Wonderwall, Oasis

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after an
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

April 04, 2005 @ 11:00 pm

Wow. Isang oras lang mula Guadalupe hanggang bahay. Alas-onse pa lang. Pwede pa kong mag-blog.

* * *

Wala akong inakala sa mga nangyari sa araw ko ngayon.

Sa awa ng Diyos, at sa di pa rin mapaliwanag na ka-swertehan ko, magkakaroon na ko ng internship.

Ayoko nang ikwento ang mga detalye. Basta sobrang swerte ko. Hanggang ngayon in-shock pa rin ako na kaninang tanghali lang ay semi-panic mode ako dahil wala pa kong in-aapply-an. Tapos ngayon ay tanggap na ko. Huwaw.

Reen, Nina, at Sheena, mahal na mahal ko kayo. Salamat sa suporta and for believing in me (nyorks nag-Ingles!). Salamat sa Ideal Minds at tinanggap niyo ako. Salamat kay Tuesday Vargas at sa malabong connection namin. Salamat sa puting t-shirt na suot ka kanina. At panghuli, salamat kay oble.

* * *

Naisip ko lang kanina habang nasa banyo ako...

Ace's three commandments:

Wala lang.

To Love

I hate you.
I hate that I see you everywhere I look.
I hate that I long for your voice.
I hate that I smell the scent of your body even when you're not around.

I hate that you are often cold towards me, that sometimes you treat me like I don't exist.
I hate that you don't greet me whenever I arrive, that you don't even bother to look.
I hate that you don't talk to me even when I am right there in front of you.
I hate that you only talk to me when I start talking to you, or when you need something from me.

I hate that you don't miss me.
I hate that you don't look for me when I am not around.
I hate that you can have fun without me.
I hate that you don't need me.
I hate that you are not concerned at all about me.
I hate that you sometimes pretend to be.

I hate that familiarity breeds contempt.
I hate that I consider you my friend.
I hate that I still love you no matter how much I hate you.

* * *

Hate, Rivermaya

Well, if you're happy then I'm blue,
'Cause I'm not so far, but not with you.
And I can't see, why we can't see each other.
I telephone but you're sleeping forever.

I hate you for the things you do but I love you.
And curse you for your beauty,
That makes me make some poetry 'bout love.
And I don't think you even think about me.
If only you were smiling, and if I was your reason,
Tomorrow, I could die.

I can only pray my absence will change you,
Pretend that you're the one who needs my love.
But you celebrate, 'coz yes why should you miss me?
When you know darn well I'd die, just to bring us together.

And this is not a love song, don't even think its your song.

Something happened on my Wednesday. Wow.

I never thought I'd be brave enough to stay alone inside the editing room. Joyce left at about 6:30 and I immediately went down to Kuya William's office to ask him if he could move my computer (the one, amongst all the PCs, that's being used for the workshop). And so I sat down, enjoyed the chill, and opened my file. I told Bebs it'd only take me an hour. But it took me two hours and thirty minutes.

Doing what? Trying to figure out why every time I check my file there seems to be something wrong. Why I can't put in decent transitions. Why it's so damn hard to make sense out of the whole documentary. Why I feel like something huge is missing.

Well, something huge is actually missing. Sir J told me to add more shots. But my laziness got the better of me. And so I was trying to make sense of what I have, which isn't much considering I went out to shoot for only a day.

Well, the result is a big X for a documentary. Why should I try to fool myself? All I really want is to pass. And that I'm not even sure of.

And speaking of grades, I doubt my class cards are gonna be flashy this year. Nor for my final year. I think I finally reached the point where one says "I don't care." Because, really, if I do, I'd be dead.

Still, more work comes my way. Four papers for 183. An essay for 141. An exam in 120. A CWTS to complete. But do I care? Hell no. In a week, I'm sure everything will be done, no matter what. Til then, I just have to force myself to smile. That ain't too hard.

On the bright side, school might be over in a year (if I'm really lucky), and I'll finally get my rest. Or that call center job I've wanted since December.

I just remembered. When I was in HS, my motto once went like, "If you know that your heart is in the right place, then everything will be okay."

I think I need a surgery.

* * *

Well, what do you know? I open my LAUNCHcast and it starts playing a LeAnn Rimes song. At least someone knows what I like.

While I'm at it, I think Jessica Sierra might hit the bottom three tomorrow. Sadly. Along with Scott Savol and Anthony Fedorov. If not Jessica, then Anwar, so he can finally end his butchering of really good songs.

Nadia Turner keeps on impressing me. Vonzell (screw the right spelling) Solomon is equally brilliant.

A Stacie Orrico song is playing now. Two hits in a row.

There I was, minding my own business, walking like there was no tomorrow, when this huge chemical-containing truck, which came out of nowhere, almost hit me, crashed on the sidewalk, and dumped silver goo all over my body.

Malamang nasa isang bahay.
     Pero wala ako sa bahay ko. Nabagot na ko dun.
          Wala rin ako sa 24-hour internet cafe...

Okay dito, libre ang internet. *Evil grin*

Sirit na? Ako'y narito sa tahanan (actually, apartment) ni Bebs! San pa ba?

At ayan siya, tinulugan na ko! Pagkatapos akong takutin! Ansama, pinagtatawanan pa ko. Ayan, gising pa pala siya at natatawa pa rin. Naman kasi, gawin ba namang panakot yung ano... basta. Ayan, medyo kinikilabutan pa rin ako. Di tuloy ako makababa at makaihi!

Eto, nakikinig na lang ako ng version ni Barbra Streisand ng All I Ask of You. At naiihi na talaga ako. Bahala na. Gigisingin ko na lang si Bebs kapag hindi ko na talaga mapigil...

* * *

Kanina nakasakay ako sa chaka bus at pinatugtog (sa napakalakas at napakalinaw na stereo) ang Sometimes When We Touch. Ewan ko kung bakit pero ngayon ko lang na-process yung ganda nung lyrics. O ako lang yun. Basta. Basahin mo na lang. Dahan-dahan ha, line per line. Baka ma-gets mo yung sinasabi ko.

O ayan...

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I see how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

* * *

Ayun. Hindi ko alam kung matutulog pa ko. Pero kailangan kasi pupunta pa kong UP mamaya para mag-edit ng docu.

Tulog na talaga si Bebs. At medyo hindi na ko naiihi.