Odds and Ends

A Christmas letter from a friend to BallyK fans everywhere!

From: "P. C."

Dear Angels,

I heard through Brendan that there was a group of friends of BallyK who were keenly interested in what became of me. He was tempted to write you himself but thought you would much prefer to get a note from me. So here it is.

I spose you're a bit surprised that Brendan is aware of your existence. Well he got online last year, partly due to my prompting. I've moved around quite a bit the last couple years and it's nearly impossible for anyone to keep up with all my temporary addresses. So an internet address has proved very useful. Brendan has hit on all kinds interesting things in surfing the net, including you all!

Where shall I begin? As I said, I have moved around quite a bit. Actually the first fortnight after Assumpta died I spent in Cilldargen and Dublin. I couldn't bring myself to leave Ireland at first. I guess I was afraid that once I left I might not come back. So I got a small room in Dublin, then the night before I left I stayed in Cilldargen. I took a lot of walks. Actually I was in such a fog I'm not too sure what I did. Didn't really talk to many people. Made a couple phone calls to 2 of my brothers, but nobody in BallyK. Had a real scare one afternoon in Dublin. After I came out of a sandwich shop I saw Leo crossing the street less than a block away. I nearly left town that night, but I wasn't ready to go, and I wasn't going to allow fear of seeing Leo dictate my actions. Though I must admit I didn't go back to that shop again. I met with a priest while I was in Dublin. It was truly a Godsend, deffinitely the right person at the right time. I went in there hurting very badly and confused--about my vocation in particular. It would have been the easiest thing in the world at that moment to walk away. But I had a very uneasy feeling that I would always look back, and that was what I needed to talk about. It wasn't that we reached a clear answer that day, but I felt like there was an answer coming. He recommended I not decide anything for 6 months, and that I spend that time in some form of lay service. This priest, Father Darin, is quite gifted at helping people sort themselves out vocationally. At least pointing them in the right direction, and in my case he's been very supportive.

To keep this to the point I have been involved in 6 different parishes in England since I left Ireland. I work with the pastoral staff and the people in the community to develop their community outreach programs, particularly ones aimed at teens and young adults. I could write tons about how wonderful this has been. Working with the teens is so powerful, and we've seen the greatest things happen. The stories I could tell! And there are some very encouraging things afoot with the young adult outreach we're trying in one city. Everyday there are new developments. This is a job where you are NEVER bored!

You might wonder why I'm not tied to one church, or even one community. Well the first reason is diocese economics plain and simple. Second is my preference. I was keenly tempted to get as far from Ireland as I could when she died. You know, get lost in the jungles of South America, or the Outback maybe... Somehow that didn't happen. On the other hand, I wasn't ready to be a parish priest, or village publican, or even village idiot, for that matter. I still don't feel ready for another BallyK kind of experience. Probably cause I know there could never be another BallyK, and I guess I'm not ready to get that involved in a community at this point. But even this is changing gradually. I think eventually I could picture myself settling in one these communities. But I like the stimulation of meeting a lot of people too. And because I have a continuing relationship with these various churches I am making friends. Good friends, and I'm very thankful for that. Just not the kind that you see 7 days a week, sitting at the same end of the bar. Or behind the bar. Yes, I miss that. (brace up, continue....)

Really the present situation for me couldn't be better! Life goes on, and in some wonderful ways. And you wouldn't believe how my experiences and dealings with everyone in BallyK from Eamonn to Father Mac and all the sorts in between have benefited me in my present situation! Just let me say that with God nothing is wasted!

I spose you're wondering what I decided at the end of the six months. Well I won't keep you in suspence any longer. In one of the last conversations I had with Father Mac he told me that Ireland was filled with Assumpta Fitzgeralds. I knew then that nothing was further from the truth! And I told Assumpta so. But since she's gone on I have become aware of a greater truth. That for me, Peter Clifford, there was not only one Assumpta Fitzgerald, but I believe, one true love. I will never have all the answers as to the "why" about the way things played out. But the fact that I knew that depth of love was the greatest gift God has ever given me. As for my present and my future I find my expression of love in daily service to others. And I am truly a blessed man. And yes, I am still a priest.

Here's something that may amuse you to know. I have twice spoken at seminars for priests on vocational crisis! Is that ironic or what!? The odd thing is I don't offer any answers, but only share from my own experience. And they love it. I guess there's a lot to be said for knowing you're not the only who's had struggles and that sometimes the "right" answer seems unattainable. I think the most encouraging aspect of it is that even when faith seems be dealt a final blow it can be revived. Hope can be such a simple thing, and a small hope can grow into simple faith. Comfort comes in many forms.

Oh,I mentioned earlier that my last day in Ireland I stayed in Cilldargen. There was one last thing I wanted to do before I left Ireland for good. I got up before dawn and drove in a rented car to BallyK. I needed to take one last look. I drove through the countryside, past everyone's house. I whispered a goodbye to each one as I slowed down passed each home and recalled each face. Sort of created a mental picture album. I stopped at the church. I had planned to go in for a moment but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Then I drove up to the pub but parked a ways down the street. It was still very early, not even six yet. I got out of the car and I walked to the door and looked in the windows as best I could. (Thank God neither Ambrose or Kathleen caught sight of me). I even sat on the bench for a moment. I hoped for a second that if I sat there long enough Assumpta would join me. Or even her ghost. I would have been happy for that! The longing was painful but in its own way satisfying. Then I had sudden urge to walk down to the river. And I knew then that this was really my destination that morning. It was so beautiful. It filled every bit of my senses. I walked a bit and stood even longer. And I felt the first real peace I had known since she died, and I truly felt her presence. Finally my reverie was interrupted with a moist sensation on my palm. Fionn had found me and was licking my hand! Without thinking we started running and the next thing I knew I had a happy panting mut beside me as I drove out of Ballykissangel. A cold, wet nose nudged my neck as daylight broke out behind the mountains. My last vision of Ireland was more of a glowing emerald than I had ever before witnessed. Every farm and every vale bathed in golds and greens which were indescribable. I have to believe that someone up there pulled some strings that morning to give me such a breath-takingly glorious dawn to remember!

Once I was in England I started to feel bad about the dog-napping and that's when I wrote Brendan and our correspondence began. He replied that he would let Kevin know that the dog was in good hands. Speaking of which, it's time for Fionn's walk.

So thank you all so much for caring about what became of me. And may each of you have a bright and happy Christmas!

Yours,

Peter

The following was my tongue-in -cheek attempt to capture the experience of suddenly discovering and then losing BallyK (or at least a huge chunk of it, Peter and Assumpta). Since I wrote this in February I have found it interesting how many other viewers had very similar experiences.

A Mixed Blessing, Watching BallyK in the USA

[Preface to male viewers.  My apologies for sounding so discriminate, please take into consideration this is one woman's perspective and it's definitely female.  If you want equal time send me your account.-- Harpsong]

The average*  American BallyK-er became a viewer accidently. Accidental introduction to BallyK claims a walloping 91% of the viewers, 6% became viewers at a friends recommendation -a growing trend since 12/98, and 4% view the show because their wife or mother won't give over the remote.  Female viewers are more likely to find the show but a growing number of males are joining the ranks. As the average American viewer stumbles onto Ballykissangel, the first thing she notices are the cool accents. As she lingers on the channel the quaint Irish village quickly fades into background as the characters and their situations hold her attention captive. Now she's 10-15 minutes into the show and loving every minute of it. A fan is in the making.

The storyline moves comfortably between comedy and drama and possesses a freshness and originality played out by a truly engaging cast. Yes, the names are odd and once in a while the phrasing stumps her, but in no time she's thoroughly caught up in the episode. This viewer catches it again a few weeks later. Now having figured out who's who, the show is really becoming fun, especially the complexities of the relationship developing between the simple-looking, nice guy priest, Fr. Clifford and Assumpta, the fiery young woman who runs the pub. Their feelings for each other are very deep, very convincing, and very problematic. As this pair's struggle intensifies so does the viewer's resolution to watch. While it's not the only reason to watch the show, it is the frosting on the cake for most viewers. They'll be back next week, and the week after that, and the week after that.

Many of us American viewers were slow catching onto BallyK and it seems that just as we were getting acquainted with the series it undergoes some very radical changes. To the viewer's surprise an episode in Series 3 called "The Reckoning" moves Fr. Peter Clifford and Assumpta Fitzgerald to disclose their feelings for each other. Early in the episode it becomes evident that the show is making a turning point. A decision regarding Peter's and Assumpta's relationship is immanent and each scene builds towards the characters coming to terms with their love, and the viewers are treated to the tenderest moments in the history of Ballykissangel. Peter chooses a life with Assumpta over the priesthood. We are completely elated that the writers had the wisdom and courage to allow these characters to find love and happiness. When has a TV show been this good?

Then without warning, ten minutes before the episode closes Peter's world comes crashing down, Assumpta is dead. Now this was just too much, too out of the blue! American viewers were completely uninformed of what may have been common knowledge in the UK. Very few of us knew that it was a hugely popular show in Britain from 96-98, and that audiences there have been viewing Series 4 in 98-99 without Peter and Assumpta. The American public has never heard of Stephen Tompkinson, or Dervla Kirwan, this show's leading actors, who left it a year ago. British viewers had been primed for "something" by the media as the actors' intentions to leave BallyK were public well before the British airing of "The Reckoning," while over here we were totally caught off guard. For the viewer outside of the UK the departure of Assumpta and Peter was just cruel in its unexpectedness. A casual perusal of the e-mails posted on the BallyK sites written from Dec '98 through March '99 proves just how disturbed we all are about this. As new discoverers of Ballykissangel we feel like we've gained it all and lost it all, in one fell swoop! "Weird isn't--how something can sound so exhilarating and depressing at the same time." (Peter Clifford). Exactly! That's precisely what being a new BallyK fan feels like.

When a television episode captures our attention and imagination as dramatically as "The Reckoning" did-- it's only natural to seek fellow viewers to commiserate with. However, since Ballykissangel isn't a part of American pop culture we have no one to cry in our beer with, so to speak. But on a positive note it was the disturbing close to "The Reckoning" which led me to seek out some great Internet sites where those of us who mourn Assumpta's passing can to do so "Amongst Friends."

*all statistics are to considered spurious bordering on ficticious.