’s arms. Neither had slept this well since the break-up. Jax woke once more during the night to find Brenda making precious love to him, her hair sweeping across his chest. He pulled her to him, and the delights of the night continued long after the sun began its ascent into the morning sky.

To be continued….