Jokes Submitted to Jughead from Joke-A-Day Land

Regular Joke-A-Day Jokes

Joke A Day------------Retirement Village Singles Dance Joke:

================================================

A retirement village decided to hold a Singles Dance, at which this very sweet 90-year-old gentleman met a very sweet 90-year-old lady, and they danced and talked and laughed, and just hit it off great. They continued to see each other for a while and enjoyed each other so much, and danced so well together, etc., that they decided to get married. On their wedding night, they went to bed and he reached over and took her hand and squeezed it, and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to sleep. On the second night, when they went to bed, he reached over and squeezed her hand, and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to sleep. On the third night, he reached over and took her hand, and she said, "Not tonight, honey, I have a headache."

Joke A Day------------Lawyers Train Ticket Joke:

================================================

One day 3 Lawyers each purchase a train ticket. Next in line were 3 Engineers who purchased only 1 train ticket. Confused, the lawyers ask the engineers "Why did you only purchase 1 ticket when there is 3 of you?" One of the engineers replied "Just watch and you will see!". As they boarded the train the 3 engineers headed straight for the bathroom where all 3 crowded in. Shortly after the train got going theconductor came thru asking for tickets. He then knocked on the bathroom door and asked for tickets please. 1 of the engineers opens the door a crack and hands out the ticket. Amazed at this the lawyers thought on the way back they would do the same.On the trip back the 3 lawyers went up and purchased only 1 train ticket but noticed that the engineers didn't purchase any. Confused again, the lawyers asked, "Why didn't you buy a ticket for the return trip?" One of the engineers replied, "Just watch and you will see!" As they boarded the train the 3 lawyers headed straight for the bathroom where all 3 crowded in. Shortly after the train got going one of the engineers knocked on the bathroom door and said, "Tickets, please!"

Joke A Day------------Newleyweds Airplane Glue Joke:

================================================

The very young couple, having limited funds, returned to her

parents after the wedding for their honeymoon night. The next

morning the family gathered for breakfast and lunch without

them.

When it came time for the evening meal, the father asked

of his wife and their 8 year old son, "Have any of you see the

newlyweds?"

The mother replied she had not seen her daughter and new

son-in-law. The brides' younger brother replied that he had

seen his new brother-in-law about 10 PM when he stuck his

head out the door and ask him if he knew where there was

any Vaseline. To which the young lad further added, that since

he could not find any Vaseline that he gave him his model

airplane glue.

Joke A Day------------Telephone Man Army Joke:

================================================

A telephone man joined the Army. As part of his basic training, he went

out on the rifle range. He fired 99 shots at the target, and missed the

target with every shot. His Drill Instructor tried to find out why.

"What`s the matter with you?" asked the DI. "Why can`t you hit the

target? What were you in civilian life?" "I was a telephone man,"

replied the new recruit, "and I don`t know why I can`t hit the target.

Let me see..." The telephone man checked his rifle, checked his rifle

again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in

front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger

off."Well," the phone man said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are

leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end."

Joke A Day------------Kindergarden Children Police Station Joke:

================================================

A group of kindergarten children were on a class outing to

their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a

bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really

was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," answered the policeman.

"Well," wondered the child, "why didn't you keep him when you

took his picture?"

Joke A Day------------Plumber Womans Apartment Joke:

================================================

A plumber was called to woman's apartment in New York to

repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to

discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked

dish and during the course of the afternoon the two became

extremely friendly.

About 5.30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom

shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, putting

down the phone. "He's on his way home, but is going back to

the office around 8. Come back then, dear, and we can

take up where we left off."

The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. "What?

On my own time??"

Joke A Day------------Myna Bird Tunnel Joke:

================================================

My brother and I were walking along the street to a friend's

house. I was maybe half-a-step in front of him, and out of the

corner of my eye I saw him look up and then down really

quickly. I turned around and didn't see anything, so I

asked him "What did you see?"

"A bird."

Looking around again I still didn't see anything. I asked

"Where, in the sky?"

He said, "No, digging a tunnel."

To which I replied.. "Oh, I see. A myna bird."

Joke A Day------------Little Girl Beginning Fairy Tale Joke:

================================================

The little girl had just listened to her mother's reading one of

her favourite fairy tales.

"Mommy," asked the child, "do all fairy tales begin with "Once

Upon a Time...?""

"No, dearest," replied the mother, "sometimes they start with

'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonite . . . "