| THE ADVENTURES OF BUZZBY Copyright PAB, 2001-present |
| I |
| Once upon a time, there was a woman named Paula who had a poodle, two bunnies, a Betta fish, and seven Rasboras (more fish): Buddy, Baby, Breezy, Grover, and the Figmen (respectively). They lived happily in a sleepy little town, with Paula earning their keep by opening and enlightening local minds. Unfortunately, this angered the villainous close-minded conservatives of the world. So these villainous close-minded conservatives, both man and beast, joined together to form VCMC in hopes of destroying Paula's open-minded teaching. However, being the cowards that they were, they had to think up a way to stop her without directly confronting her. After much concentration, perspiration, and watching old B-movies, they came up with a dastardly invention: the CONSERVATOR. This machine sent out brain waves that could close any mind into conservative thinking in a matter of a few hours exposure. The main problem with the "conservator" was that it had to be within three feet of its intended victim while she was asleep. Keeping in mind their basic cowardess, they decided to try to plant the machine when Paula was asleep or out for the day. With the basic plan set, they sent out their first--and they hoped only--operative to scout-out Paula's house before planting the conservator. The first operative was Pseudointelligencia the snake. He had an awesome power: he could change any person's knowledge into blustery false knowledge. That night he picked the door lock with his retractable fangs, turned the doorknob with his muscular tail, slithering into Paula's house as she slept. Once inside, he quietly closed the door back with his muscular tail. As he started across the living room, Baby and Breezy instantly awakened, noticing the serpent winding his way across the living room. They knew he was up to no good, but wondered what they could really do to stop him. Suddenly, Baby sensed that they could do more than any average bunnies and whispered to Breezy, "we have to try something!" Breezy agreed, so they both headed to the cage door. Both bunnies leaned on the door, somehow forcing it open. Freed from their cage, they both ran straight for the snake, bravely trusting Baby's intuition. Pseudointelligencia reared up at the noise, but seeing the bunnies, immediately calmed back down. "Well," he thought to himself, "I guess I can handle a little snack before attaining my main objective." He turned toward the bunnies, fangs at the ready. Trusting her intuition, Baby stopped, stood upright, and stared into the snake's cold eyes. Suddenly Pseudointelligencia found himself mesmerized by Baby's stare, finding it impossible to move or even think. Realizing what had happened, Breezy decided it was his turn. He leapt into the air, kicking the snake with a super kung fu bunny kick right between the eyes. Pseudointelligencia's head hit the ground with such force that he was momentarily stunned. Unfortunately for him, the bunnies weren't finished. Breezy whipped around to the snake's tail, digging his vampirish bunny fangs into the snake's tail, ripping the tip off and sending blood spurting out onto the little white bunny. With this violent attack, Pseudointelligencia snapped back to attention, whirling around toward Breezy. Baby leapt up, directing a bunny snort directly at the snake's head. And this was no normal bunny snort! Baby managed to direct the full force of her super bunny snort directly into the snake's head, immediately imploding the bones and cartlidge of the snake's head while liquifying his brain. Pseudointelligencia instantly fell, dead and motionless. "Geez, whata we gonna do wit' dat?" Breezy asked in disgust. "We'll have to hide it until Buddy gets up and he'll have to figure out what to do. For now, let's get you cleaned up." With that, they hid the snake in their litterbox, then Breezy took a bath in the sink and Baby helped him clean off the blood. Then they got back into their cage, closed the door, and went back to sleep. The next morning, just like every morning, Paula opened the bedroom door to let Buddy out while she used the bathroom. Buddy rushed into the kitchen looking for a toy to play with while he waited, blissfully unaware of the night's gruesome events. "Pssst...," Breezy hissed, "we gotta tell ya sometin'." "What? What is it?" Buddy barked. "Look, we hid a snake in our litterbox and you're gonna haf ta get rid of it. Baby and I will tell ya all 'bout it afta moms leaves, OK?" "OK," Buddy barked, feeling a bit confused. So Paula took Buddy out to have his morning constitutional, got dressed, and went to work. Then Breezy and Baby told him about their harrowing fight with the snake. "Wow, I can't believe I slept through that!" Buddy said, "but what am I supposed to do with a dead snake? I can't go outside without mom, it's too big to flush, and it'd stink the trash up." "Well," Baby started, "I guess you'll have to do what you do with our poop when you manage to get hold of it..." "You want me to eat it?!" Buddy gasped. Baby and Breezy nodded in unison, so Buddy gingerly fished the snake out of the bunny litter. He nibbled on it all day long, until finally all that was left were the bones. Figuring that wouldn't "stink the trash up," Buddy then pushed the bones down into the trash, covering it with trash already in the container. "Man, I don't feel too great," Buddy moaned to the bunnies. For the next two days, Buddy puked, had the squirts, and wouldn't eat. Thinking he needed medical attention, Paula took him to the vet. There he got a shot and, for the next two weeks, had to take antibiotics. Buddy was none too thrilled about this, so he went to the bunnies. "Look, if there's a next time, either don't kill the guy or eat him yourself!" Buddy grumbled. "I'm sorry, Buddy, but we could die if we ate meat. We can try not to kill him next time, but we can't make any promises," Baby finished. |
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| Links to other Buzzby stories are to the right (may have to shut down add) |