BDSM - 101
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BDSM - 101
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Safewords

Safewords are any words or series of words that are meant to alert one’s partner to the fact that there is a problem. It may be that the ropes are too tight, a shoulder is hurting due to strain, the spanking is too hard, or one partner said/did something that caused unwanted distress.
Since sometimes saying ‘no’ or ‘ouch’ doesn’t really mean subbie wants to stop it is important that there is some way the person in charge knows it’s for real.
Usually this word is one that has no relation to sex such as ‘avocado’. Sometimes it’s the person’s full name. Anything that can be easily recalled, but not said accidentally.
Another system is the ‘green-yellow-red’, system.
Saying green during a scene means ‘Oh yeah...keep it up’
Saying yellow means ‘something’s not quite working for me’ or ‘that’s a little too hard’, and usually the Dominant will shift focus and move on or they may ask for more clarification.
Red means ‘STOP!!’
The dominant partner is now obligated to stop everything and to attempt to fix the problem. It may simply mean putting away that particular nipple clamp or readjusting a rope.
It may mean cuddling, soothing, and otherwise helping their partner back to a stable emotional state.
People don’t always know what will work for them, or what will send them into panic. Safewords give the submissive the tool to return control to themselves when needed. They are not meant to be used lightly, but they are always supposed to be respected.
A Dominant should always help the submissive figure out what the problem was so that they can avoid it in the future. They should be supportive and reassure the sub that using the safeword was a good thing to do. Subs often hate to use safewords as they fear they are criticizing their Dominant, or that they failed to submit to something the dominant wished them to do.
Submissives have a deep need to please. They may not like to use safewords as it makes them feel they are not willing or capable of pleasing their dominant.
It is a Dominant’s job to make their sub feel safe and comfortable and to encourage them to set reasonable limits and use safewords when necessary.