The Beacon Weekly
Technology. The wonder of civilization. The joy of mankind. And further proof that human beings really are as incredibly stupid as I have always thought. Don't believe me? Taking offence? Go ahead, read the average troubleshooting guide in your operating manuals. See? I can already hear you all saying, "What's a troubleshooting guide?" And there are a few saying, "What's an operating manual? Oh, you mean you're supposed to read those?" This definitely explains the troubleshooting. This explains why we have sleeping pills that sport labels that read, "May cause drowsiness." This is why coffee cups must now warn, "Caution-hot liquid." This is why Toilet Duck bottles tell you not to swallow.
After searching through Panasonic( CD Stereo System Operating Instructions in order to figure out how to operate my friend's way too high-tech system, I randomly flipped to the common problems section. And stared, dumbfounded. Here's what I saw.
| Problem | Probable Cause | Suggested Remedy |
| ECO mode is on but the display still lights up. | DEMO mode is on. | Turn DEMO mode off. |
| The left and right sounds are reversed. | The left and right connections to the speaker are reversed. | Connect the speaker cords correctly. |
| --:-- appears on the display | You plugged in the power cord for the first time. | Set the time. |
| CD does not start when you press the play button | The disc is upside down | Set the disc with the label facing upward |
| The system cannot be operated by remote control | The batteries are run down | Replace the batteries with new batteries |
| ERROR message appears on the display | Incorrect application has been done | Operate the unit correctly by following the operating instructions. |
I mean, come on, people! They wouldn't print this stuff if people hadn't asked! Repeatedly! Here're some of the instructions I expect to find:
| Stereo will not play | System is not plugged in | Plug in power cord | System cannot be operated by remote control | You are using wrong remote control | Stop using television controller and find stereo controller | System still cannot be operated by remote control | You are not using the right end. | Hold the controller so you can read the words. | System makes loud, annoying sounds | Your roommate put his/her music in system | Remove bad music and replace | No sound comes from speakers | Volume is off | Turn up volume |
Soon, very soon. This explains why radios have warnings that remind people not to accidently drop them in baths. Yeesh. I think I'll just go blowdry my hair in my sleep now.