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STILLWATER, OK (AP) -- With the rasing of their flag and the performance of obscure chanting followed by imitation whale song, the tubas at Oklahoma State University declared their independence as a separate, mobile country. "We're going to call it 'Blatvia' because it sounds real cool," said Bryant Warren, section leader of this dastardly group of misguided bandmembers. David "SCOC" Green, section member, agreed, saying, "Huh... I play the tuba." Why they call their beaten old sousaphones "tubas" is anybody's guess, but experts assume that it has something to do with an extreme amount of laziness and apathy among the section. Brett Stevens disagrees, saying, "Man... these things is HEAVY! YOU try hauling one of these around for an hour and a half, you @$%@#%!!" Stevens' attitude is prevalent among the section, which seems to have no respect whatsoever for the rest of the band, or even the marching drill they are assigned. "For one show, I charted 11 sets of NOTHING for them so that they could do what they wanted," an exhasperated Michael Raiber, director of the band, said, "I knew they weren't going to do what I had written. I'm still not sure if it's because they don't WANT to, or because they're not ABLE to..." "We did the Hokey Pokey once on the field," said Chris Amos, "it was neat." |
Pope Bryant Warren I, tuba section leader and Blatvian spiritual leader