Part One

---

BUCK:
You're lovely.
INEZ:
All right?
MAN:
Thank you, Inez.
EZRA:
Need a card?
BUCK:
No.
INEZ:
Ahh.
EZRA:
Thank you, Inez.
INEZ:
You're welcome.
NATHAN:
Thank you.
BUCK:
Oh!
INEZ:
Sorry.
BUCK:
You could at least serve a smile with that splash.
INEZ:
If you want a smile, Senor, try tipping.
BUCK:
Do you want a really good tip? Let me buy you a drink some time.
INEZ:
Hmm. Let me think about that. Nunca.
BUCK:
Nunca?
NATHAN:
That means never. The devil himself doesn't get burned that bad.
EZRA:
The lady's been here in town a mere 2 weeks, and already she sees through you like a pane glass window.
NATHAN:
I say that Buck has met his match.
BUCK:
I fold. Ahem! Excuse me, Inez. I don't speak much Spanish, but to me nunca sounded a lot like...tonight.
INEZ:
Then let me translate. Never!

---

[sawing]
VIN:
Sure is a pretty spot, Chris. Though I never figured you for the settling kind.
CHRIS:
Well, I wouldn't say I'm settling down. Just looking for a little peace and quiet.
VIN:
Can't argue with that.
CHRIS:
Thanks for the supplies.
VIN:
Don't mention it.

[neighing]
DON PAULO:
Buenos dias, Senor. Hot day, no?
CHRIS:
I suppose.
DON PAULO:
Poor Alonzo here lost his horse just an hour ago. She passed maybe 3 miles back. Now Alonzo has nothing to ride.
Maybe he can ride yours.
CHRIS:
That horse ain't for sale.
DON PAULO:
Y ahora, Alonzo, what are you gonna do about this?
ALONZO:
Aah!

[gunshot]
DON PAULO:
Bravo, Senor. It seems Alonzo will have to find a horse elsewhere.
CHRIS:
Get off my property.
DON PAULO:
Vamanos! Perhaps we will meet again.

ALONZO:
Unh!
CHRIS:
Go on.
DON PAULO:
Vamanos. Hyah!
VIN:
So much for peace and quiet.
DON PAULO:
My father says you're the fastest gun there is. Now I see this man, I'm not so sure, Raphael.
RAPHAEL:
I am faster, Don Paulo.
DON PAULO:
Then you will have to prove it... by killing him... after we have Inez.

---

EZRA:
Where you goin', Buck? "Nunca sounded an awful lot like tonight."
NATHAN:
Let me translate For you, Buck.
EZRA AND NATHAN:
Never!
BUCK:
Oh, hell. It wasn't that funny.

EZRA:
It was rapturous. Why I never imagined you'd lose your touch so fast.
NATHAN:
At least you got a chance to learn how to speak Spanish.
BUCK:
Hold on. Buck Wilmington never says never! Now that I put my mind to it, that girl's never is gonna turn into a yes
faster than a jackrabbit with its tail on fire.
NATHAN:
I'd say your rabbit's already been cooked, Buck. Nunca.

DON PAULO:
Check the boardinghouses, the livery, the cantina. If Inez is here, find her.
ALONZO:
Maybe she's gone already, huh?
DON PAULO:
Then we'll find out where she went and follow her there. To hell and back, if necessary! Entiendes?

---

JD:
It's gonna be a scorcher today. Hotter than a burnt boot.
CASEY:
Hot enough to wither a fence post.
JD:
Hot enough to... sunburn a horntoad.

CASEY:
It'll be so hot, we'll have to put the chickens on ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
JD:
It's gonna be so damn hot that-- that if a man died here and went to hell, he'd feel like writin' home for a blanket.
CASEY:
I got one!
JD:
Hey, pull it in.
CASEY:
I can't. It's really big!
JD:
Looks like a big one. Pull it in!
CASEY:
Too hard for me!
JD:
Get it!
CASEY:
I'll get it!
JD:
Hey!
CASEY:
Biggest fish I ever saw! A really big one. Aah!
JD:
Out of the way, sticky!
CASEY:
Aah! Aah!
JD:
Come here! Come here.

CASEY:
I guess I better get on back.
JD:
Yeah, maybe you're right.
CASEY:
I got some chores to see to.
JD:
Come here!

---

DON PAULO:
Alonzo!
ALONZO:
Don Paulo. It's my shooting arm. A doctor could fix it.
DON PAULO:
We must talk first. Venga.
ALONZO:
Don Paulo, is something wrong?
DON PAULO:
Ay, mi amigo. I have a horseman with no horse, a gunman who can no longer shoot. A once useful man... now useless. You disgrace my family. Guillermo, take him away.

TINY:
Howdy, Chris.
CHRIS:
Thanks, Tiny.
RAPHAEL:
Buenos dias, senor. I am Raphael Cordova de Martinez. My patron's son Don Paulo has asked me to kill you.
CHRIS:
Well, I appreciate the warning.
RAPHAEL:
I would have liked to see more of your work.
CHRIS:
My work?
RAPHAEL:
With the gun. You are very impressive. Almost as good as me.
CHRIS:
I suppose I just have to take your word for that.
RAPHAEL:
Con permiso, Senor. Do you feel like dying today?

CHRIS:
I feel like today is just as good as any other.
RAPHAEL:
Who knows what the day will bring?

---

NATHAN:
What you lookin' at, JD?
JD:
Oh, hey, Doc. I'm thinkin' about gettin' this for Casey.

NATHAN:
What is it?
JD:
It's a frog gigger.
NATHAN:
You're gonna buy the girl a frog gigger?
JD:
Why? What's wrong with that?
NATHAN:
Oh, come on. Now, look, what you want to do is get her that nice bracelet right there, huh?
JD:
Oh, I don't know. A--a bracelet--
NATHAN:
Ask an expert. Miss Travis. JD wants to buy a present for his girl.
JD:
My girl?!

NATHAN:
Now, if you was her, what would you want?
MARY:
The long or the short answer?
NATHAN:
Short.
MARY:
Flowers, chocolates, maybe a token of love.
JD:
Love?
JOSIAH:
"And the great city of Troy lays in ashes, all for the wooing of a woman." Mmm--mmm--mmm--mmm.
JD:
What?
JOSIAH:
Huh?

JD:
That--
JOSIAH:
Oh. The iliad. A battle of courtship, like so many millions of others that have laid waste to men's souls. My own included.

JD:
Hey, Josiah, that book got any, uh... pointers for someone who might be, uh... thinkin' about courtship?
JOSIAH:
No. You tell me your troubles, I may be able to help.

---

Buck:
All I'm saying is you got the wrong picture. That today with the guys, that wasn't me. This here is me.
INEZ:
And how do I know that you here is the one telling the truth?

BUCK:
Would this face lie?
INEZ:
Like a wet rug, Senor.
BUCK:
Oh! Hey, I don't want to go to feuding words with you, and the name is Buck.
INEZ:
Well, in a battle of wits, Senor Buck, I think you'd be unarmed.
BUCK:
All right. But do you think there's anything wrong with a little mutual surrender?
INEZ:
You have a mouth, Senor.

BUCK:
Oh, and so do you. Maybe they should get together sometime.
INEZ:
Madre dios.
[running]
BUCK:
Is that a yes?
Hey, hey, hey, we were just gettin' on real friendly.
INEZ:
Senor, I must go!
BUCK:
Why?
DON PAULO:
Inez. Mujer, I've been looking for you.
INEZ:
Please, leave me alone.
DON PAULO:
We have many things to discuss. Many things.
INEZ:
I have nothing to say to you.
BUCK:
She said she's got nothin' to say.

DON PAULO:
No, Raphael!
BUCK:
Y'all got a lot to learn about showin' respect to a lady.
INEZ:
Buck, please.
DON PAULO:
You have made some new amigos, I see.
INEZ:
No, no. He's no one to me.
DON PAULO:
I wonder.
BUCK:
You know what, Mister? What's between the lady and me, it's got nothin' to do with you. So best you just walk away.
DON PAULO:
You call her a lady, Senor, but she's nothing but a thief. She has offended the honor of my family.
BUCK:
Well, then that should make it really easy for you to just walk away.
INEZ:
Buck, please, stop this!

DON PAULO:
You insult me, Senor.
BUCK:
Oh, I'm just warmin' up. You touch that woman again, and you're gonna see a real insult.
VIN:
What the hell's goin' on here?

DON PAULO:
Are you challenging me?
INEZ:
No, he isn't!
BUCK:
Oh, I reckon I am.
VIN:
Easy now, Buckley.

BUCK:
Oh, this man wants a fight, he's got it... right now.
DON PAULO:
No, Senor. I demand satisfaction in the customs of my people. We meet at 1:00 in the street to discuss the terms of engagement. You better pack your bags, Inez. You'll be coming home soon. Raphael, vamanos. Guillermo, watch her until this is over.
INEZ:
What have you done?

BUCK:
I'm not afraid of him.
INEZ:
You should be.

---

INEZ:
Leave me alone, Guillermo.
VIN:
You ain't followin' the lady to her room.

INEZ:
Thank you.
VIN:
You all right?
INEZ:
I'm leaving. They can't fight over a woman if that woman is not here.
VIN:
Where you gonna go?
INEZ:
I will find a new town. Start over.
VIN:
You sure that's what you want?
INEZ:
I had a new life here. New job... new people. Now... what choice do I have but to move on?
VIN:
Wherever you are, he'll find you.

INEZ:
I know. What would you do?
VIN:
With people like Don Paulo, sooner or later you got to make a stand.
INEZ:
Then I'll make my stand here. Hear that, Guillermo? I'm not leaving! Go tell that to your boss!

VIN:
Better get used to seein' me.

---

CHRIS:
You know, Buck, I've known you 10 years, and every time you see a pretty woman, your brain drops right below your belt.

BUCK:
Now, I thought we've known each other 12 years.
CHRIS:
Why you doin' this, Buck?
BUCK:
'Cause he asked for it, Chris.
CHRIS:
And you're givin' him what he wants.
BUCK:
Oh, I'm gonna take him. You seen that fella? He's prettier than a heifer in a flower bed.
CHRIS:
That ain't no reason.
BUCK:
Well, how about I got a reputation to defend?

CHRIS:
You're willing to take a man's life, put your own on the line for your reputation?
BUCK:
I am just standin' up for what is right. Now--
CHRIS:
That's your pride talking!
BUCK:
No! That's me talkin'!
CHRIS:
Someone's gonna get killed 'cause you're not man enough to walk away.
BUCK:
Well, let me tell you somethin'. Why don't you take your own advice? Walk away.
CHRIS:
All right, Buck.
BUCK:
All right.

---

NATHAN:
I can't believe Buck would go this far for a woman.
JOSIAH:
Woman can get a powerful hold on a man, that's for sure.
JD:
So I guess we should hold off on that courtin' stuff then, huh, josiah?
JOSIAH:
JD, nothin' you do can change what's gonna happen to Buck. Now what you want to do is focus on the heart's lighter side-- the, uh... the poetry of talkin' to a lady, the grace of a tender-hearted glance, the mystery of that first kiss.

EZRA:
Poetry can also be expensive, my friend. Fortunately, you now have an opportunity to place a small wager on Buck's upcoming contest. I'm giving even odds, so... y'all best act expeditiously.

NATHAN:
You takin' bets on Buck's fight?
EZRA:
I am merely providing a service for interested parties. I've seen Mr. Wilmington handle a pistol. I have every confidence our Buck will prevail. If, however, some ignorant gudgeons choose to think otherwise, who am I to insist they keep their money? Ha ha. Yeah, I-- I share your dismay at today's public demand for entertainment. Why, it calls to mind the decline and fall of Rome, which--
JOSIAH:
Ezra? Shut up.

---

RAPHAEL:
Don Paulo... I have been asking questions. This man and his friends are gunfighters. They have a reputation over here. People call them Los Magnificos.
DON PAULO:
Magnificos. American cowboys, puffed chests, big talk.
RAPHAEL:
No doubt, but there are 7 of them, 4 of us.
DON PAULO:
Only 3. Alonzo is gone. It is unfortunate he was a coward.
RAPHAEL:
Your father would not approve.
DON PAULO:
He does not need to because I am patron here. You work for me, yes? Yes?
RAPHAEL:
Si, Senor.

---

JD:
Come on. I'm nervous, too. You know, maybe you shouldn't have come with me, Josiah.
JOSIAH:
Don't worry about that, kid. Now, you, uh, you know what you're gonna say?
JD:
Yeah. Good afternoon, Casey. Horse ride sublime under-- under the--uh...
JOSIAH:
Wanin'.
JD:
Wanin'. Stay.
JD:
[under his breath]
Good afternoon, Casey. Horse ride sublime under the wanin' afternoon sun. Horse ride sublime under the--
CASEY:
Hey, JD
JD:
Wanin'.
CASEY:
Rainin'? It ain't rainin'.
JD:
Uh, of course. I mean, um, horse ride sublime un--what?
CASEY:
What the heck's wrong with you?
JD:
Nothin' is wrong with me. I'm just tryin' to do this thing proper is all.
CASEY:
Do what? Talk through your sock?
JD:
Do you mind being quiet so I can do this?
CASEY:
Is that Josiah over there?
JD:
Look, I'm tryin' to ask you somethin'.
CASEY:
Then take your dang foot outta your mouth and tell me what you want.
JD:
What I want is for you to go on a dang ride with me!

CASEY:
Why didn't you just say so?
JD:
4:00 this afternoon?
JOSIAH:
Well, I thought that went real good, don't you?
JD:
I have no idea what I just said.
JOSIAH:
JD, your fly's open.
JD:
Oh!