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All You need to know about Life You Learned
from Watching Whose Line...
***
*Bald Canadians are the best.
*Let the young guys do the dancing.
*Never eat raw dough! ...It will make worms in your tummy!
*Look before you leap.
*Always remember that Africa's a continent.
*When you wear a size 15, wearing loud shoes brings even more attention to your feet.
*Don't come to work drunk.
*While cooking lobster, it's not important to set your oven too high because of global warming.
*Always read directions twice.
*Don't stand on your head while wearing a battery pack.
*Thou shalt not joke about bald people!
*If your shoes are blue......cheer them up!
*Always check to see if it's a real $100 bill before accepting.
*When you're stuck for a line, play dead.
*Life is like a hat with scenes in it,...you never know what you're gonna get.
*When you can't rhyme a rap, just break out into fancy dance movements.
*Hell isn't really fire and brimstone....just endless 'Friends' and Michael Bolton music.
*Of course there is another version of Hell.....endless hoedowns.
*There is always a way to start a donation fund for Drew Carey's third show.
*Just because you are born in Scotland doesn't mean you can fake a Scottish.......or Pirate.......or British accent.
*Buy the Bald Canadian's book on dialects....French: Hello, Spanish: Hello, Indonesian: Hello!
*Keep the young, energetic guys away from the tall ones....they may get poked, stepped on, jumped on....the list is endless.
*God created Pauly Shore and the Dodgers on his off day.
*Superheroes aren't limited to Batman and Superman.
*Only baseball players should wear baseball outfits when guesting on Improv shows.
*It all started with a badly timed bald joke.
*When you've got a duck blowin' on one of your bladders, then you've got troubles my friend!
*Working out has nothing to do with being funny!
*Always remember that "blowhole" is ONE word!
*Always think before you spell the name Howard.
*Never confuse bald Canadians for Mr. Drummond of Diff'rent Stokes.
*Gary Coleman needs help becoming a star again, instead of a security guard!
*The Cat is a very useful tool when cleaning a burnoose
*Presidents love cigars.
*If you become president, stay away from the fat chick.
*Different hats give you different personalities when trying them on.
*Any impression of John Wayne is a good one!
*You don't need school work, Whose Line is more important!
*When all else fails trying to warm up water to clean a burnoose,.....eat some beans.
*1000 points to Ryan kissing Colin, even if it's not on the show.
*Mama always said that Hoedowns were the Devil!
*If you see Miss America don't pull your wedding ring off on TV. (your wife might be watching.)
*If your wearing a g-string, it's best not to pull your pants down.
*The Scots invaded Australia.
*When impersonating Carol Channing, stay away from neon lights.
*Sheep will follow you if you are wearing a sheep costume
*You can use nuts from chocolate bars to make squirrels pile up to climb tall fences.
*You can fry eggs off a bald guy's head...(bacon, too)
*Yes, Colin has no hair. Even if he needs to blow in a horn to tell you.
*Any crocodile impression by Ryan is funny.
*It's ok to accept an award being drunk.
*Toothpaste and beer DO mix!
*Never play props with Richard Simmons.........ever!!!
*Looking at balding men brings good luck!
*Tapioca is funny.
*It is impossible to impersonate three people at once... however, a mix of Richard Simmons and Scooby Doo IS possible...
*It's a bad idea to admit you're wearing a g-string ...if you're a guy.
*Groovefunkistan. Nuff said.
*There's no such thing as an un-obsessive Whoser... *wink wink*
*It's not abnormal to think guys over forty are hot.
*Always remember Not to make fun of Hitler... Unless it's while making fun of one of the directors at the same time.
*'Tads Da-way-ah-huh-ah-huh-I-like-it' CAN be a name of an anchorman.
*Everybody should have a pair of shoes like Ryan's made by a team of small elves...
*Cheerleading is appropriate, even when "grandpa's dead! gimme a D!"
*If you are a woman on Whose Line, you are screwed on living scenery
*Always wear a suit when performing on Whose Line to try and maintain some dignity during those "passionate urges" during the show.
*Nothing matters until the wall that divides Germany comes down!!
*Remember- Wayne's got a fig ol futt!
*Cowboy shirts can distract the audience from your blue shoes
*Never sit on Colin's stool,... there could be blood on it!
*Don't eat Altoids before saying the next game, you might just choke.
*Never let the audience clime up the green screen!
*Don't tell China to kiss Ryan... (she will really do it)
*Kathy Greenwood isn't that funny.
*If ALL else fails, just remember: The points don't matter!!
***
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