Lost.in words

(Couldn't have said it better myself.)

By: "Nonis"

 Rate: G   (Rate: sllooowwww....)

 Classification: SR (Sure. What the hell. I don't care. Sure. Fine. Whatever.)

Summary: Mulder unexpectedly visits Scully in her apartment for a confession and..ahm!..well!!

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It was a quiet and a peaceful night. The sky was glowing with bright stars and the moonlight. Scully, after a busy day,  is sitting on the couch in her apartment, all alone, with a weary look on her face. (Pick a tense. Any tense. I'm not picky. Let's say, oh...present. Shall we?) Her emotions are mixed with depression and pain. (Good, good, present tense.) She kept (Damn! Now that's past. Okay. So let's assume we're going forth in past, shall we?) wondering , "what have I done with my life?, what have I become?..what'll happen next?". She's feeling lonely, (OH NO! I'm back in the present again! I am seasick and nauseated. I was seasick and nauseated. Now I'm tired. I was tired, that is. Now I'm ready to move on. I was, I mean. Yikes. Moving along in the present tense...) frustrated and depressed. She feels that her life has been a total waste. (She *does*? This is news to me. Why does she feel this way?) Suddenly, there is a gentle knock on her door..

 She was (Is?) confused because it's not very often that some one visits her in the apartment, specially (Oh-so-special-ly) at this hour. "Who could it be?", she wondered (wonders? Oh, man alive. I give up. Let's pretend it's a...stylistic choice. Suuuure. Tense really isn't that important to reading comprehension after all. Mary, mother of god.). She walked up to the door and peeked through the door- viewer and was  surprised!.. (Exclamation Point, Period, Period! Is it multiple choice for the reader? I choose...the second period.) Surprised to see Mulder standing outside her door. She wondered, "Mulder! What could he be doing here?" She was puzzled. (She wondered! She was surprised! Also puzzled! "Mulder!" I am puzzled too. Anne likes red. Red red red. A red dress instead?) She was just about to open the door, but wait.! (Period, Exclamation Point!) She realised that her hair is shabby and at least needed a quick hand adjustment. (Hand job? Good thinking, Scully. Especially since your hair is shabby – a word generally reserved for bad upholstery and urban chic. But who am I to complain? Or, rather, who was I? Lost in words, lost in words, Chris.) She quickly ran her fingers through her hair to make it somewhat tidy. She knew that she couldn't delay longer because Mulder was already aware that she has peeped through the door-viewer. (OH NO!!!)

 She slowly opened the door... feeling rather awkward to eye (I feel pretty awkward to eye at him too. What exactly does "to eye" entail? It seems like it would cause back pain, or migraine. Women who are or may potentially be pregnant must not use Propecia. Take me home.)at him. The sad look on Scully's face is still far from being erased. (Oooh, I'm back in the present. I missed you! Was this the sad look because her life's been a total waste? But yet she took the time to give a hand job to her shabby hair? Well, that's our vain Scully for you.) Mulder easily noticed that. (The present was fun while it lasted.)

 " Scully!", Mulder greeted feeling rather preoccupied himself. (How do we know this? What is he preoccupied with? Where's the noun that's supposed to come after "greeted"? I have so many questions!)

"Hi!", Scully replied in a soft tone.

There was a moment of silence. (In respect for the present tense, may it rest in peace.)

Mulder broke the silence, "Look Scully, we need to talk..may I step in?". (Question Mark, Period?)

 Scully looked puzzled and slightly moved her neck backwards. (Ow. Ow. What? How? I feel like this is a game of Madlibs that didn't work out.) But, she would have never refused his offer, not that Mulder would ever wait for her permission any way! (Yeah, that forceful macho pig we all know Mulder to be!) Mulder walked in with his hands stuffed inside his coat pockets.(He was wearing his long black jacket). (Thanks for telling me, Chris. Nothing like being jerked out of a compelling story [let's pretend, shall we?] to be reminded what that costume people dressed David...I mean, Mulder...in.) As usual, he immediately took off  his jacket soon as he entered the room. (In that way he had of taking off his jacket as soon as he entered the room, which made him sexy and special.) He had a serious and a concerned look on his face. If it was someone else (even her mother), Scully would've immediately asked "What have you got in your mind?" But, not when it comes to Mulder. Mulder is very free to dominate even in her own apartment even though  things have been somewhat sour in their relationship over lately. (I...don't...follow. I don't get it at all. Your logic leaps are too great for me.)

"Mind if I make myself comfortable?", Mulder asked while sitting down on her couch ( not that he even waited till she nodded the sign of approval anyway!). (Who are these people? When am I? Where am I? TAKE ME HOME!!)

Scully was still puzzled why he's here. (Both tenses in the same sentence! It's a family reunion.) Of course, she realised that he was indirectly requesting her to sit down as well. (Naturally.)

 "You look rather preoccupied!", Scully asked in a curious manner. (She asked? I don't see a question here. Maybe it was left out of the multiple choice Madlibs punctuation list?)

 Mulder looked tired as he took a deep breath and softly replied, "Well..". (Half Ellipsis, Endquote, Period.) He was looking down, but not with any shyness or awkwardness (why should he be anyway?). (Yeah! Really! Why should he! Glad you brought it up!) Mulder remained silent for a while. He wanted to speak up, but there was a feeling of hesitation in his mind. (Oh, just forget it. I was going to ask how we got Mulder's POV all of a sudden, but screw it all. I'll just accept it as a byproduct of the time travel and tense shifts.) He finally broke the ice...

"Scully, I came down here to talk about...", Mulder paused for a moment and then continued, ". about you.. Err.how you've been lately and all that.." "You know, I've been so much involved with our last case that I never had a chance to express to you my concern.", it was all in broken language. (Yes! Yes it was! It was in broken language!)

 Scully was rather supprised with his words, but she knew what he getting at. Mulder was indirectly referring to her cancer. (She's so clever. And now we're all let in. And we can all think back on all Scully's been through. Abduction. Melissa. Cancer. Emily. My my my.)

Mulder continued,  "there had been...ah... rather ups and downs in our lives lately and.... I'm concerned about how it's affecting you..." "for the last few weeks, you've been through certain depressing moments and..", (Period Period Endquote Comma; "certain depressing moments"? Please clarify.) Mulder was  sitting hunched on the couch with his head turned towards her while speaking. He had lot's (No apostrophe) of wrinkled lines drawn on his forehead. Scully, looking down, with her fingers running through her red hair didn't know where to begin.

 She made the usual sigh before speaking up. "Mooooulderrr..." , Scully was lost in words. (And so am I.)

Mulder looked on for a few seconds and  turned his head straight and then looked down at his hands rested on his laps. (How many laps? And why the hell is he moving so much?) "I.... hope you aren't offended by my concern..?", Mulder asked her rather worriedly.

"No! No!...not at all!.ah.", Scully gently but rather quickly replied looking slightly up, as she always did in similar situations. (She is a master of expressions!). (HELP! HELP! Get me out of this Madlibs game. Breathe. Okay. First. Exclamation Point Period "ah" Period Endquote Comma? Then: "gently but rather quickly"? Please explain. I don't see what's happening here. Even though I'm right there with you on Scully's tendency to look up, in similar situations. Amazing up-looking woman that she is. But a "master of expressions"? WHO IS THIS???)

Past few months have been hell for her, with her bizarre behaviour, her involvement with Ed which almost got her killed, the embarrassing situation where she almost revealed her hidden feelings to a fake Mulder (in 'small potatoes') (No, no, no, no, NO! This is a STORY, Chris. They don't *know* the episode titles. I promise. Please don't torture me like this! I don't *need* this recap – there are better ways of evoking what Scully is feeling.) and most of all her horrible diagnosis of cancer, have literally torn her life apart. As a matter of fact, she even slightly wondered whether this moment is for real! (Tenses and wordchoice and sentence fragments, oh my!) But of course, she realised that she was only being silly. (WHAT?? WHAT?? You led us down this path and I spent two pages with you and she's only beling silly? In the present tense???) "What can I say Mulder..ah.?", (Period Period "ah" Period Question Mark Endquote Comma...oh, I give up. Have fun with the creative punctuation – we'll add it to the time travel as a stylistic choice.) she asked in a slow, gentle and a painful manner, looking  at the floor.

  "You can tell me the truth..how you really feel.", (Yeah, Scully, tells us how you really feel.) Mulder asked in a serious manner, starring at her face with a lot of concern. Scully was surprised with Mulder's behaviour. She never thought that he actually cared deeply for her. (No, of course not. Surprise, Scully! It's *this* kind of story! WRT had no idea.)

  "To be honest, Mulder, ..I don't know where to start..I guess.", Scully slowly raised her head towards him after speaking.

There was a moment of silence. (Again. This time for the lost punctuation skills.)

Mulder, who looked somewhat lost in his thoughts, finally continued, "You aren't still mad at me, aren't you?" Following that question, there was a smile on Scully's face. (When/why exactly was she mad at him?)

She didn't say anything. But, the silence was suddenly broken by Scully in a highly unexpected situation. (WHAT SITUATION? And how did a situation break the silence?)

She suddenly got up from the couch and  walking up to the window,  said, "look Mulder... I'm really not used to express my personal problems to anyone!"

Mulder calmly got up from the couch and followed her to  the window.

He stood behind Scully and gently uttered to her ears "I.. understand.I'm sorry!...but.. don't you ever feel lonely day after day?.."  "wouldn't it be nice to  have someone you know well to express your problems  once in a way?.." Scully had a sorrowful look on her cheeks and forehead. "I don't know Mulder!", she cried out. Mulder rested his palm on Scully's right shoulder and gently spoke, "calm down!.. why don't we sit and talk about it?" Silence was spreading all over the room as Scully stood in front of the window gazing up at, probably nowhere. There were a thousand things on her mind. Mulder continued, "It's okay Scully!.come on..." Scully slowly turned round , looking straight at Mulders chest, took a deep breath. Mulder escorted her back to the couch. This time she sat just next to Mulder with her arms clapped together, looking downwards. Her lips were tight.   They both sat on the couch, thinking..thinking... After a few seconds in silence, Mulder continued, "Scully...you were right before."  "it's is your life and you can choose to live it the way you want (in 'Never again')". (NO. Please no. Please stop. I give up.)

Mulder looking down at the floor. "Maybe I've been selfish..it's just that I've been so busy with all bizarre cases in X-files over the last few years that I've had little time to.... think of your personal needs." (Otherwise I'd eat you out right now.) "But all what I can say is that I'm sorry."  Scully listened to Mulder, breathing somewhat (Where do you get words like this? They're scattered in this thing like you did it with a saltshaker. I'm so confused.)  heavily, with a tired and sorrowful look on her face. But, she was all ears. (Oh good.) Mulder continued, "I shouldn't have been such a jerk!" "but your accusations on me having no feelings for you (in "Never again")(STOP, or I'm jumping ship. I'm serious this time.) is not accurate!..because, Scully.. I do have feelings for you!". Scully looked up at Mulders eyes. (That's, uh, "Mulder's", possessive, needs an apostrophe. If I can fix ONE THING in this story...*sigh*) "But you don't believe me when I say that I care...do you?", asked Mulder in an eager manner. Scully kept silent. Mulder continued, "Scully,  listen up.. and listen up closely.! I want you to know that I'm.. no longer going to act selfish when I deal with your emotions.. I want you to know...", Mulder's words got stuck. He starred downwards to cover up all the grief written on his face. Then he continued, " from now on.. I want you to know that whenever  you  feel like sharing your emotions... I'll always be there for you....to talk to you, love and care for you... support you all the way..I promise!", Mulder spoke in a begging manner.

Scully's eyes were wide open (they always do, don't they?) (WHAT? I don't even understand this sentence, never mind the MEANING. Do what? Do "were wide open"? Yes, I suppose Scully's that kind of girl who likes to keep her eyes open from time to time...go figure...but what is this supposed to mean? Oh, man.) while looking straight at him, but she still looked sad. There were a lot of lines drawn all over her face. (In pen. It was a map of Miami, Florida.) Mulder continued, "but you don't think I'm serious, do you?" Scully finally broke her long silence, "I only believe what I see, Mulder!". Mulder had a warm smile on his face. "But of course! You need proof don't you?..as you always do!", asked Mulder in a slightly sarcastic manner. Scully looked down. Finally, there was a gentle smile on her face. Mulder looked at her and continued, "Well.I came here to prove that to you, didn't I?" Scully starring at Mulder, uttered, "Prove it..."(she wasn't sure of her words). Mulder made  a sigh. Then he gently ran his first finger on her cheek. As he was doing so, she felt a bit nervous. She also felt a slight happy wave running through her mind. She closed her eyes shut. Mulder interrupted, "Did you have your dinner, Scully?",  he asked in a caring way. Scully  made a sigh and replied, "ah...no. Not yet..".  (To recap above. Mulder's begging? Who is this guy? Where did these ideals and ideas come from? What exactly is he trying to do? And why is Scully so weepy? And why is "did you have dinner" a caring question? Not to mention so many grammatical errors I won't even bother. But, on a brighter note, I think we've committed to the past tense, which is fun. And don't even bring up the punctuation. We've agreed to disagree. So be it.)

"Then let me take you out to dinner.", Mulder requested in a loving manner. Scully took a deep breath and replied, "well..you're right!" "You should take me for dinner". Mulder had a sign of relief on his face. (A sign? What sign? What did it look like?) He also had an adorable smile. "Why don't you get ready while I wait here, then!..", Mulder asked while gently running his fingers on her wrists. (Like he wanted to slash them and watch her bleed to death.) Scully slowly nodded her head. She was feeling very shy. While she left to her bedroom to get dressed up, Mulder sat on the couch thinking.. He was worried about  Scully's depressed attitude. After a few minutes, Scully appeared, wearing the red dress(which she often wore to the office) with her usual long black overcoat on top of it. Mulder looked up and warmly smiled at her. There was love in their eyes, unlike ever before.

They arrived at Scully's favourite restaurant (Scully was actually amazed that Mulder knew the place). After a somewhat quiet and uneventful dinner, Mulder returned Scully back to her apartment.

(Well... writing about all these romantic dinner dates boar me to hell! So I'll cut the crap  and return to the event's in the apartment!!!).

(Is here where I write the treatise on why fiction writers write fiction, and why stories have narrative structure and why interrupting said with parentheses like the one above is a TERRIBLE, AWFUL, CALAMITOUS practice?

Sigh.

First of all: if you don't want to write about the dinner date, get past it in a narrative way. Something like, "two hours later, they were back in the apartment." It's easy. BUT, you're writing an MSR story, allegedly. One would think you'd want to write the romantic dinner, especially since YOU SET IT UP. You *wrote* Mulder asking Scully out to dinner. Why did you do this, if you didn't want to follow through?

As a general rule, fiction writers have an idea of where their stories are going to go, where they want to take them, and why this is entertaining, compelling, and worth writing and reading. It's not a *chore.* So, ask yourself: why did you write this? What are we, as readers, supposed to feel and understand while reading it?

Tundra sez, what you've got here is not fiction. It's some sort of dream sequence essay, some sort of summary-style description of another story someone else might have written. If you want to write a story, write a story. This ain't it.

Moving right along...)

Scully looked brighter than she did for months. "I hope you had a good time!" asked Mulder. "Yeah" Scully replied with a little smile on her face. (after all she's never used to big smiles!!). A smile Mulder knew so well. Mulder looked at his watch and said, " Well Scully...it's time I better start leaving." Mulder turned around, picked up his jacket and started walking towards the door. "Mulder!", Scully yelled. Mulder turned around. Scully continued, "Err.I just want you to know that I had a great time tonight..Thank you!", Scully was starring at Mulders eyes. Mulder nodded his head as an acceptance of her gratitude and said, "Good night Scully!". He turned round and continued his walk to the door. Again, Suddenly, "Mulder wait..!", yelled Scully desperately. Mulder turned around, somewhat puzzled. But he let Scully do the talking. Scully walked up to him and looked down. Scully wanted to say something, but she her heart was beating like a bell and she was hesitant to speak up.

Mulder asked, "what is it, Scully?" She held Mulder's arms and uttered in a begging manner, ""I don't know how to ask you this, but I've got to!...Mulder, don't leave!..I don't feel like staying alone tonight..not any more!", she didn't know what more to say. Mulder was puzzled. Thoughts ran over his mind, "good lord.. She's asking me to stay here tonight... but what should I do?...I cant say NO to her...not in this health condition.". (Yes, right, exactly. It's a pity fuck because she has cancer. That's just like you, Mulder.) He asked, "What do you have in mind, Scully?" Scully looked into Mulder's confused eyes. She was breathing heavily. "Just stay here with me for the night, Mulder...Please!", she asked, feeling shy and desperate. She was slightly afraid as well, to know how Mulder might reply. Mulder realised that she was desperate for company and shouldn't be left alone. After taking a deep breath, he replied, "all right then...that's what'll do.!". (Had to, 'cause this one was just too much: Period Exclamation Point Endquote Period? Now, *how* did that happen?) Scully was relieved to here those words. A moment of silence started building up. (WHAT? HOW?) Scully interrupted, "Mulder..!". Mulder looked down at her eyes and replied, "Scully!". She drew closer to Mulder. They gently held each other's biceps and finally hugged each other. Scully rested her chin on Mulder's shoulders and you could see the emotions pouring on her face. She was breathing heavily. There were  tears pouring down her eyes. She felt as if she needed to stay hugged to him for the rest of her life. She was finally in Mulder's arms!

Mulder suddenly realising that she's crying heavily, (Hey! It's the present tense again! And just in time, too...I wanted to say goodbye to it before I tear my face off and defenestrate myself.) finally broke the hug. He softly  held Scully's  cheeks with his palms and with an adoring look in his eyes, asked Scully, "Hey!...what are you crying for, Scully?" "It kills me to see you crying...no need to cry...every thing's going to be okay!..", saying that, Mulder put his arms around Scully and held her tightly against his chest. Tears kept flowing out of her eyes as she looked down. Mulder realised that Scully is finally about to open her true hidden emotions to him. He also realised that there's no reason to keep playing cat and mouse with her any more. Mulder finally came to the conclusion that he too doesn't have to hide his true feelings for her any longer! (Thank GOD!) He gently lifted Scully's chin with his thumb. They stood starring at each other's eyes, pouring emotions.. Mulder finally decided to take control of the situation. He gently  leaned his head towards hers. His lips were drawing closer and closer towards hers. Scully closed her eyes and waited as his lips moved closer to hers. She finally felt his lips gently coming in contact with hers. Then he slightly pulled his lips back, just to see the reaction on Scully's eyes and lips. She had her eyes shut. Her lips were loosened and shivering. Her face was filled with utter nervousness. Mulder decided not to play games any more. He held Scully's cheeks with his arms and tightly  clenched his lips to hers. The moment has finally arrived!!!! He could hear Scully's heart beating louder and louder. Her lips were warm. He felt her sweet little tongue rubbing on his tongue . He could feel her beautiful white teeth like a keyboard as he ran his tongue inside her mouth. Scully put her arms around his shoulders and then she tightly ran her fingers through his gorgeous dark brown hair. They kept kissing, pouring their emotions to each other like a waterfall, with their empty minds running with ice cold water. (Oh My God. Is this romantic? What? Empty minds? Ice water? Really? Really? Are you sure? HELP!) Mulder finally decided to break away. (Because it was way too cold and weird.) As he did, he still held Scully's face with his palms, looking down at her glowing eyes. She had a huge sign of relief on her face. The moment she fantasised daily over the last many years has finally become a reality!! She felt as her worries (cancer, depressions and frustrations) were millions of miles away. Mulder escorted Scully back to the couch. They sat on the couch sideways, facing each other. Their eyes were glued to each others. There was love pouring out of their eyes like electric charges! They gently ran their fingers on each other's hands neck, thighs, faces.... Mulder gently started unbuttoning her blouse from the top... Mulder took off his shirt and removed Scully's shoes. He dropped them on the floor. Things really started to heat up between the two and they arrived to the point of 'no return'!! He took Scully in his arms and walked into the bedroom. Mulder slammed the door shut!! As the lights went out in the bedroom........well the rest is history!!!! Hooray!! The world's NO1 romantic couple is finally in LOVE!!!!!!!

                         - Chris Nonis

(Tundra sez: sppp...sppp...sppp... Tundra has lost the ability to speak. The world's NO1 romantic couple is finally in love, Exclamation Point Exclamation Point ad nauseum. Does this mean I can go home now?)

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RATINGS

Evilness Rating:     5

This was the most insidious piece of drek I've ever read. I think it should be declared a public health hazard, at least as far as fiction is concerned. Eeeeevvvillll.

Who *Are* These People?:     4

I have no idea who these people are. The marginal point comes from the fact that actual episode titles were invoked, which makes it hard to argue with those bits of characterization, though all around, this was BLINDINGLY out of character. Mulder the masochistic dominator was a little bizarre, especially coupled with the bouts of crying. My, my, my. Question Mark Exclamation Point.

I Speech Goodly:     5

I think Chris must be foreign. That, however, is *still* no excuse for peppering the thing with misplaced modifiers and a platoon of "somewhats" and "slightlys". Not to MENTION the tense-shifting, leaving me gasping for breath. This was almost impenetrable.

I R A Gud Speler:     3

Sure. Fine. Whatever.

Gak-o-Tron:     4

Never have I seen so much weeping and stroking and moments of silence. Tundra sez GAK, quite loudly, in fact.

Laziness Quotient:     6

Apologies from the WRT, here, for busting through the top end of the scale, but this piece is so lazy it ceases to be fiction, and, as I said, turns into summary. Not a single unique idea. Not a single new image. Not a single new line of dialogue. I can't believe I suffered through it, thinking back. MY GOD.

Mary Sue Quotient:     2

Sure. Fine. Whatever. The pity fuck was a nice gesture.

Death to Clones:     5

Though it's not really applicable. This was simply a regurgitation of the middle of season 5, with some oddly placed punctuation.

...And your point was?...:    5

Not to write fiction, apparently. Tundra's gasping.

Wild Card...

Tundra sez "Fiction is for Suckers": 5

Parenthetical references to episode titles is Not Okay. Working in the writer's bias, as with the (inane!) last line is Not Okay. Lines like "Scully opened her eyes wide (and doesn't she always?)" are NOT OKAY. SKIPPING SECTIONS of the narrative and excusing it with some weird writer ex machina is NOT OKAY AT ALL.

See small speech in body of story. This ain't a story. This ain't fiction. And – in this kind of forum – that is NOT OKAY.

Tundra is not okay. Tundra is gonna go recover now. Gasp. Gasp. Period. Endquote. Exclamation Point Exclamation Point Exclamation Point.