Everytime

Written by: Sandra Bondelier

They were in the gardens at the Dimera Mansion, playing with the children, enjoying the bright sunshine and the refreshing cheeriness of a warm Spring day. It was a glorious time and they felt so close to each other and to the children, closer than they had in a long time. One minute he was holding her in his arms, having tackled her to the ground. It was a moment that brought back so many pleasant memories for him, so many feelings of love, feelings of the romantic kind of love he wished she still felt for him, as he did for her.

And every time I touch you honey

Oh, it brings back those feelings and those memories......

And in the next, John looked at her and she seemed so desperately sad, as if she had just lost what she loved most in all the world. And yet, in other moments when they were together and spending time as a family with the kids, she seemed so contented, as if all were right with her world. John wished with all his might that he could tell her the truth about his feelings for her. Sometimes he wondered if she didn't love him too.

Every time I think of you baby

I realize the hurt, girl

The hurt I've put you through...

Still, she had made it clear when he tried the other day... she said she'd moved on... that they shared such a special friendship. His conclusion was that he'd caused her so much pain in the past... she could probably never love him again... No, they shared an important and close friendship, but nothing more... John told himself repeatedly, he had to accept that he would never hold her as he once did... that he would never again caress the silky softness of her skin as a lover does... he had to let her go completely.... that was what his mind kept telling him, but his heart was having an awfully tough time going along with the program. It told him something entirely different.....

But where there's love there is an answer

And I believe that there's an answer here for me and you

He was aching to tell her how he really felt, that she was the one he truly loved, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, not Kristen. How.... how could he find a way to discern her true feelings... What if it was as Abe intimated... that she was only holding back because he was... thereby creating a cycle of denial for the protection of the other, certainly not unheard of where their relationship was concerned. His discomfited reverie was broken by the sound of her enticing voice, "John.... did you hear me?"

"Huh... oh, I.. uh, I was just... thinking... I'm sorry, Doc... what were you saying?" he asked apologetically. "I'm listening now," he added, flashing her a winning attentive smile.

'Cause every time I feel my heart on fire

I only wanna have your loving....

She nearly swooned to look at him, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief, "Well, I was saying... it's about time we took the kids in and got them some lunch... don't you think?"

"Oh... yea... lunch... that's a good idea, yea... sure," he agreed, noticing how the sun made the most beautiful highlights in her golden hair.

'Cause every time I feel that warm desire

All it takes is just one kiss from the girl I can't resist

'Cause I just can't stop this burning inside

Ohhhhhhhh

"Good... then let's go, John," she said, noticing that he was staring at her. It made her wonder... the way he looked at her sometimes. Was he really in love with Kristen or was she his second choice... could it be as Lexie implied the other day when they talked, that he was holding back.

I just wanna tell you baby

That nothing in this world can take the place of you in my life....

"Uh.. yea.. sure... I'm with you... " he said out loud as he followed a step or two behind in rounding up the kids, thinking internally... ' I wish I were with you the way I want to be... His heart did battle with his head... 'Then tell her! No, I can't do that... she doesn't love me.. she said she's moved on... that we're just friends... But, maybe if you open up to her, she'll tell you something different. Maybe she's just saying that so that you don't feel bad... maybe she's hiding the truth too...did you ever think of that, John?' he heard Abe's voice asking, encouraging him to take the risk, 'Go ahead and tell her... what have you got to lose, buddy?'

Inspiration struck him like Cupid's arrow... 'Yea... what have I got to lose?' Your pride... So... what's that worth if you have a chance at spending your life with the woman you really love... Right... what's the big deal... He touched her on the sleeve just before she stepped inside the house, softly calling out her name, "Doc... wait a minute... there's uh.. something I need to talk to you about..."

You've got to know that you're the answer

You've got to know that you're the reason for those

Want you's and those need you's and those holding on's...

Sensing he was going to say tell her something significant, she turned immediately and agreed, "Alright... what is it, John... you sound so serious."

Surprised to feel newfound courage, he nodded and smiled warmly, then agreed, "I am serious, very serious. Marlena.... There's something I need to say to you and I want you to hear me all the way out before you say anything. Can you do that?" he asked, thinking that he had almost told her how he really felt twice since they'd returned from Aremid, but she'd cut him off both times to 'let him off the hook' so to speak. That was not what he wanted and he was determined to finish his piece this time.

Every time I look around I see

Every time I look around I want you.......

Having some idea where he might be headed, but afraid to hope too much, she nodded and said quietly as she gestured toward one of the benches a few yards away from the house. "Yes, I can do that... "

When they were seated, she asked him, "What is it that is so important, John? What did you need to tell me?"

He sighed, unexpectedly feeling nervous again as he sat down next to ...say something.. please... I mean... I haven't.. upset you, have I?" he offered hesitantly.

"Oh.. John... I'm just... so...I'm so....."

"What? Are happy, Doc... Please tell me you're happy about this.. " he said as his right hand went to caress her moist cheek, his tone sounding slightly desperate to believe what he thought he was observing, what his heart told him was true but his mind doubted nonetheless.

She only nodded, tears cascading downward...her voice quavering as she fought for the control she needed to tell her of her reaction to such wondrous news. "Yes... oh, yes... it makes me very happy. I love you too, John.. I love you so... but I thought... that you didn't... feel that way...about me anymore... I thought that you... really loved Kristen now so I.... denied... my true... feelings. I did it... to protect you."

His heart melted... she was always protecting him.. sparing his feelings... and all along she had loved him too... "Oh, Doc... I've been a fool... I should have known... I should have told you how I felt right away.. I should have trusted in our love.. I'm sorry that I didn't but I was doing the same thing... "

"The other night... that's what you were trying to tell me, isn't it?"

"Yes... but you said..."

"I said that I'd moved on... You see.. Kristen told me that you felt.. obligated to me... that you needed me to let you go in order to commit to her... so I did what she asked of me, John... I shouldn't have done that. I should have listened to you..."

"Obligated... Me feel obligated to you?" he said, his voice and eyes wide with incredulity as his hands reached for her shoulders, drawing her closer, "Doc, I don't know where she got that crazy idea... I don't feel obligated to you, I *love* you... plain and simple and I always will." His eyes and voice and even his touch were so full of passionate adoration that she felt herself falling into a familiar place, a place she dreamed of going, but thought had faded into a distant memory....

"This is... this is like a dream come true, John... I realized how I felt while we were in Aremid too... actually it was before that... shortly after I was... healed... after you saved me... " she said, shuddering slightly. In a second's time, he was enfolding her in the safety and security of his warm embrace.

"Then... when you were sentenced to die.. I realized how empty my life would be without you and I was desperate... I would have done anything to prove you innocent... I *knew* that you could never have killed Tony that way..." She was touching his face so tenderly, as only a lover does and he too found himself melting into the love in her warm hazel eyes.

"And it was your support that got me through it, Doc.... You never wavered once... I couldn't have survived it if it weren't for you, Marlena.. I mean that... I'm just sorry I didn't have the guts to tell you right after we got you back from Dimera... that day when you woke up... I wanted to tell you so badly... I don't know why I didn't really..."

"Because we've had to deny those feelings for so long, we convinced ourselves they weren't there any longer."

"Almost, Doc.... We almost convinced ourselves...." John said softly, as he moved slowly closer until their expectant lips were less than an inch apart."

She smiled as a tingling sensation ran up and down the length of her spine and then repeated it in a quiet whisper, "Almost...." And then he kissed her with all that hidden passion and he took her breath away... his too, actually. His tongue intertwined with hers and they sighed and moaned with the smoldering desire that had so long laid dormant. "I love you, Doc... I'll love you forever."

"And I will love you for all eternity... my precious love..." No more words were spoken, for they were locked in an enticing, intoxicating gaze of love renewed, love reawakened, and the embers that burned long and low were now re-ignited into a flame of everlasting passion...

Cause every time I feel my heart on fire

I only wanna have your loving

Cause every time I feel that warm desire

All it takes is just one kiss from the girl I can't resist.......

Every time.......