Dropping some of a brand new blizzard onto Emily’s ADIDAS shoelaces on one of our first dates.
Creating “Three Bearded Ladies on a Fold-Out Bed,” and watching Emily create the most awesome drawing involving bearded ladies of all time.
Randomly deciding to create a song describing our orders at Sonic and singing it, earning us a “retard discount” of like $1.45 or something. The best part was watching the girl roll out on skates laughing her ass off and dropping the order.
All my old favorite CD’s… Fashion Nugget by Cake, Bad Hair Day by Weird Al, Ma$e’s first CD, Godzilla Soundtrack, Evil Empire by Rage Against the Machine, Sheryl Crow, Garbage Version 2.0.
Lock-ins at Emily’s church. The youth pastor rented like 20 Blockbuster movies and we watched like 3 each time. What a waste.
The first few dances with Emily… A North dance, two St. Peter and Paul dances, an East dance, a Scorpions dance, and a CATS dance.
Staying the night at Matt Corzine’s and drinking like 10 Mountain Dews in a single night
My many pet names through the years… Jeffybear, Tiger, Hamburga, Mento.
Looking out for the Arch with Emily. It always followed us home
Taking care of Ross the Boss during the Chicago trip and learning that in comparison to Ross, Jed is really normal.
Brent Parker and his talk of his girlfriends in Springfield and Bethalto. They would change where they were from every time I asked. He was supposed to move away to live with the Springfield one after junior year. The other two topics of conversations he knows are work and cars.
I took care of Emily’s house and dog last summer and I had friends over to play poker… And Emily taught me how to make Mac ‘n Cheese over the phone while she was in Vegas. That house was a complete mess until 2 hours before they got home. In a way they profited from it though, because I bought them a pizza cutter from Deals.
The activity bag for Emily during poker nights; “I swear to God you’re not a retard!”
Emily ditched me, Ethan, Brice, and J Hep at Steak n Shake to go see Faggot O’Fag, a.k.a. the Antichrist a.k.a BirdMan a.k.a. The Podiatrist
The many educational German class arguments, such as which numbers are better for NFL quarterbacks: 1-10 or 11-19; the constant battle to decipher the fine line between what does and doesn’t matter
Emily basically made my DNA modal for me for Biology 1 H
Skipping rocks on the St. Louis Riverfront and getting misguided by AOL Cityguide (going to coffee shops in the ghetto that are closed, going to the exact center of the city thanks to an incomplete address)
I got tickets for X2 at Eastgate really early expecting there to be a big line. I think I got them right after I got out of school. But there wasn’t even really a big line because it’s Eastgate and Edwardsville stole its thunder a few years ago. Plus the place doesn’t even have a damn marquee. That reminds me that after watching Ghost Ship, I think me, Mark, and Mike Yost found a place that used to be a phone booth that was really wiggly and we almost broke it. Or maybe that was after Red Dragon, in which case that would have been AJ and Yost.
Ross’s insane profile that was up for a year that wrote about how Poe was a drunk and Hitler a mere village idiot and that he would start a true age of evil soon. I wonder if I’m insane because I like the song that was his “song of the moment” for all that time: “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” by the Smashing Pumpkins.
All the trips to the Galleria with Emily and her sister and a couple of her sister’s friends. Jade mighta gone once too. We were pretty young, and I remember that us eating without any adults in Casa Guellardo (sp?) was weird and exciting.
The filming of Etwas Irgendwo. I guess that’s a memory even though it just got done and it’s still in post-production editing. The gerbil pit, flaming matchbox car, ‘Nam flashback (with awesome machine gun and explosion sound effects I’ve been practicing all my life with GI Joes), and my fully-clothed bath tub scene as Rot Bart the pirate.
Learning that Emily’s sister stole a lot of her favorite bands from me (Smashing Pumpkins, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Cake, maybe something else)
Learning that Emily stole one of her favorite bands from me (Radiohead)
I played Evil Empire in my basement while AJ Smith stayed the night and he wanted to hear Bulls on Parade over and over again. Who could blame him? He got hooked on RATM like me. I guess he’s into more stonerish music now though.
All the many interesting newspaper tidbits in Mr. Brown’s American Government and especially Sociology. For the past month, the class has been 70% news articles and 30% book. Might even be more news articles than that. Gotta love that monotonous voice. I bet he could put his babies to sleep in a heartbeat. And you can’t forget the head-scratching and nose-twitching, and telling and smiling at people whose heads are down.
Bowling my ass off at After Prom last year. Definitely got my money’s worth that night, considering it cost less than $10 to get in, and it’s supposed to be $3.25 per game at Bowl Haven. It’s rape. That’s why I never go there now that I don’t work there.
Emily talkin’ trash on my brother’s wife- about how she likes France way too much and is too whiny. But still. That’s my brother’s wife.
Ross’s Desperado stare as we went past Metro East Lutheran High School on the way to and from Wendy’s before Sin City.
Ross telling inaccurate stories about me to my own friends and Mrs. Brave, fake-smoking a wooden cigar all day.
Playing Billy in basketball at NTF Church parking lot when it’s empty. We would play horse or something like that, and the loser had to agree to do some shitty dare that was decided upon before the game. Guess who always lost and had to do this stuff.
Discussing foot hair and its masculine implications with Jed Bartlett
Going out in the woods with my next door neighbor girls and pretending that an ordinary group of stoners in the neighborhood next to mine were gangsters.
Buying crappy sunglasses at the Expo and only finding out that they were crappy when I wore them during the day
The infamous Riverbend scandal of December ’03. We still don’t know why J Hep and E Gra were in cahoots.
The infamous night Brice me, Asia, Ethan, J Hep, and maybe somebody else at his house to go to someone else’s house, and several circumstances lead to my mirror falling off and Asia’s door getting stuck open. The rest of the night was spent looking for wrenches, flashlights, and duct tape.
Chance randomly inviting himself to my house to eat KFC one Friday like two years after we stopped really being friends. When he noticed my surprise (and unwillingness to have him over) he asked if I was a racist now. No retard, I just don’t expect annoying people to just want to come over and eat my food after not talking to me for a long time.
Watching as Ross came really close to eating a package of crackers he found in an Alton High trash can.
My many CD player mishaps, including one time when I rode my bike halfway to Nathan’s and it fell out of my hands and broke in half on the ground. Somehow my dad actually managed to fix that.
Golden Corral with Ethan, Mark and Nathan. We put salt in each other’s drinks, and Mark actually grabbed Nathan’s and spat a disgusting loogey in it. And we watched some weird guy that looked like he was ready to go kill people look really uncomfortable sitting next to us.