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Any insight left? |
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I am worried over how enauseating and plainly self-pitying this will sound depending on what other pages of mine have already been read. I'd like it if a visitor can get past what can seem just whining. If they reach and click one of the two links at the very end of this page, they may then find I stop writing in cliched terms. For others, this page itself maybe a reprieve into more generally applicable notions. |
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When organizations purposely propose what I should be valuing to the extent that nothing else in this world matters more or even equally, I've seen matters not in their realm slowly even cease to exist. |
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Attempts to teach me to align my self-esteem with whatever becomes societally validated, condoning the actions of individuals who seem to answer every criteria favourably, crushes other worlds and other realities which could otherwise still embrace common concerns and be open to a whole lot more. |
It was through following the understanding of what becomes unheard, that my life eventually taught me that simply widening the scope that specifies what is to be valued, just allows a shifting of the same form to continue what essentially has been.
Many trying to represent me, would impatiently say that I have had no experiences, and that I just don't seem to realize or care about what others go through, everyday, all their lives. I have always been mindful of how I can help, and what I can add, in keeping with all else in my life.
In practice, I'm open to using all kinds of the same or different implementation services and initiatives set up for people like me, very appreciatively, but this doesn't then all go into supporting some standardized tune. Any tune can rather be of a type that no one subsequently should be shotdown for interpreting, modifying, criticizing and appropriating in their own ways of growing and offering encouragement to others...
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The personal events on the next page were documented publically also with the intention of moving past notions of blame, as well as to elucidate what can occur in the lives of those often said to be unheard, which then are often still only put in terms I find would never do justice to the complexities - involving all the misgivings - of any life. Generalities involving a political grouping of people certainly have their place, but not in dissolving detail as if the abstract merging of all experiences is all that is then needed for further understanding and all that is needed to show that there are lives to be lived indeed as others like proclaiming.
Due to having a disability, difficulties can easily be excused for the wrong reasons and thus continue to be perpetuated in weak relationships. However, recovering from large unforseen impacting difficulties in any life, whether one is disabled or not, can also require examining many skills thus undone. These can indeed include those skills necessary for meeting apparent special needs once thought well identified and catered for. It adds to much loneliness to find people thinking that I could never do what I once could, and I had let myself down so much in what I speak of here. |
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In attempts to prove so much of what I could handle initially, there were never enough checks and balances in place and no awareness of how much I was trying to accept. The more pertinent difficulties to address with the man I was with were never about our disabilities or relationship failure even, and yet I believe there is worth in examining what is sometimes made manifest in order to learn what may/may not/should not be applied elsewhere. We had been both pretty hurt individuals through times growing up, and I had forgotten about this in a way that many old themes caught me too much by suprise. |
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Folded ... continue to the next page of notes on those personal events mentioned |
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