March 26, 2005 @ 7:23 pm

I terribly missed blogging.

I terribly miss YOU. Yes, you.

* * *

Ikaw, kumusta naman ang Holy Week mo? Nababagot ka na rin ba? Gusto mo na rin bang lumabas?

Tayo na't mag-swimming...
Maglakad sa buhangin...
Magpalipad ng saranggola...
Manood ng paglubog ng araw...
Manood ng pagsikat ng araw...
Mag-inuman...
Magkantahan....
Tumawa, magsaya...

* * *

Grabe ang ganda ng Lost! Sana ay napapanood mo rin. 9 PM sa AXN, every Thursday. May replay naman every Sunday, 10 PM.

Wag kakalimutan ang primetime telecast ng Survivor: Palau on Sunday at suportahan ang Ulong tribe!

Nagpaalam na si Mikalah Gordon sa American Idol. Nakakalungkot pero wala naman akong magagawa. Itutuloy ko na lang ang suporta kay Carrie Underwood, Jessica Sierra, Nadia Turner, at Bo Bice.

* * *

When you are all that haunts my dreams, do you ever stay awake to think of me?

March 20, 2005 @ 6:35 pm

WHAT'S IN A FACE?

I was bloghopping yesterday and I saw this on Doinee's LJ. It's fun to try especially when you're as bored as I am, and when you've got many pictures of yourself stashed in your hard drive (I failed on that one, tho).

Anyway, without further ado, here's what the Face Analyzer had to say about my, er, race:

I'm 100% sure it's just my eyes.

And, my personality

I'm thinking it loves average too much. For what it's worth, I spent a considerable amount of time just trying to get a result. I kept on getting a blank sheet and two green crosses over my eyes (meaning, it can't see, and therefore analyze, them). I tried my baby pic and got something, but that was my baby pic. Finally, I tried out my bland, boring, and equally droopy-eyed 2x2 ID pic (the one I'm hoping I won't have to paste on my resumé) and voala, got these results.

As for my archetype, I'm the White Collar type according to the maestro analyzer. Come again?

You particularly enjoy the traditional way of life. Having drinks with your friends, attending parties and relaxing while watching TV are some of the simple pleasures you indulge in. You may also enjoy physical exercise. Your driving force is to retire as early as possible, so that you can do the things you enjoy more often. Your main source of ambition comes from this desire.

True, so far.

You don't particularly like your job but you do it without complaining. You realize that the income that it provides is essential to your lifestyle. You are friendly yet competitive with your co-workers. This competitiveness may lead you to squander your earnings to match other peoples' possessions.

Sorry, no job yet. Wait, is being a bum a job?

You operate most effectively when there is a set power structure, and the lines of authority are clear. You know your place in the ranks, you play by the rules, and will deliver what is expected of you. You do not care for responsibility; you would rather be carefree.

I do care for responsibility but I would rather be carefree. My actual case is worse.

My occupation examples? Secretary, Police Officer, Telemarketer, Computer Programmer, Office worker. Not too bad considering I'm a bum.

* * *

My phone's already working! Fifteen minutes with a screwdriver was all it took.

* * *

I'm actually watching the first episode of One Tree Hill's new season. Thanks, Zyra, for telling me.

Later, I'm going to watch the replays of Survivor: Palau and Lost. That is, if I don't fall asleep.

March 19, 2005 @ 6:05 pm

LOVE

Another accidental dose of A Walk to Remember due to my afternoon TV viewing and I was suddenly reminded of my favorite Biblical passage (yes, you heard me right).

Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous, or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Pure and unconditional love... wish I could learn to love like that.

Ahem. Here's my love list, which sprung out of my boredom...

I think a hate list is on its way.

* * *

My phone is again in a coma. So to those who have been trying to contact me, I apologize sincerely. If you're desperate for someone to talk to as I am, then you are more than welcome to call me at home. Ayt?

* * *

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RHEA! I love you!

March 18, 2005 @ 6:30 pm

LOST

I know life is unpredictable, but why does it have to be this shocking? I cannot believe __________ (for the sake of those who weren't able to watch the show today) got voted off Survivor: Palau. Of course, I would have understood what happened if I had turned on the TV 45 minutes earlier. Still, it's unbelievable...

Lost's premier episode aired last Thursday night and I missed it thanks to Sky Cable's ill-timed reception problem. Why, oh, why during that hour? 

My mind is spinning and I don't know what to do. There are tons of things going on inside my head that it even hurts to think.

That's why I've been cooped up here at home for the past two days. I need some time away from everything. I know I can't escape my problems but I'm hungry for some air.

School is suffocating. Home is suffocating. Life is suffocating. There's pressure everywhere, even from myself.

I feel like I got myself in a situation that I can't get out of. I have to be strong or else I'll break down. 

I am lost. I need to find myself again.

'Till the beginning of better days...

* * *

Things I've learned these past few weeks:

March 16, 2005 @ 2:31 am

ANG PAG-EBEG NGA NAMAN

Ponyetas. Nabura yung una kong tinype. Eniwei... eto na lang basahin mo, for more drama. Hala, sige, magbasa at baka maka-relate ka!

* * *

Why do I feel like I was born to love you and yet also feel like it was never meant to be?

Bakit may mga taong manhid? Bakit hindi nila kayang maramdaman na mahal mo sila?

You are the only person that made me feel this way. I look into your eyes and feel that I have found the one; I find it hard to imagine myself with someone else. You have all the qualities that I could ever want, and all the qualities I never thought I'd want... until now.

Ano ba ang dapat gawin para mapansin ng taong mahal mo? Kulang pa ba na ibuhos mo halos lahat ng oras mo para sa kanila? Kulang pa ba na mag-sakripisyo ka ng maraming bagay para lamang makasama sila? Kulang pa ba na sa bawat pagkakataong kailangan ka nila ay naruon ka?

I wish I could blame you for the pain you are causing me. But none of this is your fault.

Sometimes you look at me and for a moment, I see a spark in your eyes. But instantly you turn away and become cold again.

Magseselos sila kapag may kasama kang iba. Kung alam lang nila na sila ang pinapangarap mong makasama araw-araw. Kung alam lang nila na kapag nag-iisa ka, sila ang pumupuno sa isipan mo, na hindi ka makatulog sa gabi kaiisip sa kanila, na sila agad ang hinahanap mo pag-gising mo sa umaga.

But your gaze belongs to someone else. If only you could see me the way I see you...

Ang pinakamasakit sa lahat ay ang makita araw-araw na may iniibig silang iba. Na anupaman ang gawin mo, idikit mo man ang sarili mo sa kanila, iba pa rin ang mapapansin nila.

I wish I could wish my feelings away. It's hard to live each day wanting to be with you and knowing at the same time that we could never be together. Knowing that there's no other one is like saying I'm destined to be alone.

Sa huli, sino nga ba ang mas tanga? Sila na manhid sa pagmamahal mo, o ikaw na nagpapakahirap na mapansin nila?

I wish I could tell you how I feel. But love, strange as it is, is easier done than said.

In dreams, I see us together. But in reality, I am only a shadow that you step on.

        Isang yakap lang mula sa 'yo at mapapawi na lahat ng paghihirap ko.
        At sana ibulong mo rin na mahal mo na ako. #

May goh-lay! Ang pag-ebeg nga naman! So very madrama!

* * *

Di ako makatulog. Wide awake ang mapupungay kong mga mata. Eh antapang ba naman ng kapeng tinimpla ko kanina sa post facility habang nag-e-extra challenge sa pag-edit ng docu. Lord, help us! Sana po ay matapos namin ang mga docu namin by tomorrow.

* * *

Ansarap talaga ng cauliflower na sinasawsaw sa toyo. Try mo!

* * *

Atin pong bisitahin ang blog ni Tonette at magulantang sa nakatutuwa niyang layout. And while you're at it, bisitahin niyo na rin ang ibang blogs na naka-link sa itaas. Kung hindi pa mapawi boredom niyo niyan, ewan ko na.

* * *

I doubt he'll be able to read this but I'll greet him anyway... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISHA!

March 6, 2005 @ 6:21 pm

SING, PEOPLE, SING

I ended up not going to the party. Didn't want to go there alone. I'm really sorry, Mace.

Week recap:

Thursday: helped Deanne in her F135 shoot, went to La Salle to support Ayn, Bebs, and Tonette. Traveled (via "jeepies") home with Leo and got home with really messed up (more messed up than usual) hair.

Friday: tutored again (finally, after a long time), and invaded Star Mall's videoke booth with the indomitable forces of Leo, Reen, Tonette, and Vince.

Saturday: watched A Series of Unfortunate Events with Leo, Tez, Dohna, and Claudane. Went down to Megamall's food court only to order from Jollibee. Tested (and hated the price of) Glico's videoke.

Today: Took a "field trip" to Sta. Ana with Leo and Tonette, and discovered the fascinating sport of rowing. Took another "field trip" to San Juan and met our (me and Eric) F161 subjects for the first time. Had yet another satisfying round of videoke back in Star Mall.

Now here's a game: guess the common denominator from Friday to Sunday. Hard, isn't it?

I'm drained and half-starved. But I have to wage another battle with sleep coz I want to catch the replay of Survivor: Palau. I can do this... I can do this...

* * *

Let's all greet my mom (my eternal guardian) and Yoshke (formerly known as UP Film Cen... I mean, also known as ES) a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

March 2, 2005 @ 2:22 pm

OF MALE MODELS, LAVISH PARTIES, AND NEAT SURVEYS

I quote Doinee: "The hunt is over." Manhunt's season finale was aired on Star World last night. Thanks (or no thanks) to the internet, I knew who the winner is even before it began to air. And so it was entertaining to watch the finale and see how the producers attempted to pull up the suspense. Again, the, quote, suspense, unquote. The er, twist, was relatively shocking and new (to me, at least), and I don't know if I should be amazed or annoyed. And yes, Doinee, I'm happy to know that people with "jacked up" teeth can become models. Hooray for Jon, the winner!

* * *

Check this out:

I'm in no way affiliated with UP ECOSOC but I do find this event interesting. If you have your eyes (or feet) set on this event, just contact JOEY (09178105976) or LAGS (09184441261) or visit the ECOSOC TAMBAYAN at Room 121, School of Economics. So there... whatchathink?

* * *

And finally, for more borrowing from Doinee's entry, here's a survey that graciously saved me from boredom:

What's your current relationship status?
Single. And happy. Happy single. Blah.

What physical activities do you do to stay in shape?
My body doesn't have what physically fit people call "shape." It's straight and, er, straight.

What's your best physical feature?
My eyes are unique. I go for my eyes.

What quality do you have that would make you a successful *insert dream job here*?
You mean becoming a rocket scientist? Joking. It's the way I deal with people and problems. If you know how to understand both, you'll easily get through them.

Do you have a secret skill or hidden talent?
I don't know if it's a skill or a talent, and if it's good or bad, but I unconsciously adopt other people's mannerisms. Sometimes it freaks me out.

What were your best and worst subjects in school?
I'm proud to say that I excelled in both English and Filipino, and that I definitely suck in Chemistry. Sadly, Math has always been a so-so.

What are some of your favorite movies, books and CDs?
For movies and books, refer to the left frame of my blog. For CDs, NSync's No Strings Attached and Lifehouse's No Name Face.

Did you have a childhood pet?
Snoopy the dog, and fish that I forgot the names of. I also had an albino rat as a gift, which died due to lack of proper care and guidance. I was and always will be afraid of (and/or disgusted with) rats.

What's the one product or item you can't live without?
Water, of course.

When you want to indulge yourself, what's your favorite guilty pleasure?
Coffee.

What's your favorite curse word?
Words, actually—fuck, shit, and damn it.

Feb. 28, 2005 @ 2:28 pm

OSCAR WINNERS

Didn't have to wait too long. Okay, so I hit 3 out of 4 guesses. That's cool.

Here are some of the winners. Visit Oscar.com for the complete list.

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
The Incredibles
Brad Bird

ART DIRECTION
The Aviator
Dante Ferretti (Art Direction); Francesca Lo Schiavo (Set Decoration)

SOUND MIXING
Ray
Scott Millan, Greg Orloff, Bob Beemer and Steve Cantamessa

SOUND EDITING
The Incredibles
Michael Silvers and Randy Thom

MUSIC (SCORE)
Finding Neverland
Jan A.P. Kaczmarek

MUSIC (SONG)
The Motorcycle Diaries
"Al Otro Lado Del Río"
Music and Lyric by Jorge Drexler

FILM EDITING
The Aviator
Thelma Schoonmaker

CINEMATOGRAPHY
The Aviator
Robert Richardson

WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY)
Sideways
Screenplay by Alexander Payne & Jim Taylor

WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Screenplay by Charlie Kaufman; Story by Charlie Kaufman & Michel Gondry & Pierre Bismuth

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Cate Blanchett
The Aviator

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Morgan Freeman
Million Dollar Baby

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Hilary Swank
Million Dollar Baby

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Jamie Foxx
Ray

DIRECTING
Million Dollar Baby
Clint Eastwood

BEST PICTURE
Million Dollar Baby
Clint Eastwood, Albert S. Ruddy and Tom Rosenberg

Congratulations to all the winners! (Like we're close.)

Feb. 28, 2005 @ 8:35 am

OSCAR FEVER

I've seen too much of the red carpet. Let me know who will bring home the naked golden men.

Whatever the ballots say, I gamble my heart for these contenders:

Best Picture - Million Dollar Baby, Clint Eastwood 
Best Direction - Martin Scorsese, The Aviator
Best Actor - Jamie Foxx, Ray
Best Actress - Hilary Swank, Million Dollar Baby

Million Dollar Baby because The Aviator is too Hollywood.

Martin Scorsese because I'm sure he lost a lot of hair and brain cells putting together the pieces to create The Aviator.

Jamie Foxx because playing blind is much more harder than playing crazy, I surmise.

And finally, Hilary Swank because everyone seems to want her to win.

So there. What are the odds? I don't know. Let's just wait and find out.

Feb. 27, 2005 @ 7:30 pm

It's summer (can you feel the heat?) so I made a new layout. I wanted something more refreshing to look at. It doesn't mean, though, that I'm over my Phantom obsession. Still can't get over those songs. You alone can make my soul take flight...

I can't wait to see A Series of Unfortunate Events. Hope that'll be soon.

Feb. 26, 2005 @ 11:59 am

Wala akong pera (okay, fine, two pesos). Wala akong damit. Wala rin akong underwear na maisusuot dahil lahat ay nagamit ko na. In other words, hindi ako makakapasok sa Comm120 (or I just love making excuses).

Kasi naman ang gastos ko (or masarap lang talagang gumastos). Baka itakwil na ako ng aking ama kapag humingi pa ko. Abonado pa ko sa pag-Xerox kahapon. Abonado pa ang org sa pesteng venue na hindi naman nagamit. Potek. Dapat talaga mabawi namin ang pera. Isama ko kaya si Misha at si Joey pag bumalik ako dun. For more, si Cheska. Hmm...

Okay naman ang F.I. kahapon. Pamatay nga lang sa haba—alas-dos na ng hapon natapos. Labing anim ba naman ang ininterview. Sa totoo lang, nakaiglip ako for three minutes, nung kay Rey yata. Biruin mo, pati si Misha na ultimate insomniac, nakaiglip din. Haaay. Satisfied naman ako sa resulta. Basta ang importante, walang na-reject.

Naiinggit ako sa mga inawardan ng US (University Scholar) nung isang araw. Once ko lang naabot ang ganong estado sa UP life ko, di pa ko naawardan kasi wala raw akong PE for that sem (di ko sinipot kasi pang-tanghaling swimming yung nakuha ko). Tapos super DQ pa ko this sem. Eto ngang Comm120 e, isang malaking example. Screwed up lang talaga ang priorities ko.

Pero (isang malaking pero) I've learned my lesson. Isang malaki, mabigat, at umaapoy na comet ang sumalpak sa ulo ko, na sinundan ng isang shining, shimmering, at splendid na realisasyon—na haharang-harang daw ako sa pathway ng comet. Joke lang. Kailangan ko na raw ng konting "change" sa aking life. May dalawa pa raw akong sems and the rest of my life for that. May chance pa raw akong makabawi. Konting effort, konting sacrifice.

Hindi ko na masyadong pro-problemahin. Magiging double loser lang ako. Idadaan ko na lang sa ngiti, tawa, at taimtim na pagdarasal.

Isang tao ang nagturo sa 'kin na importanteng maging masaya palagi, na hindi dapat nagpapaapekto sa mga problema. Na di dapat kinakalimutan ang pagiging bata—ang pagiging "innocent at carefree." Para siyang si Peter Pan. Mahulaan niya kaya na siyo 'yon? Wateber.

Mga pahabol:

*Salamat sa mga bagong miyembro (at malapit nang maging bagong miyembro) ng Cineastes. Mahal na mahal ko kayong lahat. Asteeg kayo. I'm so proud of you guys!

*Deanne at James (at Myke, kung sasama ka), good luck sa bowling tourney mamaya! Kaya niyo 'yan!

*Naiintriga ako sa Sideways...

*I'll start a new trend sa blog ko. I'll try to post a trivia about myself regularly. Here's the very first one: Alam niyo bang sobrang tamad kong magbasa? Hindi lang ng readings, pati na rin ng dyaryo at mga libro. Pag nagbabasa ako ng libro, palaging hindi ako makapaghintay na matapos. Mas madalas, pinipilit ko lang ang sarili kong magbasa para lang may magawa. Mas gusto ko talaga ang magsulat kesa ang magbasa. Ginaganahan lang ako kapag sobrang ganda at interesting ng babasahin (Harry Potter, Angels and Demons, or The Godfather, for example). O di ba?

Feb. 24, 2005 @ 10:06 am

Yesterday afternoon I went to see a doctor to be examined and finally find out the reason behind my lower back problem. After a short computerized test, a seven-page result was printed and the doctor told me that I was relatively healthy.

After I explained to her my condition, she suggested that I had a structural problem and not an internal one. She clarified that it was my curved spine that was upsetting a few nerves. She told us that she would try to contact another doctor, one who could possibly help correct my spine problem through physical therapy. At least we found out that I didn't have any serious illnesses. :D

My dad got hyped because of the computerized test that he also had one, and was ecstatic to find out that he was healthy for his age. He didn't stop talking about it even when we already got home. Well, that's typical of my dad. :D

Feb. 15, 2005 @ 10:39 pm

This morning I was scanning TV channels and I happened to watch the "making" of the film adaptation of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. Once again, I was mesmerized. Now I have a new film to watch out for. And I also developed a longing to read all of the books.

* * *

I came down the Ayala Station on my way home this evening, and walked the pavement with fear building up inside me. The images I saw on TV the night before flashed vividly inside my mind. As I sat on the bus, I couldn't believe I was sitting on the spot where a number of people have died and were injured a little more than twenty-four hours ago. And yet nothing seemed to have happened; everything went on like it used to. But maybe that was the point: we have no other choice but to move on. I just hope we all learned something from it. I know I did.

* * *

PiPOL is going to feature four film directors tonight: Mark Meily, Laurenti Dyogi, Lav Diaz, and Erik Matti.

* * *

I was having a casual conversation with my coFGs and Bam made us talk of lessons we learned today. When it was my turn, I thought hard until I finally blurted out, "one cannot wait forever." It's just that I realized that although I will do my best to wait, I know that if it takes too long, I would eventually give up. And that's just the sad truth.

I remember a similar conversation I had with Tonette. I basically told her the same thing, and she asked me (which is also what Angel asked after I spoke) if I would then wait had the person asked me to. My answer in both instances was yes.

And so I obviously contradict myself.

Song of the day: "Didn't know I was looking for love until I found you."

Feb. 15th, 2005 @ 12:04 am

PULA

Di ko mapigilang maluha.

Una, dahil gabi-gabi kaming (ako, Leo, Vince, at Reen) bumababa at sumasakay ng bus sa Ayala Station ng MRT, at napakapalad namin dahil hindi namin naabutan ang pagsabog. Habang gumagapang sa ilalim ng TV screen ang mga pangalan ng mga namatay at nasugatan, di ko lubos maisip kung ano ang nangyari kung di biglang nagkayayaan sa Chocolate Kiss, kung umuwi kami agad, kung...

Pangalawa, dahil may mga namatay at marami ang nasugatan. Bakit kailangang madamay ang mga inosenteng tao na walang kamuwang-muwang at pauwi lamang mula sa trabaho, o katatapos lamang mag-date dahil Valentines Day?

Sadyang pula ang kulay ng araw na ito. Pula para sa t-shirt na sinuot ko. Pula para sa mga rosas at lobo. Pula para sa hugis puso. Pula para sa dugo.

Lubos ang pasasalamat ko sa Diyos dahil iniligtas niya kami. Nakakatakot dahil sementeryo pa naman ang pinuntahan ko noong umaga (nag-shoot for docu). Nakakatakot dahil sa maliit na desisyon nakasalalay ang lahat. Nakakatakot dahil wala tayong kontrol sa mga pangyayari.

Dahil dito, naisip ko na dapat mas pinahahalagahan ko ang buhay ko. Kung gaano man kabilis ang pagsabog ng bomba, ganun din kabilis ang pagbawi sa buhay ng isang tao.

Tayo pong magdasal...

Feb. 13th, 2005 @ 1:23 pm

UPDATES

Changed the header and title. For very obvious reasons. If you're still lost, refer to the previous entry. ;-)

Fixed the links. Really sorry, Zyra, for that mistake. Added Aisha, Jhaphet, and Vince.

Also updated the .PLAYLIST, Recent .SILVER.SCREEN, and .TUBE sections

Feb. 13th, 2005 @ 11:38 am

ALL I ASK OF YOU

Saw The Phantom of the Opera with Leo, Dohna, Ayn, Tez, and Rex last night. The film totally swept me away. And up until now, I couldn't keep myself from singing All I Ask of You.

For those who would like to sing along (calling Leo), here's the complete lyrics of this enchanting song (that I took from the film's poster... *wink*):

No more talk of darkness;
Forget those wide-eyed fears.
I'm here, nothing can harm you--
My words will warm and calm you.

Let me be your freedom,
Let daylight dry your tears.
I'm here, with you, beside you.
To guard you and to guide you...

Say you love me
Every waking moment,
Turn my head
With talk of summertime...

Say you need me with you,
Now and always...
Promise me that all you say is true--
That's all I ask of you...

Let me be your shelter,
Let me be your light.
You're safe, no one will find you--
Your fears are far behind you...

All I want is freedom,
A world with no more night...
And you, always beside me,
To hold me and to hide me...

Then say you'll share with me
One love, one lifetime...
Let me lead you
From your solitude...

Say you need me with you here,
Beside you...
Anywhere you go, let me go too...
Christine, that's all I ask of you...

Say you'll share with me one love,
One lifetime...
Say the word
And I will follow you...

Share each day with me,
Each night, each morning...

Say you love me...
You know I do...
Love me--
That's all I ask of you...

Anywhere you go
Let me go to...
Love me--
That's all I ask of you. #

I can't stop singing... I just can't stop singing...

* * *

I also practiced with my coFGs yesterday for our final production on the 19th (Cineastes' FI was moved to accomodate Joey's thesis production). Although this is considered cramming, we're all doing our best to make everything work. I'm in charge of the AVPs, which we're going to shoot on Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. I hope nothing goes wrong. We also already have an idea for the OBB/CBB, which I'm really looking forward to. Minus the stress, this is going to be a lot of fun.

Feb. 12th, 2005 @ 6:44 am

Just something I wrote (some of you have read this)...

* * *

     I met her again today. She's still the same stubborn woman I had known for three months now.
     She called me up at five in the morning. I reached for the phone feeling disembodied, as if my mind was still wandering in this faraway land.
     "Hello," she said.
     "Who's this?" I mumbled.
     "It's me."
     It took me three seconds to figure out who it was. When the thought finally buzzed in, I slumped and answered back, "What do you want?"
     "Could we meet?" she asked.
     "It's five in the morning," I grunted.
     "Later, at seven. Same place."
     And then she cut the line.

     When I stepped inside the place, I suddenly remembered how much I hated it. It is too small and crowded, and the food isn't even that great. But she had always insisted that we met there, like she didn't recognize any other place in the city.
     I fought for a table, dragged an extra chair and sat down. The familiar smell of burning rubber crept up my nose. I cringed and looked around. It was exactly seven o'clock. She had to be there somewhere.
     I found her (or rather, she found me) and she was carrying that same smile on her face. She sat down in front of me and without even saying anything, reached across the table and held my hand.
     But before I could even unfasten my lips to reproach her, she tightly squeezed my hand and said, "Do you know what makes me so happy?"
     I stared blankly at her, thinking that the question was highly uncalled for.
     Then she continued, "When I wake up every morning knowing that I could call you up, ask you to come here, and hold your hand."
     Then she became quiet, as if anticipating some kind of melodramatic reply.
     "How come you like holding my hand?" I finally asked. It was the only thing I could think of saying at the time.
     For the first time since I had known her, she looked away. A surge of guilt and curiosity rose up inside me.
     Still looking away, she said in a voice I had never known before, the sweetest yet most distant voice she could ever mutter, "Because every time I squeeze your hand, I learn to hold on." #

* * *

The week has passed away like a speeding train. At some point I jumped inside and sat down. I let the train take me to a place I didn't know. Yes, I was scared. But I knew I wasn't alone.

I learned many things while staying inside the train--every stopover was a new experience. The wind was the only constant thing; it kept on blowing against my face and giving me chills. Every now and then I would look out the window and long for the sun. But the sun never came.

The train finally stopped and I went down. I left my baggage inside; I didn't want to carry a heavy load as I walked further on. One day the train would come again. And the baggage may or may not be there.

Just like the sun.

* * *

Okay, love fever. TAKE ME AWAY.

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 6:45 pm

HIT ME BABY, ONE MORE TIME

Am I fickle? Am I?

Sorry, just got carried away. I told myself long ago that I'd stick and be content with LJ (Livejournal, not a person). Guess I was wrong. Perhaps it's because of the mere difficulty of tweaking LJ templates. At least here I have more freedom with the layout. The only downside is that everything has turned manual (Ace, you sloth!).

So... this is what I came up with. Got the picture from the net (care of Google). Sorry I forgot the URL. But I'm openly giving away the credit. The lyrics came from Damien Rice's The Blower's Daughter, which is also in the OST of Closer. Honestly, I was looking for a decent picture of Natalie Portman but couldn't find anything decent and Closer-related so I decided to use this Keira shot instead. I think she's pretty too, anyway.

What else? I have a Psych101 exam tomorrow. I plan to start studying after we eat dinner. Or after I watch TV. Or after I sleep. Whatever. I need to be a better student. It's just hard to focus with all the distractions (alibi!).

Oh, I had my hair cut yesterday. My dad, older brother, and Zyra said they like it better than the old one. Basically coz it looks cleaner. Oh and my barber liked it too. Coz he earned P60 more that day.

I don't want your pretty face, I don't want just anyone to hold. I don't want my love to go to waste.

I want you and your beautiful soul.

Thanks, Jesse McCartney.

Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 10:27 am

CALLING ALL FENG SHUI EXPERTS

Cineastes' Film Orgy-slash-Buddy Day went even better than I expected. The whole night was fun although I was practically paralyzed when the morning came.

The Buddy Presentation became the spectacle. Each group did its best but it was Tez and Astrid's group that took home the prize. They modelled to the tune of Lady Marmalade (and made Myke wear a tight dress over his shirt... that was really funny).

Tez and her buddy, Chris, also won the Best Buddy Project award for their unique scrapbook (using sand paper, or "papel de lija" as Tez calls it).

We watched Sa Huling Paghihintay afterwards and had a very long discussion filled with more or less destructive criticisms. Unfortunately I wasn't part of it coz I was either inside the other room, outside the unit, staring blankly, or dozing off during more than 3/4 of the movie.

Oh, there was a boy in a painting inside the unit that looks like me. :P Aisha has a picture in her phone.

* * *

Last night in my Tito's car, on our way to the church (I got to see Zyra again!), they were playing a tape (?) that was talking about proper time management. My mind was saying "this is exactly what I need right now."

And then the man in the tape went on saying something like simply knowing what our priorities are and doing away with any planning because it only causes more guilt. "Throw away your planner," were his exact words. I suddenly turned to Zyra and said, "Yan and hindi ko magagawa." She said she felt the same way.

It made me think what my current priorities are. What goes to the top of my list? What sinks to the bottom? And before I even got to list them down, suddenly I realized, or rather, remembered, something. I never prioritize because I want to give equal time and attention to everything I do. And so I hit the jackpot--my life is a mess because what I'm aiming for is impossible.

And so in time for the Chinese New Year, I think I'm going to need to some major internal Feng Shui.

Feb. 5th, 2005 @ 12:32 am

SING WITH ME, WILL YA

Nung Thursday ng gabi nag-videoke kami ni Leo. Kasama dapat si Tonette pero kinailangan na niyang umalis. Medyo matagal din kasi kaming naghintay. Anyway, hindi ko na maalala lahat ng kinanta ko. Sadyang mahina talaga ang short-term memory ko. Basta nag-stand out yung Through the Fire, mala-contest piece. Kinanta naman ni Leo yung All I Ask of You nang pagkaganda-ganda. Nakakainis dahil lahat yata ng kinanta namin mataas ang pitch dun sa machine. Ang sakit tuloy sa lalamunan. Ang last song namin ay Change the World. Nag-duet na kami. Ang saya-saya. At para makumpleto ang gabi, nag-Sundae cone kami.

Nung nasa bus na kami, nag-isip na kami ng mga kakantahin pagbalik namin. Nilabas ko na ang handy dandy notebook ko para maglista. Ang dami naming nasulat, mostly old love songs, yung mga uso at madalas pinapatugtog nung mga bata pa kami tulad ng Strangers Again and Dream About You. Siyempre kasama rin sa listahan ang boy band songs at Linkin Park songs (pang-birit). Tapos biglang pinatugtog sa radyo ng bus yung Take me (wherever you go), na kasama rin sa listahan namin. Amazing di ba?

* * *

Tapos kanina naman, bumalik uli kami don pero full force na. Kasama namin sina Tonette, Dohna, Bebs, Glenn, at ES. Finally, nakanta na rin namin ni Leo yung ibang mga nasa listahan namin. Kumanta rin ako ng One Last Cry at kinanta uli ni Leo ang All I Ask of You. Kinanta ni Tonette ang napakagandang Muntik na kitang minahal at ang gaganda ng mga kinanta ni Glenn (pero di ko na maalala yung mga title). Dapat magdu-duet kami ni Dohna ng A Whole New World pero pasaway si Manong, magsasara na raw sila. Past 9 pm na kasi non. Anyway, masaya naman kaming lahat. At for sure, babalik naman kami don.


Ikaw, anong ultimate videoke song mo?

Feb. 2nd, 2005 @ 11:45 pm

LETTER TO MY TRUE LOVE

Finally, I got to write it.

* * *

I know you're out there, somewhere. I don't know if I've met you, if I've seen your beautiful face. I don't know if I've spoken your name, or if you've spoken mine. I don't know how many times I might have looked your way, but never knew you were there. I don't know if I've seen you up close, in person or in a picture, but never knew it was you.

I don't know if I've passed by you, if my shoulder has ever touched yours. I don't know if we were ever on the same train at the same time, or if you hailed the cab right after I stepped out.

I don't know if you ever hummed a tune that got stuck in my head, if we fall in love with the same song or if the song you hate so much is the one I like the most.

I don't know if we've laughed at the same joke, cried after watching the same movie, or gotten mad because of the same thing.

I don't know if I've seen your name painted on the side of a jeepney, printed on an ad, or scrawled across a wall.

I don't know if the bill I paid for my food was the change you got for buying yours, or if we sat on the same chair in the restaurant.

I don't know if I've dreamnt about you but never got to remember what that dream was.

I don't know if I have friends that are also yours, but we never got introduced. I don't know if there's absolutely nothing you know about me or if you are my best friend.

I don't know if we've never been close enough because you live at another place or even in another time.

All I know is when I find you, my eyes will set only on your face, and my heart will answer only to your voice.

* * *

PS: This was inspired by Kz's "Letter to my future husband." Love you, Kizay!

Feb. 2nd, 2005 @ 11:40 pm

SABI MO

Sabi mo hindi mo ko sasaktan. Naaalala mo pa ba yung mga pangako mo?

Sabi mo hindi mo ko iiwan. Sabi mo dito ka lang sa tabi ko. Sabi mo aalagaan mo ko. Sabi mo ikaw ang makakapagpaligaya sa 'kin. Oo, sinabi mo ang lahat ng 'yan. Pero sabi mo lang yon.

Sabi mo maaasahan kita. Na kapag kailangan kita, nariyan ka lang. Na isang tawag ko lang sa 'yo, pupunta ka kaagad. Sabi mo anuman ang hilingin ko sa 'yo, ibibigay mo. Na gagawin mo ang lahat maibigay lamang ang gusto ko. Sabi mo hangga't nariyan ka wala akong dapat ikatakot. Na hindi na ko kailan man mag-iisa. Sabi mo rin mahal mo ko. Na habang buhay, magsasama tayo. Pero sabi mo lang 'yon.

Ano nga bang nagawa ko para humantong sa lahat ang ganito? Kung may kailangan akong ihiling ng tawad, sabihin mo! Kung may kailangan akong pagsisihan, sabihin mo! Kung may kailangan akong baguhin sa nakaraan upang maibalik lamang ang lahat ng meron tayo noon, sabihin mo!

Sabi mo hindi mo ko sasaktan! Pero sabi mo lang yon! Sabi mo lang yon!

* * *

Now here goes the disclaimer:

1. This definitely isn't about me.
2. Someone asked me to write a monologue and this is what I came up with.
3. That last line does remind me of a piece of dialogue from Anak.

Feb. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:30 am

DITO SA BAHAY NG ALUMNI

I'm trying to be a good student so I'm writing my papers for my Film183 (Film Seminar) class later at 1. As in ngayon, dito sa Bahay ng Alumni. The only question is, can I finish them before 1?

Goodluck to me!

"I don't mind spending every day... out on your corner in the pouring rain..." For more Leo V...

Feb. 1st, 2005 @ 11:35 pm

IT IS ALL ABOUT LOVE

Just got home from watching It's All About Love with Leo, Tonette, and Reen. The title is basically what the film is. And it's definitely not what you would expect. I'm damn too tired to talk about it but I have to say watching it gave the four of us something to ponder on the whole night.

Bottom line: I recommend it. Seriously. Just don't go blaming me if you go berserk in the end. *harhar*

ZZZZzzzzzzzz...


Watch out for flying objects.

Feb. 1st, 2005 @ 01:37 am

UNIDENTIFIED TWINKLING OBJECTS

Wow, it's Feb. 1! The first month of the year is over. And I feel so wasted just recalling everything I went through during those 30 or so days.

Anyway, I had my first tutoring session with Kay this afternoon. Out of some miracle, I arrived at exactly 3 and we started on time. I gave my lesson (which I thought about while I was on my way there) for an hour and a half and we chatted for like another 45 minutes or so. I didn't expect she would open up to me that fast. But I like it that she did.

After that, I had to hurry to UP and salvage what was left of the picnic food care of UP Cinema's winnings for being second in Broadguild's Simply Amazing Race last Wednesday. And then manang arrived with her very delicious palitaw and we crowded around her. Although I pulled out my boomerang (which I never played with before), no one was really able to figure out the proper way to throw it (which explains why I never dared playing with it). So we ended up stargazing instead... definition: teaching Vince where the Dippers are and watching out for Unidentified Twinkling Objects (UTO for short).

Something tells me I have to go to bed now. I think it's my thoughts drifting away... ZZZZzzzzzz