Chapter 38

Brenda continues down the hall, heading for her session with Dr. Kevin
Collins. Brenda is better mentally and physically. Brenda got over all of the
trauma of the past two years with Kevin's help and support from friends. She
managed to sort through her troubled childhood and her relationships with men,
particularly Sonny.
She got in the elevator and stepped of the fourth floor where Kevin's office
was. Kevin's suspension has long been overturned. Kevin was reinstated at GH
over one year ago. He was happily married to Lucy. After months of trying the
couple had a beautiful baby girl named Dominique.
She knocked on the door when she reached the familiar blue door
"Come in" a male voice answered.
"Hi, Kevin. Am I early ?"
Kevin smiled as she put Stone down
"Right on time. And what is this little guy doing here ?" Kevin asked as he
played with Stone
"I hope you don't mind that I brought him but I didn't want to leave him at
the Quartermaine's. I really need to talk to you so I didn't want to cancel."
"That's fine. He's a great kid. You know you should come by the house
sometime. Lucy would love to have you two over. Dominique and Serena would
love a new playmate."
Brenda smiled
"Thanks for the invite. Next time I see her, we'll set something up."
"Better yet. Lucy and I will be at Luke's later. Why don't you stop by, we
have a surprise for everyone ?"
"Um, I don't think that's such a good idea. " she paused "Sonny might be
there"
Kevin didn't seem shocked or surprised. He shifted into doctor mode and
listened.
"Sonny's back ? When did this happen ?"
"I'm not sure. According to Robin two days ago. "
"So Robin saw him before you ?"
"Oh yeah. I had the pleasure of running into him yesterday at the docks. I
don't know whether to be angry or hurt that he saw fit to speak to Robin first
instead of me. The woman he supposedly loves and left at the altar." she
smiled ruefully
"What happened when you saw him ? Did you talk to him ?"
"If you can call it that. See Sonny and I don't communicate well. I spent most
of the time yelling at him and telling him off."
"At least you got all of your angry out." Kevin commented
"Did I ? I'm still angry, hurt but mostly scared." she said quietly
"Scared of what ?"
Brenda lowered her eyes
"Sonny doesn't know about Stone."
"Will he ever?"

Chapter 39

Brenda started playing with her hair
"Well, you don't ask the easy questions do you ?"
Kevin smiled " That's not what you pay me to do."
"I know. I just ran into Luke. He told me that I should tell Sonny."
"Do you think that you should ?"
"Yes but I don't know if I can. I mean what do I say ? Just spit it out or
what ? I don't even know where to start. Maybe it would be better not to say
anything."
" How so ? " Kevin asked
"Sonny's into some dangerous stuff, you know. I used to not care. I loved him
so much I really didn't. I just wanted to be with him. Now it's not just me
anymore. I used to trust him to take care of me and protect me." Brenda pauses
then continues " I don't trust him anymore. I have absolutely no faith or
trust in him anymore." 
"You think there could be trouble."
"Yeah, I do. I need to keep my son away from it. I need to keep Sonny away
from us."
"Is that a possibility ?"
"It has to be. I can't let Sonny find out. I'm not a target anymore but I
won't allow my son to be one. I don't know what I would do if something
happened to him. Stone's my world. He means everything to me."
"Maybe you should sit down and have this talk with Sonny. He might surprise
you and understand. He'll back off."
"No, you don't know him. Mike walked out on Sonny when he was little. That
scarred Sonny for life. We were going to run off together when he found out
that Lily was pregnant. That was the first time he left me standing in the
rain. He couldn't, wouldn't leave his own child for any reason. 
Sonny went to her and begged her to take him back. Obviously she did but I
won't. If he finds out about our son, he'll be relentless."
"You said for yourself that he didn't love Lily-"
"Exactly. Sonny loved me, at least I thought so. He still left me. I was the
one he loved and he left me. He's done it over and over. He would never leave
his son. That I know for sure but he'll take us both down with him."
Kevin looked at her questioningly
"I'm sorry. I'm probably not making any sense. You see Sonny might feel the
need to disappear again except he might take Stone with him. He doesn't need
or want me but a son would mean everything to him."
"Because he's lost a child and he had a rough childhood. He might feel the
need to make up for all of that. Prove to himself and everyone that he's
better than all of that." Kevin stated comprehending it
Brenda nodded and went on
"After everything that's happened...I was talking to him on the docks and it
was like...nothing changed. I asked him why, you know but he still didn't tell
me anything. Actually that's not true. He kept feeding me all the same crap
abut how he was protecting me and it was too dangerous. I couldn't know
anything. The usual." Brenda stated warily
"Did you believe him ?"
Chapter 40

"I wanted to so much. A part of me still wants to believe that he did all this
because he was trying to protect me, because he loved me soo much that he
couldn't stand to see me hurt."
"But you don't."
"Even if that was true, it still hurt. I was hurt. I almost lost everything. I
did. I had a total breakdown and I had to rebuild my life. Whatever was left
of me Sonny took with him. I was left with almost nothing. I couldn't model so
I was out of a job, my business manager stole all of my money, I almost lost
L&B. Thank god for Ned and Lois. The only thing I had left was my beautiful
son." Brenda looked over at Stone who was sleeping in his carrier.
"If I didn't have a child to take care of I wouldn't have made it."
"I think you would've regardless. You've been through a lot more than most
people could stand. 
You may not think so but you're strong."
Brenda smiled half-heartedly and wiped her tears away.
"Thank you for that. Thank you for everything. I don't know what I would've
done if I didn't have you to talk to. You  have helped me more than you know.
I probably would've lost my mind by now. "
"You should give yourself more credit. It was your battle and you fought hard.
You won."
"And I have a beautiful son to show for it. " she bent down and kissed a still
sleeping Stone.
Brenda left Kevin's office feeling much better about everything. As she
settled Stone in his car seat she whispered to herself
"Well, it looks like your mommy has finally made a decision Stone. At least
this way I'll be in charge. I'm holding all the cards this time Sonny." 
 
Chapter 41
Brenda was at home getting ready to go to Luke's. She was having dinner with
Lois, Ned and Kevin and Lucy. She didn't really want to go because she would
be the only one without a date but she had to talk to Sonny and tell him about
Stone. How or when she didn't know. It just had to be soon or she'd lose her
nerve and change her mind. Robin took Stone with her to Mac's. They were
having dinner at the brownstone. That was the safest place for him to be
considering that Sonny would find out about him. She was worried that he might
try something and Mac would be there just in case.
She stepped into her walk-in closet to find something to wear. Something that
made her look spectacular so Sonny would eat his heart out. She picked out a
tight black dress.
"Oh god. What are you thinking. Who cares what he thinks?" she told herself as
she threw the dress back on the rack and picked out a dark brown spaghetti
strap dress that brought out the color in her eyes. She put it on and looked
more stunning in it than the other one. The slit up her thigh showed off her
legs. 
She fixed her hair and touched up her make-up.
"There, that looks good." she glanced at the clock on the night table "It's
now or never."

Chapter 42

Luke's was packed that night. There was a live band playing music. Brenda
could barely get in. She managed to and saw Mike.  He greeted her
"Hi Mike. Are Ned and Lois her yet ?" she yelled over the music
"Not yet but Kevin and Lucy are over there. They have good news i think you
might want to hear." Mike yelled back
"Finally some good news for a change. I'll see you later okay Mike ?"
Mike nodded and went back to tending bar.
Brenda spotted Lucy and walked over to their table to say hi
"Hi guys. What's up ?" she asked as she sat down
"Brenda ! Just the person that I wanted to see." Lucy squealed
Brenda shot Kevin a look but he just shrugged his shoulders.
"Well, I'm here. What's your good news ? and what's with the cider ? You're
married to a doctor who i'm sure can spring for a bottle of champagne for what
i'm paying him."
Brenda kidded
Lucy and Kevin smiled
"Should we tell her ?"
"Tell me what guys ?" With everything that's happened the last 2 years Brenda
and Lucy got closer because their kids were close in age. They helped support
each other during their pregnancies and Kevin was Brenda's doctor
"Lucy, I'm surprised you've kept quiet this long already. I was sure the whole
town knew by now.'
"Oh pooh. Listen bub, i'm perfectly capable of keeping a secret. I mean look
how I kept quiet to help Serena and Scott. I can certainly not say anything
about the baby we're going to have and another thing...
Brenda finally absorbed what her friend was saying as she rattled on and on
like she always did.
"You're pregnant again ! That's great Lucy ! I'm so happy for you." Brenda was
sitting next to Lucy so she reached over and hugged her.
"Congratulations Kevin. So, are we hoping for a boy or another girl ? "
"We'll be happy for a healthy baby." Kevin replied
Lucy and Brenda looked at him skeptically
"Oh come on Kevin. You'll probably be the first one in there hoping for a son.
All men want sons." She noted as she thought about Sonny and Stone
"I think Brenda's right. I'd love to have a boy who becomes like you when he
grows up."
Luke overheard them and came over
"Just what the world needs. Another doc shrink. " Luke joked "I heard the news
Luce, Congrats. Kevin."
"Thank you bub. I was wondering when you were going to show you're ugly mug
over here. And what's with sticking us back here at this table ? ?This isn't
my table. If you had been here I would have gotten my table. You're the only
one who gives me the right table. The one I like."
Luke smirked
"Sorry about that Luce. I was detained and unavailable to greet my favorite
customer and favorite ex-partner because I was with my other ex-partner." he
said as he glanced at the bar where Sonny stood.
Lucy gasped then tried to cover
"Oh my god. Uh, Brenda. I just had a craving for Mac's greasy hamburgers. Why
don't we head over to the Outback."
Brenda looked at her strangely
"What are you talking about ? We just got here. Besides I have to wait for Ned
and Lois."
Brenda glanced at the door to see if they were here yet. Out of the corner of
her eye she saw what Lucy was trying to hide.
"Oh Sonny. It's okay Lucy. I know he's back. I saw him the other day. "
"You did ? What happened ?" Lucy asked
"I really don't want to talk about it tonight. I'm all talked out. Right Kevin
?"
Brenda picked up one of the menus Luke left and started reading while Lucy
glanced at Kevin who nodded slightly
"So what are you guys getting ?"
Lucy smiled
"Anything dipped in calories and flavor. Something really greasy and
fattening. And lots of it."
Brenda laughed
"Pregnancy cravings kicking in already huh ?"
Brenda was busy reading the menu and didn't notice that Sonny had walked over
"What would you know about that Brenda ?" 

Chapter 43
Brenda dropped the menu on the table and paled. She quickly covered
"In case you've forgotten I was with Lois through her entire first semester
and I was with Lucy her entire first pregnancy."
She shot Lucy a look to keep her quiet.
Unfortunately Luke and Sonny both caught it too but Luke interrupted
"I'll have your food come as soon as possible but in the mean time, why don't
you guys dance ?"
Kevin took Lucy's hand and led her to the crowded dance floor
"Come on Lucy. They're playing our song."
Sonny and Brenda were left alone at the table as the music started to play.
Sonny couldn't take his eyes off of Brenda. She looked so beautiful. He just
wanted to take her in his arms and take her upstairs, to their old place,
where he could make love to her all night.
Brenda grew uncomfortable under his gaze.
"Why are you staring at me ?" Brenda asked coolly
Sonny ignored her question. 
"Dance with me."
He grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the dance floor before she could
object.
He wrapped his strong arms around her waist and forced her to move to the
music


Chapter 44
"What are you doing ?"
"Shut up and dance."

It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss
It's getting better baby
No one can better this
Still holding on
You're still the one
First time our eyes met
Same feeling I get
Only feels much stronger
I wanna love you longer
Do you still turn the fire on?
So if you're feeling lonely, don't
You're the only one I'll ever want
I only want to make it go 
So if I love you a little more than I should...

He pulled her closer and she relented. If she wasn't so surprised by his
audacity she might have been angry but she only wanted to feel him near her
even if it was only for a few minutes. It might be the last time he held her
after tonight. 

Please forgive me, I know not what I do
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me, if I need you like I do
Please believe me, every word I say is true
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you

Sonny felt her tense up and he looked down at her. 
"Brenda, we have to talk. There are somethings I need to tell you."
"I know. I need to tell you something important too."

Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch
Still getting closer baby
Can't get closer enough
Still holding on
You're still number one
I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all the moves
I remember you yeah
I remember the nights, you know I still do
So if you're feeling lonely, don't
You're the only one I'll ever want
I only want to make it go
So if I love you a little more than I should...

Sonny looked deep into Brenda's eyes and saw the hurt and pain there. He felt
a pang of guilt because he was the one that put that there. He hated himself
for it.
Brenda looked back at him and could tell what he thinking. She knew that Sonny
was truly sorry for what everything he'd done but it wasn't enough. She put
her hand on his cheek to reassure him. He smiled and stroked her hair.

Please forgive me, I know not what I do
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me, if I need you like I do
Please believer me, every word I say is true
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you

The only thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
The one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm praying
That's what I'm saying

Luke and Mike watched the scene unfold from behind the bar.
Luke turned to Mike 
"What do you thinks going on with those two ? "
"I'm not sure. All I know is that my son better not screw it up this time."
Mike said seriously
Luke nodded in agreement
"If he does then i'll have to kick some butt around here."

Please forgive me, I know not what I do
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me, if I need you like I do
Babe believe me, every word I say is true
Please forgive me, if I can't stop loving you
No, believer me, I don't know what I do
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you

I can't stop loving you.

The song ended and the band took a break. Sonny and Brenda were the last two
left on the dance floor. Brenda finally pulled away. Sonny looked down
disappointed.


Chapter 45

"Listen, Sonny if we're going to talk then maybe we should go someplace else."
Sonny agreed
"Let's go back to the penthouse. Jason will be out all night."
"Okay."
Brenda was about to get her purse and leave when Ned and Lois finally arrived.
They walked in with another man she'd never seen before.
Ned spotted her with Sonny before Lois did and frowned.
He stopped them from leaving
" Brenda, sorry we're late. Grandfather had some important business to
discuss." Ned explained the whole time ignoring Sonny
"It's okay Ned. I was with Lucy and Kevin. Hey Lois."
"Bren, How's it going Sonny ?"
"Fine until a minute ago." He replied while staring daggers at Ned who was
returning the look
" Lois, Kyle. I think our table's ready. Why don't you two sit down and order.
Brenda, can I speak to you for a minute. Excuse us."
Ned dragged Brenda outside, leaving a furious Lois and Sonny.
"Come on Sonny. Why don't you join us for a drink. Kyle this is Sonny
Corinthos, an old friend of mine. Kyle Montgomery, this is an old friend of
Ned's."
The two men shook hands, neither liking the other very much.
They all sat down and ordered their drinks.
"What brings you to town Kyle ?"
"ELQ business. Edward and I are putting some deals together."
Sonny nodded
"Sonny here used to be on the ELQ board." Lois threw in, trying to get Sonny's
mind off of what was happening outside.
"Really ?"
"Yeah, unfortunately I had to leave town so I sold my shares back to a friend.
Will you excuse me, I have to make a phone call." Sonny left and walked over
to Luke
"What's up partner ?"

Back at Lois' table
"Who was that woman your husband's talking to ? Sonny's wife ?"
"Nah, they're not married. That's my bestus firlfriend. Brenda's like a sister
to Ned and me." 
Kyle nodded 

Chapter 46

"What are trying to do Ned ?" an angry Brenda asked Ned
"Good, you're angry. Be mad but not at me. At Sonny. I was trying to protect
you."
"From what ? Sonny ? "
"Yes. If I hadn't come in when I did, what would have happened ?" Ned asked
incredulously
"We were going to his penthouse to talk. I have to tell him Ned."
Ned could tell by the look on her face what she was talking about. 
"You made a decision ?"
"Yes, I did and if you care about me then you'll stand by me and support my
choices."
Ned looked at her closely. 
"I'm sorry. I won't tell you what to do. Let's go back inside. I want you to
introduce you to Kyle."
"Who's he ?"
"An old friend of mine and someone Grandfather is looking forward to doing
business with."
They are about to go back inside when Ned's cell phone rings. Ned answers it
"Hello ? Ashton here...yeah, she's right here."
Brenda looks at him questioningly
"It's Robin"
Brenda grabs the phone
"Is it Stone ?...uh huh...I'll be right there...Bye" Brenda hangs up and turns
back to Ned
"What's wrong ? Is it-" Ned looked worried
"It's okay. Stone has an ear infection. Bobbie looked at it. Georgie had one
before so Felicia showed Robin what to do but he's cranky. I just want to go
home and stay with him. Robin needs her rest. Can you tell Lois i'll call her
in the morning. And tell Sonny i'll call him tomorrow too."
Ned watched Brenda get into her car and drive off then headed back into the
club to his wife.
He sat down next to Lois and Sonny walked over when he saw him come back in.
"Where's Brenda ?" Sonny asked
"She told me to tell you that she would call you tomorrow. Something came up."
"What ?" Sonny asked, this time more annoyed
"Robin called. There was some emergency at her house. Nothing serious but she
had to leave."
Sonny accepted his explanation and walked away
Ned turned back to his guest.  
When the waitress came with their order he leaned over and whispered into
Lois's ear
"Don't worry. Stone just needed his mother. He's fine and so is Robin."
Lois looked relieved 
The three of them chat, enjoy the food and listen to the music.

Chapter 47

Sonny arrived at the penthouse half an hour later. Renaldo was standing guard.
He said Jason had to leave town for some business but that he'd be in the next
morning. He was alone for a good hour before he got a visitor. The time was
driving him crazy. He felt he had to do something since he was in Port
Charles. When he was hiding out in Puerto Rico he had almost got used to the
isolation and lonliness. 
 Renaldo knocked on the door and said someone was there to see him.
"Who is it?" Sonny asked
"It's me" a female voice answered 
"It's okay Renaldo. Let her in."
Brenda glanced around the penthouse nervously. She hadn't been there since
that fateful night before their 'wedding.'
"Take a seat. Relax Brenda. There isn't anyone here besides me. " Sonny said
as he motioned to the couch. "Can I get you anything ?"
"No thanks. I'd rather have a clear head when we talk. Go ahead though."
He poured himself a brandy then sat next to Brenda
"I'm surprised that you came."
"Why ? "
"I thought you had changed your mind about us talking and you sent Ned to tell
me. The fact that you came...I expected you to...I don't know."
Brenda looked at him
"That pretty much defines our relationship huh ? The unexpected always
happens."
"What did you expect ?" he asked quietly
"Honestly ? For us to be together forever. For you not to marry someone else.
For us to be married by now and be a family.For you to be honest with me and
not lie. I'm still waiting. Maybe I am wasting my time." Brenda looks back
down at her hands
"Why does it sound like you're trying to put all the blame on me. It's a two-
way street you know."
"Look I didn't come here to fight with you. I wanted to have an honest
conversation with you. I need to get everything out in the open. If that's not
possible then just say so now. I've got somewhere to be."
"What is this ? Psych 101 ?"
Brenda stares at him angrily and hurt. 
"Kevin's helped me a lot these past few years. "
Sonny looked at her apologetically
"Look i'm sorry. If he's helping you then that's good. Ijust meant-"
"I know what you meant Sonny."Brenda stands up angrily 
"Listen, if I didn't want to talk to you I would have told you so. Robin
called and I had to go take care of a sick friend." she lied 
" Is she all right ?" Brenda looked at him. She couldn't read his mind but she
could tell he was thinking that she had met someone. He was always jealous of
any male friend of hers except Stone Cates. He was extremely jealous of Miguel
and he hated Ned and Jax. She would let him suffer for awhile.
"Robin's okay."
"I meant your friend."
"He's fine for now. I have my cell phone in case anything happens."
"Why'd you leave him then ?" he asked
"Because I really wanted to talk to you and I didn't want to put it off any
further." she answrered truthfully. Brenda paused. "I really need to hear you
tell me why."
"I thought I did at the docks." he said quietly
"No, what you did was the same thing you always do. You kept feeding the same
bull that you've been feeding me since day one."
"It's not bull. It's the truth. I don't know what you want me to say ?"
Brenda starts getting upset and pushes him a little
"Anything but what you're saying now. I've heard it all before.  You're
reasons for doing anything are always to protect me. Protect me from what ? I
made the choice to leave everything to be with you. You wouldn't let me. I
choose you like I always do, stupid fool that I am. You never choose me. It's
always something or someone else over me. And I'm the one who gets hurt every
single time. I can't take it anymore. I almost died inside when you left. Do
you even know ?"
She yelled at a silent Sonny.
"Do you ?!"

Chapter 48

Sonny finally brought his gaze to meet Brenda's. It was too much for him.
"It was killing me too. I sat in an empty beach house in Puerto Rico alone. I
couldn't take it, I don't even know how I survived. Something kept me going. I
sat up all night for months. I couldn't sleep or eat for weeks. I literally
had to fight  the demons away."
"That's not what I asked."
"I know."
"Do you ?" Brenda asked him again while sitting back down
"Yeah, I probably. I know what it's like to be left behind and feel unwanted.
I of all people should know. I shouldn't have done what I did. You were right
before when you said I was a coward. I didn't want to suffer the consequences
if you were killed because of me so I let you suffer instead. It was wrong. I
should have thought it through more but all I could see was you dead because
of me."
"What do you mean ? I thought you were planning this the whole time."
The fact that she would even think that he would do something that hurtful was
too much for him to bear. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes.
"No. I don't blsme you for thinking that. I wanted to marry you. I was going
to."
"Then what happened that morning ?" Brenda asked. If he did intend on coming
to the church and leaving like they had planned then something must have
happened that morning.
But what could have ben so bad that it had caused him to leave her behind ?
"I had to leave. They were after me. They would have killed us both."
"Who is they Sonny ?"
"Davis Reese"
Brenda recognized the name but couldn't place it right away
"The guy who called me to congradulate us ? I don't get it..."
"He didn't call to toast to our future marriage. He called to send me a
warning that he could get to me whenever he wanted. That we would both die
right after we were married."
"But you said that we were leaving right after and no one knew. Did Resse find
out ?"
"No but he would have found us eventually. I couldn't take the chance. Rivera
put a million dollar contract on my head. That just doesn't go away. They
would have hunted us down. You can't run forever."
"We didn't even try."
"We never had a chance ! "
"You're right." Sonny looked up at her in surprise and Brenda continued.
"We probably should have known that from the beginning. Maybe that's why it
took so long for us to get together. We shouldn't have gotten back together
but we did. It would have saved us both a lot of heartache and needless pain."
Sonny could feel his heart, their heart breaking all over again. She was
regretting their whole relationship. No matter how bad things got, it never
had come to that. He must have really hurt her. He didn't know.
"It's funny. I still remember you saying that you would never take anything
that had happened to us back. That you would never do that like yesterday and
here we are."
Brenda stared at him totally devoid of emotion.
"You said a lot of things too."
"But I meant most of them. I wanted to give you everything you wanted in life.
I wanted to make your dreams come true. I wanted to make you as happy as you
made me."
Brenda starts crying a little.
"Maybe that was part of the problem. You already did all of those things. You
just didn't know it. I just wanted to be with you. I built my life around you
for a long tiime. I did it again when we were going to run off and give
everything up. That's what made it so hard."  
"When you left to go to the church I was here waiting for Jason to get here.
You know that nightmare I had that night ?"
Brenda nodded
"Yeah, you woke up screaming my name."
"I was getting ready and I suddenly remembered the dream in a flash. I was
having flashbacks of that night at Luke's when Lily got into the car and it
exploded except it wasn't her, it was you. I watched you smile at me and get
into the car. I kept seeing you in the car. Icouldn't let it happen so I left.
I couldn't take it if I lost you llike that."
"You did lose me."
"I know. I don't expect you to take me back."Sonny stated quietly and
truthfully
"Then what do you expect me to do ? Why did you come back ?"
"I came back to settle things once and for all. Maybe I was being selfish but
I had to see you just once. I had to make sure you knew the truth. I had to
let you know that I did love you and that i'll always love you."
Brenda had a sickening feeling imthe pit of her stomach.
"You make it sound like this is the end and i'll never see you again." she
laughed darkly
Sonny's eyes bore into hers but he didn't say anything.



Continued












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