Phoebe Songs

Cremated Mother

And my mother's ashes
Even her eyelashes
Are resting in a little yellow jaaaaaaar
But sometimes when it's breezy
Or if I'm feeling sneezy
Excuse me excuse me noisy boys !



Snowman

I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin'
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen
La-la-la-la-la-la-la...



My Coma Guy

You don't have to be awake to be my man
As long as you have brain waves
I'll be there to hold your hand.
Though we just met the other day
There's something I have got to say...

Crusty Old Man

...And the crusty old man said
"I'll do what I can"
And the rest of the rats played maracas



Blackout         (TOW The Blackout)

New York City has no power
And the milk is getting sour
But to me that is not scary
Cause I stay away from dairy
La-la-la-la-la-la...

They Found Their Bodies        ( TOW The Birth)

And they found their bodies the very next day
They found their bodies the very next day...



Babies     (TOW The Birth)

They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch
Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why
And you cry and you cry and you cry
And you cry and you cry...



Stephanie         (TOWTheBabyOnTheBus)

Stephanie knows all the chords!



Terry's a Jerk      (TOWTheBabyOnTheBus)

Terry's a jerk!
And he won't let me work!
And I hate Central Perk!
(time passes by)
And you're all invited to bite me!



When I Play     (TOWTheBabyOnTheBus)

When I play I play for me
I don't need your charity!



Bi-sexuals       (TOATheSuperbowl I)

Sometimes men love women
And sometimes men love men
Then they are bi-sexuals
Though some might say they're kidding themselves
La-la-la-la-la-la...



DON'T        (TOATheSuperbowl I)

There'll be times when you get older
When you'll want to sleep with people
Just to make them like you
But DON'T
Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do
That's another thing that you don't wanna do



Grandma       (TOATheSuperbowl I)

Now grandma's a person who everyone likes
She bought you a train and a bright shiny bike
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner
And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.
Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru,
But the truth is she died and someday you will too
La-la-la-la-la...



Barnyard animals      (TOATheSuperbowl I)

Now the cow in the meadow goes Meww
Now the cow in the meadow goes Meww
And then the farmer hits'em on the head
And grounds'em up and that's how we get hamburgers
Now the chicken.



Two of Them Kissed Last Night    (TOW The List)

There was a girl we'll call her Betty
And a guy let's call him Neil
Now I can't stress this point too strongly
This story isn't real.
(time passes by)
Now our Neil must decide
Who will be the girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly
Or will it be the one who we'll call L-L-Lulie?
He must decide, he must decide
Even though I made him up he must decide



In the Shower

I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song
Stop me if you've heard it
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
And tegrin spelled backward is nirget.
Lather, rinse, repeat
Lather, rinse, repeat
Lather, rinse, repeat (pause)
As needed!



Double-Jointed Boy

He was a double, double, double-jointed boy



Jingle Bitch         (TOWPhoebe'sEx-Partner)

Jingle bitch screwed me over
Go to hell jingle whore
Go to hell, go to hell, go to h-h-hell



And of course:

Smelly Cat

(Chorus)
Smelly cat, smelly cat
What are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat
It's not your fault

They won't take you to the vet
You're obviously not their favourite pet
You may not be a bed of roses
And you're no friend to those with noses

(Repeat Chorus)