How many times have you witnessed a tragedy and thought to yourself, "Thank God that wasn't me or my family!"?  Have you ever uttered the phrase, "That can't happen to me"?  I did.  My life was perfect.  I had a job I enjoyed, a loving wife, and two beautiful daughters.  No one would have been able to convince me that my life was about to take a painful and drastic turn.  On October 17, 1988 my life changed forever.  Here is my story:   I was working as an undercover narcotics officer when three drug dealers kidnapped me.  For 75 minutes they tortured me physically and abused me mentally.  My revolver was held to my head and the trigger pulled repeatedly.  I was physically beaten, but the mental damage was much worse.  I was taken to the hospital and treated for my physical injuries, but what of the mental injuries?  How was I supposed to handle it?  I was experiencing continuous nightmares, flashbacks, loss of sleep, paranoia, and loss of my short-term memory.  Weeks then months passed and I found myself experiencing wide mood-swings, depression, irritability, anger, and rage.  I always believed that the symptoms would fade with time.  Instead, they increased slowly and ultimately became a way of life for me and my family.    I faced what is termed as Secondary Wounding from my employer and the community.  That experience was far worse than the actual event.  In 1991, I was finally diagnosed with severe and chronic Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  Naturally I entered treament.  After changing jobs several times, I finally left the work force in March of 1993.  Five years after the incident, I drew my first disability check.  Workers Compensation took care of my medical expenses until I settled my case.  It was then that the doctors told me my PTSD was chronic, severe, and permanent.  My mental condition would never improve significantly.  The best they tell me was to remain in treatment, stay on the medication, and learn to live with the illness.  After seeing little improvement in my condition while in traditional treatment, I decided to take control of my own recovery and learn to live with the illness.

Introduction It Happened To Me Hope In Recovery Beyond Recovery Poetry Family Album Links Guestbook Send Me Mail