"Momma, please! Let me go out!" I begged making puppy eyes. My mother sighed.

"Fine, but you watch out for those gangs you here?" she cautioned with a smile. I kissed her cheek then ran outside, leaving the door wide open. I ran outside breathing in the cool autumn air. I never understood my mother's worry about the gangs. They didn't want any little kids; it wouldn't get them anything. I climbed up onto a fire escape and watched the newsboys hawking the headlines below. My father, a middle aged man came up the street quickly, father wore a worried expression on his face. I frowned then scurried down the stairs of the fire escape quickly. Then ran to the door and stopped and listened. I could hear my mother's worried voice.

"What do you mean?" she asked quickly.

"The gangs, it's a war over territory, I heard it in the office. If they catch anyone who bears any sign of choosing the opposing side of the gang they are being killed. I heard it in the office today." He said pacing the room, his shadow moving around. I looked around me cautiously then I hurried inside. Mother jumped at the door opening and hugged me tightly.

"You're okay!" she whispered frightened. I pulled away, then went up to my room. I hated seeing her mother in such pain. It rained that night leaving an eerie mist over the small city in New Jersey. The morning silence was broken with two gunshots ringing out. I sat up in bed quickly, my hands shaking furiously with terror. No screams followed the gunshots. I looked across the room, Becky; my sister wasn't in her bed. I was only like 8 when the accident happened. I ran down the stairs pulling on a cloak to go over my shoulders. Father ran down behind me, then pulled me into the kitchen away from the door.

"Stay here!" he ordered harshly. I nodded startled by his reaction. He left the house for hours. I stayed at home and made lunch for myself after many hours had passed. My dad came home, tears stained his cheeks.

"What's wrong? Where's Becky and Momma?" I asked confused. He looked at his hands.

"They went to a better place." He said as he started to sob. I went over to him and hugged him. I was confused I didn't know any better, I didn't know that he meant that they were dead. I don't know how long we stood there. He excused himself to his room. I began to make supper for us, I was proud of taking care of my dad. He never let anyone down, and he had once told me I was a better cook then mom. I smiled as I placed it on the table.

"Father!" I called. No reply came. The silence soon became deafening. I slowly climbed the stairs, and tiptoed down the hall thinking he was asleep. I pushed the door open, the creaking breaking the silence. I looked around the room; my father wasn't in there. I went to the bathroom, the door was open. I looked in. I saw a rope hanging. Then I saw my father. I didn't understand suicide then. I thought he was just joking around like he does a lot. I started to cry once I touched his cold body. I had never seen anyone dead, and I didn't think that the first person would be my own father. I slowly left the bathroom, alone and scared. I was 8, only 8. I told the lady in the apartment above us. She kept me in her house for a year.

It was 1896 when I had met a boy named Jeremy Davis; I called him Angel of Death, because he was an Angel, yet he was so evil. I called him Angel for short. He told me all sort of secrets like the fact he was a messenger for a gang. I never told a single secret he told me. I guess since I had no one to tell. He called me Promise Kept or Promise for short and the name just stuck. He became an instant best friend. One day he offered me an opportunity of a lifetime.

"New Yawk?" I asked some what surprised. "We're only like 13." I added. He nodded.

"Yeah, I know, but we could start all over, ya know? Have a bettah life." He said. I nodded, his words sounding so convincing.

"When do we leave?" I looked at him in the eye.

"Tanight, I can get us on a train, it's headed for Brooklyn, New Yawk." He said.

"I'll meet ya heah tonight okay?" I said as I got up to go back home. He nodded then ran away.

The days that followed weren't fun; the train ride to New York was tiring and boring. Once we got there we had no where to go. I had little choice on jobs. Being a newsie didn't come to mind, I slowly made my way to the whorehouse, I knew I could get a job there. Angel joined the local gang, and met me whenever he could. But when I turned 14 a problem came up that changed both of our lives.

"Angel, heh, ya know how I'm workin' as a whore know?" I asked one evening after I had slept with him earlier that week. He nodded.

"Well, I'm pregnant." I whispered. I felt horrible; my life was changed forever. My childhood was gone forever. He took my hands then hugged me. I cried almost all night while I sat in his arms. There were tons of men possible for being the dad, but Angel and a member of Angel's gang, Idle Dice, were my regular customers. The next few months were horrible. I was up all night with back pains and I had cramps. I threw up everyday I could of made a record I got sick so often. I was horrible. It was about halfway through the pregnancy when Angel and I got into a fight. It was horrible. I ran away and drank the night away. I almost died that night. But Angel soon was at my side again when I had the baby. I cried with the pain. The doctor looked at me with tears in his eyes. Then took the baby away. I never saw him again. Angel helped me recover. I had been poor and I had to get back to work. So as soon as I was fit enough to work, back to the whorehouse I went.

I was back working when Angel got into a fight with the leader of his gang. They wanted me, but Angel refused to let them have me. Even though Idle Dice had already been with me. Idle Dice caught me, on night at the whorehouse. The leader of the gang, Slyther, raped me that night until Angel came in and saved me. Where he took me to a place where I was safe, I was at the Bay Ridge lodging house in South Brooklyn. I became friends with everyone there. Life was great. A year later I was joined by my best friend, Angel. Life couldn't have been better.

"I'm sorry ya hafta see me like this." I said wiping my hand on my pants.

"Oh no bother." She said, "What's wrong."

I studied her for a moment, I saw the kindness in her eyes I knew I could trust her. I started to cry harder.

"Angel almost told everyone I had a baby! I didn't want everyone to know!" I cried. She looked at me sympathetically as she slowly pulled her self onto the bottom of my bunk, sitting at my feet.

"What were ya afraid of?" she asked softly.

"People asking me about it. Unlike you who has a beautiful baby, I got a sick one, I never got to hold it or touch it. I never thought Angel would tell but he did!"

She looked at Jane then up at me, her eyes soft and comforting.

"Having a baby can be scary." She said.

"I know! But mine was so sick, it would of never lived, and it was all my fault!" I cried covering my face with my hands. She took one of my hands and held it.

"It's not your fault, don't blame yourself." She said gently.

"I know shouldn't of been drinking. It was my escape from the pain of trying to figure out if the dad was Angel or not. Then I got into a fight and then went out drinking forgetting that I had a baby. I drank so much I nearly killed myself. The doctors told me that I was lucky to still have the baby alive inside of me."

Melanie pulled on my hand bringing me towards her, then hugged me tightly. I hugged her back tightly trying to stop crying.

"I'd do anything, anything to take back that day." I whispered. We sat back and she wiped a tear from my face.

"Sweetheart," shook her head softly, "Oh, that's so hard."

"Sorry," I said wiping my face, with a forced laugh, "normally I don't just break down like this ya know? But sometimes the way Angel looks at me I know he's thinkin' about the baby. It's the look in his eyes." I said. Melanie bit her lip.

"Oh I know how hard it is, but don't apologize, don't." She pauses, a look of pain sweeping through her face, "I'm sorry you have been saddled with this."

"Has Angel ever talked to you about this?" I asked looking at my hands. She shook her head.

"No, I don't think he would, unless he asked you first."

"Oh, okay." I said with a sigh of relief.

"I know what you're feeling... Frustrated, very sad...even somewhat angry..." she shakes her head, her dark hair falling over her shoulders, "Talk to me anytime you feel sad. I want to help."

"I guess this is my punishment for being a whore." I mumbled to my hands. I looked up at her and smiled meekly.

"Thanks."

"Don't berate yourself with it. I know it hurts, but it's the past. And you'll make yourself sick...or sad..." she said as she wiped away a tear again, "with the pain of remembering."

I laughed softly, "That's what Angel told me. He would never admit this but he likes just being in the same room as Jane, cause it reminds him of the baby."

Melanie smiled a little "You're welcome to hold her or take her whenever you want. Lord knows, I could use a break from her once in a while. Either of you-- or both." She nods seriously, "Don't blame yourself. Things like that happen to- -so many people."

I nodded. "Yeah I know. And I would be happy to hold her or watch her if you need a break, ever. Just ask me." I said starting to feeling a little bit better about myself.

She smiled a bit more, "And I really wanted to bake some more biscuits--they all got eaten in two days when I made them last! Would you mind watching her for a while I do that?" she said as she scoops Jane up and holds her out delicately. A smile spread across my face and I looked at her with a smile.

"Of course!" I smiled. She smiled.

"Good," then handed Jane to me, "well, if ya need me, just holler!" she smiled as she left the room. The longing feeling to hold a baby was satisfied. I felt like the part of me that had been missing the last few months was full filled. I smiled at her and played with her as Angel walked in the room. He smiled at us.

"Heya Jane, Promise." He smiled. His eyes lingering at Jane. Jane just gurgled and continued on with her baby play.

"I know that last few months had to be hard." He said, brushing stray locks of hair out of my face. I nodded.

"Do ya know who else, well could have been the dad?" he asked obviously uncomfortable at the question.

"Either you, or Idle Dice. I think it was Idle Dice though. I'm not a 100% sure." I said looking at Jane. He nodded, I looked at him quickly, and I could see the pain in his eyes. He nodded, then looked at Jane, smiling softly. Melanie came in and stood at the door quietly watching the two of them playing with Jane. Then went back downstairs to finish cooking.

"Well, I need to go somewhere, I'll see you later?" I asked climbing off the bunk then picking Jane up. He nodded then kissed my forehead. I smiled at him then I walked down the stairs. I handed Jane off to Melanie as I made my way outside.

"So, Promise, havin' fun?" he smirked. The voice belonged to an ex-gang member; he was a sly and manipulative person. His features were his trap, just one look into his crystal blue eyes and you'd do anything just to look at them again. His smile was soft and pretty, making you go weak in the knees and two dimples completing the handsome face. But under all that was hatred and cruelty.

"Follow me." He said taking my arm. I followed knowing that in one quick movement of his hand then my neck was going to be open and bleeding. I bit my lip uncomfortably. But followed him. He led me to an empty alley and pinned me to the wall so I couldn't run. He also knew that I wouldn't yell for help. He smiled.

"Where's my kid?" he asked his face smiling.

"He's dead." I hissed. He laughed his evil laugh then looked at my face.

"Oh, come on Promise, ya know that isn't true." He whispered. I glared at him.

"He's dead!" I yelled. He covered my mouth then sliced my arm open with his knife. I didn't feel the pain until a few seconds later. I screamed with pain but his hand only clasped tighter on my mouth to muffle the sound. He sneered.

"I'll give you a day to think about it!" he hissed. Then walked casually away. I walked out into the day my arm starting to soak with blood. I cried silently. Someone came up behind me and put their hands on my waist. I turned around and threw a wild punch at the person, connecting with his cheekbone. He yelped with surprise and pain. I saw Angel I muttered I was sorry then ran, leaving him bewildered.

I hid in the washroom for two hours. My arm throbbing with pain and my stomach was hurting and it cramped up. I finally fell asleep. That night I avoided everyone as much as possible, until I was drunk enough to go sit down stairs with Smudge. I burst out into sobs.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly, crawling over to me, because he to was drunk, except on bourbon orange juice. I showed him my arm. His eyes grew wide.

"Ya want help cleaning it?" he asked, standing up slowly. I nodded and went to the sink. Slowly we cleaned it. I looked at him with pleading eyes.

"Don't tell anyone, please." I whispered. He nodded.

"I won't." he said.

I never thought that I'd be afraid to be alone. But now I was terrified. I was selling my papers quickly, and I was pacing. Someone came up and casually out his arm around me. I could smell the dusky smell of a whorehouse on the shirt. I slowly looked over and saw Idle Dice standing there. He smiled at a woman that bought a pape then led me back towards an alley. I followed afraid that he would try to kill me.

"Did ya t'ink `bout it?" he asked. I nodded. "Dere isn't a baby, its dead, you can ask Angel." I whispered. He punched me in the side.

"Don't lie to me." He hissed. I shook my head.

"I'm not lying!" I cried. He pushed me against the wall. I fell to the ground; he repeatedly hit me over and over in the back and on the legs.

"Please, ID STOP! I'll do anything! Anything!" I cried. He stopped right before he moved to my face. He smiled.

"Anything?"

"Anything." I nodded.

"Good, I'll meet you at the lodging house on Wednesday, that's two days." He said then stalked away. I lay curled in a ball, for almost three hours. The walk back to the lodging house was painful and tiring. My stomach ached in pain, and I had cramps again. I stopped by the doctors and asked to make an appointment. I had one for the next day, but it would be expensive. I would have to put almost all my extra money into the visit. I didn't care though. I wanted to feel better. I spent the night in the boy's bunkroom, on Leapfrogs bed, every time I moved pain shot through me like hot daggers. I would bite my lip to keep from crying. Melanie kept glancing at me with uncertainty. I just acted like nothing was wrong. A fight broke out in the kitchen and yelling could be heard upstairs. Soon it stopped. Mel looked around the corner. Idle Dice stood there a smile on his face, asking to see me. Mel just shrugged it off like he hadn't of asked. Until he cut the act of a sweet nice boy. Mel refused to let him up the stairs and he demanded to see me. Finally we came to an agreement. He was allowed to see me, but not touch me.

"What happened to the fun?" he asked his eyes joking, a smile on his face, he shrugged, "I'll be looking for you, on the streets!" he said as he left. I collapsed into Mel's arms and she held me while I cried. My stomach ached and the cramps made me nauseous. But I refused to let go, until Angel, who had another nice shiner forming came in and took me to bed. I fell asleep crying silent tears of pain.

The trip to the doctors was scary, but Mel was with me every step of the way. She waited for me while he took me back into the examining room. He smiled. His eyes warm and comforting, they sparkled a blue green color, he had sandy blonde hair and a nice smile. He looked over my leg and back with a frown on his face. He knew these weren't the ordinary bruises that he saw often from falling. But he never said anything. I told him about the pain in my stomach and he started to slowly push on my stomach. I cried out in pain and he stopped his face showing sympathy and he waited a few minutes before going on. I cried silently as he touched my stomach. It ached in pain with every touch. Finally he called Mel in. He wanted to tell us both what he thought it was.