Forgive me

Forgive me

(For not capitalizing Both Words in my Title.)

by Danamaru

Rating: PG-13, verging on a R for minor cursing. (Now, this is highly forgivable, considering the author is foreign, but the MPAA would never consider an R rating for minor cursing. Just for your daily dose of education. PG's fine here, dearie.)

Disclaimer: They are not mine, I love writing (But I cop out at any available opportunity. See * )but I could never have created characters such as these two. Don't worry Chris, you should be honoured that we all want to borrow a little part of your masterpiece.

Category: MSR

Spoilers: Post En Ami and everything before it. I know it's a late one, but living in the sticks here in Scotland, (Where, for the record, they speak English. Just in case there was any doubt.) we are not as fortunate as the US and have just seen En Ami as of June 25th 2000.

Feeback: Yes please! Good, bad, indifferent. Go for it at Danamaru1@yahoo.co.uk (You know what? I'm not going to blame you for this, either. I'm going to believe that you took the Maru from Piper Maru the ship, and not Piper Maru the daughter of a real live human being. Because *that* would be CREEPY.)

Website: Catch my other stories at http://www.angelfire.com/hi2/badblood/

Summary: What was going through Mulder and Scully's minds as they waited for the disk to load.

Mulder's Apartment (* Copout #1. Now, darlin', this is not the title. I suppose it's ostensibly a setting-stamp, but I can't imagine why you need it. Let's try something NOVEL. "Scully and I were in my apartment." FANCY THAT! You can set location RIGHT THERE IN THE STORY! Man, it's like learning a new word processing trick, ain't it?)

As we both waited (For the record, again, this is in PAST TENSE. Noted and logged.) to see what was on the minidisk, I felt her eyes on me, looking for a sign on my face, a friendly sign. (How do you know, Mulder? And why weren't you wearing your Friendly Sign? You know, the one with the smiley face that says "Shit Happens" <rated R for minor cursing>?) I couldn't look at her, as much as I wanted to ask her why, I still felt like she had betrayed me. I was angry, not just for the lies but that she could've been killed and there would've been nothing that I could have done about it. (Hi, Mulder. This is a number of different thoughts going on here right now. Tell me exactly what this story is about, please? Because I'm most of the way into the first paragraph and I still don't know what's upsetting you.) There is no doubt in my mind that good old Smokey used her to get what he wanted, (semicolon) it's his style. (Okay -- this is a story about Mulder feeling sorry that CSM manipulated Scully. I am READY! Lessgo.) Make her believe that she could hold the cure for human life, make her believe in him and she would be putty in his hands.

I never received any tape. Nor any sign that she had recorded her conversations, (semicolon. Dana Maru, meet the semicolon. It divides complete sentences that are part of the same thought. Mostly. If there's a subject, verb...oh, dear me, this isn't worth it at all. I'll just salivate like Pavlov's dog when you need one, mmkay?) only her word, and with that I should be able to accept with open arms. (Accept what? Her word? See, that can't be right. Because you just said "with THAT," where "THAT" meant "her word." "Accept" can't mean it too. I promise. It's only a teensy word, "that," it can't handle that kind of aggravation. And, the truth is, neither can WRT.) But I can't.

I know I have (Hello, Present Tense. Didn't see you come in. Can I get you a cocktail?) done things in the past that I haven't included her in and yes I am probably being hypocritical but only because I care about her. She's my partner and best friend and I don't understand after everything she has learned about this black-lunged son of a bitch, how she could just up and leave with him on simple trust. (Does Mulder think this is what's happened? Ooh, okay. Let's forget what I said earlier. This is a story about Mulder feeling betrayed by Scully because she worked with CSM.)

I realise (In case you were keeping score, we're still in present tense. I like it here. My my my, I am SO agreeable today!) that she was told more about the chip and I can't blame her for wanting to know about the science behind it. That thing saved her life, cured her cancer and for that I am eternally grateful, as I'm sure she is. What has happened to my collected and vigilant partner? (The Collected and Vigilant Poems of St. Scully the Enigmatic.) Must have been one hell of a whopper that he fed her (Mmm, a Whopper. I want a Whopper. Extra pickles, no tomato.) to make her barriers crash in the space of a few days with a man she knows I despise. (I have no idea what this sentence says. Let's look at it. First she gets fed a Whopper, her way, right away, with fries and a coke. Then her barriers crash? What barriers? The Great Barrier Reef? Crashing, somehow. And then, a man "she knows I despise." Because, you know, that's what it is. Mulder and CSM, they're like Archie and Reggie, and Scully's like Veronica. Ooh! I get it. And now she's dating Reggie 'cause he's got a cooler car or a disk or something, and Archie's jealous. Because Mulder despises Reggie. Or Archie despises...anyway. It ALL makes sense to me now. SO NOW, this is a story about Veronica! Thrilled. Reading on, eagerly.)

Approximately 2 minutes later........ (* Copout #2. And you said you loved writing. But. Oh, dear me, you can't do this! Have you learned NOTHING since we spoke earlier about "Mulder's apartment"? Let's practice here. "Two minutes went by in silence." "We sat there for two minutes." "We waited for two minutes." You see what I'm doin', here? Yes indeed. And you love writing. Might as well do it while you can, dear.)

We have learned that there is nothing on the CD and I know my face is telling her "I told you so." (Archie and Veronica are still in present tense. Archie's face is talking. With some sort of speech bubble, I think.) Nonetheless, I am unable to control it. (Nonetheless? You are unable to control what, Archie? The "I told you so"? You already said you knew your face was telling her. So there ain't no "nonetheless." Trust me.) I've been here too many times to even get excited anymore. (Excited for what? You just learned there was nothing on the CD. Oh, were you excited before? Or, not excited? I missed that. I was with Reggie. We were fucking under the boardwalk. Betty was there too. Hoo boy!) Being betrayed over and over with promises and lies allows me to sense what the outcome would be even before the Gunmen went (OUCH! Mid-sentence tense shift! This causes serious whiplash. Even in Archie's jalopy.) to work.

Seeing her surprise almost made me laugh. (You're so sweet, Arch.) How could she believe that he would give her anything concrete? That man is nothing but a liar and a murderer and she knows it. (Yeah. You tell her. That Reggie's a BULLY. And she knows it. Not because Scully's had her own share of experiences with CSM, oh, no, never. But just because she has always known Mulder's despised him. He must have told her while she was doing her nails. In the past tense.)

I have remained in my position in the doorway since she arrived earlier. (The WRT is not even going to begin to get her mind around the tenses in this sentence.) I am unable to enter the room. (Gee, you know, I wish you'd told us this earlier. Back when you were introducing "Mulder's apartment." It's sort of a useful thing to know when you're establishing a scene.) The tension caused by my distance is uncomfortable for both of us, but I am so hurt by her recent actions that I can't even bring myself to look interested. (Oh Archie, I have no idea what you're talking about. You're upset that she played with the bully. And you're bored by the disk. And your face is telling her "I told you so," but you're not looking at her. That's one versatile and talky face, by the way. But this VERY STORY began with you "both waiting" to see what was on the disk. In past tense. So, me, I'm confused.)

***

He won't look at me. (Hi, Scully! You're in the present tense. I hope Mulder could hear you from way up there when he was in the past.) My best friend can't even look into my eyes. I feel as though I have been punched in the stomach. Every breath I hold is being torn from me as I sit here, (Ouch!) humiliated and embarrassed by his behaviour. (Humiliated? How is he embarrassing you?)

He's making me feel unwanted in his home and all I want to do is tell him to stop. (Tell him!) But I can't. (Damn!) I want so much for the proof on this disk to show him why I did it. Why I would go on a trip with that man, (DROOOL! That was the Pavlov thing, remember?) why I'd lied to Mulder to get this to see for myself, (DROOOL!) others like me with that chip that is the key to my life. (Others have the key to YOUR life? Man, you should have told us earlier, Scully. We could have avoided a lot of anxiety.)

I know he was only concerned for my safety, but I'm back and he's punishing me for trying to find out the proof and closure I need for myself, so that I can finally understand what's ultimately keeping me alive. (Okay.)

I am awakened from my thoughts and my gaze on Mulder as I am informed by Frohike that the disk is blank. (I thought we knew this already? Oh, no, that was in MulderTense. But up there it was a CD, not a disk. Or, once it was a minidisk. I think. Well, as I said, I'm agreeable today. Maybe there are two things that are blank. Or three.) My heart is sinking to the pit of my stomach as I rise to see the evidence for myself. It's true, I can't believe it. There it is, staring at me, laughing at me, the words "Volume empty."

I turn to look at Mulder for some kind of reassurance. Slowly as his eyes meet mine, they don't hold the look I'm hoping for. They are cold and shrugging spelling (Shrugging Spelling? Is she related to Tori Spelling?) out the words, "I told you so."

The Gunmen look genuinely sorry, but Mulder still looks annoyed and angry, chewing on his cheeks in a sulk and trying not to shout at me. I have never been so embarrassed as right now and as strong as I am trying to be, I feel like my head is going to explode and I'll break down in a sorry state of emotion.

Please forgive me. (I want to. Really. It was a noble goal. But I just have NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.)

End

The scene that I have written about above touched me somewhere. I felt so sorry for Scully as she sat there, waiting. I also Felt for Mulder as he tried his damn hardest not to look at her. I just had to write about the feelings I perceived them to have At that tension building moment. Big HUGE thanks to everyone who reads this and please, tell me What you think - Danamaru1@yahoo.co.uk (Gladly.)

(Incidentally -- interesting initial caps on those lines. Did Word do that for you? How sweet of it.)

Ratings

Evilness Rating:

2.5

I'm splitting the difference here. Because, plotwise, this was not too evil at all. Or maybe I'm just in a good mood. But it was an interesting moment for Mulder and Scully and I wasn't offended by it. However, when one decides to WRITE something INTERESTING, one is under a vague and unofficial obligation to WRITE SOMETHING INTERESTING. Otherwise it just ain't fair.

Who Are These People:

Sometimes they're Mulder and Scully. Lots of DIFFERENT Mulders and Scullys, to be sure. And Mulder's whole "a man she knew I despised" thing is just UNCALLED for. And sometimes, these people were Archie and Veronica. But hey, that's nice too. I would just like to know who I'm supposed to be reading about. And I'll go along with it. I promise.

I Speech Goodly:

First -- TENSE issues. Come on. It's EASY. Pick a tense. Stay with it. You know what tenses ARE, do you not? Then Darlin', someone's gotta teach you about semi-colons, but all in all, you've constructed some at least READABLE sentences. There's a whole thing about stringing together comma clauses, but I'm not going to get into that. Simply put, these are long, sticky, navel-gazing sentences that drag on lumpy over series of commas unnecessarily. Learn about punctuation, about semi-colons, and about breaking up thoughts, and you're halfway there.

I R a Gud Spelr:

You use a spellcheck. Clap clap clap. Good.

Gak-o-Tron:

Simply because I wanted them to STOP THE FUCKING MOANING so I could figure out what the hell they were talking about. I'm tired of the introspection and the moaning and the navel-gazing. ESPECIALLY when I don't know what they're moaning about.

Laziness Quotient:

And not just for the "Mulder's apartment" and the "Two minutes later......." But because you're expecting the reader to use his or her own knowledge of the X-Files to figure out what's going on. And that's not your job, as a writer. YOU need to set the scene. You need to tell US why Mulder's in the doorway. And you need to tell us THAT Mulder's in the doorway. You see.

And Your Point Was?:

I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE! I read this. I read many paragraphs. I have NO IDEA what this story was about! In fact, if I hadn't read the author's note, I wouldn't even know what you INTENDED to do. Now, as I said, you picked an interesting episode, and an interesting moment to tackle. But, darlin', you should have picked one theme to address, and had Mulder and Scully deal with it. They could even (gasp!) talk! Out loud! Or, if the point is that they're not speaking, show me. Make it VERY CLEAR. I, the reader, am dumb. I need your help. Please.

WILD CARD:

Post-Eps are For...

Post-Eps are to allow the writer to linger on moments in the episode that are not well enough explained by canon. As a general rule. Because of this, it's only fair that you set yourself a goal and then achieve it. If you wanted to tackle the fact that Mulder was hurt that Scully had gone off with CSM, make the story about THAT. Don't muddy it up with all sorts of other stuff. Use simple sentences. Set the scene. Establish a mood. Make me FEEL it. Show me, don't tell me. Stuff like that. Good luck to you, Dana Meru. I look forward to your next story that's actually about something and that won't have to end up here.