Subject: Humor - Delta Sloane (Voy/S31)
From: rob4654@webtv.net (Rob Morris)
Date: 1999/03/11
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
( We see Captain Janeway asleep in her quarters; Sitting in a chair in
front of her bed is the excrecable Agent Sloane; she sees him and starts
)
KJ : Who the hell are you, and what the hell are you doing in my
quarters?
AS : Captain, I beamed here from the Alpha Quadrant to say your
government needs your help-and to tell you that you will give it. I'm
with Section 31.
KJ : Can you get back?
AS : Yes, but it suits our long-term colonization purposes that you
remain here. Now, as to your mission...
KJ : ( Ignores him ) Janeway to Chakotay! We've got a spy who has a
long-range transport technology. What are you picking up?
AS : You'll find nothing, of course.
CH : ( Audio only ) Captain, they piggybacked the beam on the Alpha
Qudrant's 'Spitting Quasar'
AS : Ah, but how do we maintain so coherent a beam? Now, may I call you
Kath...."
Tuv: (AO) Captain, I believe they are using an existing energy field,
fading but artificial in nature.
AS : Captain! ( Throws up hands ) There must be thousands of such
phenemenon. Now, your mission is...
BT : (AO) Yeah, Captain? Its the residue from the relays that the Doctor
used to get back home.
KJ : Keep on it, Belanna. Sorry, Sloane, you were saying?
AS : Yes, we used the relays' residue. But, the means and methods are
encrypted to such a degree that no one...
SON : Seven here, Captain. I have broken the encryption code and
reinstalled new protocols.
AS : That's all well and good. But Section 31 keeps its own counsel, and
the amount of variables...
HK : Captain, its Ensign Kim. The zone of transport is pure void, no
matter at all. Its a clean shot, all the way home.
Neel: Hey, Captain, just for fun, I recalibrated the shields so that his
'soft underbelly' transport won't work anymore.
TP : Tom here, Captain. I can widen the beam enough to take the whole
ship in.
AS : ANYONE ELSE?!!!!
Naomi : Captain, can I suggest running the shuttlecrafts just outside
the ship, to cover the blind spots our sensors miss?
KJ : Superior suggestion, Naomi. Doctor, you have anything to add?
Doc: Nothing of import, Captain. But I did use Agent Sloane's beam to
download the entire database of Section 31. Whoa! Some very illegal
activities here, and the evidence to prove them all!
AS : AAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
( Vanishes )
KJ : Damn. He never did tell me what our mission was. Couldn't have been
too important, though. People, how's that transport beam coming?
CH : Unusable, Captain. Anyone who uses it more than once will be
converted into a fruit-filled toaster pastry.
KJ : Oh. Well, then, Commander, I'm going back to sleep. G'night.
CH : Goodnight, Captain. Goodnight, Tom.
TP : Goodnight Captain. Goodnight, Commander. Goodnight, Belanna.
BT : Goodnight, Tom. Goodnight, Commander. Goodnight, Captain.
Goodnight, Neelix.
Ne: Goodnight, Belanna. Goodnight, Tom. Goodnight, Commander, Goodnight,
Captain. Goodnight, Harry.
HK : Goodnight, Neelix. Goodnight, Belanna. Goodnight, Tom. Goodnight,
Commander. Goodnight, Captain. Goodnight, Tuvok.
Tuv : Good night, Ensign Kim. Good night, Mr. Neelix. Goodnight,
Lieutanant Torres. Goodnight, Ensign Paris. Goodnight, Commander
Chakotay. Goodnight, Captain Janeway. Goodnight, Seven.
Seven?
( Seven, Naomi, and The Doctor hide in sickbay )
Naomi : They scare me when they get like this.
KJ : Captain's Log : We all learned an important lesson that night. But
we were too damned tired to remember what it was, the next day.
ON DS9................
Bashir : Say, what's this on my chair? A Strawberry Pop-Tart? And I'm
famished!!!!
Afterwords................
AS : Where am I? What is this place?
Gul Dukat : Hello, Sloane. I've been expecting you.
AS : Dukat...but you're dead.
GD : I've been expecting you...and so has she....BWAAAAHHHAAAAA!!!!!!
Old Navy Woman : Why, Magic, Look! Its Agent Sloane!
AS : NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the cries of the damned continue.....
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