#1 - Back to the Future - Part 1 of many
Okay, I finally got that  time machine ready and working.  So I took it for a test "drive".  I go 14 years into the future to see what my life is like.  I find out I have a son (and not dead not like in my dreams where I get killed...well, I'll save that for later...).  I didn't snoop around to much, but I decided to take one of his grade 2 assignments back with me to the present time (read: now).  Its pretty funny.  I tried to keep it as authentic as possible while correcting it enough to make sense.  His assignment was to write up on his relatives.  What he thinks of them or a story he had with his uncles and aunts.  His mom's side I won't put up cause I have no idea who she or her family are so whats the point?  Here are the first three entries:

Uncle Anthony
I don't like my uncle Anthony sometimes.  Sometimes he is nice to me.  Sometimes he calls me names like stupid kid or stupid Chin Jr.  He says I can not act properly.  But I like to act in plays.  He says I do not get the right directions.  He tells me how to act and pretend how to feel.  He says I should be an assisstant.  Then he makes me call him sir and then I have to get him water.  He looks different from my dad even though they are brothers.

Uncle Jon
Sometimes when I go to uncle Jon's house, we watch old cartoons but they are not old cartoons, they are classic anime.  They are boring but he says they are good.  They are not in english.  They are in old chinese and I have to try and read what they say.  He does not let me watch Sam and the Psycho Search Squad because the animation quality is low.  My uncle Jon is also my dad's brother.

Uncle Shaun
My uncle Shaun is also my dad's brother.  I like my uncle Shaun.  He likes the music I like.  But he is always looking at my mom's boobies.  My other cousins say my uncle Shaun stares at their moms' boobies too.

Uncle Chris
Uncle Chris has a lot of computers and video games.  But he does not talk.  I asked my dad why uncle Chris does not talk and he told me to ask him.  I did and my uncle Chris just shrugged his shoulders.  When I told my dad this, he said "Yeah..."  My dad and all of my uncles talk dumb.

Uncle Rob
My uncle Rob is scary.  Uncle Rob is loud and big.  He always has people sleeping at his house int the day time.  They are dirty and smell funny.  It is also smokey.  I think They are drunk.  Once I had to go to the bathroom, but there was someone sleeping in the bathtub.  I told my uncle Rob and he told me to go anyways.  I told my mom and I do not go there anymore.

Uncle Al & Aunt Cathy
My uncle Al is funny.  Me and Aunt Cathy like to make fun of him.  When he eats he always gets "itis".  He always falls asleep at the table half way through his lunch and dinner.  He always has his head back and mouth open.   Once me and my aunt Cathy put stuff in his mouth when he was sleeping.  It was funny.  Once, uncle Al fell asleep in his spaghetti and had sauce all over his face.  Aunt Cathy likes to tell me stories.  But sometimes her stories change everytime she tells them to me.

Part 4 coming next update



#2 The Greatest E-Mail I've Ever Written:  Sent out to everyone on Shaun's mass e-mail list.  Written right after a wine class where I had a little to much wine (which is the same as saying "where I had a little wine")

Subject: Read me.

I've been sent by a greater power to send you a message.  Shaun (whos my and
as it turns out to b e everybody eleses friend ) would rather have me not
say anythihg.  But see, some would say im slightly intoxicated right now
comning out of wine class, but its acutally a moment of clarity.  The
message im going to deliver is of great inmportance.  Shaun would =rahter
have me not.  He's an oppresor of virtue and truth.  Who i am?  It doesn't
matter.  im just teh messagenr.  Save the children.  Save the babies.  Ask
yourself the questiuon:  What will you do?  What will your life mean when
its all said and done?  imagine if flowers wont bloom. if bells stop
ringing. they have.  Will you have worked to save the world? save the
children?  Save uyoreself?  If everydays a struggle, how can you stop the
suffering if you cant stop living?  save the children.  save the babies.
Friend of everybody but not going out like Willy Lump Lump
XChin ZexterY



#3  Off the Wall Classic
Chin's sitting between two people, just before the 5 pm rush but it's still busy.  Chin has his headphones on listenin to Earth Wind & Fire.  He notice someone walking in his direction...
Bum taps Chin on my shoulder and he look up.  He points to Chin.
Chin: Uh...
Bum (in a drunken slur): Can I have your seat?
Chin: Uh...
Chin gets up to let the bum sit.  One of the other passengers sitting next to the bum gets up and leans against the exit.  The bum tries to talk to another one but he just ignores him.  Yet to another person, he points at Chin as if to say "Yeah, check that guy out.  He's a nice guy".  Begins to talk to Chin as he adjusts his headphones to listen
Bum: Can I hear.  points to his ear
Chin: Sure. removes one side and puts it to the bums ear
Bum: Oh yeah... closing his eyes
Chin: You know what this is?
Car continues to empty
Bum: Yeah.  It's chinese lady next to him giggles
Chin: Naw man... takes back the set and continues to listen
Bum: Are you chinese lady next to him giggles again
Chin: Naw man
Bum: Hey, you want one? He pulls out  a Carlsburg from his six pack and opens it
Chin: Naw, its alright.  Really.
Bum: mumbles
Chin: Uh...yeah.... puts headphones back on.  looks at an empty seat
Bum: Don't sit there Chin goes and sits there anyways
Bum: Fucking asshole! Gets up and walks away.  Sits besides someone else and points at me as if to say "psh!  look at that guy".  Everyone on the train looks at Chin.
Chin thinking to himself: Wha Wha?!