I Finally Found Someone

by Ketsia

Summary: Brenda finally makes a decision between Jax and Sonny, after months of drug rehabilitation and counseling.

At night in bed, I want him-

The one I love is not here.

I'll rise and search the city,

Through the streets and squares

Until the city watchmen

Find me wandering there

And I ask them-have you seen him?

The one I love is not here.

When they have gone, I find him

And I won't let him go.

**********

THREE MONTHS HAS past since Brenda's rescue from the cave; two and a half months since she had been in drug rehab and visiting Dr. Gail Baldwin; and two months since Jax had learned about her betrayal.

Brenda stood staring pensively out of the bay window in Dr. Gail Baldwin's office, thinking about the day she had found the courage and confessed to Jax that she and Sonny had made love while trapped in the catacombs. She thought back to that fateful day.

***********

It had been a warm spring day, yet she had been shivering, wondering if she would ever be warm again. She sat on the couch huddled under a blanket.

"I have to do this," she whispered softly to herself. She started to sob. "I can't do it!" She heard Jax's voice in her head, 'I trust you Brenda, I think more than you trust yourself.' She got up and paced, "I owe it to him...I owe it Jax to be honest." She dried her tears. She sat back on the couch and practiced deep-breathing exercises to calm herself. "I can do this." She brought her knees to her chest and hugged them to her and waited for Jax to return.

Jax walked into the penthouse and threw his key on the desk before reaching for the light switch. He turned it on and was startled to find Brenda huddled on the couch.

He hurried toward her, "Brenda, honey what's wrong?" He put his arms around her and hugged her to him.

She looked up at him with eyes drenched with tears and darkened with pain, "Jax..." She paused and took a deep breath. "I have something to tell you and once you hear it, you won't want anything to ever do with me again...you'll hate me." She finished in a barely audible voice.

Jax smiled softly and gently rubbed her shoulder. "Nothing you say to me can ever make me hate you. I love you more than anything on this earth." He kissed her forehead. "Now tell me what's wrong."

Brenda pulled away from him and walked to stand in front of the fire place. She touched the miniature yacht on the mantle, as if trying to gain strength from it. She turned and faced him. "Jax, I thought we were dying. Sonny told me that the next time we fell asleep we would not wake up. I...we were cold, hungry and afraid. It was time to reminisce about the past...about our feelings." Her fingers clasped and unclasped as she turned pleading, tearing eyes towards him. "I thought we were going to die, you have to believe me Jax."

He leaned forward in his chair and stared hard at her, "Whatever it is...just say it."

She looked down at her clasped hands and spoke quickly, "While Sonny and I were trapped in the catacombs, I told him that I loved him and we made love."

Jax sat as if turned into stone. The breath whooshed out of him as if he had received a body blow. He shut his eyes as if bracing himself. Silent tears streamed down Brenda's face as she looked down at his bent head. "Jax...Jax? Please say something."

He opened his eyes, they were filled with pain, anger and tears, "What do you want me to say?"

"Anything...yell, scream at me, but please don't just sit there." She said pleadingly.

He got up from the couch and moved behind the couch as if he needed to put distance between them. "What does someone say when the person he thought he knew... the person whom he thought loved him, betrays him?" His lips thinned to a hard, unyielding line. "Why did you have to be such a..."

"Whore?"! Brenda screamed. "Say it, why don' t you just say it". Jax stared at her in shock as she continued to rage "Harry told me that I was a whore and Sonny did too! That's what I am, isn't it?!" She covered her face with her hands and started to cry.

Jax sighed and shook his head. He walked over to her, "Brenda, you're not a whore." He looked down at her bent head, "I thought you knew me better than that. I would never ever call you that!" He cradled her face between his hands and lifted it up. "What I was going to say was, how could you be such a coward? Why couldn't you have believe in me enough...trust in our love enough... to know, that I would move heaven and earth to find you...to save you?"

"We can work things out, can't we?" She asked hopefully.

He moved away from her, "Look...," He ran his hand through his hair in an agitated gesture. "All I know right now, is that both of us need our space. You need time to heal and decide what you want, and I need time to process this."

"You're leaving me?" she asked in a panicky voice. She sat down and wrapped her arms around her middle, and rocked back and forth on the couch. "I thought we promised each other nobody leaves?"

Jax closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he answered. "Brenda, I can't keep living like this." He sat down on the couch opposite her. " I love you, that hasn't changed... you know that don't you." She looked up at him. "I know," she said in a small voice.

Jax shook his head, "But I can't keep going on in a relationship in which there are three participants as opposed to two. I'm no one's consolation prize, Brenda... I come first or not at all." His expression grew solemn as he stared at her. "It's time that you make a decision...who do you want to be with, me or Corinthos?"

"I..." Brenda started to speak, but Jax cut her off.

"No, not now." He sighed tiredly, "Take time out to think everything through. Act instead of react, Brenda."

He got up from the couch and moved away from her and toward the staircase, leading to the second floor.

Brenda got up and followed him. "You didn't answer my question, are you...." Her voice broke for a moment, "are you leaving me?"

"No, I'm not leaving you, but I'm giving you... " He paused for a moment, " us... time and space to heal." He her gave her sad crocked smile. "How does that saying go again? Oh, yes. "If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you that means it was yours. But if it doesn't, that means it was never yours to begin with." His eyes started to tear and he swallowed painfully. "I love you enough to let you go, Brenda." He gave her a self deprecating grin. "And call it pride or self preservation, but I need to do this for me too. I can' t keep going like this... I need to know I come first." He walked to her and pulled off his wedding ring and handed it to her. "I want you to hold on to this for me. If or when you want to continue our life together, you'll slip it back onto my finger." He stood and stared at her for moment, then turned and walked up the stairs. "I'll just go up and pack a few things."

***********

Brenda arouse herself from her painful reverie. She shook her head sadly and moved away from the window. She sat down and waited for Dr. Baldwin, but soon grew restless again. She got up and started pacing back and forth. She found herself in front of the window once again. She stared blindly out the window, her mind taking her back to that fateful day.

Immediately after being told what had happened in the cave, Jax paid Sonny a visit. Jax burst into Sonny's penthouse after disarming and knocking out his bodyguard.

"You son of a ..." He made a grab for Sonny but Jason Morgan, Sonny's shadow and right hand man stepped between them. Jax grabbed him and in a perfectly executed move, threw him over his shoulders, knocking him out cold. He then went after Sonny. He grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up to his face.

"What kind of a man are you?!" He shook Sonny, as he fought the urge to bury his fist in his smug face. "You claim to love Brenda and yet you took advantage of her while she was out of her mind from withdrawal and terrified of dying!" He roared.

"Is that what she told you?" Sonny asked in a smug voice. " Well she's lying, because she knew *exactly* what she was doing. She wanted me just as badly as I wanted her."

He jeered. "I warned you, *candy boy* not to come between us. I knew she would choose me over you. I guess you haven't been feeding her properly...because she was sure hungry for my touch." He taunted. "I guess you haven't learned the right buttons to push yet."

Jax couldn't take it anymore, he pulled back his closed fist and slugged him. Sonny flew across the room and landed flat on his back, knocked out cold. Jax went to the table and picked up a pitcher of water, he threw the water into Sonny's face to awaken him. Sonny came up sputtering, he looked up at Jax as he nursed his broken jaw. "You broke my jaw." He struggled to form the words, but the pain was too intense.

Jax looked down at him with disgust and hatred. "Be happy that's all I did." He slammed out of the room.

***********

PRESENT DAY:

"Brenda? Brenda?" Gail Baldwin waved her hand in front of Brenda's face, trying to awaken her from her stupor. Brenda started realizing that she had been staring into space for quite some time and that Gail had been trying to get her attention for the past few minutes. "I'm sorry, Gail." She smiled sheepishly. "I was miles away."

"That's all right." Gail sat down at her desk "Why don' t you take a seat."

Brenda took a seat and crossed her legs Indian-fashion. "Thank you."

"Where did we leave off yesterday? Oh yes, we were discussing your father."

"I don't want to talk about him." Brenda said nervously.

"Why?" Gail probed.

Brenda got up from her seat and started pacing, "What more is there to say? I wanted him to love me and he didn't. Julia was the center of his universe," she said angrily. "The center of his world!" She hugged herself and rubbed her arms as if trying to get warm. "Look I don't want to talk about this." She sat back on the chair and looked at Gail. "His out of my life...his dead, why should we continue to discuss him?"

"Because he's still alive to you. Because you still have some unresolved feelings about him that you must deal with." She leaned across the desk and stared intently at Brenda. "What are the emotions you feel when you think about your father?"

"Anger." Said Brenda.

"What else?" Gail searched her eyes.

"Hate, rage."

"Mmm." Gail nodded her head silently encouraging her to continue.

"I hate him! I loathe him! I despise him! is that what you wanted to hear?" She shouted. "I'm so angry at him! all my life I tired to make him love me. I tried to be who and what he wanted me to be. Yet it was never enough!" She clenched her fists. "It's never enough," she whispered tremulously. "Someone better always comes up and I end up losing." She finished sadly.

"Are we talking about your father or the men in your life." Gail asked.

Startled, Brenda looked up, "I...I was talking about my..." She faltered and smiled slightly. "I guess I was talking about both. Every man in my life, except..." She smiled softly as she thought of him.

"Except?" Gail queried.

"Every man in my life except for Jax, made me feel as if I was second best."

"Mmm." Gail filed the information away in her head. "Tell me more about your father."

"Most of the time he acted as if I wasn't even there...he ignored me. I hated...I hate! Being ignored!" She gave Gail a self-satisfied grin. "But I made him notice me...I made him stop ignoring me."

"How did you do that?" Gail sat back in her chair and looked searchingly at Brenda.

"How?" Brenda leaned forward in her chair and looked at her. "Julia was the saint...I became the sinner." She chuckled. "I made all the wrong friends and got into all sort of scrapes so that he would have to bail me out. After all, we don't want anything besmirching the Barrett name do we?" She asked sarcastically.

"Did it work? Did that make him love you...want you?" Gail inquired.

"No." She whispered sadly. "It just made him ship me off to boarding school...you know the saying 'out of sight out of mind'."

"How does that make you feel about him?"

"How does that make me feel about him?" She repeated. "I'm mad at him! I'm mad at my self! He was never there for me. Never! Yet, I let myself need him." She broke down and began to cry. "All my life I've felt as if something was wrong with me. That I was unlovable, unworthy of any one's love." She sobbed. "It's funny, despite everything he did to me. I always had this hidden belief that he loved me...but that something was wrong with me, that I wasn't good enough...worthy enough for him to love me." She looked up at Gail and wiped the tears from her eyes, as a realization hit her. "It wasn't me. Was it?" She shook her head. "It wasn't me that was unlovable. It wasn't me that was screwed up!" She chuckled. "Although, heaven knows I've got my share of problems. It was him...it was him all along." She stared at Gail in shock, stunned at what she had just discovered.

"Brenda, what's the first word that comes to mind when I say, 'tell me about Brenda'? "

"Reactionary." Brenda said instantly.

"Really? Why is that?"

"I react to other people's feeling, behaviors, problems and thoughts," She laughed derisively. "My strong point is reacting to crisis." She got up and started pacing, "I reacted to everything that came into my orbit, without taking time to think about the consequences. Someone does something, so I do something back. Someone says something, so I must say something back. Someone feels a certain way, so I must *feel* a certain way."

"Good, good." Gail said with a please smile.

Brenda gave her a puzzled look, "It's good that I'm a reactionary?"

Gail laughed. "No, It's good that you've finally realized it. With knowledge comes power and the ability to change. By knowing what you are, you will now be able to change it. Brenda, when we react we forfeit our personal, God-given power to think, feel and behave in our best interest. Our emotions and behaviors are being controlled--triggered--by everyone and everything in our environment. We allow others to determine when we will be happy; when we will be peaceful; when we will be upset; and what we will say, do, think, and feel. When the above happens we are indirectly allowing others to tell us what to do. That means we have lost control. We are being controlled by others.

Brenda stared at her in wonder as the words and there meaning sank into her head.

"Brenda, tell me how you feel when you're with Jax." Asked Gail.

"How do I feel when I'm with Jax?" She thought about it for a minute then smiled. She leaned forward and propped her arm on the desk. "I feel happy. I feel safe. I feel grounded. He makes me laugh. Oh, how I love to laugh." Her whole demeanor changed, she looked happy and content. "He makes me see the glass as half full instead of half empty. I feel that I can be *me* without any repercussions. I feel as if I can do...be anything I want." She shook her head as if she couldn't believe what she was about to say. "He *trust* me and loves me unconditionally." She looked up at Gail. "Unconditionally, Gail. He doesn't have an addendum attached with his love...he just loves me." She finished in wonderment.

Gail gave her a probing look and said, "Tell me how you feel when your with Sonny."

Brenda tensed up as soon as she heard his name. "Sonny, needs me. He had a pretty rough childhood you know. His father abused him and all. He needs someone to take care of him, especially now that he has lost Lily and his child." She looked down and clasped her hands. "Both losses because of me."

Gail interrupted her for a moment, "Oh, yes you told me in an early session that you hold yourself partly responsible for Lily's death. Go on".

Brenda got up from the chair and began to pace. "Sonny has nothing because of me. Because of what *I* wanted he has nothing." She stopped pacing and sat back down. "He deserves to be happy." She brought her knees to her chest and hugged them. "He wants me back, you know. He told me that he loves me."

"Brenda, it sounds to me as if you feel the need to rescue Sonny. Why? Is it because you don't feel lovable, so you'll settle for being needed. Caretaking provides people with a temporary hit of good feelings, self-worth , and power. Just like drugs helps a drug addict momentarily feel better, a rescue move momentarily distracts us from the pain of being who we are. But at what cost?"

Brenda just looked up at her, not knowing what to say.

Gail got up from her chair and leaned up against her desk. "Brenda, I asked you what you feel when you're with Sonny. So far, all you've told me is what Sonny wants and what he needs. Answer my question. What do *you* Brenda feel."

Brenda covered her face and rocked back and forth on the chair, the words pouring out. "I feel guilty, I feel used up, dried up when I'm with Sonny. I feel like I have to do whatever he needs to make him happy. I feel like I have to change...to become what he wants me to be." Suddenly the truth hit her like a ton of bricks, "Oh my goodness! That's not love, that's control! I lose myself when I'm with Sonny. I lose control of my life. I have to sacrifice all my needs, all my wants to make him happy." She looked up at Gail in shock.

"Brenda, you are not a victim. Stop acting like one. I think deep down inside you know who you want to be with...you've known all along. The problem is that you're stuck in the past. Now the question becomes, what are you going to do about? Are you going to step up and embrace the future or cling to the past and all the guilt and misery that comes with it? It's *your* life and it's *your* choice?" Gail looked at her watch, "Our time is up and I have another patient in fifteen minutes."

Gail got up and walked to stand over Brenda. "Remember Brenda, you and only you are in charge of your life. Don't seek validation or approval from others."

"Thank you." She got up and shook Gail's hand.

"For what?" Gail asked.

"For everything....for making me realize things."

"I didn't do anything, all I did was sit and listen.'

"Yea, and asked the right questions." She smiled and left Gail's office.

Brenda walked to the park after leaving Gail's office. She thought about Jax and Sonny as she walked, the good times and the bad times that she shared with both men. She smiled to herself. "Yes, I do know who I want to be with. I do know what I want." Brenda got into her Porsche. "But first, there's something I have to do." She drove to Port Charles Cemetery. She walked to her father's grave as a song played in the background:

"It's funny that way, you can get used

To the tears and the pain

What a child will believe

You never loved me"

She stood and looked down at the tombstone as she thought back to all the times she sat and watched as her father lavished love and attention on Julie, but ignored her.

"You can't hurt me now

I got away from you, I never thought I would

You can't make me cry, you once had the power

I never felt so good about myself"

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she remembered all the things she had done to get her father's love...but to no avail.

"Seems like yesterday I laid down at your boots and I prayed

For your anger to end

Oh father I have sinned

You can't hurt me now

I got away from you, I never thought I would

You can't make me cry, you once had the power

I never felt so good about myself..."

She dried her tears and touched the tombstone and whispered, "I'm free... I'm finally free of you." She closed her eyes and said a little prayer. She brought two fingers to her lips, kissed them and pressed them against her father's tombstone. "Good-bye father. It's time that I left you behind and started to live for me." Brenda smiled and walked back to her car, it felt as if a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Once inside the car, she picked up her cell phone and dialed a number.

"Hello?" a voice answered.

"Hi! it's me. I need to plan a surprise and you're the one person I know who can help me plan it in style." Brenda said in an excited voice. "I only have a couple of days, so time is of the essence."

"I'm all ears."

******************

TWO DAYS later, at Sonny Corinthos' penthouse.

Sonny sat on the couch relaxing with a glass of wine, catching up on his various nefarious business dealings. "So how did the meeting go? Did they give in to our pressure?" He inquired of his henchman, Jason.

"Yes, they've agreed to sale us part of the paper mill company." Said Jason.

Sonny smiled. "Good. It will be the perfect place to launder the money."

The phone interrupted their conversation. "Hello?" Sonny smiled when he heard the voice on the other end. "I was wondering when I would hear from you."

***************

In another part of Port Charles.

Jax sat behind his desk reading the scooting reports on the corporation he was thinking of acquiring. He pressed the button on the intercom. "Addie, I want you to dig up some more information on Hoffman Inc. I feel as if we're missing something."

"Sure Jax." She answered back. "I'll get right on It." She scribbled some notes in her note pad. "Jax you have a call on line two.

"Thanks Addie." He picked up the phone. "Hello?" He frowned slightly as he heard the voice on the other end. "You want me to meet you, where? When?"

****************

Half an hour later Brenda walked into Sonny's apartment. "Hello, Sonny"

"Hello." He had a big grin on his face. He smelled victory, "Want something to drink?"

"No thanks."

"I can't say that I'm surprised you called." He walked to the door and searched the hall. "So, where are your things?"

"My things?" a perplexed Brenda asked.

"Your clothes. I knew you would come back to me." Sonny reached for her.

Brenda moved back. "Sonny, I came here because I've made my decision", She took a deep breath. "I don't want to hurt you. I know that I'm the one who has been giving you hope..." she paused for a moment, "leading you on. For that, I am so sorry. Sonny, I'm in love with Jax, I've chosen Jax."

Sonny stared at her he as if he hadn't heard a word she had said. He slammed down the glass in his hand. "Really? Brenda, you don't know what you want! Your lying to yourself again. You're wearing rose colored glasses where Jax is concerned, he has you snowed!"

Brenda looked sadly at him, he'll never change she thought to herself, he'll never respect her decisions. "No Sonny, I've finally taken off my rose colored glasses. I'm no longer romanticizing your life style or making excuses for what you've done or excuses for what I've done." She smiled a little. "For once I'm doing what's best for *me*. I'm becoming the person I want to be and grabbing to and holding on to what I want."

Sonny walked up to her and grabbed hold of her arms. "We belong together, you know that and I know that! We can't live without each other!" He let go of her arms and cradled her face in his hands. "You can live without Jax in your life, but I know you can't live without me." He brought his lips down to hers and kissed her hard and passionately. Brenda stood passively in his arms, neither responding nor resisting. Sonny finally broke off the kiss when he realized that Brenda wasn't returning it.

Brenda stepped away from him. "Sonny, it's over between us." She took hold of his hands. "You where my first real commitment, my first love and you'll always have a warm place in my heart. But I'm no longer *in* love with you Sonny." She squeezed his hands then let them go. "Can you understand that? can't you just let me go and wish me happiness?" She pleaded. Sonny stared at her stonily and made no response.

Brenda sighed. "You asked me whether I could survive without Jax ,and the answer is yes. I can survive without him."

Sonny gave her a triumphant look. "You see, I told you..." He said triumphantly. Brenda cut him off before he could continue.

"Sonny, love isn't about being with someone because life is meaningless without them, love is about being with a person because with them life's meaning becomes so much clearer." She paused as she tried to make him understand. "I know it sounds corny, but the sun seems brighter when I'm with him." She smiled to herself as she thought of Jax. "The trees seem greener." Her voice filled with emotion. Brenda brought her hands to her chest. "I like *who* I am when I'm with him. Can you understand that?"

"You'll be back... you always come back. " Sonny nodded his head. "You can't keep away from me." He said arrogantly, he picked up his wine glass and took a sip. "I'm in your blood. We're addicted to each other. You can't stay away from me, just like I can't stay away from you."

Brenda stared at him and shook her head, she gave him a pitying look. "No, I *won't* be back, Sonny. You see I've kicked both my habits...my addiction to pain killers and my addiction to you." She walked to the door and opened it, she turned and looked at him, silently saying good-bye with her eyes.

Sonny caught his breath at what he saw in her eyes, she was really closing the book on their story. "You'll be back!" He wouldn't accept it, he couldn't accept it. "Just wait, I know you'll come back!" His voice got progressively shrill and ended in a crescendo. "You're nothing without me! You love me... me! not him! You'll be back!!"

"Good-bye Sonny, I wish you happiness." She shut the door behind her, just as Sonny's wine glass slammed against the door.

Sonny walked to the couch, sat down and picked up the phone on the end table,

"Miranda? It's Sonny. Get over here, now!"

"Why the summons?" Miranda asked in an irritated voice.

"Brenda thinks she's made her choice, and I need you to help me convince her otherwise."

"I take it, it wasn't you she chose?"

"Just get over here!" He slammed the phone down. He walked over to the bar and fixed himself another drink. "I won't let her go." He said to himself. "She's mine and I won't lose her...no matter what I have to do." He slammed down the glass, the force shattering the glass.

*************

New Orleans, the French Quarter, L'hotel des Amoreux.

Jax stood on the terrace looking at the city below. He thought back to that day, long ago, when he and Brenda had stood on this very terrace, dancing and happy, looking forward to their wedding day. He sighed sadly to himself. Their future had looked so bright and sunny. Now here he was in New Orleans, wondering why Brenda wanted to meet him here.

"It was here that it first hit me." A voice said from behind him.

Jax turned around and found Brenda standing behind him. "What first hit you?"

She walked on to the terrace and took hold of hands. "When I realized that I was in love with you." She smiled up at him. "We stood here on the terrace listening to the music from the street as we celebrated our honeymoon, before the wedding." She paused and shut her eyes thinking back to that day. "I looked into your eyes and I felt as if everything I've ever wanted or needed was right here in front of me. But at the same time I was frighten. Frightened that I didn't deserve you and frightened that I was destined to lose you."

Jax caught his breath. "Oh, Brenda, how many times..." She cut him off before he could continue.

"I know you told time and time again how much you loved me. But a part of me wouldn't believe it...couldn't believe that you could possibly love me. I didn't love myself, so how could anyone possibly love me." She gave him a brilliant smile. "But now I realize that I am worthy of love, and that a man would be damn lucky! to have me love him."

"I am lucky." Jax said huskily.

"So, how do you like the new and improved Brenda Barrett?"

"I love her...just as much as I loved the other Brenda Barrett.

"I still have some work ahead of me, but I would like to do it with you at my side."

"What about Sonny?"

"What about him?" Brenda took hold of Jax's hands again. "My feelings for him are in the past where they belong. His my past and you're my present and my future. I'm *in* love with *you*. You're the one that I can't imagine my life without. You're the one I want to wake up in the morning next to. I want to fall asleep to the sound of your heartbeat, and wake up to the sound of your voice." Tears rolled down her face. "You're the one I can't imagine life without. The one I want to see sitting across from me at the dinner table." She cradled his face in her hands. "You're the one I want to grow old with, have kids with....argue with. Make up with." She smiled through her tears. "Make love with, for the rest of my life." She paused to catch her breath. "If you want me I'm yours now and forever."

A smile of absolute joy lit his face. "If I want you?" He caught her up in a loving hug, almost squeezing the breath out of her body. "I hope you meant what you said because I don't think I'll have the strength to let you go again."

Brenda wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tight. She closed her eyes, and thanked heavens that she was where she wanted to be. "I don't ever want you to let me go." She said.

"My love...my beautiful, Brenda." He whispered and lowered his lips, he kissed her tenderly, thirstily. He then broke off the kiss and scooped her up into his arms. He swung her around and around, while she held on to him and laughed. "Put me down you crazy man! you're making me dizzy." She cried out.

"Sorry, I'm just so happy." He set her back down on her feet.

"I know the feeling." Brenda reached up and tenderly caressed his face.

"I have something for you." She reached for her purse and pulled out a handkerchief, she unwrapped it and pulled out Jax's wedding ring. "I believe this belongs to you." She took his left hand. ""I love you, Jax." She looked deeply into his eyes. "Will you marry me?"

Jax looked down at the ring being pushed onto his finger. He touched the ring reverently. "Mmmm." He stroked his chin as he pretended to mull her question over. "Will I marry you? I don't know." He mused. "I've kind of grown use to being a bachelor again. No nagging wife..." He got a mischievous look in his eyes. "I don't have to fight for closet space or wade through tons of makeup to get to my razor."

"Jax..." Brenda said warningly as she raised her hand in mock threat.

He grabbed her raised hand and pulled her to him. He gave her a hard kiss before he let her go. "Of course I'll marry, you crazy woman."

Brenda squealed and threw her self into his arms, she held on to him for a long moment.

As the couple stood on the terrace, the words to the song playing in the background could be heard. Jax pulled away and smiled down at her. He held out his hand to her. "May I have this dance, Ms Barrett?"

"Yes you may, Mr. Jacks."

Jax pulled her into his arms, and the couple began to dance to the song.

"If there were no words

No way to speak

I would still hear you"

He smiled down at her and gently stroked her face with his hand. She smile up at him and kissed the hand tracing her face.

"If there were no tears

No way to feel inside

I'd still feel for you"

The couple danced their way into the bedroom. His head lowered, his mouth meeting hers. He played ever so softly with her lips, coaxing them to particles He kissed her hungrily, desperately as they continued to sway to the music.

"And even if the sun refused to shine

Even if romance ran out of rhyme

You would still have my heart until the end of time

You're all I need, my love, my Valentine"

Brenda unbuttoned Jax's shirt, she reached up and pushed the shirt off his shoulders. Her hands began a sensuous quest, caressing, stroking, touching his wide chest.

"All of my life

I have been waiting for

All you give to me"

She leaned into him as her lips trailed a heated path up his chest to his strong corded neck. He shuddered and closed his eyes.

"You've opened my eyes

And shown me how to love unselfishly"

She cup his face in her hands and pulled his head down to her. He slowly opened his eyes. Aquarium eyes dark with passion clashed with dark brown eyes darkened with passion. He reached for her lips, his mouth was on hers, probing, demanding, devastatingly possessive as if he couldn't get enough of her. The kiss went on and on, becoming deeper, hotter, even more intimate.

"I've dreamed of this a thousand times before

But in my dreams I couldn't love you more"

Not breaking the kiss, he unbuttoned her dress and spread the skirt opened so that he cold caress her bare skin.

"I will give you my heart

Until the end of time

You're all I need, my love, my Valentine"

He pushed the dress off her shoulders and down her arms, he peeled the dress away until it lay in a pool at her feet. He explored her then, taking his time, as he slowly ran his hands down her body. She shuddered helplessly under the assault to her senses, she gripped his shoulder to keep from falling.

"And even if the sun refused to shine

Even if romance ran out of rhyme"

His hands on her hips, he drew her forward until they were pressed against each other. His eyes closed as the breath shuddered out of him.

"You would still have my heart until the end of time"

'Cause all I need is you, my Valentine

You're all I need, my love, my Valentine"

He scooped her up into his arms and carried her effortlessly to the bed. Once there they sank down onto the big bed, tugging impatiently at the rest of their clothing, kissing and caressing, amidst a soft chorus of moans and sighs. They spent the night loving and rediscovering the delights of each others body. They finally slept, but it was well into the wee hours of the morning.

******************

Hours later, the early afternoon sunshine penetrated the room where the couple slept.

Jax stretched lazily, his arm above his head. For the past ten minutes he had been watching a sleeping Brenda. He couldn't believe that it was finally over and that she was his. Brenda stirred next to him in the huge Queen sized bed, yawned and moved closer to him. "Hey sleepy head, how about we get something to eat, I'm starving." Jax said softly.

Brenda snuggled deeper into the crook of his arm, her head lying against his warm shoulder. She yawned. "What time is it?" Jax brushed her tousled hair back from her forehead with gentle fingers, and kissed her forehead. "It's a couple minutes after 1 p.m."

"What?!" Brenda pulled away from him and jumped out of bed. "We're going to be late!" She hurried around the room collecting the clothes from the floor, she threw his clothes at him. "Hurry up and get dressed, they'll be here any minute!" She called out as she made a mad dash for the bathroom.

Jax leaned back on the bed with a bemused look on his face. "What are we going to be late for? and who are we expecting?"

Brenda stuck her head out from the bathroom, "Our wedding guests, silly."

"What?!

Before he could say anything more, they heard pounding on the door, "Jax? Brenda? come on sleepy heads... you only have two hours before the wedding?!" A female voice called out from outside.

"Lois?" asked a stunned Jax.

"I thought you were the early riser in the family." A male voice called out from outside.

"Jerry?!" Jax jumped out of bed and reached for his pants, as more voices could be heard outside the door.

Brenda stepped out of the bathroom fully clothed. "Hurry up and get dressed, while I entertain our guests." She pushed him toward the bathroom, as she went to open the door.

When Jax returned he found Brenda surrounded by their family and friends. He went around greeting them. Shaking hands and patting backs, "Keiren... Augustin... Thao.... glad to see you."

"You didn't thing we'd miss your wedding again did you?" asked Keiren.

"Wanted to see you get that noose around your neck." Kidded Augustin.

"Wouldn't miss it for world, old man!" Said Thao.

"Jerry, thought you fell off the face of the earth." The brothers embraced, to see Jerry was to know how Jax would look six years down the road. The brothers were of the same built, height and had the same identical honey blonde hair, aquamarine eyes and cleft chin.

"Lucky for me that I was at the homestead when mum and dad got the call from your lovely bride, here." Jax and Jerry turned to face a grinning Brenda.

Lady Jane with her arm around Brenda laughed at the joy she saw on her son's face "How do you like your surprise?"

"I love it!" He looked at Brenda. "When did... How did you plan everything so quickly?" Jax asked in amazement.

Brenda placed her hands on her hips and leaned slightly forward and said with attitude. "Honey, don't you know that there isn't *anything* us Jacks can't do once we put our minds to it?"

Jax threw back his head and laughed out loud, a deep rolling laugh that vibrated throughout his entire body, he scooped Brenda up in his arms, "I love you." Brenda brought her hands to cup his face. "I love you too," she whispered. Her hand came up behind his head to bring his mouth down on hers, they kissed long and passionately.

"Come on guys, quit it!" Lois yelled out. "You'll have time for that later. We have a wedding to get to." Jax and Brenda reluctantly pulled apart. Jax set her back on her feet and stepped back.

"Come on, let's go." Robin grabbed Brenda by the hand and started dragging her toward the door. Brenda turned and blew Jax a kiss as Lois grabbed her other hand and dragged her out. "Bye, honey! see you at the church." She called out before she disappeared.

****************

AN HOUR LATER

In the brides room at, La Salle Baptist church. Brenda sat in front of the mirror fixing her makeup, while Lois hot curler in hand worked on her hair. Julia Barrett and bridesmaid, Robin, were busy taking the gown and the veil out of the garment bag, while Jane Jacks spoke furtively on her cell phone. "Their here? good."

Finally the time arrived for the bride to dress. Lois and Robin helped Brenda dress, it was a glorious, sleeveless ivory off- the shoulders silk taffeta gown with a closely fitted bodice and full skirt. The veil of illusion lace was held in place with a dainty, seed-pearled crown of flowers. The brocade shoes were dyed to match the gown.

"Let's see -- you have something new, your wedding gown..." Lois paused as she checked off what she had just said on her list... "You have something borrowed, my silk handkerchief... You have something blue, the lace garter that Robin bought for you... and you have something old, Lady Jane's antique hair combs." Lois checked everything off her list and smiled as she looked at Brenda.

Julia came towards Lois with a misty, look in her eyes. She hugged her sister careful not to wrinkle her gown. "I've never seen you look more beautiful! Be happy sis." She said as she kissed her on the cheek.

Brenda returned the hug. "I will, and thank you for being here to share my special day with me."

Jane walked over to Brenda, her eyes wet with tears. "You look lovely, my dear. Thank you for making my son so happy," she whispered through her tears. Brenda, her eyes also starting to fill with tears, reached over and hugged her.

"It's me who should thank you." She held Jane for a long moment. "You raised a very special son." Jane returned the hug and smiled at Brenda.

Brenda stepped back and took Jane's hands in hers, "Thanks again for helping me plan this. I couldn't have done it without you. How can I ever repay you?"

Jane squeezed her hand. "Just keep making my son as happy as he looks today."

"I will." Brenda whispered as she returned the squeeze.

****************

IN THE MEANTIME ... In the grooms room

Jax paced back and forth, trying to rid himself of his nervous energy, while his father, brother and Ned watched on with amused looks on their faces.

"What's the matter Jax, worried about the noose that's about to go around your neck?" taunted Jerry.

Jax gave him a withering look.

"Oh, if looks could kill..." quipped Ned.

"I'd be six foot under." Finished Jerry.

"Now boys, behave yourselves," John said in admonishment. "Can't you see that the poor boy is quaking in his boots at the thought of breathing his last breath as a free man?" He got up and stood next to Jax. "He needs our understanding...not our ribbing." He said in a voice dripping with false sympathy. "Now son, do you need anything? Another pair of socks for those cold feet, perhaps?" He laughed as he pounded Jax on the back.

"Thanks for the concern, dad." Jax said dryly. "You too Jerry. It warms my heart to know how much you care."

"Anytime, anytime," said a laughing Jerry. "After all, what are families for?"

"I don't know. But I'll be sure to let you know once I find out." He said sarcastically.

A pounding on the door interrupted the men. "It's time to start." Said one of the church attendants. The men filed out the door and took their places.

Minutes later, Ned knocked on the brides door, "It's time to start." Jane and Julia said their good-byes and filed out of the room. Robin and Lois picked up their flowers and filed out of the room. Organ music began to play as the bridesmaid and maid of honor walked down the aisle. Brenda took a deep breath, pulled her veil down, picked up her bouquet of pink tulips, took Ned's arm and walked out the door towards her future.

**************

ORGAN MUSIC filled La Salle Baptist church , as a small group of family and close friends awaited the arrival of the bride. Only the first two rows of the beribboned pews were filled, where Jane Jacks, John Jacks, Julia Barrett, Ruby, Keiren, Augustin, and Thao sat. Jax and Jerry, looking handsome in their black tuxedos stood at the altar, and watched as bridesmaid, Robin and the maid of honor, Lois came down the aisle. Jax tensed up as the wedding march began to play. He turned and faced the back of the church as Brenda and Ned walked down the aisle. He never took his eyes off her as she came toward him. When Brenda and Ned reached the altar, Jax accepted her hand and the couple moved as one to the altar. Brenda turned and handed her bouquet of pink tulips to Lois.

They stood, facing each other with clasped hands, as the minister began the ceremony.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God and in the face of this congregation to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony...

"Brenda, will you have Jax to be your husband...to love, comfort, honor and keep him and, forsaking all other, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I will." Said Brenda

"Jax, will you have Brenda to be your wife...to love, comfort, honor and keep her and, forsaking all other, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

"I will." Said Jax.

"Repeat after me..."

"I, Jax...take you, Brenda to be my wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward...For better or for worse...For richer or for poorer...in sickness and in health...to love and to cherish...until death do us part." Jax's eyes shone with love.

"Now, Brenda repeat after me..."

"I, Brenda...take you, Jax to be my husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward...For better or for worse...For richer or for poorer...in sickness and in health...to love and to cherish...until death do us part." All the love she had for Jax shone in her eyes.

"May I have the rings please." Lois and Jerry stepped up and placed the rings they held in the open bible in the minister's hand. "Bless, these rings oh Lord. Let these rings be a sign of the vows by which this man and this woman have bound themselves to each other."

"Let us now exchange the rings."

Jax took Brenda's ring from the bible, " I give you this ring as a symbol of my vows and my love for you. My love for you is like this ring, no beginning and no end." he slipped the ring on her finger. "With all that I am, all that I have...and all that I will be, I promise to love you for the rest of my life." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the ring on her finger.

Brenda took Jax's ring from the bible, "I give you this ring as a symbol of my vows and my love for you. My love for you is like this ring, no beginning and no end." Her hand trembled as she slipped the wide gold band onto Jax's ring finger. "With all that I am, all that I have...and all that I will be, I promise to love you for the rest of my life." Silent tears rolled down her face.

"Now that Jax and Brenda have given themselves to each other by their solemn vows, and the with the joining of hands and the exchanging of rings..." He looked down at the happy couple from the altar. " I declare them to be husband and wife! You may kiss the bride."

Jax turned and reverently lifted the veil from Brenda's face, "My bride," He whispered. He leaned down and kissed her. A deep, loving kiss of commitment and possession, that went on and on. The couple finally broke apart when the cat calls and cheering from their friends and family penetrated their love induced haze.

************************

The reception was held in the church garden. Amidst tons of flowers, trees and flowering shrubs, Brenda and Jax celebrated their union with their friends and families. There was dancing, toasting and joking. When it was time for the couple to have their first dance, John and Jane surprised the happy couple by having their close friends Barbara Streisand and Bryan Adams sing their top ten hit, "I've finally found someone."

Brenda smiled prettily and curtsied, "May I have this dance, Mr. Jacks."

Jax gave her a courtly bow. "Yes, you may, Mrs. Jacks."

"I finally found someone

That knocks me off my feet

I finally found the one

That makes me feel complete"

The couple moved as one to the music.

"It started over coffee

We started out as friends

It's funny how from simple things

The best things begin

This time it's different

And it's all because of you

It's better than it's ever been

'Cause we can talk it through"

Drawing Brenda close, Jax smiled down at her as the words flowed around them. "Happy, Mrs. Jacks?" he murmured.

"Deliriously, happy, Mr. Jacks," she replied, resting her cheek against his shoulder, as they moved slowly to the music.

"My favorite line was

"Can I call you sometime"

It's all you had to say

To take my breath away

This is it, oh I finally found someone

Someone to share my life

I finally found the one"

Brenda caressed Jax face with her hand, thanking heavens that she was finally where she wanted to be....that she had finally gotten what she wanted, that she had finally found the *one*.

"To be with every night

'Cause whatever I do

It's just got to be you

My life has just begun

"I finally found someone"

"You're amazing, do you know that?" Jax said as he held her tightly and swayed to the song. "I can't believe you were able to plan all this so fast."

"I had the best motivation." She reached up and touched his face. "I finally found what I wanted, so I had to make sure that he couldn't escape." She smiled up at him. "Besides you're way too attractive to be left on your own for too long." She giggled. "Who knows what sorts of trouble you could have gotten into. I'm doing you a favor by nailing you down." She gave him an impish grin.

Jax chuckled, "Oh really?"

"Really."

"So, Master of surprises, what do you have planned next?"

"Oh, just the honeymoon to end all honeymoons." She said smugly, as her caressing hands slipped under his jacket.

He groaned and pulled her hands away, "Brenda..."

"What's the matter Jax, am I getting under your skin?" She gave him a naughty look, as her caressing hands worked their magic.

"Behave yourself. " He pulled her closer to his body so that she would have no room to work her torture.

"We were talking about our honeymoon, where are we going? " He asked curiously.

"It's a surprise"

"Can't I get a hint?"

"I see gentle breezes, turquoise skies, pastel pink sands..." she grinned mischievously, "and me in nothing more than a itsy bitsy bikini."

"What are we waiting for?!" He stopped dancing, swung her up into his arms and ran out to the parked limousine. "Let's get to it!" The guests stood laughing as they watched the couple make their escape. Brenda wrapped her arms around his neck and laughed exhilaratingly. She took off her veil and threw it to a laughing Lois. As the couple left the reception, the final words of the song played.

"My life has just begun

I finally found someone."

***************

The island of Kronos, Greece

Brenda leaned on her elbow cradling her face in her hand as she looked down on her sleeping husband. They've been on Kronos for three days, yet she hadn't seen anything beside their bedroom. They've been caught in a world of their own since arriving on Kronos, spending the days and the nights loving and rediscovering each other. She smiled to herself, thank goodness they had a full staff to see to their needs or they would have starved to death. The staff saw to it that a tray was left at their door every meal time.

Brenda leaned over and brushed the hair off Jax's face and kissed his forehead. "Hey, sleepy head wake up." She shook his shoulder. "You promised to show me your island, remember?"

Jax stretched and yawned. "Good morning, what time is it?" he asked.

"Time to go exploring." Brenda made as if to get out of bed, but Jax pulled her back to him. "I love that idea... I love exploring," he nibbled her neck and explored her body with his hands.

Brenda giggled as she half heatedly rebuffed his advances. "Your insatiable." They kissed passionately and where about to give into their passion once again, when Brenda pulled away. "Sightseeing..." She reminded him breathlessly. "Remember?" He groaned into her hair as she laughed. "Okay." He said as he reluctantly moved away. "You better go and get some clothes on before I forget myself again." She got out of bed and wrapped the sheet around her. "Wouldn't want to give you any ideas," she said teasingly. His heart turned over at the love and happiness he saw in her face.

She stopped midway to the bathroom and threw the sheet back at him. "I'll let you scrub my back if you promise to behave." She then made a mad dash for the bathroom. He laughed and jumped out of bed. Jax overtook her and scooped her up into his arms, "Always willing to do my husbandly duty." She wrapped her arms around his neck and giggled as they walked into the bathroom.

************

Several hours later, the couple left the sprawling limestone villa with a picnic basket that had been prepared for them by the housekeeper. They walked hand in hand, their feet sinking into the warm sand, as the afternoon breeze gently teased their skin. Jax taught Brenda some Greek words as they walked.

"So.. parakalo means please and efharisto means thank you?"

"Correct."

"And Kalimera is for daytime greeting and Kalispera is for the evening."

"You're a fast learner." Jax said proudly.

Brenda smiled prettily at him. "Thanks, I had a great teacher."

They found the perfect spot to enjoy their picnic. A spot that afforded them the best view of the sea and the other islands. Brenda spread the blanket on the sand as Jax unpacked the wicker basket. They ate in relative silence as they enjoyed the view and their meal. Too full with their delicious lunch to go snorkeling as they had originally planed to do, the couple waded into the ocean.

Brenda pointed to something in the distance. "Oh, my goodness would you look at that!"

Jax turned to look where she pointed. "What?" Suddenly, without any warning, he felt a shove from behind. He turned and looked at Brenda.

"What are you doing?"

Brenda gave him an innocent look. "Me? Nothing. I'm just standing here admiring the view."

"Really?" Jax turned, and before she could move, he scooped her up into his arms and walked deeper into the water.

"Jax, don't you *dare* throw me in." She squealed as he held her over the water.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't." He held her suspended over the water as he awaited her response.

"Because you love me...," she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Because you love me more than anything in this world." She held on tighter to his neck.

"True, but that still isn't reason enough." He brought her body closer to the water.

"Because..." Brenda tightened her hold on his neck and pressed a hot yearning kiss onto his mouth. Groaning, he explored her mouth leisurely, drinking in her sweetness. The kiss ended a long moment later. "Is that reason enough for you?" Brenda asked breathlessly.

Jax smiled down at her. "Impressive, but..." He dropped her into the water. "Still not enough reason."

Brenda came up sputtering. She looked up at a laughing Jax. "I can't believe you did that, Jax." Jax wrapped his arms around himself as he laughed hysterically.

She lost her temper. "You think that's funny?"

Catching his legs, she flipped him, sending him backward into the water. Surprised, Jax grabbed her and dragged her back into the water with him. They came up sputtering.

"When I get my hands on you, I'm going to..." Brenda swore as she spat out water.

"Oh, I'm shaking." Said Jax in mock fear.

Brenda laughed and brought her hand against the water and sent water spraying into his face. The couple played in the water for a long while, before getting out and walking to their blanket. Feeling pleasantly lazy after their meal and little excursion, Jax laid back on the blanket and rested his head in Brenda's lap.

"Oh , look." Brenda pointed to the setting sun. The sun's rays caused the water to sparkle like diamonds.

"I ordered it just for you."

"Amazing." Brenda acted duly impressed, "What else can you do?"

"Anything. Just ask and It will be yours." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

She smiled down at him and teased him, "Can you bring me a thimble of snow from the highest mountain?"

"Yes." He kissed her wedding band.

"Can you slay the mightiest dragon for me?"

"You have only to ask, my lady."

Her voice got serious. "Can you promise to love me for the rest of your life?"

Jax lifted his hand and touched her face. "Yes, for now and all eternity."

She held his hand against her face. "Then I have everything that I could possibly ever want." All the love she had for him shone from her eyes. "And I'll never let it go."

Brenda gently caressed his face. "I love you. I love you so much," she whispered.

"I love you, too." Jax said huskily. Jax pushed her gently back on the blanket and made sweet, passionate love to her.

EPILOGUE

Port Charles, New York.

While Jax and Brenda celebrated their love and future, their ex-loves sat nursing drinks and dreaming dreams. Dreamed of wedding days that will never come and words of love that will never be uttered. Neither yet fully realized the power of Jax and Brenda's love. "Here's to us getting what we both deserve," Sonny lifted his glass in a toast. Miranda lifted her glass, "Here's to the destruction of Jax and Brenda," Miranda smiled grimly.

THE END?

"Characters in this story are based on the television serial "General Hospital. It is copyrighted by American Broadcast Company and Disney. No infringement is intended in any part by the author, however, the ideas expressed within this story are copyrighted to the author."

"I Finally Found Someone," by Barbara Streisand and Bryan Adams.

"Valentine," by Martina McBride and Brickman.

"Oh Father", by Madonna.

The excerpt at the top comes from the Bible, Song of Songs.