by Jan
Jax stood in the bedroom doorway, staring at his wife in their bed. "I’m sorry, Brenda," he sighed. He stepped into the room, and slowly moved towards the bed. "I apologize for the remarks I made earlier. I know you care about the baby. You even married me for the baby’s sake. Just drinking 4 glasses of milk a day does not a good mother make."
She almost smiled at his fractured proverb. That, and the fact that she realized he was coming in to apologize, not end the marriage. "I’m sorry, too, Jax. You were right. I shouldn’t have been climbing that rickety ladder alone. I just so want everything to be perfect for the baby’s room, and it gives me such a kick to do part of it myself."
"I know," he smiled. "I drove around for the last hour, beating myself up for yelling at you the way I did. You probably would’ve been fine on the ladder if I hadn’t come in and startled you the way I did. I’ve just been so tense with things at work, and worrying about you, and the threats from Sonny…"
Tears began to flow. "Oh, Jax, I’m sorry, I didn’t think," Brenda sobbed, and she began to cry uncontrollably. The tension of the past months finally had found an outlet, and didn’t want to be bottled up again anytime soon.
Jax never could stand the sight of a weeping woman, and he sat on the edge of the bed, trying to comfort her. As he went to put his arm around her, he grazed her breast with his hand accidentally, and then noticed the filmy gown she wore. He pulled his hand back, not trusting himself to be so close to what he wanted so badly, and then stared at the floor. Brenda saw his actions through her tears, and she mistook them for his disgust at her body.
"Oh, Jax," she sobbed, "I’m so miserable! I can’t stand this anymore!"
"Brenda, love, I’m sorry," he stumbled. He ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head. "I guess I managed to hurt you and screw things up again. I thought this would be best for us, but it’s not, is it?" {Better not see Grandma for a while – she’ll hire a hit man.}
Brenda began to panic. She had been so relieved that he wasn’t ending the marriage, and now her tearful breakdown seemed to be bringing on her worst nightmare. "No, no, Jax. Forget I said that. Everything’s fine, really it is."
Jax looked at her closely. "Fine – yeah, right," he said sarcastically. He decided it was time to get everything out in the open. "Brenda, tell me what you want and I’ll do it. Do you want out of the marriage? I never meant to hurt you or tie you down. I won’t force you to spend time with me if it hurts too much."
Brenda returned his stare. "Force me to spend time with you! That’s a joke! We never spend any time together! Last summer, even though you didn’t love me and I knew it, at least we went places together, enjoyed each other. At least then you made love to me!"
Jax looked like his teeth were about to fall out. "Excuse me?"
Brenda almost held back her feelings, but she knew this time, it was all or nothing. Pride be damned. "You always come directly home from work and make a beeline for your study. When we visit your parents’ house, you act like a loving husband, but around here, you hardly ever touch me. Do you know what it’s like, wanting somebody so badly, and knowing that they don’t want you the same way?"
"Oh, yes I do," Jax muttered, and Brenda immediately concluded that he was thinking of Julia again.
Brenda felt utterly shamed and alone. "I’m sorry, Jax. I’m just so emotional because I’m pregnant. Just leave me alone and I’ll be alright in the morning, I promise." She hiccuped quietly, but then looked up into his eyes. They were blazing with fire that she hadn’t seen in months, and it almost took her breath away.
He gently pushed a strand of hair off her forehead. "Brenda, let me get this straight. You’re miserable because you think I don’t want to make love to you?" Brenda nodded and hiccuped again. "Oh, sweetheart," he said softly with a chuckle, tipping her chin up, "How can you think that I don’t want you? It’s been hell for me the last few months, being around you and not being able to touch you." His finger continued to stroke her face gently, sending shivers down her spine. "I had to go to my study every night because if I spent too much time around you, I felt I would explode with wanting you. I knew we had to leave North Carolina, because if I spent 1 more night with you in that bed, I knew I couldn’t have lived without making love to you. When you fell and I caught you tonight, it set me on fire, touching you and knowing that would be all there was."
Brenda leaned into his caress like a cherished pet. "But why did you think I didn’t want you to make love to me?"
"Because I promised I wouldn’t! And after all the times I had already hurt you, I didn’t want to do it again by breaking my promise!"
"But, Jax," she said gently, "I didn’t ASK you to make that promise. YOU were the one who suggested it. YOU were the one who said we wouldn’t make love."
"Because I thought that was the only way you would marry me! I thought you hated me for dumping you the way I did, for hurting you, for a million reasons. When I suggested it, you agreed to the deal, so I thought I must be right and you didn’t want me. And then I was stuck with it."
Jax reached down to take both of her hands in his and bring them to his lips for a kiss. She watched him, the love shining out of her eyes. Suddenly, she realized what her tantrum must have done to her appearance and she self-consciously pulled one hand back to rub the tears away.
"I must look like a raccoon," she laughed. She imagined how red her eyes probably were and how blotchy her face was.
Jax wasn’t laughing. He was looking at her in a way she hadn’t seen in many months, and it made her heart take wings. "You look beautiful to me," he reassured her. He leaned forward to kiss her cheeks, her forehead, her eyes, and then finally bring his lips to within an eyelash of hers. "My beautiful, beautiful wife." When he finally joined his lips to hers, she moaned in relief. Her hands threaded up into his hair to pull him closer. "Brenda, my sweet Brenda," he muttered, planting sizzling kisses down her neck. "I could die from wanting you."
He tried to pull the transparent gown down past her breasts to place his lips there, but the strap caught on her shoulder. Impatient after months of wanting her, he finally gave the thin material a tug, and it tore in two in his hands. At her surprised expression, he muttered, "I’ll buy you one for every night of the week," and kissed her again, "and every week of the year!"
"Jax," she complained softly as he pulled away to take off his own clothes. "I can’t believe you want me."
He looked up at her, and his eyes took on the naughty twinkle she had missed so much. As he pulled his trousers and boxers off, he teased her. "Do you need any further proof of my desire for you, Mrs. Jacks?"
"Not at all, Mr. Jacks," she replied breathlessly, and she pulled him onto the bed. He drove her almost beyond the point of reason with his lips and fingers, and when she thought she might die herself from wanting him, he made them complete. As he brought her closer and closer to the satisfaction she had been missing, she groaned his name.
When he thought she was finally as close to the edge as she could go without going over, he tipped her chin up so that her eyes met his. "I love you, Brenda," he whispered to her, before taking her mouth in a deep, searching kiss. She went over the edge into bliss, and he followed after her.
As Brenda lay on his chest afterward, she thought her heart had never felt so full. She didn’t want to question his love, asking when he had changed his mind. She just wanted to relish this new miracle world, and she drifted off into a peaceful slumber listening to his heartbeat.
She woke once more during the night to find him caressing her, pulling her from sleep into a world of glorious arousal. When he sent her world careening on its axis, he whispered words of love in her ear. Afterwards, she sleepily turned her head to face him.
"You’re beautiful," she whispered.
"Me? I think you’re mistaken, Mrs. Jacks," he replied bashfully.
"What you do to me, that’s beautiful," she corrected herself.
"Holding you. Loving you. That’s what’s beautiful," he amended. With that as the most heated argument they had had in 6 hours, they both fell asleep again.
Brenda woke the next morning to find herself facing him on the pillow. Jax was already awake, staring into her eyes. "Hi," she said, quietly smiling.
"Hi yourself, Mrs. Jacks," he returned. "I had forgotten just how beautiful you look when you’re sleeping. I missed that – sleeping in the other room." He got that devilish look again. "Among other things!" As he took her in his arms to cuddle, he shook his head. "I can’t imagine why you would think I didn’t want you. Anytime I was around you, I was so hot I was like some sex-starved teenager!"
"I don’t know, lots of reasons," she replied. "You suggested the platonic arrangement for the marriage, you moved into the other bedroom when we got here from North Carolina – and…" she let the statement trail.
He pulled back a little. "And what?"
"And I thought my body disgusted you. I was getting fat. Soon I’ll be swollen and look like a walking Goodyear blimp!" At his snort of disbelief, she continued. "Besides, Monica Quartermaine said that when she was pregnant, Alan had an affair because she was so fat and swollen."
"Alan Quartermaine! You’re equating me with Alan Quartermaine!" he screeched. "Puh-lease! Give me a few points for taste!" His tone quieted. "I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous. I could see the changes taking place in your body, and it was MY child making those changes. I ached to explore those changes for myself." He reverently cupped her breast in one hand. "I wanted to measure your breasts with my hands to see how they had grown. I wanted to run my hand down your stomach, and feel my child, filling you, making those curves." He looked her deeply in the eyes as his hands explored every inch of her body, causing her to gasp. "I love you so much, Brenda. More than you’ll ever know."
"Oh, Jax, I love you too," she murmured, and he took them both to heaven once again.
They spent a lazy morning in bed, re-acquainting themselves with each other’s bodies, and talking about everything and nothing. Jax finally looked at the nightstand clock, and was surprised to see it was almost noon.
"Guess I’d better call the office. V is probably getting frantic by now. And I have to keep up my end of the business, now that I’ve got Junior to support," he teased, rolling his eyes.
"Junior? You really want to name him Jasper Junior?"
"What’s the matter? You object to another "J" in the family?"
Brenda shook her head. "No, darling. If you want your ego stroked by naming him after you, that’s fine with me. I just think that other boys’ names are nice, too, and some of them even start with a "J"."
He looked at her wickedly. "Let’s go back to the stroking part, Mrs. Jacks. I liked the sound of that!"
She playfully swatted him on the chest. "This is important. What other names do you like?" She suddenly got a serious look on her face. "Oh, and there’s something else I should probably tell you."
He got serious immediately. "What?"
She giggled. "It just might be a girl, you know."
He smiled. "Actually, I hope it is. Little boys can be a royal pain in the .."
"Jax!" she interrupted, holding her stomach. "Not in front of the B-A-B-Y!"
They both collapsed into giggles again. "Tell you what," he said once they got serious again. "Why don’t you get dressed, and I’ll take you both to lunch and we’ll play hooky from the office today?"
"Mr. Jacks, I do believe that sounds like a plan," she replied, and got up to pick something out of the closet. She thought for a few moments, and then dove in looking for something as he left the room to shower quickly.
He was standing at the foot of the stairs waiting for her, and when she came down, he was surprised and pleased to see she was wearing a maternity top for the first time. He took in the sight of her in the royal blue A-line swing top, and smiled. "I didn’t think you could look more beautiful, but that was before I saw you in maternity clothes. Mrs. Jacks, you take my breath away."
Brenda reached up to kiss him, and after he helped her with her coat, she took his hand as they went into the brisk sunshine.
They went downtown and had lunch, talking about baby names and business problems. They each stopped in their respective offices just to check their messages, and Keith gave a smile as he saw Brenda looking at peace for the first time in months. They window shopped for some new master suite bedroom furniture, since Jax declared that they would be needing a much bigger bed now that he was taking his rightful place.
As they were walking back to the car, Brenda suddenly stopped short and grabbed her stomach. Jax tried to remember if he knew Dr. Meadows’ phone number by heart. "What’s the matter?"
Brenda shushed him. Now he really got hysterical. "Brenda! Is something wrong?"
Finally she looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Oh, Jax – I just felt the baby move!"
He grabbed her and whirled her around in circles. Life was just about perfect for Mr. & Mrs. Jasper Jacks.
The next two months flew by for Brenda. She had never been so happy and felt so contented in her life. Jax continually declared his love for her, and she almost feared that she was living in a dream and would wake up disappointed in the morning. His desire for her didn’t diminish, and in fact, seemed to grow with each passing day. She finally concluded that he probably did love her, in some way at least. She didn’t think he would lie about it. Perhaps he had finally gotten over Julia, or gotten past the pain to the point that he could finally love another woman.
Occasionally, her hormones would prompt her insecurities to surface again, and she feared that if Julia ever did show up, Jax might change his mind again. But then, she would look into his eyes, and conclude it was just her pregnancy causing her to have these mixed-up feelings.
Jane and Josie, of course, were thrilled that Jax and Brenda had finally seemed to settle their differences. On a pleasant weekend in early March, they showed up at Brenda’s door, volunteering to take her "baby shopping."
"Hell’s bells!" Josie told Brenda as they drove into the shopping district. "Can’t have my great-grandchild sleeping in an orange crate and wearing rags!"
Brenda laughed at her dramatics. The three women had a wonderful time that afternoon, picking out a spooled crib, playpen, changing table and chest of drawers. "We would have picked them out and surprised you," Jane explained, "but I thought you might have some kind of décor you wanted to match. As long as this all isn’t tiring you out…"
"Not at all," Brenda answered truthfully. Ever since she and Jax had reconciled, Brenda seemed to find that well of energy and enthusiasm that Lois had ever since the beginning of her pregnancy.
"Jane, come look at these sleepers!" Josie interrupted. "Do you like the bears or the bunnies better?"
Jane and Brenda came over to see that Josie had corralled a sales clerk and she was piling things in the poor woman’s arms as she shopped. Jane eyed them both. "Oh, I don’t know, mother. They’re both adorable. What do you think, Brenda?"
She smiled. "Well, I think they’re adorable too, but somehow I can’t see Jax approving that his son be dressed in a bunny suit!" Josie looked a little confused, so Brenda went on. "You know, that whole macho "My son is a man’s man" thing."
Josie looked at Brenda for ten seconds, and then back at the stack of sleepers. "That settles it, then. Bunnies it is!" and she threw a half-dozen of the sleepers onto the stack.
The three happy shoppers nearly cleaned out the stuffed animal department, and finally hit the road for home late in the afternoon, once they also secured a car seat and high chair.
Jax came outside when he saw Jane’s Lincoln pull up, and he immediately was drafted. "Unload the packages for us, will ‘ya, honeybuns?" Josie called. By the time Jax got all of them inside, he was panting and he collapsed into a chair in the living room. The women were laying out all their purchases for him to see while Louise was providing cookies, milk and tea as a snack.
"Four blankets?" he exclaimed in surprise. "Mum, this is Port Charles, not Alaska. Don’t you think one’s enough to keep the little one warm?"
The three women laughed, and Jane looked puzzled. "Jax, a baby can go through that many blankets in one day." Jax still didn’t understand, though, and Jane was becoming embarrassed.
Finally Josie broke the silence while she munched on a cookie. "For goodness’ sake, Jasper, don’t you know that sometimes babies tee-tee in their blankets or their diapers spring a leak?"
Jax immediately sprang to his feet. "I get it now, grandma. You don’t need to explain any further." He tried to change the subject. "What else did you guys get?"
Brenda suspected something was going on. Josie saw an opportunity and went for it. "Oh, Brenda honey, that’s what Jasper used to call it. Tee-tee."
"OK. That’s it. I’m leaving," he said, red as a beet.
"Awww, honey," Brenda said, stroking his arm. "I think it’s cute. Something else you can pass along to our child." She continued to giggle uncontrollably, but tried to calm his injured ego.
Thankfully, Jane changed the subject. "Look at this stroller, dear," Jane cooed. "Isn’t it just the most precious thing you’ve ever seen?"
Brenda sat back in her chair, sipping on a glass of milk that Louise had brought her. Seeing Jax’s stricken look, she chuckled. "She wanted to buy us a buggy, too, but I told her I thought this would be fine."
Jax just shook his head. "You know, I think I picked the wrong profession. Obviously, the people making the real money in this world are the people making the baby things and diapers!" He looked around at everything cautiously. "Is this all there is?"
Josie continued munching on a cookie. "All that we could carry, dear. The furniture will be delivered later this week."
Jax sat back and gazed at Brenda. He had never seen her so happy. With a sigh, he realized that revealing his most embarrassing childhood habits was worth it if it put that angelic expression on her face.
Brenda continued to receive small packages from Josie, including the very latest editions of both Dr. Spock and Dr. T. Barry Brazelton’s child care books. But her biggest surprise came one day when she opened the front door to discover Katherine Bell standing there, package in hand.
"Katherine, how are you?" Brenda said cautiously. She hadn’t really seen the woman since the disastrous pre-wedding dinner, and she still wasn’t sure where the woman stood with regard to her attitude towards Brenda and the pregnancy.
As they sat in the living room and Brenda opened the gift, she expected some expensive, impersonal token that she had purchased in about 2 minutes’ time at Windoms. Needless to say, she was shocked when she discovered a crocheted yellow baby afghan in the box.
"Katherine! It’s beautiful! And it even matches the colors in the baby’s room!"
Katherine blushed a little. "I’m so glad you like it. I started on it as soon as Harlan told me you were expecting, but I wasn’t sure I would finish it in time!"
"You made it yourself! That makes it twice as special. I didn’t know that you did this kind of thing."
Katherine looked down for a moment. "Yes, well I’ve never had any children, so I haven’t ever had the opportunity to make baby things before, so I really enjoyed this. It’s kind of a secret hobby for me, especially when Harlan is gone on long business trips."
Brenda sobered. "How is daddy? I haven’t seen him in ages."
"Well, he’s been so tied up in the merger negotiations, and then he had to go to London for an extended stay to settle a few problems. He’s very excited about the baby, though. He asks about you every time he calls, and he’s contacted our attorney about setting up a trust for the baby, and …"
She smiled and paused. "What, Katherine?" Brenda said curiously.
"Well," she said as though confiding a big secret, "the other day he asked me if I thought it was too soon to buy it a tricycle and a swing set to put in our yard for when you bring the baby over to visit!"
Brenda was surprised, but pleased. As she looked up, she saw Jax, leaning in the doorjamb, smiling at her in return.
One day, Brenda stopped by Jax’s office to surprise him after a luncheon meeting.
"Hi, honey," she trilled, as she breezed into the office. She was glowing, her maternity dress rippling as she skipped to his desk to give him a big kiss.
"Well," he said as he pulled her onto his lap, "what’s got you in such a good mood today?"
"Life," she answered honestly. "We just had a very productive meeting of the risk management teams from Barrett and J&J Jacks and things are going so well. How about the actual signing?"
He consulted a file on his desk. "Probably about 3 weeks away. Things are going very smoothly." He closed the file and turned to her. "But enough about business. How’s the little one today?"
She patted her stomach. "Well, he didn’t like it very much, sitting through that boring meeting. He let me know about it – and he was very vigorous in his protests!" Jax chuckled, but then she went on. "Although – I also have my suspicions that it wasn’t just the meeting."
"No?"
"No," she said emphatically, tracing the cleft in his chin with her nail. "Every time Louise serves me that Key Lime yogurt for breakfast, he seems to let me know he didn’t like it."
Jax smiled and patted her tummy. "But Brenda, maybe SHE is just letting you know how much SHE enjoyed it!"
As they both laughed and cuddled, V opened Jax’s office door and poked her head in diplomatically. "Excuse me, Mr. Jacks…"
"Come on in, V. Mrs. Jacks and I were just discussing the merits of eating green yogurt for breakfast."
V made a face. "Sounds delicious." She handed him an envelope. "This was just delivered for you by messenger. It looked important."
Jax sat up and took the envelope eagerly. "It’s probably the final draft of the merger agreement. My lawyer told me he would send it over today."
When Jax opened the envelope and read the contents, though, his face turned grey.
"What is it, honey?" Brenda asked, pulling the sheet over so she could read it. As she read the single page, her face fell and her hands trembled. Cut from magazine letters, the note read,
IF YOU SIGN THE MERGER AGREEMENT,
THE WEAK WILL PAY FOR
THE MISTAKES OF THE STRONG.
At that moment, the phone rang and Brenda jumped. Jax picked it up on the first ring. "Jax, here."
"Did you just get one, too?" Harlan Barrett sounded frustrated and scared.
"Yes." Jax’s voice was grim.
"I just checked with Keith and Brenda’s not back yet from her meeting. Is she there with you?"
Jax looked at her as she laid her head on his shoulder. "Yes. I have her here in the office with me." He heard a sigh of relief through the telephone wires.
"I’m doubling the security people on Katherine and calling Julia right away."
"Right. I’ll handle things here and check back with you later this afternoon."
Jax hung up the phone and looked at Brenda. "It isn’t over yet, is it Jax?" she asked, hands still trembling.
He shook his head and pulled her to him in a protective embrace. "No, it’s not. Not by a long shot."
To be continued….