Abstenance

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Shifting Focus

Here's a little secret I'm going to let you in on: the number one cause of pregnancy is -- sex. Here's another much-ignored little gem of wisdom: the primary aggressors in sex are -- Shhhh!!! You didn't hear it from me -- men!

Don't look so surprised. It's true. Follow me here. This is why the overwhelming majority of prostitutes, both male and female, exist to service men's sexual desires. This is why the preponderance of rape victims, both male and female are victimized by men. It's why studies and anecdotal evidence both suggest that the preponderance of teenage girls who engage in sexual activity do so at the request or insistence of their boyfriends, and why it is known that a large percentage of teenage mothers have children fathered by adult males. It's why history is paved with harems, concubines, multiple wives and mistresses, slaves and sex slaves of men.

It is also why women feel compelled to sexualize themselves, why more women than men are buying articles such as what he really wants in bed, how to give him better sex, etc. Because women who are in relationships with men or want to be, understand one of the most important factors in that relationship will be whether she gives him sex, enough sex, and good-enough sex.

But who takes care of the children who result from these forced, coerced, or consented to liaisons? Largely, women. Women, whom, if they care enough about their children to engage in the extremely labor-intensive task of true parenting, will have their personal needs and desires, and their professional and financial goals stunted, by the need to focus so much time and energy on the development of another human being.

We need only to look at our public figures for a small snap-shot of the real picture. What do Bob Dole, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Cosby have in common?

They had sexual needs they did not hesitate in fulfilling.
They weren't exactly jumping up and down volunteering to take responsibility for the consequences of their sexual urges.

We cannot continue to target the problem of unwanted pregnancies by shooting bullets in the children who result from them. And, if we care about future generations, we have to stop punishing the women for sacrificing their lives, time and financial well-being to care for these children. By cutting welfare for the children who are already here, our tune has been largely punitive disguised as preventative. To top it off, all honest "prevention" methods have focused on women -- for instance, the suggestion that physically intrusive birth control methods be forced on low-income women against their will or the suggestion that all welfare mothers sign pacts of sexual abstinence.

As Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan notes, anyone who thinks public policy can affect sexual behavior doesn't know human nature. Still, we insist on ignoring the fundamental futility of trying to regulate sexuality. And, if we want to focus on prevention, then prevention must be focused on the problem. This means shifting our concern to where the greatest sexual "threat" exists. Since most women are far more interested in emotional intimacy than sexual intimacy, it is time for us to introduce a bill that will require all men to sign pledges of sexual abstinence. Marriage will not waive the requirement to pledge, since many married men still walk away from children they produce and still neglect their child-support and child-rearing duties. Why hasn't our Congress already proposed or entertained such a bill? Hmmmmm . . . I wonder.