April 13
waiting

Continued my CWTS today. I logged in and out at the same times as yesterday. Although I had to wait till 3 to be given work coz nothing much was happening. And waiting really really sucks. Or maybe I just suck at waiting.

Four more hours and it's over...

* * *

I just got a text message from Ideal Minds. They've put me on the show The MIsadventures of Maverick and Ariel. My internship will officially start on May 2. Yay!

April 12
abstract

My head hurts and I badly need sleep. But here I am typing anyway.

Can I just say that I love Hale's Broken Sonnet? There.

I started [completing] my CWTS today. I got to the barangay hall at about 1:30 and the secretary gave me a few sheets of paper to encode. After I finished it, she sent me to a small library, which I never knew we had, and which was full of good reads (they even had a copy of Ricky Lee's Trip to Quiapo and a collection of interesting novels). My job was basically to clean the whole room and arrange some of the books. But being the OC person that I am, I found myself sorting the books and arranging them into organized rows. And it took me more than three hours to do all that plus the cleaning. That's when I realized how difficult and nerve-racking it actually is.

And so my time log for today is approximately four hours and thirty minutes. So that means I still need about eight and a half hours. *sighs*

* * *

I like Memories of Bali. The tension between the characters fascinates me. They always wind up in awkward situations that force them to stifle their emotions and keep them from doing what they really want. I'm so eager to see what happens next. I wish I would be spending the following nights watching it, which requires me to be at home during that time. Oh well. I'll enjoy just watching it while I can.

Today was Charmed night. I'm back.

* * *

Boredom is becoming a way of life. What my white Paint canvas ended up becoming while I was talking on the phone:

Interpretations are welcome. After all, abstract is still art.

Kanina habang nanonood kami ni Papa ng Search for the Star in a Million, naglabas siya ng isang tupperware na may pinagsamang mga kiamoy at breadstix. Habang ako ay nagugulantang, sinubukan kong tumikim ng isang breadstix at lo and behold, kasing asim na siya ng kiamoy. Siyempre hindi ko na inubos. Pinapak ko na lang yung mga kiamoy, na naging dahilan para agawin sa 'kin ni Papa yung tupperware.

Buti naman at naisipan nung show na gawing APO Night ang episode na yon, tho halatang ginaya lang siya sa American Idol, specifically, yung Elton John Night last season. Pero keri na rin kasi at least may tatlong karagdagang judges na di hamak naman ay mas qualified mag-rate at mag-criticize ng singing performance. At astig din nga na puro APO songs ang kinanta ng contestants. Sana next time ay mag-Martin night sila o di kaya ay Gary V night. Para mas masaya.

* * *

Mukhang maganda ang Memories of Bali. Wala lang.

* * *

Natutuwa ako at nabuhay muli si Mariah Carey. Ayan at nasa Myx Daily Top Ten na ang kanta niyang "It's Like That". Go, go, go, Mariah!

Speaking of music videos, si Drew Fuller pala ang nasa video ng bagong single ni Lindsay Lohan na "Over". At least we know na matapos masibak ang character niya sa Charmed ay may trabaho pa rin siya kahit papaano. Sana ay magkaroon na lang siya ng bagong show. Mabait naman si Aaron Spelling e.

* * *

May shoot bukas (ay, mamaya na pala) ang isang show ng Ideal Minds, ang Taxi. 6:30 pa lang kailangan nasa Baliwag Transit na kami sa Cubao. Oo, sa May pa ko dapat magsisimula pero ma-cre-credit naman 'to at experience din yan.

Nagpa-picture na rin pala ako kanina kasi wala na kong 2x2. Pero bago ako umalis ng bahay ay kinailangan naming magdiskusyon ni Papa tungkol sa buhok ko.

So, nagpagupit nga ba ako? Siyempre hindi. Kaya kumusta naman ang buhok ko sa litrato? [Ayun, mahaba pa rin.]

* * *

Eto ay mga bahagi ng lyrics ng tatlong kantang madalas kong naririnig ngayon:

"Coz tonight, I'll be right at you side." - Broken Sonnet, Hale

"Lumingon ka lang, nandito ako lagi sa tabi mo." - Lumingon Ka Lang, Sarah Geronimo

"Do you see me too? Do you even know you met me?" - True, Ryan Cabrera

So pano nga kung nandun ka sa tabi niya, pero kahit lumingon siya, di ka pa rin niya nakikita (at hindi ka naman ghost)?

April 09
wala lang

Wala lang talaga. Wala namang nangyari buong araw. Natulog lang ako at kumain.

Eto, binago ko na naman yung layout. Wala lang din.

Nakakatawa yung palabas sa Disney Channel. Di ko alam title. Basta yung story ni Timon and Pumbaa supposedly before The Lion King and before nila ma-meet si Simba. Ang galing at ang saya.

April 08

If it's not meant to be, then it's not.

Gusto ko pa ring mainis. Pero hindi ko magawa. Manhid na talaga ako.

Tama si Ayn. Sayang ang pinaghirapan ko. Nagpaka-OC pa naman ako sa script na yon. At na-visualize ko na nang todo ang konsepto. Ngunit dahil umalis si Papa na hindi man lang nag-iiwan ng pera (at dahil wala akong naipon), hindi ako nakapunta sa concept-pitching sa FOPC ngayon. Ang babaw di ba? Pero ganon talaga. Hindi na tuloy nila maririnig ang magandang konsepto namin ni Kriz. Teka lang, naiinis na yata ako. Sige lang, gusto kong mainis...

Eto, dahil wala akong ibang mapagbuhusan ng inis, binarubal ko ang layout ng aking blog. Nagsawa na yata ako sa dagat at sa beach. Dahil alam ko namang malabong makaligo pa ko sa tubig-alat ngayong summer. Eto nga't hindi ako kasama sa sem-ender ng Cineastes sa Anilao.

O fickle lang talaga ako. Ang dali kong magsawa. Ang bilis kong magpalit ng isip. Sabi ko na dati, hindi ko alam kung anong gusto ko. Kaya ayan, nag-eeksperimento ng konti.

Guys, sorry talaga at hindi ako nakapunta kahapon at hindi rin ako nakasama ngayon. Babawi na lang ako pag-i-shu-shoot na yung napiling concept. Pramis.

* * *

Nailibing na si Pope. Na-eliminate na rin si Bobby John.

Hay.

Current Mood: royally pissed
Current Music: a series of church songs

Wonderwall, Oasis

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after an
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

my desk was cluttered at 12:20 pm

Wow. Isang oras lang mula Guadalupe hanggang bahay. Alas-onse pa lang. Pwede pa kong mag-blog.

* * *

Wala akong inakala sa mga nangyari sa araw ko ngayon.

Sa awa ng Diyos, at sa di pa rin mapaliwanag na ka-swertehan ko, magkakaroon na ko ng internship.

Ayoko nang ikwento ang mga detalye. Basta sobrang swerte ko. Hanggang ngayon in-shock pa rin ako na kaninang tanghali lang ay semi-panic mode ako dahil wala pa kong in-aapply-an. Tapos ngayon ay tanggap na ko. Huwaw.

Reen, Nina, at Sheena, mahal na mahal ko kayo. Salamat sa suporta and for believing in me (nyorks nag-Ingles!). Salamat sa Ideal Minds at tinanggap niyo ako. Salamat kay Tuesday Vargas at sa malabong connection namin. Salamat sa puting t-shirt na suot ka kanina. At panghuli, salamat kay oble.

* * *

Naisip ko lang kanina habang nasa banyo ako...

Ace's three commandments:

Wala lang.

To Love

I hate you.
I hate that I see you everywhere I look.
I hate that I long for your voice.
I hate that I smell the scent of your body even when you're not around.

I hate that you are often cold towards me, that sometimes you treat me like I don't exist.
I hate that you don't greet me whenever I arrive, that you don't even bother to look.
I hate that you don't talk to me even when I am right there in front of you.
I hate that you only talk to me when I start talking to you, or when you need something from me.

I hate that you don't miss me.
I hate that you don't look for me when I am not around.
I hate that you can have fun without me.
I hate that you don't need me.
I hate that you are not concerned at all about me.
I hate that you sometimes pretend to be.

I hate that familiarity breeds contempt.
I hate that I consider you my friend.
I hate that I still love you no matter how much I hate you.

* * *

Hate, Rivermaya

Well, if you're happy then I'm blue,
'Cause I'm not so far, but not with you.
And I can't see, why we can't see each other.
I telephone but you're sleeping forever.

I hate you for the things you do but I love you.
And curse you for your beauty,
That makes me make some poetry 'bout love.
And I don't think you even think about me.
If only you were smiling, and if I was your reason,
Tomorrow, I could die.

I can only pray my absence will change you,
Pretend that you're the one who needs my love.
But you celebrate, 'coz yes why should you miss me?
When you know darn well I'd die, just to bring us together.

And this is not a love song, don't even think its your song.

Something happened on my Wednesday. Wow.

I never thought I'd be brave enough to stay alone inside the editing room. Joyce left at about 6:30 and I immediately went down to Kuya William's office to ask him if he could move my computer (the one, amongst all the PCs, that's being used for the workshop). And so I sat down, enjoyed the chill, and opened my file. I told Bebs it'd only take me an hour. But it took me two hours and thirty minutes.

Doing what? Trying to figure out why every time I check my file there seems to be something wrong. Why I can't put in decent transitions. Why it's so damn hard to make sense out of the whole documentary. Why I feel like something huge is missing.

Well, something huge is actually missing. Sir J told me to add more shots. But my laziness got the better of me. And so I was trying to make sense of what I have, which isn't much considering I went out to shoot for only a day.

Well, the result is a big X for a documentary. Why should I try to fool myself? All I really want is to pass. And that I'm not even sure of.

And speaking of grades, I doubt my class cards are gonna be flashy this year. Nor for my final year. I think I finally reached the point where one says "I don't care." Because, really, if I do, I'd be dead.

Still, more work comes my way. Four papers for 183. An essay for 141. An exam in 120. A CWTS to complete. But do I care? Hell no. In a week, I'm sure everything will be done, no matter what. Til then, I just have to force myself to smile. That ain't too hard.

On the bright side, school might be over in a year (if I'm really lucky), and I'll finally get my rest. Or that call center job I've wanted since December.

I just remembered. When I was in HS, my motto once went like, "If you know that your heart is in the right place, then everything will be okay."

I think I need a surgery.

* * *

Well, what do you know? I open my LAUNCHcast and it starts playing a LeAnn Rimes song. At least someone knows what I like.

While I'm at it, I think Jessica Sierra might hit the bottom three tomorrow. Sadly. Along with Scott Savol and Anthony Fedorov. If not Jessica, then Anwar, so he can finally end his butchering of really good songs.

Nadia Turner keeps on impressing me. Vonzell (screw the right spelling) Solomon is equally brilliant.

A Stacie Orrico song is playing now. Two hits in a row.

my desk was cluttered at 1:07 am

There I was, minding my own business, walking like there was no tomorrow, when this huge chemical-containing truck, which came out of nowhere, almost hit me, crashed on the sidewalk, and dumped silver goo all over my body.

Malamang nasa isang bahay.
     Pero wala ako sa bahay ko. Nabagot na ko dun.
          Wala rin ako sa 24-hour internet cafe...

Okay dito, libre ang internet. *Evil grin*

Sirit na? Ako'y narito sa tahanan (actually, apartment) ni Bebs! San pa ba?

At ayan siya, tinulugan na ko! Pagkatapos akong takutin! Ansama, pinagtatawanan pa ko. Ayan, gising pa pala siya at natatawa pa rin. Naman kasi, gawin ba namang panakot yung ano... basta. Ayan, medyo kinikilabutan pa rin ako. Di tuloy ako makababa at makaihi!

Eto, nakikinig na lang ako ng version ni Barbra Streisand ng All I Ask of You. At naiihi na talaga ako. Bahala na. Gigisingin ko na lang si Bebs kapag hindi ko na talaga mapigil...

* * *

Kanina nakasakay ako sa chaka bus at pinatugtog (sa napakalakas at napakalinaw na stereo) ang Sometimes When We Touch. Ewan ko kung bakit pero ngayon ko lang na-process yung ganda nung lyrics. O ako lang yun. Basta. Basahin mo na lang. Dahan-dahan ha, line per line. Baka ma-gets mo yung sinasabi ko.

O ayan...

* * *

Ayun. Hindi ko alam kung matutulog pa ko. Pero kailangan kasi pupunta pa kong UP mamaya para mag-edit ng docu.

Tulog na talaga si Bebs. At medyo hindi na ko naiihi.

my desk was cluttered at 4:15 am