Tale of the Necrobowman
by LemmingofGlory


This is the tale of Necromancer who just didn't get Summoning, Poison, or Bone magic. He would become frustrated easily and resort to cursing in order to take out enemies. He also disdained the cowardly nature of most Necromancers, those who hid behind an army and did none of their killing for themself. And so, he took up a bow.

Notes
The character's name is Cursed Lemming.
He is no formal variant, simply a Necromancer restricted to using Bows and Curses.
He does behave like a Lemming to some extent, as it is part of his character.
Lemming curses (swears) when he casts a curse, and sometimes when he doesn't.
No particular swears were in mind when writing the curses. Instead of thinking of them as specific words, you may wish to simply infer "verb," "noun," "adjective," or other parts of speech words to help reading go more smoothly.
Cursed Lemming was influential in making the Man-azon variant.

Chapters

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 |

Intro

"The blithering, old man seemed to have nothing else on his mind except for this 'Maiden of Anguish.' The only time he didn't speak of her was when he was identifying items. That's probably why I used Cain much as if he were a machine: Insert items in one end and wait until they come out of the other. This method worked fairly well, but sometimes the old coot would catch me off guard and babble something about that Maiden of his. The routine was getting old. If this Maiden of Anguish is lurking around somewhere, she's in for a world of hurt." -Cursed Lemming

Part 1: Exploring the Catacombs

Deep within the catacombs beneath the Rogues' Monastary come the twangs of a bowstring and a muffled obsenity. A path through the catacombs is made by arrow pierced bodies that litter the halls. At the end of this trail we find out hero.

Near a basin of healing liquid is a small, frail albino creature. It rests its bow on the basin and climbs into the shrine for a short, relaxing drowning. To the masochistic glee of the creature, it is able to drown itself repeatedly in the liquid because the healing fluid brings it back to life each time it drowns. This activity ends in a matter of minutes for whenever the creature drowns it kicks quite a bit of liquid from the basin, and soon there is too little for it to effectively drown itself. A pity, but the creature is very refreshed.

Necromancers come in many forms, but few of them have enough knowledge to know what fun death can be - both for themself and the victim. Lemmings are natural necromancers, but few of them to date have studied the darker arts. Our particular heroic Lemming has, and he is becoming quite good at it.

Cursed Lemming is an albino, a rare mutation of Lemming. Though he has few memories of his younger days, what is known is that he studied necromancy with a sect of Lemmings with foul tongues. These Lemmings were such angry critters that they could only spout curses, and logically, their only skill was in cursing. Since they only knew curses (as opposed to Summoning, Poison, and Bone), pratically any weapon was open to their use. Most seem to choose a weapon that is both light and allows them to use a protective shield, such as a wand. But for some reason Cursed Lemming felt drawn to the bow. Not only was he drawn to it, he felt it was far superior to other weapons.

*splash* The creature climbs from the empty basin and sloshes to the ground. He readies his bow and slowly paces down the hall. Peeking around a corner, he tests the area.

"$#@&!" shouts the beastie as twisted magic rains from his paw and soils the ground. Around the corner he can see the illumination now given off by his prey... and they're coming closer.

A spider with flaming fangs comes darting from around the corner, bringing some followers with it. Lemming spouts another obsenity and the minions halt their advancement leaving only their master with knowledge of the true danger. Flamefang, as Lemming thinks of her, shouts to her minions, but they do not respond. Suddenly Flamefang is jolted back to reality as an arrow hits one of her legs, clipping it in half.

"Surprised? I haven't even started yet," taunts Lemming as Flamefang regains her balance, but he's already sent another arrow her way.

Flamefang squeals in pain, but this time does not lose a limb. Instead, she shakes off the pain and chases Lemming. The agile rodent is too fast for her, and he leads the spider on a merry chase down the dark hallway. In typical archer fashion, he'd take a few steps and then take a shot, run a bit more and take a shot. Flamefang was bewildered by this and had no way to counter it, and so she fell. Lemming did not have time to celebrate his victory, though. Flamefang's followers could be heard hurrying toward him. Lemming did not seem overly worried. He casually repeated the curse he'd said earlier and the minions stopped. He proceeded to pick them off with his bow.

This spider had been the third leader that he'd encountered on that very level. He was glad, however, because Flamefang had guarded the staircase which he could finally proceed downward. Downward... but how much further must he travel in this infernal place?

Before he could take the staircase, he heard something rather odd. He heard the sound of music and singing. Celebratory music... happy music... he couldn't help but to smile. It wasn't just any music, it was "The Furry March", a song only sung at times of great joy and celebration. No demon could make music that beautiful... and surely none would know that old rodent melody. Lemming stood so entranced that he didn't even notice as a small form approached him.

"H-hello, Great One," spoke a tiny rodent who was nervously cleaning its paws. "W-w-w-we thank you."

Lemming shook his head and brought himself back to reality, "Huh? Wha-?"

"Will you come with me? My people sent me to talk to you... to thank you for destroying the fangs of death," interruted the newcomer, who Lemming could see is a small mouse.

"Well, uh..." and he listened to the music some more "Sure, where to?"

The mouse led the way down the stairs but stopped half way. It made a gesture and a small hole appeared. Lemming walked inside and the mouse followed behind. The hole closed after them.

Part 2: To Andariel

Lemming found himself in a pitch black room. The music had stopped. Lemming could sense others shuffling around in the darnkess, and readied himself in case he'd need to fight.

"Is this the one?" came a strange voice.

"Y-y-yes, it is, sir," replied the mouse.

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" asked the stranger, and as soon as he said that the room lit up.

It was an enormus beautifully decorated great hall. Many mice were staring at Lemming, but they quickly turned away as the music and singing resumed. Sounds of laughter and joy echoed throughout the chamber. Lemming relaxed.

The strange voice spoke again. Lemming could now place the voice with the body. The speaker had some sort blue powder rubbed into his fur, which is something that signifies importance in rodent society. "G'Wheecht, to you, pale friend. We are in your debt. You freed us from the Trinity of Arachnids. They killed countless mice and were very close to finding an enterance into our homes. Thank you.

"Still, there is more to be done... their master, Andar-"

At this point Lemming snarled, something that rodents do quite rarely. "Yes, yes, the 'Maiden of Anguish' again? She is already as good as #%!@. I'm tired of looking for her, if you know where she is do the kind !@%@$ thing and take me to her. I can't stand this endless @$!@ searching for the !$%#."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt so strongly on the subject. We can surely show you her lair, it is on the level just below us."

"Good, let's go."

"Very well, but should you come back to us after her defeat. We may be able to help you," replied the blue mouse.

"I'll listen to anything you want me to, just let me do what I need to first," replied Lemming. For some reason, he felt a great need to destroy Andariel. Something stronger than mere irritation drove him, but he could not place what it was...

The nervous mouse, his original escort, was again chosen to escort Lemming. They scampered along the halls of the catacombs until they found the enterance to Andariel's lair. Lemming was more eager to descend than he thought he would be, but the mouse stopped him.

"We will not forget you, and we hope that you will not forget us," he spoke. Before Lemming could reply, the mouse had vanished into an invisible hole in the wall.

"Creepy little fellows, no wonder the spiders had a had time finding them... it's like they're ghosts," Lemming thought to himself as he descended the staircase.

Lemming could immediately tell he was close to Andariel. She fouled the entire area with a putrid stink that would have made normal rodents cry their eyes out. Lemming was able to ignore the stench and proceed onward where he found and opened a door.

"Rakanishu!" came a familiar shout.

"!@#@! Do all of you have the same name or is that the only word that you know?" cursed Lemming. The rakanishus sat silent and did not move as Lemming's arrows slew them. "Half of fighting is knowing the right words to stupify your enemy," mused Lemming to himself.

Further inspection of the room revealed more midgets, pools of blood that seemd to erode the floor, and strange pillars of bone. Between two massive bone flag poles was an archway and a set of massive oaken doors. Lemming pushed them open.

A flood of rakanishus charged forth, and afflicteds followed. A simple word from Lemming and they stopped moving. They, too, fell without knowing where their death was coming from.

Through the archway Lemming could see little more than shadows. He continued to stare and soon bright fires were visible burning at the end of a long hall, yet the features of the things the fire should have illuminated were shrouded in unnatural shadow. The one bone chilling sight that he could make out was a massive figure sitting upon a throne of bone. A figure that could only be Andariel.

"Wheecht! !#$!, get your #@!# hide out of there before I get really @!$! angry!" shouted Lemming.

"Your blood will boil!" was the reply... that and minor earthquakes as the demon rose from her throne and, with unholy speed, stormed down the hallway.

"Right, !@#$%. Where did I hear that before? Hmm, wasn't it the Countess? She's dead now, you know... guess things aren't looking too good for-" Lemming got cocky and let himself babble too much. He was hit in the flank by a poisonous... well, he really doesn't what it was, but it sure was poisonous. Lemming crawled behind a wall.

"The Countess was just a pawn, as will you be when I am finished with you!" Andariel replied. "Where did you go? Come out!"

"!$%#!!" shouted Lemming as he sent an arrow her way.

Andariel cried out in pain and traced the arrow's path back to Lemming. When she saw him she paused for a moment and appeared to have remembered something ages old, "Ah, so it is you. I was hoping it would never come to this - your kind are such good pawns - but now I know that I cannot simply make you into a pawn... you would be impossible. Prepare to DIE!"

"I'm touched, you billowing sack of-" Lemming was cut off by the twang of his arrow leaving the string.

Andariel once again felt pain, but now she turned and charged Lemming instead of speaking to him. The time for speaking had ended.

"This is starting to seem way too familiar," thought Lemming as he ran and fired another shot just as Andariel's poison nova hit him. He felt his life running out and portaled to town. Deckard Cain, Lemming's adopt-a-codger, was waiting for him.

"You seem ill, my friend," spoke the old man, but Lemming was too sick to reply. He weakly limped to Akara for healing and prepared to go back down the portal.

"Can't take it?" laughed Andariel as Lemming returned.

"No, and neither can anyone else. I suppose that's why the only folks that hang around you are the midgets and the undead, you !$#%!" replied Lemming as he sent her an arrow.

Andariel shot him another poisonous projectile in reponse and spoke again, "It is a pity that you are not a true necromancer, otherwise I could have used you."

Lemming ran and fired more arrows. "I'm as much a necromancer as I'll ever need to be, you just shut the !$!@ up and die like a nice @#%@."

"You will never have true power, you know. The others shall come and destroy you if they hear of you. But you do not know that; you are naive," spoke Andariel.

Lemming was in great pain again and took a trip to Akara. As she healed him, she could sense that he was troubled.

"What troubles you, hero?" asked Akara.

"I'm fine, and I'll be much better after she is dead," replied Lemming.

"No, something is troubling you. Let me-" Akara stopped talking as Lemming limped away and hopped back down the portal.

She was chuckling in the darkness as she let out another poison nova. "When they come and kill you, they shall take credit for your feats. You shall be seen as nothing more than a failure who impeded greatness."

Lemming shot more arrows at her in rapid sucession. "!@#%, I don't know what you're talking about so just die!"

The battle did not wear on much longer as Lemming again found himself leaping into a portal back to town. Andariel was left waiting directly beneath it.

Lemming decided to let the poison wear off this time and to drink one of his own potions rather than visiting the nosy Akara. Once ready, he took the portal downward for the third time.

"WHEECHT! This time you're mine, Queen of Hraka!" bellowed Lemming as he charged downward.

Andariel's blow met Lemming as he emerged from the portal. It sent him sprawling, but he was determined that this time he would not be driven back. He wiped some blood from his nose and scampered around the pool of blood until he was far enough away from the demon to safely get off a few shots.

Lemming took aim and watched down the shaft of his arrow as Andariel moved closer. He had a clear shot... but he waited. Andariel looked at him, perplexed.

"Hrumph, I knew that you-" the demon spoke but was cut off. An arrow was fired with such precision that it shocked her. The arrow flew directly into her mouth and poked out the other side of her head. She coughed and pulled on the projectile but it remained firmly lodged in its position. She was visibly enraged. She bit through the arrow and spat out enough of it to speak. "Mow I knouwt thut yu arh no mecrohmanser, Amphuhzn!"

"What you know is insignificant because you won't live long enough to make use of it. &$@#!" replied Lemming with a curse.

Andariel seemed somewhat drained by talking and stood still while the volley of arrows came at her. They hit her, one after another. She screamed an unholy scream that made the building unstable. Rocks crashed down from above and pulverized the floor. Lemming took cover under a leaning bone pillar and watched as Andariel died.

Fire spewed forth and consumed the room. The skin on her face melted and her eyes fell out revealing themselves to be two fine gems. The very ground beneath her opened up and she was consumed by the earth. Mortals need never fear the Maiden of Anguish again. Lemming should have felt glad, but instead he was anxious. Something still troubled him as he paced toward the portal to the rogue encampment.

Cain, Akara, Kashya, Charsi, Gheed, Warriv and even the wretched Flavie congradulated Lemming for his feat. They showered him with praise, but Cain had news that Lemming already suspected: the battle was over but there were more to come. At least for the night, he could rest.

Lemming was given his very own tent in which to recouperate. He made use of it, and asked not to be disturbed. He sat and pondered his conversations with Andariel. Then he remembered the mice. Lemming took his portal back to Andariel's lair and went to the staircase where he remembered the enterance to the mouse hole to be. After searching the stone wall for a few minutes, Lemming turned around and was about to go back to the camp when he came face to face with someone. Sitting right behind him was the Guide Mouse.

"You're back," he said.

"Yes, the Blue Mouse wanted me to come back, so I did." replied Lemming.

"Follow me," instructed the Guide Mouse and once again the hole opened up in the wall and Lemming went in.

This time the chamber was not the same as it had been. It was dark. It smelled of dust. It was as if the hole had been abandoned for years. Then Lemming looked at his guide.

"I am sorry for the deciet, but we did not want to frighten you," spoke a skeletal mouse that glowed with a haunting green aura. "You see, we were wiped out by spiders a good while ago. Your slaying of them avenged us and we decided that it was best to assist you."

"Yes," came the voice of the Blue Mouse, "and as to not scare you, we pooled our energy to create an illusion that might be more fitting than our current forms." The Blue Mouse came into view. He current form looked just like the guide mouse.

Lemming was becoming frightened. He may have been trained as a necromancer, but it is different to see your enemies dead than to see those you thought of as living to actually be deceased. Lemming had actually liked these fellows, but now it is as if any friendship with them is lost. "What do you want?"

The Blue Mouse spoke, "To give you information that will help you."

"What kind of information?" asked Lemming.

"This kind of information," the Blue Mouse eerily said as his eyes locked onto Lemming's. The gaze seemed to entrance Lemming. The Blue Mouse glowed radiantly as if great energy was being expended. Lemming's eyes glossed over and he foamed at the mouth. His legs gave way and he slouched to the ground, then seizures came. Lemming's coat turned blue, much like the mouse's had been, except for a streak of white going from his nose to the back of his head. The Blue Mouse apparition vanished. Lemming did not get up.

Part 3: The Jewel of the Desert

Lemming awoke to find himself scampering through an alley. Adobe buildings were to either side of him. The sun was very bright, but his eyes need not adjust for they were already used to the light. He saw the fur under his eyes and noticed an odd blue coloring, yet what was more strange was the fact that he was up and about yet previously he had been sleeping.

"Good to see you awake," came a voice, but not from anywhere around him. It came from within Lemming's head.

Lemming started to speak but dropped something from his mouth. His body stopped running, turned around, and picked it up again.

"Speaking to me like that will only make people think you're seeing things. All you need to do is think about saying something to me and I'll hear it," again "spoke" the voice.

Lemming thought on this for a moment and then gave it a try, "What the !$!@ is going on?"

The voice laughed, "Well, that's where it gets complicated. Remember the Blue Mouse? That's me, you see. My name is Sugarah, by the way. Anyway, a really long time ago some ancient traveler, one of the human Horadrim, came by the monastary and spoke to us. He said that in the distant future, a time when even our civilization is gone, a hero will come and we will have valuable information for him. This hero was supposed to be the strangest looking fellow you'd ever seen, but that's the only description we got. When we all died off we remained as ghosts to fulfill the prophecy. Then when we saw an emaciated, albino, bow-toting rodent who cursed more often than he spoke normal words... well, we knew that we'd found the one that the prophecy spoke of."

The description of himself didn't exactly please Lemming, but he decided that there was no point in arguing or taking offense since it WAS accurate, "...right. So what are you doing in my body and what do you have to tell me?"

"I'm inside your body with you so that I can give you information when you need it. Being dead kinda makes you forget some things, so I figured that by melding into your body I could stick around long enough that maybe if I'd forgotten anything I'd remember it later."

"In other words, you're forgetful and you're inside my body so that if something jogs your memory you'll be able to tell me?"

"Exactly!"

"..."

Sugarah chuckled at Lemming's lack of response and continued, "I think I remember something that I was supposed to tell you."

Interested and eager to have his body back, Lemming perked up and "spoke" again, "Great, let's hear it."

"On second thought, it might've been something that I heard as a joke. Anyway, it goes like this: A rodent walks into a bar and orders a toxic drink. A patron asks the bartender why he'd serve a patron something so poisonous. The bartender replies that the rodent was a Lemming and all of the ones who can't kill themselves right have to drown themselves the unnatural way!"

Lemming never really understood the Lemming-walks-into-a-bar jokes so he didn't get offended at them. Instead he simply asked, "You were supposed to tell me THAT?"

"Hmm, you're right. That doesn't seem like something a Horadric Mage would've wanted me to tell you. Now what was it..."

And just then Lemming's body stopped moving. Cain bent down and plucked an old-tasting scroll from Lemming's mouth. Upon reading the scroll Cain spoke of an ancient Horadric Staff and a Horadric Cube. Sugarah said that he'd do his best to find it and they walked off.

"Erm, so, when do I get to control me again?" asked Lemming, rather annoyed.

"Any time you want to. I was just doing it there because I hadn't had time to tell you what's happened since you passed out," replied Sugarah.

"Go ahead, then."

"Go where?... Oh! Yes, that. Well, melding with a physical body exerts great amounts of energy; so much that a living being can't stand it and passes out. Often the subject can sleep for weeks, but you were out only a few days," explained Sugarah.

"Right, so where are we and how and how did we get here? I am a 'we' now, aren't I?" asked Lemming.

"We're in Lut Gholein and Warriv brought us here. He's really a very nice fellow, you know."

"Thanks for letting me sleep through that, Warriv can be so incredibly cowardly when the slightest notion of danger is mentioned. I surely would have terrified him on the trip here.

"Um, so why am I blue?" asked Lemming.

"You noticed, did you? That's from me. I died with a blue coat and I decided to keep the blue tinting as a ghost and when I melded with you some of my old physical features were transferred as well. That's why you now have 4 eyes and 8 legs," said Sugarah.

"Wha-?!" exclaimed Lemming, frantically rubbing his paws over his face and counting his legs. Then he noticed that Sugarah was laughing.

"Ha!" laughed Sugarah, forcing a smile onto Lemming's face. "I've always wanted to try that. Back to the story, I suppose you're wondering what the other townspeople thought of you when you came out of the dungeon and you were blue? I told them that I'd bathed a bit too long in Andariel's blood. Cain actually wanted to lick me to find out if it was truly her blood. Said something about not having Pixips in months... What's his deal?" babbled Sugarah.

"I don't know, but nice touch," Lemming said. "Care to fill me in on what's gone on here?"

"When we arrived, some guy named Jerhyn said that all of his concubines live in his palace and nobody can go see them but him. Fara, the blacksmith Paladin, is a fairly nice gal who liked your coat. I just completed a quest for Atma the tavernkeeper - you'll find a book of skill in your backpack. Anyway, apparently undead things have started coming back to life around here. Oh, and there's a Sorceress and an Amazon running around somewhere that'll expect you to be heading out into the desert with them. Ta-ta, I'll leave you to do the rest of the dirty work," said Sugarah as he departed into the deep recesses of Lemming's mind.

"Anyone coming?" came a strong woman's voice.

Lemming ran towards the source of the voice and met an Amazon. She was a strong fighter, but obviously appreciated Lemming's curses. A sorceress named Scorpio also joined them and together they found an odd cube along with a staff and an amulet.

The group then learned that a Necromancer and a Barbarian had gone ahead and made a path to Tal Rasha's Tomb. However, the Barbarian mysteriously disappeared... it was suspected that he was a victim of Laage, Lord of Time. The strange crew proceeded into the Tomb and started killing the inhabitants until they'd found a strange room. Using the cube to warp the staff and amulet, each person crafted a Horadric Staff and then stuck it into a hole. The staves glowed with energy and a beam of light shot through the stony roof and bathed the staves in its brilliant light. The staves responded by radiating even more energy waves and emitting sparks. The group of staves channeled the energy into a powerful beam that shattered one of the walls of the tomb and the staves themselves.

Lemming felt heat coming from his backpack and took out his Horadric Cube. It was glowing and felt red hot. Lemming dropped it and it flapped open on the floor. The cube then reassembled itself and seemed to act as if transmuting something. Lemming went to pick up the cube, but as he did the sides flung open and a great energy was released which knocked him back a few yards. This was puzzling, but the others were already heading into the gaping hole left by the Horadric Beam, so Lemming grabbed his cube and got ready. Even as he did so, he could not shake the feeling that as the energy was being released he'd heard a voice... something familiar but something that he was unable to identify.

Fearlessly, the team one-by-one jumped into this hole and found themselves face-to-face with a giant slug-like monster. Lemming instinctively cursed the fiend and then ran behind it. Before he could get into a good position to fire his bow, the beast, Duriel, was dead.

Then the roof started to collapse, or at least it seemed like it would. Luckily it didn't, but Lemming still scampered out of the room so that he'd feel better. He ran through a short hallway and found himself standing on the brim of a great pit. An ancient wooden bridge was the sole path across the chasm. Lemming raised his head and looked across... at an angel.

"Holy hraka! That's not who I think it is, is it?" Sugarah had apparently returned.

Lemming didn't reply; instead, he walked towards the radiant figure. Shimmering wings flowed to either side and his armor was not of this earth. His face was hidden by a glowing hood, and then he spoke. It was a voice that no mortal could possibly possess. Though his eyes could not be seen, Tyrael's gaze still pieced through both Lemming and Sugarah, "I see Sugarah is with you, young Lemming. You must be important, indeed."

"Uh, what do you mean? What in the @#%! are you?" replied Lemming.

Tyrael picked up Lemming and put him into his pocket. Lemming grew upset and was going to gnaw his way out but Sugarah stopped him saying that there's no way he could pay to repair a suit like this. It was sound logic so Lemming just sat back and waited for his captor to pay attention to him again. The two rodents listened to Tyrael speak to the other adventurers as they approached. They learned that Diablo had succeeded in freeing Baal, but now haste must be made to prevent the brothers from finding Mephisto. When the adventurers had all gone up a portal (Lemming could tell by the sound) Tyrael started moving.

Part 4: Tyrael

"I cannot directly interfere with your quest, Lemming, but I can provide information. The information that I have to give you is large in amount so I'll personally be flying you to Kurast," spoke Tyrael.

Lemming could tell that they were flying, but he could not tell which direction, how fast, or even why he'd been picked personally to be flown to Kurast.

Sugarah was the first to speak, "I can't believe that I actually met Tyrael- Angel of Rodents!!" Sugarah then squealed with delight.

Tyrael chuckled, "Yes, I get a lot."

"I've always heard that you helped the humans. Why are you helping me?" asked Lemming.

"Because I am the Angel of Rodents; the humans never listened to me and only told each other what they wanted to hear. The Horadrim was the exception, but even they spoke little of my title."

"Lemme explain!" squealed Sugarah excitedly. "Forget what you've heard all your life. You were raised by Lemmings of Shadow, but you are actually a Lemming of Light. That's the reason why you can't do the things that other Necromancers can: they're people of Shadow. You, on the other hand, are a true Lemming of the Light - something very rare as most were killed off permanently before the Three were imprisoned in the soulstones. You were raised by a group of Shadow Lemmings that specialized in cursing, and that's a good thing too because you couldn't do any of the other necro stuff if you tried. Had you been raised by another sect of necromancers, you would have had your skin turned into a sock puppet and your body used by novice necromancers to pratice summoning some hiedous monster from."

Lemming shivered at this thought, but Sugarah continued.

"You were born in an Amazonian Lemming society. The males there are weak so the females do the work. For some reason you were lost and adopted by a sect of Necromancer Lemmings. This was a good thing, really. You would have never been trained for combat elsewhere, and the Amazons surely wouldn't have allowed you to go into combat. Ever."

Tyrael spoke, filling in gaps of Sugarah's story, "You were the son of a mighty Amazonian Lemming and a mysterious Lemming who became infam... er... known for his work in Tristram. Your father was the mightiest Lemming that had ever lived. He was a true Lemming of the Light, no matter how insane he may have seemed at the time. He saw what no one else did; he foresaw the failure of Diablo's containment. He worked to stop the hordes of adventureres that daily assulted the labyrinth, but eventually he could not stop the onslaught and was slain by Diablo as the ignorant `heroes' saved the day."

"But if he was slain there, then how..."

Tyrael replied before Lemming could finish, "Have you ever known a Lemming to die and stay dead? Your mother found him as she was leaving the accursed place. She used an ancient spell to return his life, and he was grateful. Eventually the two married and had you.

"Then a great terror swept the land pitting neighbor against neighbor. Necromancers attacked the Amazonian village where your parents lived. Your mother went to fight, and your father wanted to as well. Instead, some sort of council arrested your father and exiled him.

"While your mother was at war the home where you were staying was taken by the enemies. The Necromancers noticed your pale coloring and decided that you had originally been one of theirs, only you'd been captured in a previous engagement. They took you as their own and later taught you to fight."

"So why should I know this? What's so important about this information? It just seems like my sad life story. And, uh, didn't I have any siblings? It's unusual for a Lemming to have but a single pup in a litter," asked Lemming.

"You are being told this because you must know what you find even when you do not know that you are searching for it," came Tyrael's cryptic reply. "And as for siblings, well, the odds are that you have some, but I cannot tell you if they can be told about for if they are told about I shall be telling about them but not telling them about you and that, perhaps, would be a great tragedy to you, them, and myself."

Lemming telepathically sent Sugarah the image of a question mark, to which Sugarah replied with a shrug.

"How much longer before we reach Kurast?" asked Lemming.

"It will take us the same amount of time as it takes your friends, but you will not hunger or need sleep so feel free to ask anything. Should you run out of things to ask, simply fall asleep and you will wake up in Kurast," spoke Tyrael.

"I know! Tell him your story, Tyrael!" squealed Sugarah gleefully.

"Hrmm? The story of my title you mean? Yes, that would be a good choice. I've yet to see a rodent who didn't enjoy it," and so he began.

"At the very beginning of the Sin War, I disguised myself and wandered this world to find out what secret delights it may have. Most of my peers thought that the mortal world was nothing more than something doomed to die, but I saw it as a realm unexplored. I wandered until I found a lush jungle and in that jungle I met a race of sentient creatures. Today, these creatures would be known as mice. I spent some time with them and with each passing day I was in awe of how intelligent such little beings could be. I moved on from that group for I still had a world to see... And one day I had seen it all. The creatures that stuck out in my mind, however, were the rodents. I decided that these creatures might just be more useful than they appeared. I kept my eye on them.

"It was quite lucky that I DID keep my eye on them. Their race progressed rapidly and learned magic before any other. I attribute this to the fact that they are more in tuned with nature than the humans, but magic was not their only forte. They also were learning to battle. I continued to watch them, and even chuckled to myself at how such a charming creature could appear both ferocious and gentle. The strongest of all the rodent races was the Hamsters. Their battle skills were like no other, and when sufficiently angered, nothing lay in their wake. The Lemmings were the most powerful spellcasters, and also the most demented race. They found pleasure in death, and the Resurrect spell - invented by Lemmings - was something used to an abusive extent. Finally there are the Squirrels, the most agile of the group. Squirrels are true masters of the bow and advocates of ranged fighting, but some will use melee. Squirrels are generally more social towards other races than Hamsters are.

"Years past and the rodent cultures grew and expanded. Then a great battle took place and I was pulled away from my hobby, as it were. During this battle I was wounded and a kind soldier pulled me off the battle field. This soldier - I believe "Pixip" was his name - was a trained healer, but he was confused after his spells did not work on me. At the time I was very weak, so when he undressed me and took off my disguise I was powerless to stop him. Then he saw my face and ran from the tent."

"Why did he run? Is your face really that bad?" asked Lemming.

"I've not heard this part before, Tyrael. Yes, show us!"

"I do not think so, but why don't you have a look?" responded Tyrael as he drew Lemming out of his pocket and held him up to his face...

Lemming looked around and found himself blinking in the bright light. He was sitting safely in Tyrael's hand, and Tyrael was hovering high above a vast body of water that expanded in all directions as far as the eye could see. After Tyrael let Lemming adjust to the outdoor light, he gripped his hood with his free hand and pulled back his hood.

"HA!" Lemming and Sugarah exploded with laughter. For a few minutes neither was able to stop. They eventually regained their composure and Lemming gave Tyrael a pleased expression, "I like it."

"I'm glad that you do, as I am rather fond of it. Unfortunately I believe that one soldier may have been the cause of humankind's rodentphobia," said Tyrael.

"Yes, I can see why. You look just like one of us! A rodent that is, not too Hamstery, not too Lemmingy, not too Squirrelish, not too Mousey..." Lemming said as he attemped to describe it. "At any rate, I know that if I was 8 feet tall and had big shimmering wings I'd scare the hraka out of a poor human soldier any day of the week!"

"That you would, my little friend," replied Tyrael as he re-pocketed Lemming and put his hood back into place. Tyrael returned to the story, "After that battle the humans became obsessed with angels, but it was one particular group of spellcasters that sought out a particular angel: me. I allowed them to find me and when they did they tried to capture me. I was forced to fight them, and I ended up slaying more than a few. When the battle was nearly done, the remaining magi pooled their energies together and attempted to take me out with an attack that would have destroyed even themselves."

"How did you stop them?" asked Lemming.

"I took off my armor and hood. Before them stood an 8-foot tall rodent with massive, shimmering wings. They lost their concentration and the magic fizzled. They stood dumbfounded and their mouths hung open. I spoke to them, 'Behold! I am Tyrael, Angel of Rodents, thou hast found what thou didst seek. What say you?' And none replied."

"I'd always heard that you slew so many with your blade that the humans dropped to their knees and immediately pledged allegiance..." Sugarah's voice trailed off.

"You heard what you did from Shadow Rodents. I could only tell what truly happened to a Rodent of the Light. I could have told somebody the true story sooner, but I was busy with other things.

"When no human moved I walked among them. Some cowered in fear, and others simply passed out. I told them that the hunter need not fear his prey, and that seemed to reassure them because one of the magi spoke, 'We... no longer hunt. We pray that our prey will show us mercy.' I replied, 'I am no longer in danger, and I strike not mortals out of vengence but defense.' When I said that I flew off a few yards and brought back a tiny creature, 'Do you fear this? Nay, you do not, nor should you. This creature means more harm to itself than it does to you. However, I have spared you so I ask this of you: Protect all such creatures, for they are more valuable than you could possibly imagine.' And with that I left."

"What did you show them?" asked Lemming.

"Isn't it obvious? He showed them a Lemming! They very first Lemming of the Light, I might add," spoke Sugarah before Tyrael could reply.

The angel continued, "Years after that battle I noticed that a group of magi known as the Horadrim had begun to amass power. What imperssed me was that their symbol was that of a rodent with a stone in its forehead¹ - a soulstone. I believed that the symbol is a prophecy that only a rodent can defeat the Three once they are trapped within the stones. However, the Horadrim could not have understood the meaning of their symbol for the Three had not even been trapped yet, nor did they have the soulstones!

¹: Pg 65 of D1 manual

"The Horadrim, to go deeper in their history, were the very magi that I had battled. They devoted themselves to protecting rodents, and thus ensuring the safety of their world. They even went so far as to say that I had helped assemble their order. I suppose that I did but it was indirect. The only living person who would know this information - besides rodents - is Deckard Cain, and I would not be surprised if he hasn't spoken to you about it. Imagine what humans would say if they knew that their beloved Horadrim were just a bunch of animal protection activists!"

"Speaking of the Horadrim," began Lemming, "I crafted a Horadric Staff by using a special cube. Right after Duriel's chamber was opened my cube began radiating heat and it even seemed like it was transmuting something. I saw that nobody else's did that, is this something you might have information on?"

"Hmm, no. I know that the Horadrim use the cubes to transmute objects, but I've never head of one activating all by itself."

At that moment, Tyrael stopped moving and took Lemming out of his pocket. It was rather dark and it smelled as if rain was coming. It was also uncomfortably humid. Tyrael sat Lemming down on a stone surface and spoke. "I leave you in Kurast. Your fellow adventurers are around somewhere, simply descend the temple steps and you'll find them easily." spoke Tyrael as he vanished into the air.

Lemming descended a small stair and found himself at the bottom of a rather ancient temple that seemed to be in current use. He listened, and above the buzzing of insects he could hear Cain talking somebody's ear off. Lemming decided to save the poor fellow and headed off toward the elderly man's voice.

Part 5: Kurast

After a chat/lecture with Cain, Lemming wandered about Kurast and met the locals. He was especially fond of the alchemist Alkor. The old fellow was irritable, but he had a humor about him that Lemming couldn't help but like.

"Hi, Lem," came a familiar female voice... Scorpio. "We're in the jungle, care to join us?"

Lemming naturally partied up and was soon in jungle combat with midgets that stood more than five times his own height. His bow stung them, but it was usually not enough to be fatal. Scorpio and Jabba seemed to have the jungle wrapped up nice and tight. Lemming soon found himself as just a source of curses, but that didn't bother him much.

The group traveled through the lush jungles of Kurast. It would have been pleasant except for the constant assult of midgets, vultuers, Zarakumites, and other jungle dwellers. But it was still a fun outing. Many dismembered bits and pieces of a man named Khalim were found... all still fresh, but with the distinct scent of "should be rotten by now" about them. Finding these was rather disturbing because this man appears to have had 3 eyes, 3 hearts, and 3 brains. The group seemed unstoppable... until the Lord of Time interfered.

Laage, Lord of Time, viciously struck Lemming and brought his view of the world to a standstill. Lemming's head started to spin and he passed out.

* * *

Lemming awoke in a small cage. Outside of the cage he saw tables littered with tomes, potions, elixirs, and many other sorts of alchemical ingredients. He recognized the place but he couldn't quite place it.

"I have never claimed that you'd live forever after trying one of my potions. Merely that you might look as though you had," came a strange but friendly voice.

Lemming then remembered drinking an antidote potion. Was it the potion that knocked him out, or was it Laage?

"Where am I?" asked Lemming.

"Damnit I wish you people would just leave me alone!" screeched the alchemist as he turned to the doorway. When he saw that nobody was there he turned around and sat down again.

"I'm in the cage. You were just talking to me, remember?" spoke Lemming.

"Hmm? Cage? Oh! The small one, yes. Awake, are you?" spoke the old man.

"Yes I'm awake now where the @$^$! am I?" Lemming re-asked his question.

"You are the '@$^$!' in my home, and you shall be my dinner," was the calm reply as the alchemist turned back to his studies.

"ALKOR!!" Sugarah piped up.

"What is it?! Why must you keep bothering me?!" Alkor yelled at the caged rodent.

"Alkor! It's me! Don't you remember?" asked Sugarah.

"Remember what? Finding strange blue rodent in street and taking it into my home for tasty supper? Yes, I remember that," answered Alkor.

"Wheecht! I hope that you do not mind my badgering the witless, old friend, but how could you ever forget ME? I gave you the ingredients for the antidote potion so many years ago! 1 cup Pixips, 1 cup hraka, and 1 ounce fetish blood! If you would take your head out of that awful human text and pay attention to your old, furry friend you would learn something. Or have you forgotten all that we did so long ago?" Sugarah lectured Alkor.

"Goodness, it cannot be! I would've remembered you had you your tail, but in that body I see but a blue, tasty treat. Sugarah, where have you been?" Alkor's memory apparently reappeared.

"Alkor, your taste for the flesh of my kin always disturbed me. Speak not of it," Sugarah spoke.

"Ah, yes, of course. I was only joking as I often do."

"No, the truth tends to flow from you like spit from a camel, and THAT is why nobody visits you except for compulsive gamblers."

"They are company enough. What brings you back to Kurast?" Alkor inquired.

"It is somewhat complicated, but to sum it up: I am a ghost within the body of this Lemming who, I might say, is very important. So I am more correctly a 'we' for the time being," replied Sugarah.

"Drat! I cannot eat you? Now I shall have to catch a new supper," Alkor thought outloud. "Oh, I am sorry, Sugarah, forgive me, but I have not had a good catch in weeks."

Lemming and Sugarah shivered. "Will you let me out of the $#!%ing cage now?"

"I will let Sugarah out of the '$#!%ing' cage, but if I had my choice you would stay in there," the alchemist said as he opened the cage's tiny door. Lemming scampered off and Sugarah called back to his friend, "I'll see you again!"

Once again Lemming was in the jungles of Kurast. This time he was adventuring with a mighty paladin, Cobrago, and some others. They defeated the high council and made their way through the Durance of Hate. But nothing could prepare Lemming for what he found there...

Bremm Sparkfist greeted the team as they entered the third level of the Durance. Lemming was horrified by the abomination. Bremm was most obviously a Lemming, but he was fully controlled by Mephisto. With a dreadfully obscene war cry Lemming mercilessly attacked Bremm and the evil Lemming was felled.

"That," Sugarah spoke to Lemming, "is what you could become if you allow the Three to reunite." As Sugarah finished speaking, Lemming and some of his fellow adventurers were attacked by the forces of Laage.

Lemming woke up to find himself talking to Alkor. Apparently Sugarah hadn't been affected as strongly by Laage as he had been.

"...Sparkfist." Sugarah finished a sentence.

"Ahh, a most evil bread Lemming, yes. I captured him once some time ago but the High Council made me release him. Apparently he was one of their highest ranking council members," Alkor explained.

Lemming decided to sleep through the rest of the conversation and when he awoke it was dark. Sugarah had curled up and went to sleep on a pile of shredded fabric. Alkor was nowhere to be found. Lemming decided that he would quietly slip away before Alkor returned and started talking again. Somehow Sugarah's friendship with the alchemist disturbed him more than comforted him, even if it made him safe from being on the end of a fork.

And so Lemming once again found himself in the Durance of Hate. He made his way to the third level again and was surprised to find Bremm Sparkfist alive and well. The battle this time was quite painful. Many Blood Lords were waiting to protect Bremm, and their fire walls were unmerciful. After being resurrected in town a few times, Lemming was able to take out Bremm and Maffer. He decided not to find out what was on the opposite side of the chamber and proceeded deeper.

"My brothers have escaped you," came a voice so chilling that Lemming cringed. Sugarah awoke.

"W-what was that?" he asked.

"My best guess is that it's-" Lemming was cut off by a bolt of lightning. He nimbly dodged it but ended up landing directly in front of a speeding ethereal skull.

"$^@!$!!" Lemming squealed as the missile shattered upon his body. He quaffed a potion and dodged some sort of ghastly being that rose from the floor and tried to grab him.

"Oh, Lemming, why did you have to go into the Durance again?" Sugarah wimpered. "I've already died once and it isn't pleasant!"

"If it wasn't fun then you didn't do it right, Sugarah," Lemming replied as he dodged another catapulted cranium.

"Ahgh, you Lemmings and your-" and Sugarah was cut off. A spindly arm crashed down on the blue rodent's head.

Lemming/Sugarah lay flattened on the floor. Before them a gassy, floating, twisted THING hovered. It had horns that spiraled upward; it had no eyes in its sockets; it had no muscles on its bones; sequences of torture were visually represented within the beast's torso... it was as if his body was nothing more than a crystal ball that showed pain and suffering at its worst. The sight was so horrible that the poor rodent vomited.

"Meph... Meph..." Lemming choked out.

"MePHISTo," the eerie, ear-splitting voice came again as the fist of Mephisto rammed into the rodent's gut.

Lemming's eyes bugged out from the pain. Blood trickled from his nose and mouth, leaving the fur under his chin wet and sticky. He got up and ran as well as he could... ran... ran... until he found Bremm's corpse. Deciding that it was far enough, he cast a portal and limped into it. Before he went all the way through, Lemming turned back and took hold of Bremm's body. He hauled it through the portal and into the center of town.

Part 6: Mephisto

When Lemming exited the town portal, the townsfolk were horrified and most of them left in haste. Cain and Ormus, rather than escaping, approached Lemming. Ormus healed Lemming and looked at Bremm, "There is nothing that I can do for that one."

"No... There's nothing anybody can do for him." Lemming was glad that Ormus could look at the situation without being terrified.

"Why did you bring him up? Get rid of it! No demon can enter the docks of Kurast!" Cain became nervous.

"It is no longer demonic," Ormus explained, "otherwise the power of the Gidbinn would keep it from entering."

"It didn't keep the Wanderer out!" Cain spouted.

"The Gidbinn wasn't in our possession at the time, Horadrim." Ormus replied. "Bah, I have no time for the prideful last son of the failed Horadric Order!"

"It did not fail, for if it did the world would be under the sway of the Three today," Cain shot back.

Cain and Ormus continued arguing. Lemming turned his attention to Bremm. He noticed that a jagged shard that looked like some sort of gemstone was sticking out of Bremm's disfigured paw. Lemming tried to extract the shard. There was much scar tissue and it seemed that the shard didn't want to let itself be pulled out, but with enough wiggling, jostling, and yanking the rock came out of its resting place.

Almost instantly Bremm's body began shrinking. No longer was it the twisted form of Mephisto's slave, but instead it was the body of a Lemming.

"That shard is a piece of Mephisto's soulstone," Sugarah explained.

"What should I do with it? Destroy it?" Lemming asked.

"That would seem appropriate."

Lemming stuck the shard in his backpack and then carried Bremm's body to a basket maker. He purchased a small basket, placed Bremm inside, and set the basket down in the waters of Kurast to float until it would float no more.

"I can't let him do that again, Sugarah," spoke Lemming as he watched Bremm's coffin float downstream. "Mephisto..." Lemming could say anything more. Hate welled up inside of him and drove him back to Mephisto.

Mephisto could be heard cackling in the deep recesses of the Durance. His ghostly form hovered to and fro above a great pit of flesh. He occasionally took pot shots at Lemming, but most of the shots missed. Lemming viciously cursed Mephisto and sent arrow after arrow after the Lord of Hatred. Mephisto chuckled and sent Lemming a skull missile.

"^#$@!" Lemming squealed in pain and stopped a moment to drink a potion. During that moment, Mephisto raced toward Lemming.

A spindly arm hit the stone floor right next to Lemming. Lemming took the hint, rolled over, and ran behind a pillar. Mephisto followed but stayed on the other side of the pillar. Mephisto kept laughing.

"Lemming, you might want to take some advice that Alkor once gave me," Sugarah interrupted the battle. " 'When all else fails, hit them in the stones!' "

"Does a Prime Evil even HAVE stones?" Lemming asked.

"That," Sugarah began, "I would not know."

Mephisto had stopped moving. He watched Lemming pause and seemingly speak with himself. The Prime Evil watched the small rodent inquisitively.

Lemming spoke to Mephisto, "You... corruptor. You twisted the will of innocents! If you will not leave, I will force you back to Hell!" Lemming then turned to watch what the Prime Evil would do next.

"Be careful, Lemming, don't let your hate blind your actions," Sugarah warned.

"Don't you have anything better to do?"

"This is my job," Sugarah responded.

Mephisto watched Lemming again. He seemed to grasp the situation almost immediately for an evil grin grew upon his face. The Lord of Hatred sent a bolt of lightning and an osteo orb at Lemming.

"$!@!#!" Lemming shouted a garbled curse. The blood that gushed upwards from his throat and flooded his mouth so to make it difficult to speak.

"Ormus thinks you are lucky. Your wounds could have been far worse," Ormus explained to Lemming.

"Ormus was able revive you, Lemming," Sugarah said. "I belive that my life force is aiding yours because it seems that no matter what punishment you take, someone is able to heal you... even if you're dead!"

"Thank you, Ormus," the rodent said. "I must get back..."

Mephisto did not seem surprised to see Lemming again. And once again the Lord of Hatred floored Lemming. And again... and again... and again... Lemming's strength and determination was waning.

"You must keep up, Lemming, I know he's taking hurt from your arrows. I just know he is. You must keep going," Sugarah encouraged Lemming.

"I know... but it seems so hopeless," Lemming confessed.

"You have NEVER seen hopeless before and this surely is not it! If you don't kill Mephisto, I will. And you won't like that any more than I will because I have no idea how to use a bow!"

The thought of the pain Sugarah would unintentionally inflict upon their body if he tried to kill Mephisto was enough to convince Lemming that Mephisto was going to have to die one way or another so it might as well be a half-assed kill than an inept kill. With that, Lemming descended the portal once more.

"You will be mine," Mephisto greeted the rodent.

Lemming tiredly readied an arrow and fired. Mephisto sent his tiresome cranial missile in return. Tiring of the fight, Lemmnig was hit, but by all accounts he should have been able to dodge it. While attack didn't kill him, Lemming couldn't get up.

Mephisto's disturbing form floated over to Lemming's body. He lifted the rodent in one hand and pulled out the shard of soulstone that Lemming had in his backpack. The stone glowed at Mephisto's touch. The Lord of Hatred then gripped the shard and plunged it into Lemming's gut.

The shard caused pain Lemming had never felt before. It burned yet chilled at the same time. It ripped and sliced his flesh. The blood poured upon the stone was seemingly absorbed into it. And then Lemming felt his strength get cut in half. He didn't know what Mephisto was doing, but he couldn't let him do it. Lemming reached for a bottle of rejuvenation potion.

As he drank, Mephisto pulled out the shard and threw Lemming into a wall. The crippled archer cast a portal and scampered back to town.

Ormus seemed perplexed by the wound. He was able to partially heal it, but full healing would require a power far greater than anything Ormus had to offer.

Lemming went over to his stash and crawled inside. It made a rather comfortable bed, but there was no time for sleeping. Lemming was looking for something.

"Sugarah, where'd we put that bottle of full rejuvenation?" Lemming asked. He waited a few moments and tried again, "Sugarah?"

There was no reply. Then, in utter horror, Lemming remembered his wound and what caused it. He quickly grabbed a refelective piece of metal and gazed upon himself. His fur was white again. In an instant he remembered what soulstones did. He remembered that Mephisto had stabbed him with a soulstone, and he had been possessed by Sugarah's spirit at the time. In dispair, Lemming admitted to himself that Mephisto had taken Sugarah prisoner.

Part 7: Hell

"Let. Him. Go." Lemming instructed Mephisto. The Lord of Hatred cackled in reply. Lemming muttered a curse and nocked his arrow, "I said LET HIM GO!" Mephisto giggled.

"But he likes it here," Mephisto spoke in his ear-torturing voice. The two stared at each other until Mephisto made the first move. The ghastly mist that surrounds Mephisto began rotating about him at great speed. After a few rotations the mist emanated a blinding, crimson light that caused Lemming to shield his eyes.

When he unshielded his eyes, Lemming was striken with horror to see that Mephisto was hovering directly in front of him. The Lord of Hatred's surrounding mist started to dance in front of Lemming's eyes. Lemming was having trouble making out the various distorted shapes that drearily floated within the Mist of Hatred, but suddenly all of the shapes melded together and Lemming could see Sugarah. The blue mouse was being tortured by various sorts of demons. The poor fellow was in agony...

" 'When all else fails, hit them in the stones!' " Lemming remembered Sugarah's repetition of Alkor's advice. It suddenly made perfect sense.

Lemming's arrow was still nocked, and he found that the bowstring was already pulled taut. "I'm doing this out of reflex now? Been at this too long..." Lemming thought to himself as tilted his head upward and looked Mephisto over. He quickly located his target and in a split second Lemming brought his bow to bear on the soulstone and let the arrow fly. Mephisto howled, and in doing so released a vile, green gas that clouded the air.

Lemming held his breath and kept focused. "Though the mist may blind, a true archer will always find his target," Lemming thought to himself as he blindly fired arrow into the toxic fog. Before he shot off his second arrow he could hear the first arrow hitting its mark as the gut wrenching screech of metal-on-bone echoed throughout the Durance. Lemming fired more arrows.

The Prime Evil that hid in the toxic cloud shrieked and screamed in pain. What Lemming could not see was that Mephisto's body had erupted in flame. This flame ignited the poisonous gas, turning it into a billowing wall of fire. Lemming barely saw it coming and was able to hide behind a pillar just as the flames flared up. After the fire had ceased, Lemming crept out from his hiding place and looked around. Mephisto was hovering lifelessly above a boiling puddle of magma. His surrounding mist was gone and his bony figure was charred, but he was still alive.

Mephisto turned to Lemming, "You are too late," came his ghastly whisper.

"Mephisto, kindly do as your minions do when they die and #!@# %#@!@ !#!#$," Lemming spat back as he nocked another arrow.

Lemming never fired the arrow. Before he could take aim Mephisto's skeletal form was swallowed up by a column of magma. The boiling puddle had become a tiny volcano; a jet of magma was erupting from it. The column of fire went directly skyward, consuming the body of Mephisto in the process. When the show of fire ended the ground closed up and cooled at a fast, unnatural rate. In midair two glowing gems floated. Lemming had started wondering how he was going to get them down when the luminence suddenly went out and both stones clattered to the floor. They were fragments of soulstones. One was Mephisto's, the largest fragment. The second was a shard... a shard that Lemming recognized as Sugarah's prison.

Lemming put Mephisto's soulstone into his backpack. He then took Sugarah's shard and cradled it in his paw. "Prime Evils do have stones, my friend."

* * *

The Pandemonium Fortress was beautiful to behold. The architecture was ancient, yet it was still very well kept. It seemed as if corrosion could never and would never consume this place. Lemming explored the grand building and was quite pleased to find Tyrael waiting for him.

"Cain tells me to destroy the Soulstone, Tyrael," Lemming began, "But what of this shard?" He held up Sugarah's prison.

"That shard may be corrupted, but Mephisto's essence is contained in the larger piece. The larger is the biggest threat," Tyrael replied.

Lemming swallowed hard, "Tyrael... Sugarah is trapped in the smaller shard."

Tyrael was truly shocked. "Destroying the shard would allow Sugarah to escape, but he would not be back on the mortal plane."

This was upsetting to Lemming. Sugarah had become his friend; someone who was always there, even if Lemming didn't want him to be. After mulling over the situation for a moment, Lemming got an idea. It was a long shot but, "What if... if I put the shard into an object? As if it were a gemstone?" Lemming asked.

"It would be risky. The stone may corrupt the item and Sugarah himself may already be corrupt," Tyrael replied but with further questioning could provide no more information.

The next subject that they discussed was the fallen angel Izual. Izual, former weilder of Azurewrath, once led an assult on the Hellforge. He was overtaken by Hell's minions and later imprisoned within the body of a demon. Remembering Bremm Sparkfist, Lemming eagerly agreed to free Izual from his demonic prison.

Tyrael had nothing more to say, so Lemming walked away. He still didn't have an answer to Sugarah's situation. He decided that he might as well begin his search for Izual.

Soon after entering the Outer Steppes, Lemming uncovered an old crown. Signs of corrosion were present, and rust gave it a yellowish tint. "This must be a grand object, indeed, if it changes the color of rust from orange to yellow." Lemming thought. He decided that his current helm was less than stellar and that this new crown could, if he was lucky, be of some use. He went back to town to identify it.

Before he took it to Cain, Lemming remembered the soulstone shard. He held the crown in his hand and looked it over. It didn't seem to have any place to insert a gem, but when Lemming touched the shard to the crown the two objects reacted. The yellow crown took on a blue color as the shard was absorbed into it. Lemming took the crown to Cain.

"This artifact is known as Milabrega's Diadem," Cain spoke. "Well, this is odd... it radiates an energy that I don't remember being documented. Allow me to study it further if you decide to get rid of it."

Lemming quickly agreed - if only to put Cain's pestering off for another hour or so as he would no doubt be eager to study it well before Lemming decides to get rid of it - and walked away. He went to a secluded part of the fortress and put on the diadem. He hoped against hope that his theory would work...

"Sugarah?" Lemming tested his theory.

"L-l-lemm..mm...ming," Sugarah's voice sounded distant and weak.

"Sugarah, you sound strange. Are you hurt?"

"No... no! Get.. rid... destroy... Go!... stop..." was Sugarah's cryptic warning.

Lemming refused to notice the warning and decided to try everything possible to save Sugarah. The first step is to destroy Mephisto's soulstone. Until that's done, Lemming decided to keep the crown on so that he can maintain his connection to Sugarah. With that thought, the crown itself turned into energy and flowed into Lemming. His fur was blue once again.

"Lemming, you do not realize the danger associated with what you're doing! Mephisto still has some control over this piece of soulstone and he could corrupt you!" Sugarah protested.

"Doubtful, Sugarah, with you around I don't think that he'll be able to corrupt us," Lemming bravely declared.

"You are vastly minimizing the powers of a PRIME EVIL!!"

"Oh? Well they aren't so tough. If they were, do you think I could have killed one?"

"You do have something of a point on that, but-" Sugarah was cut off. Lemming cringed in pain. He felt a presence in his mind... Sugarah must be feeling it, too, as he had ceased speaking. Lemming imagined the most sickly pleasant thing that he could come up with, and almost immediately the presence was gone. Sugarah spoke first, "Wh... What did you do?"

"I thought of the most pleasant thing that I could imagine. Not just pleasant, but so pleasant and cute that it'd make normal beings violently ill if they were to ever encounter it," Lemming replied.

"What?"

"I brought up a mental image of cute forest animals having a tea party," Lemming replied.

"And how would that make anyone vomit?"

"They were having a tea party with the minions of hell, and each one of the minions was being polite and using coasters," Lemming answered. "The entire party was eating barbequed vegetarian steak."

"That's one of the most twisted things you've ever said to me," Sugarah replied. "Vegetarian steak!? Now I'd vomit if you told me what THAT was made of."

"Exactly."

"Why would you want to think about something like that?" Sugarah asked.

"Why do you think I'd like to think about something like that?" Lemming responded.

"I prefer not to know why you think some of the things that you think."

"Well," Lemming began, "maybe you'll figure it out if I don't tell you."

"No! You must tell me! There's no telling what I might think of in the process of trying to figure out why you'd think about a forest animal/minion of hell vegetarian tea party barbeque!!" Sugarah whined.

"Then don't think about it."

"That's even worse than telling me about it in the first place!"

"Oh, look, it's a Paladin. Let's go see what he's up to."

"LEMMING!! Tell me!!"

Lemming ignored Sugarah's pleas and went to speak with the Paladin. Apparently he was also seeking to free Izual. The two then went off in search of the fallen angel, but shortly after freeing him, Lemming felt the brain pain again. This time he couldn't conjure up a new image and the old one didn't work. After writhing in pain for a minute, Laage intervened.

Part 8: Time Warp

Lemming awoke to find himself sitting in a dark room. He checked to see if Sugarah was awake, but Lemming found that he wasn't. Lemming investiagated his surroundings. The ground beneath his paws was neither cold nor warm. There was no visibility, and he couldn't feel the outline of a door anywhere. He could, however, hear a faint singing coming from somewhere.

"Spam, hum-hum-hum-hum-hum-hum, yeah, yeah, Spam..." Lemming heard the voice sing.

Lemming was wondering what spam was when Sugarah awoke. "Lemming, where are we? What's happened?"

"I don't know. We're in some sort of pit, I think. It doesn't feel or smell like a normal pit, though," Lemming responded.

"What kind of pit? Armpit? Trap pit?... What's that sound?" Sugarah asked.

"What is 'spam'?" Lemming asked.

"Hear I a-shuf'ling
From deep within the shoebox
Do the rodents wake?" the singing voice had stopped singing and began speaking. As it finished speaking, a bright light shone down from above and illuminated the container. Lemming looked around and tried to find an escape hole, but there was none. Instead, a great arm reached into the pit and lifted Lemming onto its palm.

"Lemming, should we jump? Why does that thing speak so funny?" Sugarah was overwhelmed.

"I don't know. We're prisoners, I guess, so running might not be good," Lemming replied.

"Oh, sleep did you well?
Glad am I of that, my friend
Converse shall we now?" the voice came again.

Lemming was too busy thinking to respond. The palm that he was sitting in was neither human nor animal. It was smooth, but it looked like clear goo. Lemming, as most rodents would, tested the strange object with his teeth. He found that it was tough, bouncy, and would not break. At any rate, it was soft and comfortable to sit on. Lemming stood up on his hind legs and looked around.

Lemming followed the arm to its owner and soon found that the "arm" was not an arm at all. It was a jelly-like extention of a jiggling, orb-shaped mass. The being's entire body was made of this substance.

"Do you find it odd
That I grasp you securely
With my pseudopod?" the jelly orb asked.

"Um..." Lemming began.

"Don't say anything that might offend it!" Sugarah warned silently.

"Oh, quiet with you, Sugarah," Lemming retorted soundlessly.

Lemming continued, "What are you?"

"Lord of Time am I
Laage to the mortal world
Some just call me Lot." it responded in its typical poetic fashion.

"YOU! You're the one that-" Lemming began.

"Lemming, don't!! It's one thing to annoy the Lord of Hatred, but don't say any such thing to the Lord of TIME!" Sugarah yelped.

"You keep making me do things over and over again! @%#@!@$#@!!" the accusation finished this time. "

Had I not done such
You would be nothing more than
A pile of mulch." Laage responded without the slightest hint of irritation.
"Only by my aid,
An intervention well made,
Remained you alive."

"Why DO you talk like that?" Sugarah piped up.

"And you tell ME not to aggrivate it..." Lemming noted to Sugarah.

"Time is not measured
By an even measurement
Slow, Fast, Slow, Slow, Fast..." Laage answered.

"Did that make any sense?" Lemming asked Sugarah.

"No. I think it's just eccentric," Sugarah responded.

Lemming turned his attention back to Laage, "What is it you want from me?"

And a rather lengthy conversation began. It is not known how long it lasted for Laage can stop time, cause it to repeat, and manipulate it in other ways. Still, to Lemming the talk seemed to last approximately 5 hours, 7 minutes, and 5 seconds.

They discussed many things, including why Laage intervened so frequently. Apparently Laage had a penchant for sadism, but the Lord of Time wouldn't readily admit it. Laage also said that disrupting time too frequently can become boring, so sometimes the world goes around without intervention and does as it does. The point Laage was trying to make was that Lemming might need divine help and Laage would offer it at Laage's own choosing. This was unsettling with Lemming for more than a few reasons, but it was help even if it didn't look like it. At least Lemming thought it was help...

"Is that all?" Lemming asked.

"No, it is not all
Your father shall you soon meet
You, She destroy D." Laage replied.

"What do you mean? 'She'? Who is 'she'?" Lemming asked.

"More I will not say
Before you go, you must know
Sugarah is purged." the Lord of Time answered.

Lemming and Sugarah fell into a deep sleep and awoke in the Pademonium Fortress.

"Sugarah," Lemming began, "did you dream... about a, ah, Lord of Time?"

"Yes, but knowing that you dreamed the same thing makes me wonder if we should be afraid or comforted," Sugarah responded.

"So it's either both of us are going crazy or that actually happened?"

"I'd say so."

"I have one question then."

"What's that?" Sugarah inquired.

"Was Laage male or female?" Lemming responded.

Part 9: All's Well That Lags Well

"You chat with a deity and the first thing on your mind afterwards is what gender it was?" Sugarah asked.

"I thought it was cute, whatever it was," Lemming replied.

"You thought a floating glob of gelatin was cute?"

"Didn't you?"

"Erm, this isn't about me!" Sugarah retorted.

"Well, did you think it was cute or not?"

"I'm not going to answer that."

Lemming grinned, "You DID!"

Sugarah became flustered, "Oh, so what if I did? You did, too!"

"So, what now?"

"Since we share the same body I guess it doesn't matter who dates Laage..." Sugarah's voice trailed off.

"No, no, not about that. I mean, where to? Are we off to Hell again?"

"Yes, that'd be just the thing to get this her our minds."

"How are you so certain it's a 'her'?"

"Would you rather it be otherwise?"

"I just think it's an it."

"An 'it'?!"

"Yeah, well, it doesn't matter what it is. Let's just get this off our minds."

"To Hell!"

Lemming made his way to the River of Flame and wandered toward Diablo's stronghold, the Chaos Sanctuary. The Lord of Terror's minions tried to stop the rodent, yet they were feeble and could not stop the possessed archer. Soon it was that our hero had made his way into the Chaos Sanctuary itself. Here, to Lemming's dismay, it was discovered that many of his curses did not affect the Oblivion Knight magi which protected the stronghold of Diablo. Lemming decided to consult with Tyrael about this so he returned to town.

"Greetin-.. Lemming, what have you done to your fur? Is Sugarah with you again?" Tyrael spoke.

"Why, yes he is, Tyrael," Lemming replied.

"Then Mephisto is probably within you as well."

"I suppose, but I've not heard much out of him in a long time, Tyrael."

"I still sense his presence," Tyrael replied.

Lemming was starting to become nervous. Had imbuing the Diadem with the soulstone been such a good idea? Lemming started to clean his fur (nervous habit) when the soulstone of Mephisto clattered onto the floor from his pack.

"Wha- I thought I'd imbued my crown with that thing," Lemming spoke.

Tyrael lifted the soulstone and inspected it, "Mephisto's essence is still contained within it, but you say you imbued your helm with it? This is unsettling."

Sugarah spoke up, "Wait, Lemming, didn't Laa - err - the gelatinous glob say something like 'Sugarah is purged'? Perhaps it put Mephisto back in the soulstone?"

"Yes, Sugarah, that would make perfect sense!" Lemming said excitedly.

Tyrael cocked his head to one side and stared at the small, blue rodent, "Who's this gelatinous glob that you met? I've never heard of such a thing."

"It's just our new significant jelly-like being, Tyrael, nothing to worry about," Sugarah spoke quickly as he snatched the soulstone from Tyrael's hand and scampered off.

Lemming returned down his town portal to the Chaos Sanctuary, but at the bottom of the portal was something rather peculiar: a female lemming. The newcomer appeared to be a sorceress, yet instead of a traditional shield or staff, she weilded a mighty two handed sword.

"Hello there, blue lemming," the new rodent greeted him.

"Uh, huh. Who're you?" Lemming asked.

"I am Lemming," it replied.

"No, what's your name?" Cursed Lemming asked.

"I told you my name," it replied.

"But that's MY name. Who are you?"

"You already asked that."

"Argh!"

"Where did you come from?" Sugarah spoke up.

"I came from Kurast and then I came here from the Fortress."

"Tyrael didn't tell us about anyone else," Sugarah continued the conversation for Lemming, who was too irritated to speak without cursing.

"The angel guy? He doesn't know much. I'll tell you, back in Tristram there weren't any goody-goody angels floating around. Back in Tristram we did it all ourselves, with the help of Cain, but he's rather forgetful of the intricate details. You know he didn't even tell us what to do with the soulstone? Bah, old codger."

"You fought at Tristram?"

"Yes."

"But you look much too young to have been at Tristram."

"Well, I'd look older if that Amazon high council hadn't cursed me with the body of a little girl."

Sugarah and Cursed Lemming began conversing about what the newcomer had just told them. Lemming recalled what he could remember of what Tyrael had told him on the trip to Kurast. "Sugarah, didn't Tyrael say something about my mother being an Amazon? And a council exiling my father? Could they have cursed him as well?"

Sugarah thought about this for a moment, "Yes, but you surely don't think that..."

Before the Sugarah could finish his host had already turned toward the sorceress and began speaking. "Uh, Lemming, were you married to an Amazon?"

"What kind of question is that?" the new lemming became defensive. She hefted her mighty two-handed sword to a battle position. The blade seemed evil. It was a striking shade of green and an aura of cold was visibly radiating from it. Darkness closed in on the pair. The lemming sniffed the air and pointed at the blue rodent, "I know that smell: Amazon Prison Cube. You're a bounty hunter, aren't you? I figured they'd try something like this. They've got to have all of the glory for themselves, you know. I won't let them push me around again. They can't force me back into their prison. Defend yourself or perish."

Cursed Lemming attempted to scamper into a town portal but was pushed past his target by a powerful telekinesis. He turned to see the sorceress closing in on him with her evil blade held high in the air. The curser swore and prepared to absorb the blow.

"What fun is it when you cower like that?" the sorceress' voice asked.

"It keeps me from seeing the messy part," Cursed Lemming replied.

The other Lemming did not attack, but instead approached the cowering blue rodent and rifled though his backpack.

"You are no hunter; you are a coward. My philosophy allows me to trust true cowards such as yourself," the newcomer said with a chuckle. She pulled an object from Lemming's backpack, "I knew I smelled Amazon. What are you doing with their artifact?"

"What artifact?"

"This fake Horadric Cube you've been carrying around. It is a disguised Amazon Prison Cube. And, from the smell of it, it's the very one that I was released from."

Cursed Lemming thought on this for a few moments and then he rememberd the incident in Tal Rasha's Tomb when his cube acted strangely and the others' did not.

"Be silent if you wish to, but I'll do you no harm... unless provoked. I am heading toward Diablo."

"Wait!"

"For what?"

"Tyrael told me a story," Cursed Lemming answered.

"Him again? Bah, who needs him? If you're looking for more stories, go see him."

"No, he told me that my father was from Tristram. That my father was married to an Amazon. That my father was exiled by an Amazon council."

"You think I'm your father?" the other Lemming asked.

"Of course I do."

"Why should I think you're my son?"

"That would depend if you had a son with a pigment deficiency."

"Yes, but he wasn't blue because of it."

Sugarah took his cue and faded his influence as much as possible from Lemming. Patches of white fur appeared sparatically on Lemming's coat. The other Lemming watched this transformation with curiosity. But the color shift did not last long and Lemming's coat instantly became blue again.

"What did you just do?" the other Lemming asked.

Sugarah answered, "This lemming is possessed by the spirit of a mouse, and this is who is now speaking. I am Sugarah. Because of Cursed Lemming's lack of natural fur coloring, his fur readily absorbed my beautiful indigo color when I entered his body."

"This is very odd. In Tristram I don't remember anyone being possessed, except for the followers of Diablo and the occasional Q:-possessed Barbarian."

The blue Lemming responded, "What do you think now?"

"I think you should go by the name your mother and I gave you, Stalimep; not that silly 'Cursed Lemming' thing. But we can speak of that after the Lord of Terror has been subdued. We mustn't allow those who follow Deckard Cain's advice to get there first. You'll remember that the last time such a thing happened it didn't turn out very well."

"Stalimep" agreed and the two fought together. Finally they arrived at Diablo's last seal.

"Activate the seal, Stalimep," Lemming instructed. Stalimep obeyed and activated the seal. "Now, son, don't take this the wrong way, but this is something that I must do."

Stalimep turned and a sword was thrust into his abdomen. His eyes teared up and blood trickled from his mouth. The weapon within him was freezing cold, and though he tried to push his attacker away, he could not.

"Shadowfang demands the blood of an innocent. The ritual cannot be completed without it. I'm sure you understand," Lemming said matter-of-factly.

* * *

Sugarah and Stalimep watched the battle between the Lord of Terror and a rodent sorceress. Lightning spewed forth from Diablo's massive fists, but the lemming was much too quick to fall to these attacks. She closed in on Diablo and hefted Shadowfang to an attack position. Diablo attemped to dodge, but his bulk prevented it. The demon blade Shadowfang struck the soulstone of the Lord of Terror and shattered it. Lemming stood upon Terror's head as a massive blackened corpse came tumbling down. The sorceress held Shadowfang above her head and chanted a few words. Diablo's escaping essence was sucked into the demonic weapon. Another spirit floated from out of the corpse. It tried unsuccessfully to speak, but its tearful face said more than could be expressed in words. This damned soul was the adventurer from Tristram who'd jabbed the soulstone into his head. For too long he had been Diablo's prisoner, and now he was free.

"What do you think your father will do with that sword?" Sugarah asked.

"He might try to go after Baal with it. We never did find that particular Prime Evil," Stalimep responded.

"Nor did you two find
Azmodan and Belial
The insurrectors," Laage added.

"Oh, that's right! And even if they never pop up, we'll still get to see how the Sin War ends!" Sugarah exclaimed.

"Oh, yes. That should be interesting," Stalimep agreed. "Laage stopping our aging is rather nice."

"Our precious gelatin is all that we need to worry about now," Sugarah said. "My happiness seems limitless."

"Verily," Stalimep agreed.

Laage smiled. "Two sweeties in one
How lucky I am, quite timely.
Loneliness has gone."

The blue rodent turned away from the mortal plane viewing pool so that he was facing Laage. Laage pulled in its pseudopod and reabsorbed it. Stalimep/Sugarah crawled along the exterior of Laage and curled up on top of it for a nap.


"Stalimep" translates to "Pale Mist."
Sugarah to "Lord Sugar." May also be written as "Sugar-rah."
"Hraka" means "droppings."
"-rah" suffix and "hraka" are from the Lapine language found in the excellent book Watership Down by Richard Adams. I highly recommend reading this book. It's magnificent.


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